Arc One [8]
Author: Cha Ma Mib
Title: Dramatic Moping
Rating: G
Word Count: 669
I wake up and Eva's not beside me; for an agonizing moment I think it's all been a dream, that she's still dead and my bed is still empty on one side. Then the rest of my brain wakes up and I kick off the sheets and go looking for her.
She's sitting on the balcony, silk pajamas and bare feet and a wine glass in one hand, filled to the brim. The bottle's tucked in her lap. Her hair is a wild tangle.
I sit down next to her. Her face is red from crying and her lips are chapped. "You're either drinking really late or really early."
"I like my moping to be dramatic," she says hoarsely.
From the balcony, we can see the ocean and the ruins of downtown. During the day, all the construction is perpetually ugly. But at night, it's nothing but lights, and if you squint hard enough it looks like it might be a city again. Eva's brow furrows and I don't know if she's trying to see that imaginary city or just glare at it.
"Do you need to talk about it?" There's always some new wound to be reopened with her since she came back. I have time for them all. Someday she might turn over every event of those hellish years and be free of it, but in the meantime sometimes they just need to be named, or buried.
She takes a long gulp of wine before answering. "Nora's going to visit you soon."
I didn't expect to hear that. I take my glasses off, clean them on my shirt and put them back on. "Eva, you know that what I had with Nora was artificial. I thought it was real, but…Marco says…anyway, if that's what bothering you, don't let it."
To my surprise, she leans over, buries her face in my shoulder and sobs. I pull her closer, doing my best to comfort her and ignore the bite of the stucco on my own bare feet. I wonder how long she's been sitting out here while I slept inside.
"Shh, sweet duck, it's okay, I'm right here," I whisper into her hair. I notice that she's gouged her scalp recently, probably just clawing without thinking about it. "Everything will get easier in time."
"God, Peter, how are you going to love me when I'm like this all the time? It's supposed to be me taking care of you and I'm just…God, I'm such a mess." She leans back and wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "I'm completely melodramatic and disgusting."
"It's alright." I rub her back. "If anyone's earned the right to snot all over themselves, it's you."
"Damn right. Seven years of slavery for the right to snot without judgment. Seems like a fair deal." She smiles weakly, then leans back in and rests her head on my chest. "Promise me you won't leave. I mean, I'd understand if you did but…I need to hear that you won't."
"I lost you once. I know what life without you does to me."
"Mmm. And you give me sass about drinking at night." She puts the wine glass down, finally. "You should escort me to bed before I make the supremely bad decision of pouring another glass."
I help her up, capable as she is, but mostly just because I want her to physically feel that I'm right there with her. Once she's wrapped up in the bed, I take the half-empty bottle and the glass in and leave them next to the sink.
When I get back to the bed, she's mumbling, "Nora, she's going to tell you…"
"Shh." I say, sliding into bed beside her, trying not to let that icy feeling in my stomach settle. "We'll get there when the time comes."
She says, "I hate it when I'm needy", then kisses my wrist and rolls over. I sling my arm over her waist and fall asleep with my face in her hair.
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Title: Dramatic Moping
Rating: G
Word Count: 669
I wake up and Eva's not beside me; for an agonizing moment I think it's all been a dream, that she's still dead and my bed is still empty on one side. Then the rest of my brain wakes up and I kick off the sheets and go looking for her.
She's sitting on the balcony, silk pajamas and bare feet and a wine glass in one hand, filled to the brim. The bottle's tucked in her lap. Her hair is a wild tangle.
I sit down next to her. Her face is red from crying and her lips are chapped. "You're either drinking really late or really early."
"I like my moping to be dramatic," she says hoarsely.
From the balcony, we can see the ocean and the ruins of downtown. During the day, all the construction is perpetually ugly. But at night, it's nothing but lights, and if you squint hard enough it looks like it might be a city again. Eva's brow furrows and I don't know if she's trying to see that imaginary city or just glare at it.
"Do you need to talk about it?" There's always some new wound to be reopened with her since she came back. I have time for them all. Someday she might turn over every event of those hellish years and be free of it, but in the meantime sometimes they just need to be named, or buried.
She takes a long gulp of wine before answering. "Nora's going to visit you soon."
I didn't expect to hear that. I take my glasses off, clean them on my shirt and put them back on. "Eva, you know that what I had with Nora was artificial. I thought it was real, but…Marco says…anyway, if that's what bothering you, don't let it."
To my surprise, she leans over, buries her face in my shoulder and sobs. I pull her closer, doing my best to comfort her and ignore the bite of the stucco on my own bare feet. I wonder how long she's been sitting out here while I slept inside.
"Shh, sweet duck, it's okay, I'm right here," I whisper into her hair. I notice that she's gouged her scalp recently, probably just clawing without thinking about it. "Everything will get easier in time."
"God, Peter, how are you going to love me when I'm like this all the time? It's supposed to be me taking care of you and I'm just…God, I'm such a mess." She leans back and wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "I'm completely melodramatic and disgusting."
"It's alright." I rub her back. "If anyone's earned the right to snot all over themselves, it's you."
"Damn right. Seven years of slavery for the right to snot without judgment. Seems like a fair deal." She smiles weakly, then leans back in and rests her head on my chest. "Promise me you won't leave. I mean, I'd understand if you did but…I need to hear that you won't."
"I lost you once. I know what life without you does to me."
"Mmm. And you give me sass about drinking at night." She puts the wine glass down, finally. "You should escort me to bed before I make the supremely bad decision of pouring another glass."
I help her up, capable as she is, but mostly just because I want her to physically feel that I'm right there with her. Once she's wrapped up in the bed, I take the half-empty bottle and the glass in and leave them next to the sink.
When I get back to the bed, she's mumbling, "Nora, she's going to tell you…"
"Shh." I say, sliding into bed beside her, trying not to let that icy feeling in my stomach settle. "We'll get there when the time comes."
She says, "I hate it when I'm needy", then kisses my wrist and rolls over. I sling my arm over her waist and fall asleep with my face in her hair.
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