(no subject)
I think I'm pretty much officially depressed.
It's incredibly hard for me to smile at anything.
My sleep schedule is totally fucked up. It's 3:20 right now. I should not be awake at this hour.
I barely eat 1000 calories a day. I don't have any appetite at all most of the time.
I don't really enjoy anything anymore, even the things I know I love doing.
I have no self-esteem whatsoever.
Every time I look in the mirror, I want to do it a favor and break it so it didn't have to have the misfortune of reflecting me. My already awful image issues have been amplified, even though people insist that I look just fine.
I have very few significant goals in life.
I really have no useful skills or talents to speak of.
I have next to no ambition for anything.
I avoid people to a ridiculous extent, but I despise being lonely at the same time.
As logical as I try to be, my emotions always override it.
If something really upsets me, my day will be ruined. I'll feel sick and probably throw up because of it.
I've been snapping at people a lot lately and I don't even know why. I don't want to be like this. It isn't like me at all.
I've always had a hard time waking up in the morning, but now I'm to the point that I hardly even want to wake up. I'd rather just stay asleep all day.
I don't want to be single anymore, but I'm worried that one of these days I'll suddenly just give my heart to the next person who so much as smiles at me. Even then, that's a lie, since I care so much more about love than that.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I really, really don't.
I hate this.