''One Departure, Four Arrivals'' (5/5)
Logan isn't at home. She would think nothing of it if the Aztek wasn't in the garage but it is and she worries. She picks up the phone and puts it back down again. She goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, but takes nothing out. She finally settles on an office chair and waits in the darkness.
He comes in twenty minutes later and rolls right past the office without noticing her. She jumps on her feet and doesn't care if she startles him or not because he's okay, he's here and she's so relieved she could cry.
''Logan!'' She calls after him and when he turns around and looks at her, she gets the feeling that she's not gonna get the fairytale ending she wants.
''Hey'', he goes for the casual greeting, like nothing ever happened, like she wasn't gone for nine months.
''Where were you?'' She blurts, and he raises his eyebrows over the rim of him wire-framed glasses in surprise.
''Where was I?''
''The car's in the garage'', she tries to explain but it's obvious that nothing is going the way it should, the way she expected it to.
''Bling gave me a ride'', he says curtly and motions for her to follow him to the kitchen.
She leans against the counter and watches him make her a sandwich, even though eating is the last thing on ger mind. Her eyes wander over his face, quickly focusing on his hands when he notices what she's doing. He's just the same as always; they talk about the latest Eyes Only case, he doesn't ask her where she'd been again and Max feels like exploding. After nine months of waiting to see him and continue what they started with that kiss at the cabin, he acts like she wasn't even gone, like she was there with him just yesterday.
But she wasn't. She wasn't.
''Do you want some milk?'' He asks, and she glares daggers at him.
''I don't care about stupid milk'', she answers him fiercely, her voice a little harsher than she originally intended.
He doesn't even have the decency to look hurt. ''No milk, then.''
''What the hell is wrong with you?'' She yells, surprising both him and herself, closing the distance between them to stare down at him, trembling with frustration.
Things shouldn't be going like this.
''Excuse me?'' He asks, raising his voice just a little and tilting his head to look at her.
''Didn't you miss me at all?'' She asks a little softer, and a shadow crosses his face, his green eyes darkening with anger when he speaks.
''I did. But you never called'', he tells her and leaves her standing there, staring after him.
She closes her eyes and realizes that she may not be able to fix this.
It's no surprise when she finds him staring out the window in his usual brooding post, and it hurts her to see him like this again.
''I'm sorry'', she apologizes, but the words ring hollowly and he doesn't even look at her. ''Logan?''
''Why did you come back?'' He asks her, and he sounds so defeated that she can't stop herself from bending down and wrapping her arms around him.
''Because I missed you.''
He pulls away and gives her a look that chills her to the bone, because it's clear that he thinks she's just trying to pacify him.
''So the food was that bad?'' He asks with a fake smile when he notices her expression and she drops down on the back rest of the couch, feeling an overwhelming sense of loss.
She messed this one up pretty bad, and everything she says seems to be making matters worse, but she can't give up just yet.
''So the kiss meant nothing to you?'' She asks him one final question and he turns around sharply, looking at her incredulously.
''How can you even ask me that when you're the one who never called?!''
''How can you not understand? I tried calling you, and when you didn't answer I didn't try again because I knew that hearing your voice would make me pack my stuff and cover those 500 miles between us in half a night, no matter the consequences!''
He just looks at her and she has to blink back tears.
''Whatever'', she whispers to herself when he remains silent and walks away, digging her nails into her palms to keep from crying.
She lasts only until the elevator door closes after her.
***
Kendra wakes her up the next day with a squeak of delight and a fierce hug, telling her how worried everybody was.
''OC went to see Logan and gave him a piece of her mind as soon as he came home from the hospital, but he really had no idea where were you.''
''The hospital?'' Max asks numbly, and Kendra explains about some kind of emergency procedure he had the day she disappeared.
Knowing that she could've lost him months ago makes it a little easier to deal with the pain of his rejection, but it's still almost unbearable.
She had dozens of fantasies of their reunion and not a single one included her waking in her own bed.
''But you're back now, and that's all that's important. Where were you again?'' Kendra asks with a wink and doesn't pry further when Max tells her that she had a family emergency.
OC gives her a once over when she comes into Jam Pony and forces Normal to give her 'homegirl' back her job.
And then, her life is back on track, but it's a painful existence without Logan, made even worse with the knowledge that nothing stops her from going to see him except his rejection.
Her relief is immense when, finally, two weeks after she comes back, he leaves a 911 message on her new pager.
She drops through the skylight and he hesitates for just a moment before he tells her what he needs her to do for him.
They don't mention the fight and she knows that she needs to forget about the kiss and let go of her dreams, but she can't help watching him through different, smitten eyes.
She feels a lot like a school girl, head over heels for a boy who doesn't even know she exists.
And yet, it's better than being away from him, so she goes through the motions of friendship, does the EO missions for him and sometimes with him, eats dinners he cooks and beats him at chess.
She can't believe it used to be enough for her.
Still, sometimes he looks at her in a way that gives her hope that someday, they'll get through this and the time will be exactly right for them.
And she really can't wait for it to happen.
The rest of the story can be found here.