Or, worse, we could've spent a couple of days naked together, doing weird things to each other, and here I am 48 hours later wondering if that was just a "thing" or if I should evaporate all of my street cred by telling her I want to do that again and again until some of my parts fall off ( Read more... )

Dear internet, did you know that I had 902 livejournal entries before today? Do you think I'll ever make it to 1000?

HERE'S a funny story for you, internet: This week I went on a date, the first one I've had in a too-embarrassing-to-mention amount of time. My god she was something. Let's say she was French, although she technically wasn't French ( Read more... )

Hello, livejournal. How are you? That bad, hmmm? I'd completely forgotten all about you until I received a comment today. And now that I'm logged in I feel sad because I look at the dead profiles of the people who I found entertaining or hilarious and I wonder what's happened to them. Most people probably don't keep the same email address for as ( Read more... )

I've just watched half an hour of Hudson Hawk and now I feel dirty as FUCK.

My penis-drawing abilities on Draw Something are improving.

One of my spam emails the other day was from "Robert Redford". He offered me the chance to witness his nephew wearing women's underwear.

I'm still here and you haven't shown up yet.

I can't go to your wedding, see, because you're at least partially to blame for my current "predicament". I'm more to blame, of course. I made the decision to do those things with you for those few weeks when my girlfriend was back home for her mother's funeral. I could've ignored you. I could've stayed away. I should've kept you out of our bed ( Read more... )

After 14 months, today is the first day that I've felt the tiniest pang of regret for walking out on the woman I suffered with for two years. Then funny part is this: I left her because her craziness was driving me crazy, but she's moved on, found someone new, took one of my "friends" with her, even filled my sister's head with lies about me. I'm ( Read more... )

Lying on the couch, slippers are on, tea is being sipped, Chuck Norris is roundhouse-kicking his way into that blonde woman's heart.

Has it really come to this?

Or has it ever been any different?

Ok, I know that the title is a tad on the dramatic side, but I was listening to Faith No More and at the time it made sense.

Today I helped a tiny ginger boy jump down from a small wall (it was big to him, of course) because his mother had lost patience with him and pulled the old "I'm leaving without you now" trick. He'd shuffled down along a ( Read more... )

Thanks to the fuckin' Mayans, I don't know if 2012 is really a good year to give up any of my vices. I've really only got alcohol and porn left at the moment, but what kind of final year would it be if I didn't get drunk or watch a black dude perform heroic sexual stunts? Not a great one, I'll tell you that much. Apparently (a little bird told me ( Read more... )

One of those black guys was on tv today. It might've been on a chat show or something, it's hard to know. He was asked which three people he'd invite around to his house if he was having a New Year's Eve party. He probably is having a party, and I'd say a lot more than three people are invited, but he managed to whittle it down to three people ( Read more... )