(Untitled)

[mood_poisoning]

Project Assimilation (Working Title) Part one

Just little side note. This work is inspired by Year Zero by NIN. Just trying to build on the idea of theocratic totalitarianism. I'm still fleshing this out. I just wrote this. So yeah...the only part I really don't like right now is the last few sentences. >.< Any suggestions? I'm open to any

Comments

[sweetviolent]

I like this so far, you've got a really good start. The only thing I might consider are double line breaks, to make it a little easier on a reader that might have a hard time following dialogue. But that's all personal preference, really.

I like that I really get a good idea of what kind of story this is setting the reader up for. The whole concept of a totalitarian government is wide open for interpetation.

[mood_poisoning]

I agree. Especially with the dialogue. Makes things a lot easier to read. Thanks for the feedback!