Last angel (Chapter 1/?)
Title: Last angel
Author: momonyan
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Summary: He went out to club sometimes, let people flirt with him; sleep with him if they wanted, just to dull the pain and loneliness a little. It didn’t help much, what he wanted wasn’t just sex, but love.
Notes: English is not my native language.
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Tegoshi looked at his reflection in the mirror, empty eyes staring back at him. He looked good, no doubt about it; he wouldn’t have made it as an idol if he didn’t had a pretty face after all. But still, something was missing, something that made him look alive, and not like a pretty-faced zombie. And when he met his own gaze in the mirror, Tegoshi could clearly see what was absent. Not that it was a surprise; he knew that he had looked like this ever since his girlfriend broke up with him. He was admittedly broken hearted because of it; he had really liked her after all, really, really loved her deeply. But it hadn’t been mutual; she had just dated him because he was famous and good-looking, nothing else. She just wanted the sex; but Tegoshi wanted something more, something deeper; love. He had thought that she wanted the same; that they were special, but they obviously weren’t. And Tegoshi’s heart broke when she left him for some other guy.
Ever since, Tegoshi had given up completely on love, not putting any effort in trying to find a new partner. He went out to club sometimes, let people flirt with him; sleep with him if they wanted, just to dull the pain and loneliness a little. It didn’t help much, what he wanted wasn’t just sex, but love. He wanted to be loved and cared for; but having sex with complete strangers didn’t make him feel treasured or loved at all. Yet, he continued. It was better to feel wanted than lonely and abandoned he had figured; and it kept his mind occupied for a while, kept his thoughts away from the sadness and the pain.
Tegoshi checked his appearance in the mirror one last time. Surely there would be people out there who would approach him tonight, just like always. But they never fell for him; they just wanted his body, or maybe the fame that he brought with him. He sighed deeply before grabbing his things and walking towards the front door. Maybe it was best like this; if he didn’t feel attached to someone, he probably wouldn’t get hurt like this again. And it was probably best like that; because he wouldn’t be able to handle it if his heart broke one more time.
****
Nightclubs were basically always the same; loud music, blinking lights in neon colours and horny guys and girls that were too intimate for Tegoshi’s taste. He still went there when he had time, why he wasn’t so certain of, maybe his heart was hoping for him to find a new love among all the people in the crowded club. Tegoshi strongly doubted it; mostly perverts came to this kind of place, people that were searching for a one night stand, not deep emotions like love or affection. Tegoshi sighed deeply before taking a seat by the counter, ordering a beer. He wasn’t in the mood for dancing, he just wanted to drink, dull the pain for at least a short while.
It didn’t take long before people started to hit on him, but tonight, Tegoshi turned them all down. He just didn’t feel like it; dance, make out, and then sleep with someone he didn’t have any emotional strings at all to. He always felt so empty afterwards, so lonely. And he wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it this day.
Tegoshi just sat there, drinking and feeling utterly depressed. He was actually about to leave when he noticed the man standing in a corner of the room, and he caught Tegoshi’s attention. The man seemed to have noticed Tegoshi as well, because he started to move slowly towards him, eyes like glued on his face. He was a good-looking man, no doubt about it. He wasn’t that tall, Tegoshi would guess they were about the same height, his hair was dyed brown, and his face looked rather young. Overall, he didn’t look all comfortable in this environment; he didn’t seem to fit in at all. Tegoshi didn’t know why he thought that, maybe because the man looked so pure and innocent in some ways. Then they wouldn’t match each other at all; Tegoshi barely had any of his pureness left after all, and that fact made him feel a bit sad. Maybe he was stupid enough to actually hope to find a new lover, even though he tried to tell himself that he was better off alone.
The man was now standing in front of Tegoshi, smiling awkwardly and blushing slightly. Tegoshi thought it was kind of adorable, it was definitely on of the sweetest things he had seen in a while. The man stuttered slightly over his words, but still smiled towards him. “May I treat you a drink?”
Tegoshi knew that he should have said ‘no’; that he should have refused and gone home and like that not end up in bed with yet another stranger. But he couldn’t say no to that cute smile, to those kind eyes; this man seemed very nice after all. So all he could do was to return the smile and sit down again. “I would love to.”
Tegoshi knew that he was stupid, that this would end up like it always did. But he couldn’t help that he needed love in his life; he wouldn’t survive without it, and somehow he still wanted to believe that he would find someone that would truly love him someday.
****
Even though Tegoshi really tried his best to prevent it from happening, he and the man from the club still ended up like he had feared that they would; in bed. His name was Masuda Takahisa, Tegoshi had found out that much when they had chatted, Masuda treating him as many drinks he wanted; he at least had a gentlemanly manner. Tegoshi knew that he shouldn’t have let Masuda buy him so many drinks, and he definitely shouldn’t have entered the dance floor together with him; because the way the man swung his hips totally seduced Tegoshi, made it hard to resist the urge to give in to his lusts. When Masuda moved closer to him and then finally caught his lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss, Tegoshi did give in. He did want love, yes, but he was also a man with needs; one that wouldn’t say no to a round in the bedroom that could turn out to be mind-blowing.
That’s how they had ended up at Masuda’s apartment, kissing hungrily and stumbling towards the bedroom even before the front door had closed. Tegoshi felt so blinded by lust that he knew that no matter how much he wanted, or rather should stop this, he wouldn’t be able to. Not with Masuda’s tongue exploring his mouth skilfully; and his hands caressing the skin under his shirt, warm hands finding their way up Tegoshi’s spine. When the back of Tegoshi’s legs his the bed, Masuda lowered him down gently on the mattress, climbing after him and catching his lips again. Tegoshi gasped when Masuda started to suck at his neck, and at the same time starting to unbutton his shirt, lips dancing over Tegoshi’s skin as it became exposed.
Tegoshi actually got surprised by how gentle Masuda was with him, as if he didn’t want to hurt him, like he really cared. That was something Tegoshi surely wasn’t used to, the males he had came this far with before had been far from gentle; and that’s why Masuda’s tenderness pulled on Tegoshi’s heartstrings a bit. Masuda treated him like a lover would; with care and gentleness, taking care not to hurt him. This made what felt like thousands of memories flow trough Tegoshi’s head; memories of people he had loved, of people who had loved him, of times when he didn’t feel so empty just because of pure loneliness. Maybe it became too much for him, because he wasn’t able to hold back his emotions; wasn’t able to control them, and tears were slowly starting to fall down his cheeks. Tegoshi really tried to hold back, really tried to stop his overwhelming emotions; but he wasn’t able to, and a soft sob escaped his throat. Masuda noticed, and sat up, looking at Tegoshi with slightly worried eyes. “What’s wrong? Did I…did I hurt you?”
Masuda showed such an honest worry, and it made even more tears escape Tegoshi’s eyes. He missed it so much; to have someone care about him, to have someone love him, and Masuda’s actions were reminding him too much of real affection. He missed love so much, and he broke down now, hiding his face in his hands and sobbing uncontrollably.
“Are you…okay?” Masuda touched his shoulder lightly, and before being able to stop himself, Tegoshi threw his arms around the man’s neck and cried into his shoulder. Tegoshi found Masuda’s warm body comforting, and when the man started to whisper reassuring words in his ear and stroke his back with his hands just like a friend or lover would do, Tegoshi let himself give in and just cry. For the first time in a long, long while, he let his feelings out; let his heart cry tears that had been hidden for a very long time. It felt good to have someone there for him; even though it just was a stranger whose name he had just recently found out. Not that it mattered, he preferred a stranger as company before loneliness in this moment anyway.
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Happy New Year!
So, I ended up posting the first chapter of this fic even though I haven’t finished all of the chapters. But I have the entire story planned very well, so I don’t think I will have a problem with finishing it anyway^^
I hope you liked it, and will like the rest of the story as well ^.^ Thanks for reading! <3