Alexander the Great story: Love Letters
LOVE LETTERS by Moon71
Chapter 6: Despite Hephaestion's promise to make things better, an overheard conversation makes Alexander feel more and more isolated not just from him but from the rest of his friends as well...
NOTES: Thank you to all who have stuck by me with this story. I won't go on anymore about my internet and computer problems - you know the drill! And sorry for the short chapters, but the way the letters and the action combine makes for a natural "break."
Oh my Beloved…
I have been haunted by a dream I had of you some weeks and I long to tell you about it if only so you can promise me it will never be like this between us!
I dreamed that we were lying out under the tree, you know the one I mean, and suddenly I could not help myself any longer, I flung my arms around you and kissed you, first your cheeks, then your lips, your neck and shoulders; it was as if madness possessed me! I pulled off your clothes and mine, and then I kissed and touched you all over your body. Nothing seemed to matter except that I had to have you.
And you just lay there beneath me like a doll. You never stopped me, you never complained, you just let me do what I wanted, everything I wanted, and when I was finished and got off you, you stood up, put your chiton back on and walked away without looking back! And I shouted after you; I kept shouting but you kept walking away and I just kept shouting "forgive me!"
It must never be that way with us, never! I will learn to separate love from desire! I will find a way to make things perfect between us again, I promise…
Alexander sat beneath the tree, gazing up at the fruit appearing amongst the lush clusters of leaves. Summer was well underway; time forced its way on. A deep sigh broke from him. In spite of Hephaestion's promise, things weren't all right, and Alexander had begun to doubt they ever would be again.
Hephaestion was no longer obviously distant and he no longer refused to give Alexander the affection he craved, but he couldn't resist the feeling that he was making a deliberate effort, the way Alexander's parents sometimes did when their rivalry drove them to compete against one another for his affection, or when their antipathy drove him too close to the edge.
And then there were the secrets - the books Hephaestion borrowed or bought but wouldn't let Alexander share, and the letters he wrote and wouldn't let him see or tell him who he was writing to…
Only this morning Alexander had woken in the early hours and seen Hephaestion once again at his desk, scribbling furiously. Silently he had risen from his bed and padded across the cold floor; he had leaned over Hephaestion's broad shoulder and read the first few words before the other boy had sensed him and snatched the paper to his chest.
"Who are you writing to?" Alexander had demanded more imperiously than he intended, "tell me, Hephaestion!"
"No-one!" Hephaestion snarled.
"Liar!" The aggression in Hephaestion's tone provoked Alexander. "True friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other! Tell me who you are writing to!"
"Leave me alone! Aren't I doing what you ask?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing." Hephaestion lowered his eyes, the scowl melting away from his features. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. You startled me."
Alexander forced himself to swallow his own annoyance. He slipped his arm about Hephaestion's shoulders. Hephaestion smiled at him, but then stood abruptly, opening the trunk at the foot of his bed and shoving the letter inside. Alexander had watched him, then, when he grabbed a towel and headed for the bath-house, had stared down at the trunk for a long time…
The sound of youthful voices drifted over on the summer air, disturbing Alexander's reverie. The voices of his fellow students were loud, brash and boisterous, boys on the verge of manhood showing off. "…seeing him again tonight. Almighty Zeus, he's a real man, I don't care what anyone says…"
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, letting a common sentry have his way with you! I've a good mind to tell your father!"
"You do and I'll tell your mother about the market-square whore, you rotten little creep! Besides, he's not a sentry, he's a veteran, he served with Philip in…"
Alexander sighed and closed his eyes; their vulgar boasting revolted him. He didn't seem to have anything in common with any of them anymore. He wanted to talk about Gods, Heroes, conquest and war; horses and sieges and exploration. All they wanted to talk about was… sex. He had almost pushed them back out of his private universe when he heard his own name.
"…Alexander and Hephaestion…? Do you reckon they're… well… doing anything…?"
"Alexander and Hephaestion? They can't be doing it; Hephaestion's not old enough to be an erastes!"
Howls of derisive laughter sent the birds flying from the trees. "Idiot! Who cares about that Athenian crap? Anyway, you don't need to stick things in to have fun when the lamps are out!"
"What do you need, then?"
"Hah! Come to my room tonight and I'll show you!"
"Oh no you don't! Not while I'm sharing with you! It's bad enough with the kitchen boy sneaking into your bed every night and the two of you squealing like piglets…!"
"The kitchen boy! You dirty bugger!"
"Mind you, he has got a nice bum!"
"And magnificent thighs!"
"I don't reckon Alexander's doing anything, anyway! I think he's scared of sex! My father says the King and Queen are worried about him not liking sex; they even hired him a really expensive hetaera, but he turned her down…"
"Turned her down? There must be something wrong with him! I wish my parents would do that for me!"
"My father says Alexander's very young for his age…"
Rage boiled up in Alexander. Was there anything Philip didn't think fit to discuss with Antipater? Was there anything that could be Alexander's alone? He was about to leap to his feet and pound his fists into Antipater's sneak of a son when the next words froze him where he sat.
"He might be, but Hephaestion isn't! I caught him at it in the bath-house the other day!"
"At - at what?"
"Gods, you're thick! What are you, a eunuch? It, stupid!"
"You know! Bringing himself off! Like this!" More laughter.
"So what did you do?"
"Nothing, why should I? I went there for the same thing! He was really embarrassed but I just sat down beside him and suggested we do each other, it's more fun that way! But he just shook his head and left."
"Of course! He has to be alone to dream of his beloved Alexander!"
"You don't mean… he doesn't really…"
"Well it's obvious, isn't it! We've all seen him drooling over Alexander like a wolf watching a fat lamb - he can't wait to bring him down and sink his teeth in!"
"Athenian arse-kisser! Who does he think he is?"
"Well I think its Alexander's fault! My father says he's always hanging around the soldiers back in Pella like some cheap camp-follower, and you see how he is around Hephaestion, always hanging on his arm or holding his hand or putting his head in his lap… he even kisses him! On the mouth!"
"Not that you've been watching!"
"All I'm saying is, he should behave more like a prince!"
"Well if you ask me Alexander's mad! I wouldn't scream for help if Hephaestion climbed into my bed!"
"Dream away! He only has eyes for Alexander!"
"I wouldn't be so sure… Alexander might think he's half divine, but Hephaestion's perfectly mortal! No, forget that! He's just plain perfect! If Alexander doesn't give him what he wants, he'll soon start looking elsewhere! And I'll be waiting for him in the bath-house when he does!"
"You dirty sod! Go and have a cold bath!"
"Gods this heat is killing me! Let's go and get some wine!"
"But Aristotle said we were supposed to…"
"To Hades with the old fool! Come on, let's go and see that kitchen-boy of yours!"
Their voices receded, leaving Alexander alone.
TBC