Mount Dandenong

[molly_cule]

This is one I wrote back in 2005 from a random topic evildoom_bunny gave me, and I’ve never really shown it to anyone. I was going to rewrite it completely, but just rereading it then I don’t know if it needs as complete a revamp as I had in mind. The narrator rambles a lot, but it seems to suit his character - hopefully it doesn’t distract and grate as much as

Comments

[evildoom_bunny]

Intriguing!

A few suggestions:

"He’d like to do robotics one day, he’s always building and tinkering with things, but he says you need a high school pass and good marks and that to get into something like that." Perhaps "he says you need a high school pass and good marks and all that"

"His dad, Leeza’s ex, was the violent sought, used to hit Leeza a lot"
Violent sort :P

I find it intriguing... what on earth did this John character do? What happened to him? Why is he so worried?

[stillbeing]

Heh. Finally, after four months, someone appears to have read it :-P

I'll email you the word file. I'm not publishing any more on this LJ and I really need to shut it down (but I keep forgetting to). I haven't looked at the story since then, and it probably needs a good look through, but I haven't had the headspace to even think of doing anything lately.