"Separate Ways" (2/2)
For a while, Lisa wakes up every morning reaching for Dean, the reality collapsing around her all at once when she realizes he's not there, he would never be there again.
Sam's got the Impala and all the weapons in the trunk; she's got Dean's clothes and his necklace close to her heart and somehow, life goes on. Sam goes back on the road and she's back where she started, minus Dean and plus a baby in her belly she still hasn't told anyone about. It should be comforting that she'll be getting another part of Dean in a few months, but it's not. Ben reminds her of Dean too much as it is, with his music and table manners, with his strength and perfectly timed jokes that seem to be the only thing that can make her laugh these days.
She doesn't think she'd survive looking at her baby's eyes and seeing Dean looking back at her.
***
Sam comes by every few weeks, trying to fill Dean's shes as best as he can, but it's painful because he's not Dean and because she still hasn't forgiven him for burying Dean before she could see him.
He keeps telling her that he'll find a way to bring Dean back, and she can't help but believe him. What else is there for her to believe into?
She often finds him and Ben in the living room, listening to AC/DC or Led Zeppelin and talking about the songs Dean liked the most, and that's when she's got to blink fast not to cry, that's when she feels all alone.
***
Summer starts and it's so different from the last one that it's making her breathless at times, as memories assault her and she can almost see Dean, throwing the football to Ben, both of them laughing when he catches it.
Ben doesn't go into the back yard anymore, and she curses herself for being so careless, for not protecting her son, their son, from this pain.
She wanted it all, and now they're both left with gaping Dean-shaped holes in their hearts.
***
Three months pass and she starts having dreams in which Dean is alive, but he's got terrible, blood-red wings. His face is serene and even though she knows he'd never hurt her, she's still afraid of him.
It doesn't stop her from reaching out a hand and laying it on his bare chest. Dean closes his eyes and tears roll down his cheeks.
In her room, Lisa wakes up crying, the bed covers crumpled around her waist, her hand under Dean's pillow. It still smells like him, and she's still waiting for a miracle.
***
On the first day of school, she leaves Ben in front of the entrance and goes to buy some new clothes. She's starting to show and it's the only reason she tells Sam about the baby. He gathers her in a hug so tight she thinks her bones would crack. Then he asks her if she decided on the name yet and she looks at him like he's an alien and starts crying. It would be so easy to blame it on her raging hormones, but they both know it's not the pregnancy, it's Dean. It's his absence.
***
On September 18th Ben is at practice and she's on her way outside, looking through her bag for the sunglasses. She opens the door and there's Dean, his hand raised as if he was just about to knock on the door.
Lisa drops her bag and presses both of her hands on her mouth, and Dean's hand drops to her shoulder. It's the moment she realizes that it's not a dream, that he's really standing on her doorstep with eyes decades older than they used to be. She steps forward and he opens his arms, whispering her name over and over again. He smells like dirt and grass and oh God, Dean, and words are impossible to come by. She's got a hundred questions swirling in her mind, but she can't concentrate on any of them long enough to ask.
Her heart is loud in her ears, hammering too fast and making her a bit dizzy. Dean must feel it beat against his own chest because he whispers in her ear to calm down, his breath warm on her skin.
When they finally part, his arm still around her, Dean's eyes focus on her baby bump, widening a little, and his hand moves from her waist to touch her belly. His knuckles are bloody and Lisa doesn't want to think about it and make the obvious connection between it and the way he smells, so she focuses on his face instead. He looks surprised and amazed at the same time, and she can't remember if he ever looked more beautiful to her.
''Why didn't you tell me?'' He asks, his voice raspy like he'd been shouting non-stop for a long, long time.
''I don't know. I couldn't find the right time, and then it was too late'', her voice breaks and she does too, wrapping her arms around his neck as tight as she can, hiccuping sobs making her gasp for breath.
''Shh, it's okay. I'm here. I'm here.''
***
To Lisa, it feels like a long time has passed since she opened the door and found him standing on the porch, but it's only been minutes. She's in shock and her head is starting to hurt from all the crying, so she takes a deep breath and steps away, her fingers bunching the material of his buttoned down shirt, unable to let go.
''Okay?'' He asks, and she nods and manages a smile.
''Okay.''
''Good. Is Sam still... coming around? I tried to call him earlier but the operator said his phone is disconnected.''
''Sam's fine. He comes by every few weeks, checking in on us. We should call him, let him know you're okay.'' She still can't believe they're having this conversation. She still can't believe he's here.
''Yeah. Let's do that.''
***
Lisa ends up to be the one who calls Sam while Dean is taking a shower, and it takes some time to convince him that she hasn't a) had a nervous breakdown and started hallucinating, or b) got fooled by a shapeshifter/demon/revenant.
She's just hanging up when Dean comes back to their bedroom and sits on the edge of the table in front of her.
''He's coming?''
''As fast as he can. He told me to stab you with a silver knife.''
Dean chuckles and pushes a strand of hair that fell from her ponytail behind her air. ''It's gotten longer.''
''You've been gone more than four months'', she says, and promises herself she wouldn't cry anymore. This is a miracle and she should be thankful, but there's a nagging sense that something isn't right.
''I know.''
''Where were you?'' She whispers, flashing back to her dream, hoping that wherever he was, it wasn't painful.
''I don't remember.''
''So there's no Heaven?''
''I don't know'', he says and looks away, and she gets the feeling he's not telling her everything, but she's too relieved to have him back to push it.
''What are we gonna tell Ben?''
''I don't know.''
They sit like that for a while, his long fingers combing through her hair, her eyes glued to his face.
''Is it a boy or a girl?'' He suddenly asks, and she shrugs.
''I don't know. My gynecologist didn't say, and I didn't ask. What would you like more?''
Dean looks at her and leans down to kiss her forehead. '' I don't care as long as I get to see her. Or him.''
***
When Ben gets home, he doesn't ask for an explanation, he just smiles and yells: ''I knew you weren't dead!'' before he smashes into Dean, almost knocking him off balance. He won't let go of him and Dean has to lift him up in his arms and carry him around. Neither of them seem to care that Ben's way too old for that.
It's the least messiest reunion of the day.
Sam, on the other hand, storms into the house and slams Dean against the wall, putting a knife under his neck before Lisa can say a word.
''Sam!'' Both she and Dean yell, only she's panicked and Dean's just annoyed. She's so glad Ben is asleep upstairs.
''What the hell are you?''
Dean rolls his eyes and pushes Sam away, the knife changing hands in a motion too fast for Lisa's eyes to follow. Then Dean rolls up his sleeve and cuts himself. The blood starts to run down his arm and he looks up at Sam with challenge in his eyes.
''Now that this is out of the way... What the hell did you do?'' Dean asks but Sam's not listening, he sleepwalks toward him and pulls him into a hug, his eyes closed, his fingers digging into Dean's back.
''Sammy... Did you sell your soul for me?'' Dean asks softly, and Lisa shivers, realizing that Dean's coming back from the dead doesn't mean he's safe.
Sam pulls away and shakes his head. ''No.''
''Sammy-'', Dean starts, and it's clear he doesn't believe him.
''I tried, but no demon would deal!'' Sam says brokenly, sitting down on the couch and putting his face in his hands. ''I tried everything and nothing worked.''
''Maybe Bobby-''
''He didn't.''
Dean casts a glance at Lisa and rolls up his other sleeve, revealing an angry red hand-print on his shoulder. She gasps, and Sam looks up.
''If you and Bobby didn't do this, than who did?'' Dean asks, and there's silence, because nobody knows the answer.
***
It's close to dawn when Dean tugs at her hand and leads her upstairs, after he and Sam spent hours on the phone with Bobby, trying to figure out what is going on.
They sit on their bed and when he kisses her, it feels like their first kiss, like something new and sacred, something she wasn't supposed to feel again. Dean lifts the hem of her shirt and kisses her stomach before he puts his ear against it and listens. Lisa runs her fingers through his hair and smiles.
''I love you'', she says, and those three words contain everything she wants to tell him but can't find the words for.
''I love you'', he responds, then turns his head and says: ''And you too'', and Lisa smiles, thinking how she never thought she would see him like this, talking to her stomach, to their baby.
He looks up at her and suddenly they're both frantic, pulling at each other's clothes and running their hands over exposed skin.
Lisa pushes him down on the bed and straddles him, tugging his shirt off and pausing when she realizes that his body is perfectly smooth now, all of the scars she became so used to gone. Her eyes are drawn to his shoulder and she reaches out a hand but Dean wraps his fingers around her wrist and stops her before she can touch it, turning his head to the side in shame she can't really understand. It puts distance between them, and she hates it.
She lays down next to him and when he meets her eyes, her dream comes back to her, vivid and heartbreaking, making her realize that, wherever he was, it wasn't pleasant. And he remembers every second of it.
***
Dean wakes her up when it's already the middle of the morning, moaning softly, and she's so relieved when she sees that he's not in any real pain. She lays her hand on his shoulder to shake him and he sits up so fast it almost knocks her off the bed. She gasps and he looks around with eyes haunted and wild.
''I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?'' He asks when he realizes it's just her, and Lisa forces a smile and shakes her head, gently pushing him back down. He covers her hand with his and he already looks more like himself.
''It was just a bad dream'', she tells him and presses her body against his, knowing deep down that it wasn't a dream. It was him remembering whatever horror he'd been through.
She wishes she could take away this sorrow that's surrounding him and make it disappear, but she can't. The best she can do is kiss him and show him that she still knows how to make him feel better, if only for a little while.
***
Bobby wants to take Dean to some psychic to see if she can tell them what was it that brought Dean back. Lisa would rather die than let him out of her sight but it proves to be unnecessary anyway because a man comes into the house with lights exploding around him, stating to be an Angel of the Lord who gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition because God commanded it.
That's when Lisa learns that Dean wasn't just dead; he was in Hell, and her dream is suddenly making way more sense. She sinks down on the couch, for the first time really wishing that she kept the truth about Ben to herself.
Dean tells Castiel that he's done with angels and demons and that they can all find another puppet to play with. He kneels before Lisa and promises her that he's done trying to save the world. Lisa knows it's selfish, but she's relieved. Let them find another hero to sacrifice everything he's got.
***
Telling an angel who brought you back from Hell that you don't want to have anything with his plans for you isn't without consequences, but Bobby figures out that everything the demons do while trying to free Lucifer from Hell is pointless unless Sam kills Lilith. Since he's got no intention of doing so, the apocalypse is averted even without Dean's interference and Castiel has no other choice than to leave him alone.
Dean gets a job and moves in for good, Sam goes to upstate New York and takes a girl named Sarah Blake on a date and even though there's still evil in the world, they stop seeking it out.
They gave so much and lost even more, and they've earned their peace. Lisa knows that if it wasn't for Ben, it would never happen, and wonders if he'll ever understand what his sole existence did for his father and uncle.
***
On December 30th at 2 in the morning, Lisa gives birth to Layla Mary Winchester, the snow gently falling outside the hospital, Christmas lights blinking from a distance. When Dean takes their daughter in his arms for the first time, all the ghosts that still haunt him at times seem to retreat, his eyes shining bright, so green in the glow of delivery room lights. Lisa watches him smile and thinks to herself, this is where out separate ways lead us.
This is where we start over, finally going down the same road.
Part 1: Faithfully is here.