(Untitled)

[amymeenieminymo]

Something kinda weird happened on my way home from work....I was thinking of my mom which is something I do often.  But this time the tears in my eyes turned into full blown bawling my eyes out, cannot stop kind of crying.  It's been 9 years, I've learned to live in my new normal without her, but in that instant I felt like it was the day we lost

Comments

[jenny_1981]

*hugs*
It's hard. Over time it gets easier because it's the new normal, but then once in a while it just hits ya. I've been having moments like that lately too.
Maybe you are thinking of her more now because of your pregnancy. I know when we start trying to get pregnant I am going to be thinking of her a lot. Wondering about how things were when she was pregnant with me. Wishing I could call her for advice.
It's totally ok to keep grieving. it's a lifelong thing. At every milestone you go through you will be thinking of how different it would be if she was with you, and that brings up fresh hurts. I totally get that. And that's what this community is here for right? Even tho it's been pretty much crickets around here for a long time. We all get it. We all know what it's like to wish we could as our moms just one more question.

Good luck with this pregnancy. I hope everything goes well.
*hugs*

[12daysofrain]

I've been going a really rough time lately, and I've found that I've been going through the same thing lately with the uncontrollable bouts of crying and emotion. I didn't even have a chance to go visit her grave this year for the anniversary of her death because I moved 5 hours away, and I had a busy weekend with school. My mom was first hospitalized almost exactly 4 years ago to the date.

I'm sorry. I hope venting helps, any healthy outlets for coping are good.

[sourtimesahead]

My mom died 9 years ago too. Every July I know that this is the month. July was the month that 9 years ago she was alive, walking around, talking to me, etc. And then a big shift happened on July 27th. I know the feeling of going to work and just looking at the calendar and knowing. You don't want to just announce that day at work. "Oh yeah, my mom died 9 years ago," but it is like harboring this little hurtful secret.

I just started a new job 3 months ago. I'm 28 and I generally refer to my family as "family" versus mom and dad (both my mom and dad are deceased). That's why she's been on my mind so much because I've avoided dropping the "My parents are dead" news... and yet it is awkward when my new co-workers say "going to eat good at your mom's?" when i told them I am going back to my home state for labor day.

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I just wanted you to know that the grieving doesn't stop and that is okay. My memory fades too, but I definitely need those days to cry and remember.

[amymeenieminymo]

I know this is way late, but I went through the very same thing with a new job I started just 10 months after she died. Coming from my old job, I was so depressed and sad going there every day, I guess because it was where I felt the worst, where everyone knew, where I was the girls whose mom had just died. So when I started my new job, I wanted to A. be in peace for a while and not have everyone's sympathy, while nice it can be exhausting, and 2. be that new weird girl who is always upset over her mom.

But like you, I was terrified to talk about my family because I didn't want the question to come up. I was there for a few weeks when a co-worker asked if my mom was going up north with us. I answered with something like um, uh, well she uh, no....and I changed the subject. It's so hard, because it feels like every knows just by looking at you, and you want to tell them because maybe it will make you make more sense to them, but at the same time you don't want to tell and have their pity.