Closed Curtains 2/2
Title: Closed Curtains 2/2
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 7720
Pairing: Sam/Dean/Cas
Summary: Curtain!fic. When Sam, Cas and Dean settle in New Haven Sam thinks he has the best of all worlds. His damaged mind on the mend, the love and support of his brother and angel. But then, inevitably, it all starts to fall apart.
He spent the rest of the afternoon in the park down the road. Far enough away from the crowds to feel alone, but close enough that the sounds of children playing permeated his brain.
He didn’t know how much time had actually passed by the time he returned. The afternoon sun had dipped and Sam could feel the tingling tightness across his nose telling him he had spent too much time in the sun.
The house was quiet, for a moment he thought that it was empty, it’s walls and floors devoid of life, the bodiless cold air circling within-
“Hey Sammy.”
Sam blinked up from his stare into nothing and moved further into the house. Dean was alone in the kitchen, wiping some remnants of his lunch form his mouth.
“Good run?”
Sam twitched, suppressing the urge to look over his shoulder to the eyes he could feel boring into his skull. “Huh - yeah…”
Dean jumped up from his seat, Sam startled back slightly. “Heading out.” His brother stated, grabbing his wallet from the side, “Try to keep it down, Cas is asleep upstairs, wore his little wings out.” Dean winked and then was gone, the door slammed in his wake.
Sam stood for a moment, the house curling in around him, it’s silence seeping into his every pore. A cackle, a high menacing laugh, in his mind, behind him, in the deepest depths of hell startled him out of his trance. He practically dove across the sofa his hand smacking the TV’s on switch, the muted voices of the news commentator seeping through the emptiness. Sam sat down in front of the screen on the floor and blocked everything else around him out.
*
“Sam?”
Sam blinked away from the screen, now flicking through scenes of a daytime movie. Sam hadn’t even realised the program had changed. Cas walked sleepy eyed down the wooden stairs, one hand rubbing at his blue eyes. Sam couldn’t help the small smile at the sight of the ex- warrior of god in one of Dean’s old t-shirts hanging off his shoulders.
“What are you watching?”
“Oh nothing.” Sam mumbled, quickly turning off the TV.
There was always that undercurrent of awkwardness in Sam and Cas’ interactions above the sheets. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t like the angel, he more than liked him. After everything Cas had given up for Sam and Dean he could do nothing but. But he had no idea what to talk to him about. With Dean it was easier, years of shared history and comradary, snarking and traditions to fall back on he didn’t have to think too hard about it. But with Cas… he was a divine angle from god. And Sam was the boy with demon blood who set Lucifer free to roam the earth and who had spent multiple lifetimes playing roommate with the morning star himself.
What could Cas possibly want to talk to him about.
But Cas was watching Sam, his eyes narrowed in concentration as if her were reading a particularly difficult text.
“Are you alright? You have been quite… distant I think the word is.”
Sam opened his mouth, then closed it. And then opened it again.
‘No’ rang through his mind. ‘No I am not alright.’
‘You had sex in our bed’ his mind thought viciously. ‘And I get it, I do, but our bed, where we all sleep?’
‘Distant?’ he could say. ‘I’m here, all the time. Where are you and Dean?’
Or: ‘I’m afraid that if I turn around too quickly Lucifer will be stood behind me with his arms open and I am afraid that I will sink into them because it would be easier than this’
But Sam shook his head and swallowed it all down.
No, he wasn’t alright, but he never would be, so what was the point.
“I’m fine Cas.”
*
Sam spent the afternoon feeling guilty. Not there was much change there from the previous years of his life; guilt for this mothers death, for his fathers grief. Guilt for keeping Dean back, taking care of his little brother. Guilt for fighting with Dad. Guilt for leaving. Guilt for Jessica’s death, then his fathers, then his own, then Deans. Lucifer, Ruby, Demon Blood, the Apocalypse, Soulless Sam, Lisa and Ben, Bobby…
Sam wasn’t so able to dissect his own mind any more, it was too much of a mess, but knew it was guilt. Probably for worrying Cas, for his deteriorating mind, mostly for the whole situation bothering him so much.
He was startled out of his own head by Dean voice, the soothing tones vibrating through the fog of his mind.
They were both dressed, Dean and Cas, stood in the hall. It was obvious they had said something to him and were waiting for a response. Sam shook his head and swallowed the dryness in his throat.
“Sorry, what?”
Dean’s brow furrowed a second, in concern or annoyance, Sam didn’t have the mental energy to decipher. “We’re heading out. Meeting some of the guys at Moe’s. You want us to bring you anything back?”
Sam shook his head automatically and the pair turned with a synchronised nod. Perhaps in a different scenario Sam would have laughed but he could almost feel it, the cold breath tickling at his neck.
“Hey - wait up,” he called, jerking upright and away, “I’ll come”
“You wanna come to the bar?” Dean frowned, Sam had no trouble identifying it as confused this time. “On a Saturday Night?”
“Yeah - why not? I’ve got nothing else to do.”
Dean and Cas glanced between each other for a moment. Sam had an absurd flash back to being eight, asking if he could play ball with the neighbourhood kids.
But Dean turned back to him, still with a little frown between his eyebrows but nodded towards the door.
*
Sam had been such an idiot to think this was a good idea. As soon as they had entered Moe’s Dean and Cas had been called and herded over to a rowdy table already covered in empty glasses. Sam had fallen back, away from the crowd and the laughter.
Their usual booth was taken as was all the other seats. The bar was packed with all sorts and humming with energy.
Sam swallowed down his tension and at least tried to act like a normal human being. You go to a bar, first thing you do is get a drink. Logic never failed him.
“Just water please.” He asked, looking over his shoulder to see Dean and Cas, already chugging on two bottles that had been shoved into their hands. “Just the water then I guess.”
The bartender rolled his eyes at serving water but poured it dutifully before going on to his better paying customers.
Sam allowed himself to melt into he shadows and tried to force his screwed up mind into some form of logic. Open spaces made him feel too small but crowded rooms made him feel too big. He shuddered at unexpected touch but craved comfort. He, in short, was a mess, and not even a logical one.
He watched Dean and Cas from his shadow. They were chatting joyfully with the group that had hollered them. It looked like they knew them well, maly slaps on the back and whispered jokes that had the whole tabloe cracking up. It made Sam ache that he didn’t know these people didn’t know how Dean knew them, didn’t know what they had said to make his brother smile like that.
The group seemed a pretty equal mix of men and women, in fact, Sam quickly counted, an exact ratio of men to women. Sm watched for a moment longer, his brows furrowing. They were pairs. A man with a woman. Date night. And then Dean and Cas.
The thought stopped him dead… Dean and Cas were a couple. They were together in every sense of the word. As a couple. It wasn’t just old Ms Coulson who thought so, it was everyone, like a fact. All the breath left his lungs in one whoosh.
He had thought they were… a what? Unit? Pack? Whatever the hell the word would be, but all of them, together. But, Sam watched as Dean threw his head back in a laugh, leaving a lingering hand on Cas shoulder.
And he… God had he just stayed? Sam felt his heart rate pick up, his palms sweat as he went over every conversation and morning after he could remember. Had they given him hints, had he just been totally ignorant?
When they landed in new Haven and went shopping. There hadn’t been talk of getting more than one bed. Dean had joked he remembered, about getting the biggest, along with a lewd grin and a wink… but had he just been joking?
Or had they just humoured him - the ex-blood junky now the devils wrecked chew toy. Had they thought him so close to the edge that they dare not reject him.
By the way his hands were shaking he thought they might have been pretty much right. God everything he had built his world on in the last few months had been a lie.
The air in the bar was too thin making him gasp, his head spinning and black spots appearing in his vision .He just had to get out of there before he made a fool of himself. He walked towards the door, eyes only on the flat wood ahead, not caring for what lay in his path.
The first breath of fresh air he stopped and took a deep lungful in. And then is stomach rolled. Scrambling as quickly as he could Sam crouched at the corner of the building, heaving bile and spittle onto the dusty gravel - had he even eaten today? - he couldn’t remember.
He was a spiral, no telling where one thought ended and another began, all pressing against his forehead as one, trying to burst form his brain.
“Aw Sammy - you know I’d never do that to you.” a cold voice rang through the chaos, “You’re my one and only.”
A hand touched his shoulder and Sam jerked, narrowly missing face planting the puddle he had made on the floor.
“Hey Sammy. It’s just me.” Dean. It was Dean. Sam pushed a hand to his forehead, trying to keep it all in.
“I have to go.” He mumbled, eyes still screwed shut.
“Go where Sammy?”
“I just have to-“ Sam gasped, trying to get more air into his lungs. He just had to go, didn’t Dean get that.
The hand on his shoulder squeezed. “Hey that’s fine” Dean voice replied, soft, too soft, “We can go.”
“No-“ Sam shook his head in frustration, Dean didn’t understand, “I have to-“
“Dean, is everything alright?” Sam tensed before his brain deciphered the voice. Cas, it was only Cas. Dean should go to Cas.
“Hey Cas you ready to head? Sam’s not feeling too good.”
“Of course, I will get our coats” there were rustled footsteps and a door opening, the sound of the busy bar erupted before fading again and it was just Sam and Dean, crouched in Sam’s mess in a bar car park. Sam was sure there was a metaphor in there somewhere.
“No-“ Sam mumbled trying to get away from Dean’s sure grip. Wishing his brother would just let him go. “I need to go, away from here, I can’t-“
“It’s alright Sammy. We’ll go. Ok?”
Sam felt like he could cry. “No, Dean not-“ He couldn’t articulate what he wanted but pushed at his brothers chest.
Sam risked peering up, hoping that his message had been received. Dean seemed to get it but his eyes darkened a moment in fierce possession before he shook his head. “Not happening Sammy. Anywhere that you go, I go”
Sam blinked “But Cas-“
“I’m sure Cas shares that sentiment. Alright? Just cool your horses, there’s no rush. Let’s get home, grab some things, then we’ll be gone.”
“No you don’t-“ But dean cupped a hand to Sam’s jaw, effectively holding his mouth shut.
“Whatever it is that got you spooked Sam we can figure it out, alright. If you need to go then we’ll go. You got me?”
Sam opened his lips to try an explain, to try and get the words from his whizzing brain out of his gasping mouth but then Cas was there and they caught an arm each, pulling him upright, the sudden change in level making him stumble and lean into Dean. “Woah, hey I gotcha Sammy, I gotcha.”
*
Sam watched in a daze when they entered their home. Cas peeled off, Dean barking instructions at him, his hand absently running through Sam’s hair, scratching at the scalp, it calmed his frantic mind, lulling him into submission. It wasn’t until Cas returned down the stairs, the duffels over his shoulder did Sam’s brain finally click back into gear.
“No” he mumbled shaking his head to dislodge Dean’s hand, “No stop!”
They both turned to stare at him eyes wide and worried, still as if not to frighten him. It made Sam want to cry. “You’re not listened I… Guys I am so sorry.”
“For what?” “What Sammy?” they spoke at once but Sam barrelled on, the blockage in his brain unsticking and the words tumbling out.
“I didn’t know, I didn’t realise. God why didn’t you tell me. I feel like such a... I’m so sorry.”
“Sammy what are you-“
“I just need to go, only for a bit. Just get my head back in shape. Then I’ll come back. I’ll clear out the study. I swear I didn’t… It might just take me a while you know… But I get it I do.”
Deans eyes widened in understanding, Sam didn’t know what he had finally said to get his brother thick skull but it was Cas’ horrified voice that sounded out “Sam No!”
“Sammy no.” Dean whispered, “God no. It us, all of us together. Why would you even think that?”
Dean came forward to where Sam had backed himself up against the wall. Sam’s resolve faltered a little at the look on Dean’s face. The open heartbreak, sorrow, maybe a bit of guilt.
“You… you’re always - together. Like in the garage or the shower or the bar.”
“I don’t think, we have had intercourse at the bar.”
Dean ignored the angel in favour of reaching out, slowly, projecting every inch and clasping a firm hand to Sam’s shoulder. Sam took a shaky breath, absorbing the heat from that simple touch as if it were a lifeline.
“You can join us Sammy, you are always invited, the door is always open if you want to be there.”
“I didn’t… I don’t want to intrude.”
Dean frowned, giving Sam’s meaty shoulder a shake. “Listen to me Sam, are you listening? When it’s just Cas and me… it’s fine, good even. You get off and relax for a moment, but it’s not… with you there…”
“I think what Dean is trying to say.” Cas cut in, “Is that when Dean and I come together it is a bodily urge for release, with you, with us all, it is more.”
The words made sense, but Sam frowned in confusion, their meaning not getting through. Dean’s eyes softened as they so often did for Sam, his hand cupping now at Sam’s neck where the jack rabbit pulse beat away. “It’s like I can feel your soul, and Cas’s, but yours… it’s so beautiful Sammy. And it kills part of me that you don’t show it more often, that you don’t let other’s see it, that they don’t get it. But when we’re all together I can feel it, see it. And it feels right… Please Sam. Please don’t leave us, don’t go.”
“Stay Sam” Sam’s eyes snapped from Dean’s bright one to Cas’s blue now hovering behind Dean’s shoulder.
He took a breath, slow and steady, and the another. A tear leaked down Dean’s cheek and Sam followed it, its path across Dean’s rugged face. Sam didn’t even realise he had reached out a hand before he touched Dean’s jaw, his thumb seeping at the salted bead smearing it into the stubble.
He felt, more than herd Dean’s breath catch and then their lips were together, the perfect push and sweep of their lips and then tongues melding in one. And then a hand, smaller with no gun callouses, swept around his waist, creeping under his t-shirt and up his back and the second pair of lips pressed at his neck.
Soon the soft bed was under him, the smooth caress of Cas along his front and the firm press of Dean against his back. And Sam’s world fell into place once more.
*
“Hi Sam” Sarah said as he approached the till, basket of shopping in hand. “How are you?”
The girl was young, pretty Sam supposed, and always made an effort to speak to Sam if they bumped into each other around town. So Sam always gifted her a smile, just enough to show his dimples, to show he meant it.
“I’m OK Sarah. How’s things today.”
“Oh busy.” She replied ringing his purchases through. “Sometimes I just want to get out of here you know? Get away for the day, or even a night.”
“Yeah sometimes it gets that way.” Sam answered distractedly, staring out the window. He smiled fondly as Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration gesticulating widely at Cas who looked back unruffled then crouching beside the very small scratch Cas had made on the Impala when parking.
“So do you wanna?”
Sam blinked back into the store to see the small brunette blinking back at him form under eyelashes. ”Pardon?”
“Do you want to go out somewhere? With me?”
“oh.” Sam blinked, totally unprepared. “Oh, um, thanks but-“
“But Sam’s dance card is full darlin’” a voice drawled from behind him. Sam didn’t need to turn to identify the strong arm circling his waist. He sighed internally knowing there would be no way to escape this with his dignity intact.
Sarah just gaped widely for a moment
Then Cas appeared, peering into the packed grocery bags. “Oh you got burgers, my favourite, thank you Sam.” And then tiptoed, pressing a kiss to Sam’s still lips. At that the poor cashier let out a little squeak.
Sam sent her what he hoped was an apologetic smile before his hand was caught by the ex-angels, tugging him to the exit. “Let’s go home.”
“Yeah,” Dean leered sending a wink at Sarah as he collected their bags. “Gotta put that whipped cream to good use.”
As soon as the door jangled shut behind them Sam sent a punch into Dean’s shoulder. “Asshole. I didn’t even get any whipped cream.”
“Well that’s a crying shame. I was havin’ ideas” Dean jiggled his eyebrows.
“You’re gonna get us kicked outta town.”
“So let them,” Dean shrugged, “Only special thing here is us. Oi “ he called out, glaring at Cas and the ex-angels hand on the driver’s door. “You, in the back. You’re not driving again until you can tell the difference between a bumper car and work of mechanical art.”
Sam smiled and followed, revealing in the quite hush of the town. It was quiet, and so was his mind. For now anyway.
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 7720
Pairing: Sam/Dean/Cas
Summary: Curtain!fic. When Sam, Cas and Dean settle in New Haven Sam thinks he has the best of all worlds. His damaged mind on the mend, the love and support of his brother and angel. But then, inevitably, it all starts to fall apart.
He spent the rest of the afternoon in the park down the road. Far enough away from the crowds to feel alone, but close enough that the sounds of children playing permeated his brain.
He didn’t know how much time had actually passed by the time he returned. The afternoon sun had dipped and Sam could feel the tingling tightness across his nose telling him he had spent too much time in the sun.
The house was quiet, for a moment he thought that it was empty, it’s walls and floors devoid of life, the bodiless cold air circling within-
“Hey Sammy.”
Sam blinked up from his stare into nothing and moved further into the house. Dean was alone in the kitchen, wiping some remnants of his lunch form his mouth.
“Good run?”
Sam twitched, suppressing the urge to look over his shoulder to the eyes he could feel boring into his skull. “Huh - yeah…”
Dean jumped up from his seat, Sam startled back slightly. “Heading out.” His brother stated, grabbing his wallet from the side, “Try to keep it down, Cas is asleep upstairs, wore his little wings out.” Dean winked and then was gone, the door slammed in his wake.
Sam stood for a moment, the house curling in around him, it’s silence seeping into his every pore. A cackle, a high menacing laugh, in his mind, behind him, in the deepest depths of hell startled him out of his trance. He practically dove across the sofa his hand smacking the TV’s on switch, the muted voices of the news commentator seeping through the emptiness. Sam sat down in front of the screen on the floor and blocked everything else around him out.
*
“Sam?”
Sam blinked away from the screen, now flicking through scenes of a daytime movie. Sam hadn’t even realised the program had changed. Cas walked sleepy eyed down the wooden stairs, one hand rubbing at his blue eyes. Sam couldn’t help the small smile at the sight of the ex- warrior of god in one of Dean’s old t-shirts hanging off his shoulders.
“What are you watching?”
“Oh nothing.” Sam mumbled, quickly turning off the TV.
There was always that undercurrent of awkwardness in Sam and Cas’ interactions above the sheets. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t like the angel, he more than liked him. After everything Cas had given up for Sam and Dean he could do nothing but. But he had no idea what to talk to him about. With Dean it was easier, years of shared history and comradary, snarking and traditions to fall back on he didn’t have to think too hard about it. But with Cas… he was a divine angle from god. And Sam was the boy with demon blood who set Lucifer free to roam the earth and who had spent multiple lifetimes playing roommate with the morning star himself.
What could Cas possibly want to talk to him about.
But Cas was watching Sam, his eyes narrowed in concentration as if her were reading a particularly difficult text.
“Are you alright? You have been quite… distant I think the word is.”
Sam opened his mouth, then closed it. And then opened it again.
‘No’ rang through his mind. ‘No I am not alright.’
‘You had sex in our bed’ his mind thought viciously. ‘And I get it, I do, but our bed, where we all sleep?’
‘Distant?’ he could say. ‘I’m here, all the time. Where are you and Dean?’
Or: ‘I’m afraid that if I turn around too quickly Lucifer will be stood behind me with his arms open and I am afraid that I will sink into them because it would be easier than this’
But Sam shook his head and swallowed it all down.
No, he wasn’t alright, but he never would be, so what was the point.
“I’m fine Cas.”
*
Sam spent the afternoon feeling guilty. Not there was much change there from the previous years of his life; guilt for this mothers death, for his fathers grief. Guilt for keeping Dean back, taking care of his little brother. Guilt for fighting with Dad. Guilt for leaving. Guilt for Jessica’s death, then his fathers, then his own, then Deans. Lucifer, Ruby, Demon Blood, the Apocalypse, Soulless Sam, Lisa and Ben, Bobby…
Sam wasn’t so able to dissect his own mind any more, it was too much of a mess, but knew it was guilt. Probably for worrying Cas, for his deteriorating mind, mostly for the whole situation bothering him so much.
He was startled out of his own head by Dean voice, the soothing tones vibrating through the fog of his mind.
They were both dressed, Dean and Cas, stood in the hall. It was obvious they had said something to him and were waiting for a response. Sam shook his head and swallowed the dryness in his throat.
“Sorry, what?”
Dean’s brow furrowed a second, in concern or annoyance, Sam didn’t have the mental energy to decipher. “We’re heading out. Meeting some of the guys at Moe’s. You want us to bring you anything back?”
Sam shook his head automatically and the pair turned with a synchronised nod. Perhaps in a different scenario Sam would have laughed but he could almost feel it, the cold breath tickling at his neck.
“Hey - wait up,” he called, jerking upright and away, “I’ll come”
“You wanna come to the bar?” Dean frowned, Sam had no trouble identifying it as confused this time. “On a Saturday Night?”
“Yeah - why not? I’ve got nothing else to do.”
Dean and Cas glanced between each other for a moment. Sam had an absurd flash back to being eight, asking if he could play ball with the neighbourhood kids.
But Dean turned back to him, still with a little frown between his eyebrows but nodded towards the door.
*
Sam had been such an idiot to think this was a good idea. As soon as they had entered Moe’s Dean and Cas had been called and herded over to a rowdy table already covered in empty glasses. Sam had fallen back, away from the crowd and the laughter.
Their usual booth was taken as was all the other seats. The bar was packed with all sorts and humming with energy.
Sam swallowed down his tension and at least tried to act like a normal human being. You go to a bar, first thing you do is get a drink. Logic never failed him.
“Just water please.” He asked, looking over his shoulder to see Dean and Cas, already chugging on two bottles that had been shoved into their hands. “Just the water then I guess.”
The bartender rolled his eyes at serving water but poured it dutifully before going on to his better paying customers.
Sam allowed himself to melt into he shadows and tried to force his screwed up mind into some form of logic. Open spaces made him feel too small but crowded rooms made him feel too big. He shuddered at unexpected touch but craved comfort. He, in short, was a mess, and not even a logical one.
He watched Dean and Cas from his shadow. They were chatting joyfully with the group that had hollered them. It looked like they knew them well, maly slaps on the back and whispered jokes that had the whole tabloe cracking up. It made Sam ache that he didn’t know these people didn’t know how Dean knew them, didn’t know what they had said to make his brother smile like that.
The group seemed a pretty equal mix of men and women, in fact, Sam quickly counted, an exact ratio of men to women. Sm watched for a moment longer, his brows furrowing. They were pairs. A man with a woman. Date night. And then Dean and Cas.
The thought stopped him dead… Dean and Cas were a couple. They were together in every sense of the word. As a couple. It wasn’t just old Ms Coulson who thought so, it was everyone, like a fact. All the breath left his lungs in one whoosh.
He had thought they were… a what? Unit? Pack? Whatever the hell the word would be, but all of them, together. But, Sam watched as Dean threw his head back in a laugh, leaving a lingering hand on Cas shoulder.
And he… God had he just stayed? Sam felt his heart rate pick up, his palms sweat as he went over every conversation and morning after he could remember. Had they given him hints, had he just been totally ignorant?
When they landed in new Haven and went shopping. There hadn’t been talk of getting more than one bed. Dean had joked he remembered, about getting the biggest, along with a lewd grin and a wink… but had he just been joking?
Or had they just humoured him - the ex-blood junky now the devils wrecked chew toy. Had they thought him so close to the edge that they dare not reject him.
By the way his hands were shaking he thought they might have been pretty much right. God everything he had built his world on in the last few months had been a lie.
The air in the bar was too thin making him gasp, his head spinning and black spots appearing in his vision .He just had to get out of there before he made a fool of himself. He walked towards the door, eyes only on the flat wood ahead, not caring for what lay in his path.
The first breath of fresh air he stopped and took a deep lungful in. And then is stomach rolled. Scrambling as quickly as he could Sam crouched at the corner of the building, heaving bile and spittle onto the dusty gravel - had he even eaten today? - he couldn’t remember.
He was a spiral, no telling where one thought ended and another began, all pressing against his forehead as one, trying to burst form his brain.
“Aw Sammy - you know I’d never do that to you.” a cold voice rang through the chaos, “You’re my one and only.”
A hand touched his shoulder and Sam jerked, narrowly missing face planting the puddle he had made on the floor.
“Hey Sammy. It’s just me.” Dean. It was Dean. Sam pushed a hand to his forehead, trying to keep it all in.
“I have to go.” He mumbled, eyes still screwed shut.
“Go where Sammy?”
“I just have to-“ Sam gasped, trying to get more air into his lungs. He just had to go, didn’t Dean get that.
The hand on his shoulder squeezed. “Hey that’s fine” Dean voice replied, soft, too soft, “We can go.”
“No-“ Sam shook his head in frustration, Dean didn’t understand, “I have to-“
“Dean, is everything alright?” Sam tensed before his brain deciphered the voice. Cas, it was only Cas. Dean should go to Cas.
“Hey Cas you ready to head? Sam’s not feeling too good.”
“Of course, I will get our coats” there were rustled footsteps and a door opening, the sound of the busy bar erupted before fading again and it was just Sam and Dean, crouched in Sam’s mess in a bar car park. Sam was sure there was a metaphor in there somewhere.
“No-“ Sam mumbled trying to get away from Dean’s sure grip. Wishing his brother would just let him go. “I need to go, away from here, I can’t-“
“It’s alright Sammy. We’ll go. Ok?”
Sam felt like he could cry. “No, Dean not-“ He couldn’t articulate what he wanted but pushed at his brothers chest.
Sam risked peering up, hoping that his message had been received. Dean seemed to get it but his eyes darkened a moment in fierce possession before he shook his head. “Not happening Sammy. Anywhere that you go, I go”
Sam blinked “But Cas-“
“I’m sure Cas shares that sentiment. Alright? Just cool your horses, there’s no rush. Let’s get home, grab some things, then we’ll be gone.”
“No you don’t-“ But dean cupped a hand to Sam’s jaw, effectively holding his mouth shut.
“Whatever it is that got you spooked Sam we can figure it out, alright. If you need to go then we’ll go. You got me?”
Sam opened his lips to try an explain, to try and get the words from his whizzing brain out of his gasping mouth but then Cas was there and they caught an arm each, pulling him upright, the sudden change in level making him stumble and lean into Dean. “Woah, hey I gotcha Sammy, I gotcha.”
*
Sam watched in a daze when they entered their home. Cas peeled off, Dean barking instructions at him, his hand absently running through Sam’s hair, scratching at the scalp, it calmed his frantic mind, lulling him into submission. It wasn’t until Cas returned down the stairs, the duffels over his shoulder did Sam’s brain finally click back into gear.
“No” he mumbled shaking his head to dislodge Dean’s hand, “No stop!”
They both turned to stare at him eyes wide and worried, still as if not to frighten him. It made Sam want to cry. “You’re not listened I… Guys I am so sorry.”
“For what?” “What Sammy?” they spoke at once but Sam barrelled on, the blockage in his brain unsticking and the words tumbling out.
“I didn’t know, I didn’t realise. God why didn’t you tell me. I feel like such a... I’m so sorry.”
“Sammy what are you-“
“I just need to go, only for a bit. Just get my head back in shape. Then I’ll come back. I’ll clear out the study. I swear I didn’t… It might just take me a while you know… But I get it I do.”
Deans eyes widened in understanding, Sam didn’t know what he had finally said to get his brother thick skull but it was Cas’ horrified voice that sounded out “Sam No!”
“Sammy no.” Dean whispered, “God no. It us, all of us together. Why would you even think that?”
Dean came forward to where Sam had backed himself up against the wall. Sam’s resolve faltered a little at the look on Dean’s face. The open heartbreak, sorrow, maybe a bit of guilt.
“You… you’re always - together. Like in the garage or the shower or the bar.”
“I don’t think, we have had intercourse at the bar.”
Dean ignored the angel in favour of reaching out, slowly, projecting every inch and clasping a firm hand to Sam’s shoulder. Sam took a shaky breath, absorbing the heat from that simple touch as if it were a lifeline.
“You can join us Sammy, you are always invited, the door is always open if you want to be there.”
“I didn’t… I don’t want to intrude.”
Dean frowned, giving Sam’s meaty shoulder a shake. “Listen to me Sam, are you listening? When it’s just Cas and me… it’s fine, good even. You get off and relax for a moment, but it’s not… with you there…”
“I think what Dean is trying to say.” Cas cut in, “Is that when Dean and I come together it is a bodily urge for release, with you, with us all, it is more.”
The words made sense, but Sam frowned in confusion, their meaning not getting through. Dean’s eyes softened as they so often did for Sam, his hand cupping now at Sam’s neck where the jack rabbit pulse beat away. “It’s like I can feel your soul, and Cas’s, but yours… it’s so beautiful Sammy. And it kills part of me that you don’t show it more often, that you don’t let other’s see it, that they don’t get it. But when we’re all together I can feel it, see it. And it feels right… Please Sam. Please don’t leave us, don’t go.”
“Stay Sam” Sam’s eyes snapped from Dean’s bright one to Cas’s blue now hovering behind Dean’s shoulder.
He took a breath, slow and steady, and the another. A tear leaked down Dean’s cheek and Sam followed it, its path across Dean’s rugged face. Sam didn’t even realise he had reached out a hand before he touched Dean’s jaw, his thumb seeping at the salted bead smearing it into the stubble.
He felt, more than herd Dean’s breath catch and then their lips were together, the perfect push and sweep of their lips and then tongues melding in one. And then a hand, smaller with no gun callouses, swept around his waist, creeping under his t-shirt and up his back and the second pair of lips pressed at his neck.
Soon the soft bed was under him, the smooth caress of Cas along his front and the firm press of Dean against his back. And Sam’s world fell into place once more.
*
“Hi Sam” Sarah said as he approached the till, basket of shopping in hand. “How are you?”
The girl was young, pretty Sam supposed, and always made an effort to speak to Sam if they bumped into each other around town. So Sam always gifted her a smile, just enough to show his dimples, to show he meant it.
“I’m OK Sarah. How’s things today.”
“Oh busy.” She replied ringing his purchases through. “Sometimes I just want to get out of here you know? Get away for the day, or even a night.”
“Yeah sometimes it gets that way.” Sam answered distractedly, staring out the window. He smiled fondly as Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration gesticulating widely at Cas who looked back unruffled then crouching beside the very small scratch Cas had made on the Impala when parking.
“So do you wanna?”
Sam blinked back into the store to see the small brunette blinking back at him form under eyelashes. ”Pardon?”
“Do you want to go out somewhere? With me?”
“oh.” Sam blinked, totally unprepared. “Oh, um, thanks but-“
“But Sam’s dance card is full darlin’” a voice drawled from behind him. Sam didn’t need to turn to identify the strong arm circling his waist. He sighed internally knowing there would be no way to escape this with his dignity intact.
Sarah just gaped widely for a moment
Then Cas appeared, peering into the packed grocery bags. “Oh you got burgers, my favourite, thank you Sam.” And then tiptoed, pressing a kiss to Sam’s still lips. At that the poor cashier let out a little squeak.
Sam sent her what he hoped was an apologetic smile before his hand was caught by the ex-angels, tugging him to the exit. “Let’s go home.”
“Yeah,” Dean leered sending a wink at Sarah as he collected their bags. “Gotta put that whipped cream to good use.”
As soon as the door jangled shut behind them Sam sent a punch into Dean’s shoulder. “Asshole. I didn’t even get any whipped cream.”
“Well that’s a crying shame. I was havin’ ideas” Dean jiggled his eyebrows.
“You’re gonna get us kicked outta town.”
“So let them,” Dean shrugged, “Only special thing here is us. Oi “ he called out, glaring at Cas and the ex-angels hand on the driver’s door. “You, in the back. You’re not driving again until you can tell the difference between a bumper car and work of mechanical art.”
Sam smiled and followed, revealing in the quite hush of the town. It was quiet, and so was his mind. For now anyway.