Life hates me at the moment
Last week I got fired from my part-time job. It came like a total shock for me that my boss wasn't happy with me since she hasn't mentioned anything about before, but last week she suddenly dropped the bomb. Apparently there had been complaints from some customers at the hotel (I used to work at the breakfast), the bacon and egg at the room service had been cold, and it had happened several times; she also put it very clearly that she was sure that it was all my fault. I tried to argue her by telling the truth; I did not prepare the room service, I just delivered it to the rooms, but she choose to ignore me and continue to say that it was all my fault. Secondly, she said that she didn't think that the way I worked was effective and that I wasn't suited for this job. Well, if you haven't been told that something is wrong then you obviously thinks that you're doing things right, and that's what I believed this entire time. If she didn't think I was doing things the right way, why couldn't she teach me and give me some advice? But no, she preferred to make it sound like every single thing that wasn't going well was my fault entirely and that I didn't even deserve a second chance to prove that I can work hard and be even more affective when I get some advice on how to do it.
I feel so betrayed. It felt like she was spitting on me; she made it sound like I'm lazy and didn't do my best when I have worked really, really hard. She didn't even listen to what I had to say. And later on she sent me a text-message that said that I had to work the following weekend. I was busy when receiving it, so I forgot to answer it. She sent me another text later on when she thought that I had a very bad attitude because I didn't answer. She thinks I have a bad attitude? I'm not the one who told bad lies in front of an employee just in order to show my power as a boss and then, without giving that person a second chance, or even listening to what they have to say, kicking them out.
I'm still quite upset over this to be honest, mostly because it brings some of the ghosts from my past back to life. I don't understand why I always have to be the one people pick at. It's been like that since I was a child; my teachers bullied me in school and stole my entire childhood from me, and I can't ever get that back. I never really got to be a child because I always had to protect myself and be ready to fight the adults around me. And now I have to take responsibility for mistakes I haven't even done and get fired from work. I don't understand why it became like this, why I'm never good enough no matter what I do. There are so many things I want to do, so many things I wished would have happened by now; but once again it feels like I'm standing still. I wish I had more people to talk to, more friends who could help me move on; but I'm not able to find any. I don't by any means mean that I'm not happy about the friends I already have, It's thanks to them that I'm still standing to be honest, but I can't expect them to always spend as much time with me that I would wish for. I hate to be alone, but I have too few people to hang out with. I don't understand why I can't seem to meet the right kind of people, I'm always feeling like the odd one out no matter how hard I try to fit in.
To be honest, I've lost my motivation. I had a nice flow before, but now it's all ruined; I have a constant stomach ache and can't even sleep properly. I guess I will feel better again soon, but I'm just pissed at the fact that this kind of thing keeps happening to me. Why can't I have a share of good luck as well?
Well, with that I will finish my bitterness-entry. Life sucks sometimes (read: almost all the time), but I will not give up yet. I will continue to fight for my dreams, I will find an excellent man to marry and will live an awesome life once I get out of this shit. I can't get revenge on those who have hurt me during my childhood like I would want to; but the best way of fighting back is to not let it affect me and have a great life.
That's it for today. I already feel better, actually. Goodnight~