JE fanfic #3

Dec 22, 2008 16:20


Title: of trust and bad days
Pairing: Jun/Ohno
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not the owner of the boys. Would love to, though.
Summary: Jun learned to trust after a series of unfortunate events. Jun/Ohno's friendship.



We all had one of those days. One of those days when everything goes wrong, when people are cold and ignorant. One of those days when we woke up on the wrong side of the bed, our hair just don't and won't look right, when we come to work and embarass ourselves either by doing something wrong or something awfully humiliating. One of those days when all we want at the end of the day was a drink and a light, mindless conversation with someone we care about.

The thing with Jun was that he didn't have that person.

Bestfriends? He has one he's been close with for as long as he can remember, but that person is, much like himself, always busy most of the time. His bestfriend is a corporate slave, lives by the routine, and very rarely agrees to do something impulsive. On the rare ocassion that they do go and enjoy drinks together, it was always well planned, because otherwise, they knew it would be almost impossible.

And we know how we don't plan for bad days to happen.

He has a couple people he likes talking to and having meals with, Nishikido, Nino, sometimes Kamenashi, and a couple of his senpais from the Jimusho. But the thing with those meals and those talks are that they are so superficial. When it's a normal or happy ocassion Jun doesn't really mind, he can keep up with the shallowness for as long as needed, but when it's one of those days he knows superficial talk will only make himself feel worse.

All Jun wants was someone he can be himself with. Someone who doesn't mind knowing and seeing the real Jun, because he knows his real face isn't something too easy for other people to handle. Yes, he puts up a tough exterior, a person with high pride and sometimes attitude, but what he won't ever let the world know is the fact that he is just as as afraid as the guy next door. Jun fears a lot of things, Jun goes insane when things don't meet his expectation for perfection. Jun goes morose, neurotic, hateful. Jun gets insecure and afraid. Jun used to be so happy and sparkly and bright, back when he was young, but as the years passed and expectations of him grew higher, Jun lost the sunshine within him. Jun is a complicated being. No, probably not anymore complicated than Nino is, but just as much. The real Jun is always stored neatly somewhere at the back of his mind, and only brought out when one of those days happen. Usually.

His facade is Jun's most treasured possesion. More important than any material posession he owns. He wears it everyday. Every waking moment spent with people around. He puts it down only when he's alone. And sometimes, just sometimes, he longs for the moment when he can feel safe enough being near someone when his facade is put down.

The problem is that Jun just doesn't trust anyone; or rather, anything, other than himself.

~~~~~~~

The day came when the God of Misfortune finally picked him out of the bunch.

It was a Friday morning when he woke up with a stinging pain on his back, realized he was already almost an hour late from when he's supposed to be awake, and something went wrong with the plumbing in his apartment because the water in the shower just wouldn't run. No, actually, not only in the shower, but in the entire apartment. As he was driving to work, he almost ran into an old lady in a busy intersection. Then he arrived at the agency, an hour late to the meeting, greeted by Nino, saying innocently, "Uhm, is that a new hairstyle ?" and Aiba starring at him with a look that spells,"I'm sorry, Jun-kun, did you perhaps forget to brush your teeth?" Oh, and Sho and Leader trying their best to cover their laughs. And the managers, too.

His schedule was being read loud by the manager. Shooting for Shukudaikun until mid-afternoon, photoshoot for magazines, and an interview for a TV program. Jun sighed loud, and everyone in the room immediately made subtle movements of trying to cover their nostrils. Jun wondered how on such an essential moment he could possibly forget to bring his mint gum.

The shooting for Shukudaikun was not too bad, fortunately. Well, except for the fact that during Shiodome Aibaland he had to sing Akiba-style cosplay maid greeting in ballad love song style, and the entire time Nino and Sho kept on teasing him about his hairstyle.

When the shooting ended, Jun approached Ogu-san and asked him for an advice for his back problem. Ogu-san gave Jun the look and whispered at him, "Jun-kun, that's a bit harsh of you. I might be sixty one, but my back is perfectly fine and healthy, ne. Try some massage."

Jun shrugged and hit his own head. He's not usually so clueless. Everyone knows it's a role saved for Aiba. And sometimes Leader.

Then they went to the photoshoot in Aoyama where the hairstylist kept on pondering why Jun's hair was somewhat unmanageable and hard to style. "It's not usually like this, I wonder what's wrong today, Matsumoto-san." Jun replied with a halfhearted smile and proceeded to pretend reading some fashion magazine.

After the entire styling was done, he looked at himself in the mirror to find that the hairstylist had put on tons and tons of mousse. Jun was sporting what looked like a pseudo faux hawk. He didn't have time to even complain because everyone else was done with their styling and they were on tight schedule.

As soon as he entered the studio, he was greeted by a roomful of horror looks. His bandmates were trying their best to look someplace else. Being the kind and considerate people that they are, they didn't say a word. Nino simply told the photographer, "Okay, we're ready. Can we start?"

It still didn't keep Jun from feeling like garbage.

The photoshoot wasn't any better. Jun is always a good model by nature, he poses easily, smiles carefreely, and his shoots are always gorgeous, but that day; just that day, everything was the complete opposite. No matter how much direction and help the photographer gave, he just couldn't get his poses right. His smiles were awry and awkward. And watching Nino and Sho nailed their shoots made him feel even more like garbage. Like stinky, sticky, wet garbage. The little voice in his head was screaming something along the line of being ready to be burried deep into the ground.

In fact, Jun was ready. As a diva, he's not used to fail at something as essential and simple as magazine photoshoots.

He had no appetite. When the bento boxes were passed around, he quietly refused. "What's wrong, Jun-kun? Not hungry?" Aiba asked, concerned. Jun shook his head slowly, lean back on the couch he was sitting on. The pain on his back didn't get any better. In fact it has invited its friend to come party, the one in the head. That's right, Jun had a headache, the kind that felt like a terrible hangover. So he asked one of the staffs for aspirin.

They didn't have any. The staff offered to buy it, right as the Manager reminded them that it's time to go to their next stop, "They're waiting; we're already running late, guys." Sho looked at the Manager, eyes pinching. "Matsujun needs some aspirin, stat." The Manager looked with fake sympathy, "I'm sorry you're not well, Matsujun. But we need to run, like, now. I'll have one of the TV staff have aspirin ready when we arrive."

So that's almost an hour trip of headache. By the time they arrived, Jun felt like fainting.

The aspirin didn't take effect until about an hour later. The first thirty minutes of the interview Jun was grumpy, still with his faux hawk, didn't give a single smile at all. Sometimes during, Aiba whispered at him, "Smile, just a little bit." To which Jun replied by giving Aiba the I'm having a headache so don't you even dare look. Aiba turned his head down.

Well, suffice it to say, the interview made Jun looked like a big, fat asshole. Editing? What editing?

It was a live broadcast.

~~~~~~~~~~

They were at their dressing room, changing and getting ready to leave. Nino left first, he had filming for his drama and Jun thought, if there was a good thing about today it's that he's not Nino. He couldn't imagine having to be someplace else other than a bar or his apartment after the kind of day he had. Aiba and Sho left together, all too excited about the premise of getting yakiniku.

It was only Ohno and him. Ohno, as always, was taking his sweet time to change.

Ohno starred at him from the corner of his eyes, in his own subtle way. Jun always noticed that kind of thing.

"Are you okay?" Ohno suddenly broke the silence.

"Yeah."

Jun kind of felt that Ohno might be the only one who noticed the kind of day he had been having. He didn't say a word, not even a hello to him all day. But Ohno has always been one to quietly observe. In his own carefree way, Ohno is a leader. He notices the things others usually don't. Ohno's sensitive; it's no wonder he's an artist, and a wonderful one too at that. Jun began noticing this fact as they were training for the Mago Mago rowing team. After that, it was always easier for him to notice the subtle little things Ohno did to care for his members. Like the gift card for yakiniku place he gave to Aiba out of the blue. The only thing he said was, "My mom is trying to cut back on her meat consumption. She gave me this; and I don't really eat meat all that much." Aiba was all smiles and giggles. "Satoshi, you're awesome!"

The funny thing was that just two days after that he met Ohno's mom in a yakiniku place, enjoying her meat like nothing else matters.

And then to Nino, oh, to Nino, the one Ohno cares for most like no other. You see, every once in a while Nino would have his emotional moment, when he ignored everybody else and got completely submersed in whatever he was into. It's one of those moments when he looked so lonely and pitiful and lost in thoughts, but at the same time trying so hard to put up tough exterior. It has always been difficult to watch, especially after knowing and understanding each other for a decade or so, so the other four usually just left the room or find something else to do.

One particular instant that Jun remembers clearly was Ohno bringing Nino his favorite hamburger (warm and freshly made) and milk buns one afternoon when Nino was having one of those moment. "I happened to be in Midoriyama today." Even Nino himself was startled. "T-thank you, Satoshi." They immediately notice the almost drastic change in Nino's mood.

The funny thing was that sometimes later he overheard the staff talking about Nino's favorite hamburger place and how it's located out of the way by the Midoriyama studio. Jun quietly went and checked Ohno's schedule. Ohno was supposed to be in Shinjuku for some type of meeting in the Jimusho from morning to afternoon.

And the herbal mixture Ohno got when Sho hurt his thumb. "It's supposed to be really good to help you recover." And then he was back reading his fishing magazine. Sho looked pleasantly surprised."I'm going to use it today."

And Jun remembers every moment Ohno would lend him his cap when he had his bad hair days. And the subtle pat in the back on moments he felt angry or irritated.

Whereas Sho's way of caring is always straightforward, in-your-face kind that remind you of your Mother, Ohno's really subtle. No, he doesn't always remember your birthday and therefore doesn't always give you birthday presents, nor does he always bring you back souvenirs when he comes back from his travel.  He doesn't scold you if you refuse to eat, nor does he remind you to slow down on the alcohol when you arrive at work with a hangover. You wouldn't guess that he would go out of his way to care for you. And Ohno, for some obscure reason known only to himself, likes to keep it that way. This much Jun understands very well.

Jun put on his shirt, brushed what brushable little part of his hair left, trying his best to look normal. The headache still lingered, the backache was most definitely still there, and the thought of the predictable mandatory sit-down with the Jimusho the next day made him felt like throwing up. They would comment and critic him on his very unsatisfactory performance at the day's live broadcast.

He didn't want Ohno to see how horrible he really was feeling. Jun hates being pitied upon, that's just not his style. Not even a subtle pity. Jun Matsumoto simply doesn't take any kind of pity.

Unfortunately for him, it seems that Ohno completely understood how he felt. He wasn't even sure how, he just knew it. It became apparent as Ohno patted his back as he was leaving the room. "Doing anything fun tonight?"

"Not particularly. Just gonna go crash."

"Have a great time crashing then."  Ohno walked out of the room.

Jun looked at himself on the mirror.

It certainly wasn't the best day of his life. As he heard Ohno's footsteps getting further and further, the loneliness in his heart grew just a few inches more painful.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Tadaima."

He knew there would be no one to greet back "Okaeri", something he secretly wanted so bad. The house smells of sage and citrus, as he entered his spotless clean living room a rush of cold air welcomed him. It's the smell of a house unlived in, a smell of a place left alone during the day. He looked around the room, everything is placed where they're supposed to be, he opened the fridge, there were only fruits, yogurts, and milk. He opened his room, it smelt of clean linen, he just washed the sheets the day before. He opened his walk-in closet, where all his clothes were arranged neatly by color. Green on the far left, brown, khaki and the likes come next, blue, red, black, white. He opened the drawers, the one where he put his sunglasses, then the one where he put his jewelries, arranged by the kind, rings, bracelets, necklaces, he looked at his shoe rack, watching his shoes sitting quietly, there were almost a hundred pairs of them.

Everything in his apartment is perfect. Flawless, spotless, perfection.

And it's suffocating.

He felt his legs weakened. A second after he found himself on the floor, down on his knees, his palm on his face. He felt warm drip of water running through his face.

God, he thought, screaming in his head, I'm not crying because my fucking back stung and my head pounding with pain, I'm not crying because my usually beautiful hair looked like shit today, I'm not crying because I acted like a total jerk on national television today.

I'm crying because nobody is here to hear about my day and how I feel.

Jun turned his head up, finding himself on the floor in the middle of his closet. He could hear the thoughts on his head running fast, one after another, like the numbers in the stock exchange monitors changing fast on a busy weekday. This closet smells like Aqua di Gio, ah, I don't like the fragrance anymore I should spray some Kenneth Cole instead. Oh my God, what the heck was I thinking when I bought that hideous pair of sneakers? This floor is a bit dusty, I should've cleaned it once a week like I wanted to. Damn work schedule. What kind of weird T-shirt was Aiba wearing today? It looked like a tie-dye gone bad.I'm kind of hungry. What did I eat today? Only a piece of toast from this morning.Oh my God, I hope Ohno didn't find out how shitty I feel today--

The tears just wouldn't stop.

Jun was having a nervous breakdown.

He laid down on the floor,in a fetal position, sobbing hard, for once, he didn't try to stop. He didn't start talking nonsense to prevent the tears and the sob like he usually does. Jun Matsumoto laid on the floor, with tears running down his face

Jun would never show this to the world for anything.

~~~~~~~~~~

He was halfway asleep, on the very same spot, having surreal dream of black and grey and dark blue - of clouds and mice and Johnny-san, and of his first crush- when the doorbell rang.

His first instinct was to run to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. The bags under his eyes were unremovable, unconcealable. In a way he was visible, although not stark naked, but whoever was standing in his door was going to have a little peek at the real Jun Matsumoto. At the almost unguarded Jun Matsumoto. Jun desperately hoped it was some delivery guy.

Instead it was Ohno, carrying a thin, long paperbag. Jun wondered how he made it to his apartment without getting lost, because as far as he could remember, Ohno had never been there, and he doesn't remember any of the member's address except for Nino's. It impressed him in a peculiar way.

Ohno looked unsure. "Uh. Hello."

"My, my. What a surprise."

Ohno smirked.

"I was just thinking."

"Of?"

"If everything in your day was terrible, maybe I can be the one good thing about it.".

The tone in Ohno's voice was so light, so free of tension, it's as if he was only saying something meaningless about the weather. Jun couldn't detect a drop of nervousness in Ohno's voice, everything about the sentence his Leader just uttered was so casual. So candid, unplanned, sincere. And yet it didn't lack substance. There was a meaning to it, and it was conveyed perfectly into Jun's mind. It was a bit overwhelming to Jun, the decision he had to make, the choice he was about to have, to let Ohno in and reveal a bit of him, or to politely refuse his offer, perhaps telling Ohno he was too exhausted and thank him for the thought, go back inside, continue living in his own world. Witheld. Alone.

It was deciding whether to trust or not to trust. And Jun was only left with some fleeting seconds to make it. In a way it was frustrating, even felt a little frightening to him. But as Jun looked at the person in front of him, his Leader, a friend, someone he's known for what felt like forever to him, standing in the middle of a cold windy winter night, shaking a little bit but trying to maintain a smile on his face, with eyes so calm and face so undemanding, knowing that this person had the choice to spend his night somewhere else being merry doing something else and yet there he was, on his doorstep, uninvited, unexpected, and yet so confident and honest,  Jun knew he wouldn't make a mistake following the voice echoing in his head. The choice he was sure he already made as soon as he opened his door.

"Maybe not you, but whatever's inside that paperbag can."

Ohno smiled. "It's Pinot Grigio or whatever you call it."

Jun had never been so astonished by Ohno twice within the same day. Ohno stood quietly, waiting patiently with a satisfactory smile. In fact, he was feeling satisfied because he somehow managed to remember the name of Jun's favorite kind of wine after wandering around the wine shop for around twenty minutes.

Tilting his head, came Jun's sheepish reply, "Come in."

~~~~~~~~~~

Jun doesn't regret the decision he made. He knows it never was a mistake.

juntoshi, fanfic, arashi

Previous post Next post
Up