''One Departure, Four Arrivals'' (4/5)
Max closes the door and looks around the place with wide eyes, having trouble registering exactly what she's seeing. There are various items strewn all over the floor, and it's the last place she'd expect to see them.
Logan's apartment is littered with toys.
She hears a giggle from the dining room and follows the sound, freezing just outside the doorway, floored with the scene in front of her. There's a girl about four years old sitting under the table, and there's Logan, with his back to Max, trying to coax the child from under it.
Max is fairly certain that this is just a weird dream, her subconsciousness trying to tell her something or other.
''C'mon May, it's really time to go to sleep'', Logan says, not even trying to reach for the girl.
It appears this is a common thing for the middle of the night in the Cale penthouse.
''May doesn't sleep'', the girl tells him, but crawls from under the table never the less and Logan scoops her in his lap.
''Just a few hours? For daddy?'' he offers, and Max can't make any sense of what she's witnessing.
''In daddy's bed?''
Max stares at Logan's back as he chuckles, kisses the girl and turns around, his eyes widening when he sees Max lurking in the hallway, looking at him with a bewildered expression.
A few things happen simultaneously: Max sees the child's face and it's her own only tiny, Logan breathes her name, and May launches herself from Logan's lap, shrieks ''mommy'' and wraps her arms around Max' legs in a vice-like hug, almost tackling her to the floor.
Logan shakes himself out of his stupor and somehow manages to pry the girl away from her and back into his lap, all the time studiously avoiding Max' questioning eyes.
''I'll explain'', he tells her, and Max is too distracted with May to respond. ''Max? Are you okay?'' He asks, and she somehow forces herself to focus back on him. She really looks at him for the first time since coming in, and even though he looks exhausted, he also seems calmer than she ever saw him before, somehow less driven. He meets her eyes and it's like magic because she's finally here and Logan is looking at her with his feelings for her clearly displayed on his face, in his green, impossibly beautiful eyes.
She takes a step toward him but he breaks eye contact and tells her that he's just gonna take May to bed and that she can find something to eat in the fridge.
May is looking at her over Logan's shoulder, but Max is too stunned to try to follow them, and when she hears May asking why mommy can't tuck her in she goes to the kitchen and sits down on a bar stool, waiting to wake up. She tries to rationalize what she just saw, starting to think it's not a dream only when she pinches herself hard enough to leave a bruise and still doesn't wake up.
She's one hundred percent sure that she didn't gave birth in the past five years, but she doesn't know what's the other explanation for May calling her mommy and looking just like her. She's getting a headache and pops a few pills of tryptophan in her mouth just in case the seizures are around the corner. Then it dawns on her: May looks like her because she's her clone, because she's an X-something, because she's Manticore.
Max hides her face in her hands and decides not to think about anything until Logan explains to her what the hell is going on.
The sound of his voice as he says her name from the doorway startles her and she looks up, not sure which question to ask him first.
''Why does she think I'm her mother?'' Max blurts out, and Logan shakes his head, clearly embarrassed with what he did.
''I'm sorry for that. I needed to tell her something, and I didn't think you'd be coming back, so I...'', he trails off and his eyes flicker to hers for a moment before he finishes:''I showed her your picture and told her you had to go away when she was still a baby. I'm sorry, really, I-'', he shakes his head again and falls silent.
Max feels a myriad of different emotions; she's angry because he thought she'd never come back, she's confused about the mini-her sleeping in Logan's room, but she's also touched that he's taking care of a Manticore child, that he didn't only took her in but let her call him daddy… She's not sure how she feels about him telling May that Max is her mother.
''How did you free her from Manticore?'' She asks him next, wondering if Zack had anything to do with it and how dead he's gonna be if he had and didn't tell her.
''I didn't. One of my informants stumbled across her, sleeping in a cardboard box in some back alley and called me to find her a home. We met and I saw the barcode when he was putting her in the back seat, and I didn't know what else to do with her except keep her with me.'' He smiles faintly at the memory and Max thinks that this father thing is really working for him. ''I faked her birth certificate and proclaimed her my own daughter, which made my uncle Jonas demand that I ship her back to wherever she came from. He should've known that it would only make me hold onto her stronger.''
''How in the world she managed to escape Manticore?''
''I don't know. When I asked her about it, she told me that Manticore is just a make believe story.''
Max smiles at that, remembering her own thoughts on the subject when she escaped, wishing that she had someone like Logan to take care of her.
''And you named her May'', she says softly, and he offers a crooked smile.
''Yeah. It wasn't May when we found her, though'', he tells her and the look in his eyes is slightly haunted. ''She looked like tiny you, and it was the only name that fit other than your own, and I couldn't make myself call her Max… She reminds me of you too much as it is.''
Max sits still, not knowing what to say to him. She wants to pour her heart out, but it doesn't feel like the right time so she says nothing.
Logan rests his head against his hand and she can clearly see that he's fighting sleep. He notices her look and shakes himself, sitting a little straighter.
''Why don't you go to sleep? You look exhausted'', she prods.
''I can't. She'll be up in no time and I can't let her wander around here alone.''
''Shouldn't she sleep though the night already? She's what? Four?''
''She's an X-8, so yeah, about four. But I think she's got shark DNA, like you do, because her record of sleeping is four hours, and that was only once so far'', Logan tells her, smiling at her with something suspiciously like fatherly pride.
''Anybody been helping you with her?'' The questions just keep on coming, and Max is glad he answers them all with complete honesty.
''Bling babysits for a few hours in the morning so that I can get some sleep, but I don't really trust anybody else with her, so it's mostly just the two of us.''
''How about her mommy? You'd trust her?'' Max teases, and he looks like he's gonna go on the defensive again, so she starts talking again. ''Hey, it's okay. She does look just like me and she's too young to be my sister, so this mother thing isn't so far off the mark. And she does inspire this need in me to look after her.''
''Max, you really don't have to. She's my responsibility.''
''No. She's ours'', Max says, and her eyes hold him, trying to convey her feelings, everything she would tell him if there wasn't a baby between them, demanding all of their attention now.
His hand reaches across the table for hers and when their fingers touch, Max decides that if this turns out to be a dream after all, she never wants to wake up.
***
Logan warms the leftovers from dinner for her and goes to sleep into the guest bedroom, and Max quickly devours her food before taking a shower and sneaking into the master bedroom.
May is diagonally stretched across the king-sized bed, almost lost among the white covers. Max sits on the floor next to her and her eyes travel over the chubby cheeks, tiny nose and full lips opened in a perfect 'o', the locks of dark hair surrounding the pretty face like a halo. She knows already that she's gonna love this baby because she's hers in a way not ever her biological child would be; their blood is exactly the same.
May sighs and her eyes open, focusing instantly on Max, her lips stretching into a wide grin as she sits up, calls her mommy again and crawls to the edge of the bed, sliding into her lap.
Max wraps her arms around her and inhales the sweet baby-scent that surrounds her and maybe there are tears in her eyes, but she can't remember ever being this happy. She's back, Logan is okay and one of the Manticore children is safe in her arms, at least for the time being.
She never used to be this emotional, but she guesses that's what happens when you have someone and then have to leave them behind.
May clings to her like she'll never let her go and Max lets a few tears roll down her cheeks, kissing the top of the child's head.
''Why is mommy crying?'' May asks innocently, and Max smiles, wiping away the tears and brushing the soft hair away from May's forehead.
''Because she's happy to see her little girl.''
May beams, then considers something and asks in a hopeful voice that breaks Max' heart: ''Mommy won't leave again?''
''Not in a million years'', Max reassures her and the beaming smile is back full force.
''Come see'', May clambers from her lap and starts pulling her toward the door, and Max finds herself shushing her because ''daddy is asleep''.
May makes a show of sneaking down the hall and Max can't remember if they started her training that early back at Manticore or not. It doesn't really matter, because May is free of all that now.
They enter May's room, and if Max ever saw toy-land, this is it. Stuffed animals of all shapes and sizes cover every inch of free space; there are Barbie-dolls and dolls bigger than May herself, cars and trains and tea sets, the mess of it all making it hard to move without the danger of stepping onto something.
''Wow'', Max finds herself saying, and May leads her toward her bed, bringing her various toys, every one properly introduced to her with names like Mr. Bear, Tina and Joe Junior. The child in Max that grew up without any od this is having a field day, but the more responsible part is worried that Logan went a little bit overboard. She'll have to talk to him about how bad spoiled children are.
''I'm hungry'', May announces after about half an hour, looking expectantly at Max with wide dark eyes.
Max scoops her up and carries her to the kitchen, setting her on the counter as she rummages through the fridge in search for something to give her. She takes out the milk and finds cereal in the cupboard, deciding it's her safest bet. May watches her every move and Max hopes she won't mess anything (including her meal) up, the thought of disappointing this little girl that looks like her too painful to entertain.
***
Bling arrives at 5:30 and does a double take when he sees Max in the living room, watching cartoons with May on Logan's laptop. He recovers fairly quickly and greets them both, but May is too invested in her cartoon to really acknowledge him.
Max does the chit-chat thing for a while and then asks him about Eyes Only. It's been bugging her ever since she fired up the laptop and saw that there wasn't a single file about corrupt politicians on it. She was so curious about what happened that she almost went to wake up Logan and ask him, but then she remembered how tired he looked when he went to bed and decided to wait. Bling tells her that Logan closed the Informant Net a few months after she left, right after May turned up.
Max is more shocked with this revelation than anything else she found out over the course of the last six hours.
''I can't believe he gave everything up'', she says to herself, absentmindedly running her fingers through May's hair.
''It was impossible to keep it up with an X-8 baby running around, demanding almost 24 hours attention'', Bling says softly, and Max nods.
''I know, but still…''
''It was either Eyes Only or May, and I can tell you that there wasn't any contest.''
Max looks down at the child in question, sitting in her lap and intently watching Tom chase Jerry around the kitchen, giggling when he gets his tail flattened.
She used to think there wasn't a thing in this world that would make Logan Cale give up his mission, but when May looks back at her and smiles, she's not the least bit surprised that she was the one who made him do it, succeeding where everybody else, including Max, failed.
***
The rhythm of her life changes very little compared to how it was before May. She goes to work at Jam Pony, drops by Logan's for lunch or eats with OC and Kendra on a park bench somewhere, rides again, goes home, hangs out at Crash, has dinner with Logan and May and takes care of her when Logan goes to sleep around midnight. The logistics of it isn't all that different from EO missions.
She wouldn't trade her life now for any other in the world. There's not been a single incident with Lydecker and Manticore in months and even though she knows better than to relax yet (or ever), she's got a feeling that she's back under the radar.
On a warm September night, she tucks May in and sits next to her for a while, watching her sleep, her little hands clutching a white stuffed elephant with blue dots named Tony to her chest. She's a picture of complete innocence and Max has never loved anybody more than she loves her.
Half-closing the door behind her, she goes to the living room and finds Logan on the couch, apparently waiting for her. She'd been wondering when would they discuss their relationship; the parting kiss, the pain they both went through while being apart, the fact that they're not 'not like that' anymore.
Max detours into the kitchen and brings a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses with her. She hands the bottle to Logan and watches him open it and pour them each a generous amount of dark red liquid before handing her the bottle back.
She sits down next to him, her legs tucked beneath her and her side pressed against the back of the couch so that she's facing him.
Nobody speaks, and Max looks at his eyes, completely aware that this is the turning point.
''So'', they both start and chuckle, the awkwardness fading.
''I missed you'', Logan tells her and she knows exactly what he's referring to.
''I missed you'', she echoes, and continues on. ''I wanted to come back sooner, but Zack convinced me that it was too dangerous not only for me but for you too, and OC and everyone I knew'', she wants him to know she never would've left if she had a choice. Looking at him like this, their faces just inches apart, she can't comprehend how she managed to survive so long without him.
''I understand'', Logan reassures her, bringing his hand up to cup her face, his long fingers tangling in her hair. Her eyes flicker to his lips and he moves, slowly brushing his lips against hers, pulling away just far enough to check her reaction.
She frames his face with her hands and pulls him back to her, getting lost in his kiss, in the taste of his lips and the way he smells, the way he touches her face, the way he murmurs her name.
They're both breathless before long and she shifts onto his lap, looking at him for approval. They're careful with each other, neither wanting to rush, both desperate for physical contact. Max kisses his jaw and runs her hands under his T-shirt, her fingers trailing over his stomach, brushing his hips and counting the vertebrae as he pulls her closer to him, his hands going up her shirt.
''What are you doing?'' May speaks from behind them, and Max smiles against Logan's mouth, looking at him through her eyelashes. His eyebrow rises comically and she turns around and reaches for the girl, scooping her up and settling her down between the two of them.
''Is it too early for the flowers and bees talk?'' Logan asks, and Max giggles.
''Way early.''
May is looking from her to Logan and back with a cute frown on her face, clearly confused.
''Why aren't you asleep?'' Max asks gently, hoping to steer her away from the subject of her parents making out on the couch. She feels hot and Logan's hand is still around her waist, additionally burning her skin, distracting her.
''I heard strange sounds'', May tells them seriously and Logan chuckles, brushing dark locks from her forehead.
''It was just daddy showing mommy that he loves her'', he tells her and Max smiles softly at the indirect admission. Both May and Logan look at her with identical, serene expressions on their faces and she realizes that even though May looks like her, it's clear she's Logan's daughter too.
''I love you too'', she tells him and May beams; it appears that no further explanations will be needed.
May leans against Logan's chest and Max presses a kiss first against her forehead, then Logan's mouth.
''Let's go pumpkin, back to bed for a few more hours'', she says and raises from Logan's lap, picking up May and mouthing 'bedroom' to Logan before carrying her back to her room. She tucks her in again, turns off the lamp on the bedside table and goes to the master bedroom, bouncing down the hall in anticipation.
Logan's just settling against the headboard when she comes in and she takes off her shirt before jumping on the bed and crawling back onto his lap.
''Now where were we?'' She asks cockily and he guides her hands under his shirt.
''I think about here'', he tells her with a mischievous grin and takes her face in his hands. She leans forward for a kiss but he stops her, looking straight into her eyes when he speaks. ''I really love you, you know?''
''I know. I really love you too'', she whispers and when he kisses her, she knows that this is as close to heaven as you can get here on earth.
The rest of the story can be found here.