I have no subject line
Status - Posting Everyday: Fail
Status - Ultimate Goal of Posting to LJ Regularly: Achieved
So there's that.
I kind of flopped and flailed and failed at life the last four days. I called in sick to work on Thurs and Fri and didn't do anything except be bored and miserable and meh. I think I'm calling it a mini-crash. Which I'm, wow, so fucking down about because I wanted the increased meds to be enough. *sighs forever* But clearly I still need to make some changes in my life, which I knew, but didn't really want to believe. Stasis, non-movement, is my default and I guess somewhere I was irrationally hoping that just changing the medication would "fix it".
See part of my whole deal is that I hate my day-to-day life these days. Like. HATE. And I don't like to talk about how boring and pathetic I think it is. Though last night I said to Boy, "I hate talking about this crap. Meh, my father. Meh, my mother's family. Meh, my job. I feel like I just complain constantly. I'm so fucking SICK of all of it because it's all I think about." and Boy was like, "Yeah but you almost never actually talk about it. There's a difference between thinking about stuff constantly and talking about it constantly." Which was a totally fair and correct point. *facepalm* So we had a big long "Issues" discussion where I filled him in on everything I think about all the time and cried a little and I think that helped some, at least until Therapy Tuesday. I have a bad habit -- probably based on my male 'models' who are all emotionally retarded -- of cutting Boy out of things in my inner, emotional life that don't directly relate to him. I try very hard to correct it.
We also made much more concrete plans to add some "enriching" stuff to our lives. He doesn't hate his job like I do but he's feeling the late-20s/early 30s "Is this all there is?" and he'd like to do more stuff outside of work and lazing around at home with me. I think we both got real lazy in our 20s because we already had each other and many awesome friends so there wasn't that "go out and meet people!" pressure going on.
So! *claps hands together briskly* In true Us fashion, we plan to:
1) go to the Shambhala center for an Introduction to Meditation class on 12/9 with an option on making it a regular thing.
2) sign up for ballroom dancing classes at the studio above Boy's store
3) go to a Black Rose Society "gateway" meeting in Dec (an informational meeting where everyone wears clothes, ya pervs)
Meditation, Dancing, Kink. Yeah, that's about right. *has to laugh*
I'm also going to contact someone about volunteering. I found a place in the city looking for volunteers that runs a evening program for homeless kids while their parents are in classes or meetings or whatever. I think I'd get a lot out of it and would have a lot to give.
Steps need to be taken. And I think they are.
~~~
The OTHER thing I suck at is answering comments. This is a constant source of angst for me, but I know y'all don't really care. Suffice it to say that I thank all commenters for the wonderful welcome back to the land of LJ and I love you all dearly. I feel like I got folded right back into the, well, fold. *beams* I'm probably going to go back and answer some comments, direct questions or what have you, but I'm unlikely to reply to them all. Know that it's not you, it's me.
~~~
SPOILERS BELOW!
I'm the type of person who feels like being teased makes me part of the family. So while I'm SURE some people did not have the positive reaction to this ep that I did...well. I did. I love Becky/Chuck. I love that the fanboys were randomly and non-stereotypically queer. I love, in the 'duh' voice, "Because that's what Sam and Dean would do." I love, "Really?" "No, not really. We have guns and we'll find you." I love how the fangirl furthers the arc with the encyclopedic knowledge in her brain. It wasn't The Monster At The End of This Book, but I liked it a lot.
Status - Ultimate Goal of Posting to LJ Regularly: Achieved
So there's that.
I kind of flopped and flailed and failed at life the last four days. I called in sick to work on Thurs and Fri and didn't do anything except be bored and miserable and meh. I think I'm calling it a mini-crash. Which I'm, wow, so fucking down about because I wanted the increased meds to be enough. *sighs forever* But clearly I still need to make some changes in my life, which I knew, but didn't really want to believe. Stasis, non-movement, is my default and I guess somewhere I was irrationally hoping that just changing the medication would "fix it".
See part of my whole deal is that I hate my day-to-day life these days. Like. HATE. And I don't like to talk about how boring and pathetic I think it is. Though last night I said to Boy, "I hate talking about this crap. Meh, my father. Meh, my mother's family. Meh, my job. I feel like I just complain constantly. I'm so fucking SICK of all of it because it's all I think about." and Boy was like, "Yeah but you almost never actually talk about it. There's a difference between thinking about stuff constantly and talking about it constantly." Which was a totally fair and correct point. *facepalm* So we had a big long "Issues" discussion where I filled him in on everything I think about all the time and cried a little and I think that helped some, at least until Therapy Tuesday. I have a bad habit -- probably based on my male 'models' who are all emotionally retarded -- of cutting Boy out of things in my inner, emotional life that don't directly relate to him. I try very hard to correct it.
We also made much more concrete plans to add some "enriching" stuff to our lives. He doesn't hate his job like I do but he's feeling the late-20s/early 30s "Is this all there is?" and he'd like to do more stuff outside of work and lazing around at home with me. I think we both got real lazy in our 20s because we already had each other and many awesome friends so there wasn't that "go out and meet people!" pressure going on.
So! *claps hands together briskly* In true Us fashion, we plan to:
1) go to the Shambhala center for an Introduction to Meditation class on 12/9 with an option on making it a regular thing.
2) sign up for ballroom dancing classes at the studio above Boy's store
3) go to a Black Rose Society "gateway" meeting in Dec (an informational meeting where everyone wears clothes, ya pervs)
Meditation, Dancing, Kink. Yeah, that's about right. *has to laugh*
I'm also going to contact someone about volunteering. I found a place in the city looking for volunteers that runs a evening program for homeless kids while their parents are in classes or meetings or whatever. I think I'd get a lot out of it and would have a lot to give.
Steps need to be taken. And I think they are.
~~~
The OTHER thing I suck at is answering comments. This is a constant source of angst for me, but I know y'all don't really care. Suffice it to say that I thank all commenters for the wonderful welcome back to the land of LJ and I love you all dearly. I feel like I got folded right back into the, well, fold. *beams* I'm probably going to go back and answer some comments, direct questions or what have you, but I'm unlikely to reply to them all. Know that it's not you, it's me.
~~~
SPOILERS BELOW!
I'm the type of person who feels like being teased makes me part of the family. So while I'm SURE some people did not have the positive reaction to this ep that I did...well. I did. I love Becky/Chuck. I love that the fanboys were randomly and non-stereotypically queer. I love, in the 'duh' voice, "Because that's what Sam and Dean would do." I love, "Really?" "No, not really. We have guns and we'll find you." I love how the fangirl furthers the arc with the encyclopedic knowledge in her brain. It wasn't The Monster At The End of This Book, but I liked it a lot.