Won't Let Go (SeKai)
Title: Won't Let Go
Pairings: SeKai
Author: monick87
Length: 1/?
Genre: AU
Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, minor character death, HIV, trigger warning, unbeta'ed.
Rate: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own SeKai nor EXO.
Summary: Jongin likes Sehun. Sehun likes Jongin. Sehun lives with HIV. Jongin doesn't really know what to do.
A/N: So... yesterday was world's AIDS day so I guessed this was a the right moment to post this. I hope you guys like it, and I just wanna make clear that what I know about the disease is by research so if I'm wrong please do tell me!
1
Jongin had always thought of himself as a laid back person. Even if he didn’t consider being one that took other’s opinion as an important issue for himself, he smiled at people when greeting, he said ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ often, after all, that was how he was raised.
He was a dancer, and a great one at that. He had worked on several musicals, choreographing the songs in them. He also had a small dance academy along with his friend Taemin, both had work very hard to start it, and well, they had to thank also their parents who helped them with money, not all of it, but still a rather significant amount. Taemin had been against accepting that help, but after some time, Jongin convinced him that they needed the help and it wasn’t as if they hadn’t work hard as well.
Yes, Jongin was a person that accepted when he needed help and he felt like the greatest thing he could do for his parents was to succeed and being infinitely grateful for their help. But also, Jongin knew when to say ‘I’m sorry’. He tried to recognize when he was wrong or he had done something bad. Contrary to common belief, he thought that was a good trait of him, not a weakness but a strength.
Though, he only said sorry when he really felt it. For example, that time when he broke Kyungsoo’s heart by rejecting the other boy. He had said “I’m sorry” to whom he considered one of his best friends after being a little too harsh with his choice of words. Even if deep down he knew that he had to do it that way or Kyungsoo would not let go of his feelings for Jongin.
On the other hand, when he came out to his parents, he hadn’t said he was sorry, because in truth he just wasn’t. He was happy the way he was and he thought that liking boys instead of girls shouldn’t be much of a big deal to his parents or any other person in his life. He was still Jongin, and he was still a good person. Period.
But all of that was in the past. Jongin had come out when he was 15 years old, and he had rejected Kyungsoo when he was 17. Now, after several years and 25 years of age, he lived in an apartment on the 7th floor of the building, with both of his best friends: Kyungsoo and Taemin.
“Guys, guys, guys!” Kyungsoo exclaimed hastily as he entered the apartment and closed the door. He put his hands over his mouth and gasped, closing his eyes. “He’s going to come here!” He managed to say to Jongin and Taemin, who had turned their attention to his friend.
“You mean he as in Suho? The Suho?” Taemin asked somehow amused.
Kyungsoo just nodded as he made his way to the couch in the living room.
“So you finally asked him out or what?” Jongin asked, grinning at Kyungsoo’s flushed face.
Both Taemin and Jongin knew who Suho was. Ever since Kyungsoo had entered his currently job a month ago, he had come back talking about how wonderful, handsome and just plain perfect his boss Suho was.
“Well, remember the other guy I told you about? The friend of Suho?” Kyungsoo asked carefully.
“You mean the ugly bitch that just wants Suho for himself?” Jongin said, quoting the exact same words both he and Taemin had heard from his friend.
“His name is Sehun and he’s not a bitch. He’s Suho’s best friend,” Kyungsoo said, correcting Jongin’s words.
“Not my words, you said that the other day,” Jongin stated.
“Well, I was wrong. He’s not a bitch and he’s actually good looking,” Kyungsoo explained, a smile forming in his face. “I think he’s your type, Jongin,” he added.
“You just want me to seduce him so you don’t have to worry over him and Suho.”
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Anyways, that’s not the point.” He got comfortable on the couch as Taemin, who had been in the kitchen, finally sat next to Jongin, both looking at his friend. “I didn’t tell you because both of you came back home yesterday when I was asleep, but yesterday Sehun didn’t go to the office so I asked Suho if he knew where he was since I had to give him some papers and he told me Sehun was at the hospital and nothing more.” He took a deep breath, after all he wasn0t so used to talking as fast as he was doing it right now. “So today when I arrived at the office, Sehun came to me and asked me about the papers because apparently Suho told him. So I gave the papers to him and when he was about to go back to his desk, I asked how he was feeling, if he was ok,” Kyungsoo continued. “So, he sat again next to me and smiled. He told me he was fine and said thank you for worrying. I said that he had nothing to thank me for and then we started to talk, like chatting. Like, for the first time in my two weeks at that job, we had exchanged just few words. I mean, you know me, and well he’s not as extroverted as well and one thing led to another…”
Taemin frowned. “So you’re in love with him and not Suho or what?”
“Aish, don’t interrupt me and listen, Taemin!” Kyungsoo exclaimed. “I hinted that Suho and he were always together, and he said that Suho was a really good friend. And I told him that I thought they were an item,” he paused for a moment. “Then he told me that Suho was actually interested in me and they were just that, friends! And I think also roommates…but I guess I wasn’t really paying attention after that because he fucking likes me!”
“So why is he coming over?” Jongin voiced his and Taemin’s question.
“Well, it’s not just him. Sehun and Suho are coming over tomorrow to hang out because Sehun and I agreed that we were going to have a barbecue,” the boy explained.
“And where exactly are you planning to have the barbecue? We don’t have a backyard,” Taemin pointed out matter-of-factly.
“The balcony?” Damn! Kyungsoo had intended that to sound like a valid option, not like a question.
“We don’t even have a grill,” Jongin intervened.
“I need your help guys, please! This is important to me! Please!” Kyungsoo said to his friends. He was ready to pout or do aegyo if necessary.
“Ok.” Both Taemin and Jongin said in unison.
****
Jongin was the one that ended up helping Kyungsoo since Taemin told them that he had already made plans since it was Sunday thus their only day off from the dance academy.
Sehun had told Kyungsoo by mobile phone that he and Suho could bring the grill since they had a small one at home. So, Jongin and his roommate went to the store to buy all the supplies.
Kyungsoo was extremely nervous so he did what he always did when he is anxious: clean. So Jongin was seating there in the living room, looking down at his tablet to see what was up with his tumblr when the doorbell rang.
Jongin opened the door just to be greeted by a familiar face (thanks to Kyungsoo mobile filled with Suho’s photos) and another very pretty one.
“You must be Suho, and you Sehun,” Jongin said with a big smile as he pointed at the short boy and then at the tall one. “I’m Jongin,” he greeted as he extended his hand for a hand shake.
Both gave Jongin a smile and a handshake andthe entered the place before being greeted by a very nervous Kyungsoo. Almost immediately Jongin decided to be the one preparing everything to ignite the fire with the charcoal.
“I would have like to help you with that but I seriously have no idea how to do it,” Sehun said as he pointed at the grill, walking towards Jongin, who was now with an apron on and grilling the meat.
“You have a grill and don’t know how to ignite the fire for it?” Jongin retorted, smirking a little.
“Suho always do all the grilling, I just put salt in the meat and that kind of stuff,” the boy confessed.
“Well, we can’t have Suho doing that now, can we?” Jongin asked playfully as he pointed at Kyungsoo and Suho with the tongs. Both boys were chatting in the kitchen.
“Indeed,” Sehun responded, smiling fondly as he looked at his best friend and crush from the balcony. Suho deserved the world, and he genuinely thought Kyungsoo was a good person and just what his friend needed.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Jongin turned to look at Sehun after silence fell between them, just to find him deep in thought.
Sehun was pulled out of this own mind when he heard Jongin’s voice. “I just think they do a great couple. Suho had been talking to me about him since he arrived. He has the biggest crush, and I’m happy to see that Kyungsoo it’s a good person.”
“Suho seems like a good person as well,” Jongin said. “Care to bring a plate to put these steaks out? Or you liked them overcooked?” He added.
Sehun shook his head and grabbed the plate that was on a small table beside them. “I like my meat a little bit raw to be honest.”
Jongin looked at him and smiled. “Well, good to know otherwise I would have had to kick you out of here,” he joked, as he places the steaks on the plate.
Sehun laughed. “As if you could, with those skinny arms.”
“The pot calling the kettle black,” Jongin retorted.
Jongin had thought that he was going to be bored grilling all the meat all by himself, but somehow Sehun had made the time pass by really quickly that day. He wasn’t just gorgeous; he was also very nice to be around.
****
Two weeks had passed since that day in the barbecue and Jongin was having a really hard time trying not to think about Sehun. He was sure that Sehun had been just friendly, chatting to him so Suho and Kyungsoo could been together. But still, there was something in the other boy that had left Jongin wanting him to stay a little more.
He knew he probably was harvesting a crush and he needed to hang out with him in order to get to know him more. Too bad he hadn’t asked for Sehun’s number or at least facebook.
Jongin had a resolution. He was going to ask Kyungsoo for Sehun’s number as soon as he went back to their apartment, but that had to wait until the evening because right now he was walking down the street to buy a cup of coffee he needed. It had been a shitty week for him and it was all because of Taemin. He had been insisting they should record their dance routines and upload them to youtube as a way to promote themselves so they came up with new steps of popular songs and had been recording nonstop in their free time.
He finally entered the shop and made his way to the line, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and his heart skipped a little when he saw the person in front of him. It was Sehun, the guy he wanted to see.
“Jongin!” Sehun smiled. “What a nice surprise,” he added.
“Hi, Sehun! What are you doing here?” The moment Jongin spoke, he realized that was the most stupid idea he could come up with.
Sehun laughed. “Buying bubble tea, before heading back home,” he said.
“I came for coffee though, the one the brew here is awesome,” Jongin said, eyeing the line.
“Oh!” Sehun gasped. “I’m so sorry! I pulled you out of the line.” He looked embarrassed. “Well, I guess I should let you have your coffee. I have to get going anyways,” he added. “It was nice seeing you.”
Jongin panicked. He hadn’t intended Sehun to feel as if he was bothering him! “Wait!” He screamed, a little too loud, which caused Sehun jump in surprise.
“I mean, don’t go. Or, go if you have to or want to…” Jongin managed to say quickly. He shook his head, calming himself a little. He was a laid back person! He was assertive! “What I want to say is…” It was now or never. “I would like you go out with me for dinner sometime, or to have bubble tea.”
Sehun’s face was blank and Jongin wondered if he had just screwed up his chances. That is if he ever had.
“As friends or as in a date?” Was the only thing Sehun responded in a low voice, looking directly at Jongin, as if searching for something.
“As in a date,” Jongin responded immediately. “I would like to get to know you better because I like you.”
Something he couldn’t quite decipher passed through Sehun’s eyes and he nodded. “Okay. I would like that, too.”
****
“Look, Jongin. I really, really like you. I think you are great guy and you’re handsome and funny, and really nice,” Sehun started right after they got a seat at the restaurant had chosen for dinner. “I need to tell you something,” he added before taking another breath. His eyes searched for Jongin’s and when they finally found them, Jongin shivered. That look was full of a lot of emotions, which he just couldn’t pick up at the time.
“What is it?” Jongin dared to ask, trying to smile to ease the serious mood that had settled.
“I’m HIV positive.”
Jongin felt like a bucket filled of iced water had been poured down on him. Or maybe it was more like he had been punched in the guts. He stayed silent, not really knowing how to react or even what to say.
Sehun had now lowered his face, looking down at his hands, before looking up again. “I understand if you no longer want to date me, but I hope we can still be friends.”
Jongin hadn’t been a bad student back in high school. He did know that blood transfusion, birth and unprotected sex were the ways of HIV contagion. Still, he looked at Sehun’s hands, feeling something preventing him to reach for a hand of the other boy.
Apparently Sehun caught on that, because he smiled sadly. “I think that’s my cue, right?” He said just loud enough for Jongin to hear. “It was nice to meet you, Jongin,” he said before getting up from the seat.
Without thinking any of his actions, Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hand, preventing him from leaving the place. “No, wait! I’m sorry!” He said, he was starting to feel ashamed of his actions and thoughts. “It’s just that well, I’m a little slow and I just…please stay,” he practically begged.
Sehun was shocked. He looked at Jongin’s hand on his wrist, then back at Jongin. “Okay,” he nodded, before taking his seat across the boy again. “Thank you,” he murmured smiling again.
“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” Jongin shook his head. “We should order and it’s my treat, ok?”
Sehun’s smile grew. “Ok, but I hope you won’t back down when you see the bill because I’m starving!” He joked.
Jongin let out a soft laugh before he clearing his throat. “Sehun, I-I don’t really know what to say right now. But, we can be friends, right?” He asked carefully. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to date Sehun anymore, but he was completely sure that he needed him somehow in his life.
Hurt and resignation passed through Sehun’s eyes as he nodded. It was like he was used to being friendzoned, and Jongin stopped himself from thinking more of it or he would end up with feelings he didn’t need to deal with at the moment.
That night went marvelous. Jongin had had the time of his life, chatting and laughing with Sehun, talking about trivial things and hobbies. Still, that very same night when he was alone on his room, he had felt like the biggest douchebag ever.
Jongin felt a headache coming as he looked at the roof of his bedroom. He was more confused than he had ever been. Some part of him wanted to just stay away from Sehun, and the other wanted to kiss him senseless. Why this had to happen to him?!
Now getting Sehun out of his head was going to be even harder than before.
A/N: I've never written a fic like this before and I've been wanting to do it for a long time now. After watching movies and documentaries about the subject I finally decided to do it. This is very important for me because I would like to spread awareness and prevention about the subject. Please be safe always, get tested regularly and never discriminate! :D