You're not selfish if you don't want kids.

[mom_after_ed]

I want to go out "undercover" with a hidden cam and no food stains and pose as a woman of reproductive age who does not want kids. I wonder what kinds of nerves it would hit. But as you know when I'm not at work (where everyone knows kiddo) I'm with her, conducting experiments and research of other kinds. Like googling HOW TO GET STICKERS OUT OF

Comments

[lenaloveslife]

Words of wisdom and caution are always welcome.

Up until a few years ago, I was too self-obsessed and guy crazy to seriously consider bringing a child into my life. I am still terrified to the bone of the responsibilities, for all the reasons you listed, but knowing I have the support of a wonderful, intelligent man in my life has brought me to the point where I am ready to try and grow into it.

Weird how your perspective can change so much in just a few years!

A thousand times yes!

[mom_after_ed]

I know! It can be uncanny to look back at yourself from years before--especially when you've got it in writing--and realize just how much your perspective has changed...and with it, so much more.

Having a child is hard, hard work. Fulfilling and beautiful, yes, but also occasionally brutal and mind-searing no matter who you are or where you come from. IMHO, if I had to quantify I'd say that having the kind of support you describe is the single most important thing of all. Even more so than money or time. A supported parent (especially mother) means a supported kid, and it's a dynamic that pays it forward for generations.