LJ Idol - Week 17 - "Scare Quotes"

[monkeysugarmama]

The doctor pressed her fingertips beneath my navel then stood back.

“How far along did you say you are?” the doctor asked, a furrow of doubt creasing her brow as she glanced into a manila folder.

“12 weeks. I’m sure of it.” I responded with confidence.

I was sure because that spring I had seriously been shirking my “wifely duties,” and I don’t mean

Comments

[agirlnamedluna]

Such a heartbreaking take on the topic :( I'm sorry for your loss

[monkeysugarmama]

Thank you. It has been nine years since that happened, and I have had another baby since so the memories still ache but with nowhere near the intensity they did in 2005.

It was awful at the time, but I kept reminding myself that 1. I was so lucky to already have a healthy baby. Even if I never had another, I had her and 2. There was a reason the baby hadn't lived and if the physical problems were already so terrible at three months, it was probably a blessing for the child to not make it.

[eqfe]

The way you started off, it reminded me of how the OBGYN insisted that I couldn't be Nina's father since the date he chose for conception was right in the middle of a two month business trip, a month before she was actually conceived. He continued to insist he was right, and that Angela was in her 10th month and the baby was too big, right up until Nina was born at 7 pounds 4 ounces.

So sorry for how it turned out, and for uour losss.

[monkeysugarmama]

B,
I would have found another doctor. My god, what an ass! I used a midwife for my daughter and a midwife for my son, after the baby in this story. Not that mine handled the situation badly, I just always felt midwives were there for me not their own ego.

[eqfe]

Angela's call and she liked his younger partner who would be doing the actual delivery.

[mallorys_camera]

Ah. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[monkeysugarmama]

Thank you. It's been almost a decade now, so I remember all that with a kind of dazed sadness. You never forget, but the pain softens over time.

[theun4givables]

<3 <3 <3 <3

I knew it was coming just like you did, but I can only imagine the amount of panic no heartbeat can cause. I had a rough pregnancy, and that 30 seconds before they would find my son's was always the worst. Because what if they didn't?

I'm so sorry that it happened with you.

[labelleizzy]

Heartbreaking. but incredibly well told.
all the love.