I'm glad you've shared all this with us, and to be honest I couldn't make head or tail over some of it (like the money problems) but it's okay, these are details which are private to you and should remain so
( ... )
And also - I came back specially to say that usually I am one of those awesome, driven, energetic, very 'together' people like your sister's friends sound like they are. So I just wanted to say, don't feel bad about yourself, your psyche doesn't need to take more beatings from your perceived lack of self-worth. Because one of those girls might be like this too, you never know. ♥
I know part of grieving is an increased awareness of one's own mortality, but this experience has been an entirely different beast. Part of me is relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of obsession. Most of me is really, intensely sorry to hear that I'm not alone in it. This sucks, Gweena, and I'm so, so, so sorry that you're dealing with a version of it too.
The severity of my version, with the money concerns and everything, comes from the fact that all my issues exploded at one time and compounded each other. I was unemployed, sixty thousand dollars in debt, I was moving out of a place I'd lived for a couple of years, I'd already been severely depressed for more than a year, and I had my graduate school thesis looming large in my future. My grandfather's passing was a catalyst that brought all of my stresses together.
You sound like you're handling things much better than I was, a month in. Stay strong, sweetie, and I'll work at it too. <3
Meg, that compassion of yours is beautiful <3 It's good that you've recognised why all of this seems to have come crashing onto your head at the same time, though, and I hope that acknowledgement has been helping you move on from it too.(And I also hope your graduate thesis goes well! You can do it! :D)
I had schoolwork to throw myself into, so that helped. Plus friends help to distract, I guess. When all else fails there are shiny Kpop an Jpop men xD ♥ and we'll hear from you soon, I hope.
First off, I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this. It's a mess to deal with at the best of times, and these are obviously not the best of times. I'm really proud of you for being able to talk about it and share it like this; that's a lot more than I can do.
On the pharmacology end, I did wonder if your doctors had discussed with you an antipyschotic. Scary word, I know; when my doc first proposed it to me, my first thought was OH GOD, AM I THAT CRAZY? But it's actually made a huge, huge difference in terms of my anxiety levels and panic attacks. I take Seroquel; I take 200mgs at night before bed, which makes me pleasantly sleepy after about an hour and a half (not drugged sleepy; I could stay awake if I wanted. It just makes me go hmmm, bed sounds nice now!) and for me, that's a lot. I normally sleep like shit. Second, I take 100mgs when having a panic attack because within 15~30 minutes, it completely arrests the physiological symptoms of the panic attack. Heart rate slows, tears stop, breathing evens out, shaking
( ... )
Nothing was mentioned about anything other than basic antidepressants, probably mostly because I've only ever been on SSRIs and still have another class of antidepressants to turn to, if things don't work out. I'm going to make a note of the antipsychotic thing and ask my doctor about it next time I see her, though, because it sounds marvelously helpful. To be honest I haven't had any major panic attacks in the last month or so, so I'm hopeful that it won't be an issue but I'd really much rather be prepared and informed!
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The severity of my version, with the money concerns and everything, comes from the fact that all my issues exploded at one time and compounded each other. I was unemployed, sixty thousand dollars in debt, I was moving out of a place I'd lived for a couple of years, I'd already been severely depressed for more than a year, and I had my graduate school thesis looming large in my future. My grandfather's passing was a catalyst that brought all of my stresses together.
You sound like you're handling things much better than I was, a month in. Stay strong, sweetie, and I'll work at it too. <3
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I had schoolwork to throw myself into, so that helped. Plus friends help to distract, I guess. When all else fails there are shiny Kpop an Jpop men xD ♥ and we'll hear from you soon, I hope.
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On the pharmacology end, I did wonder if your doctors had discussed with you an antipyschotic. Scary word, I know; when my doc first proposed it to me, my first thought was OH GOD, AM I THAT CRAZY? But it's actually made a huge, huge difference in terms of my anxiety levels and panic attacks. I take Seroquel; I take 200mgs at night before bed, which makes me pleasantly sleepy after about an hour and a half (not drugged sleepy; I could stay awake if I wanted. It just makes me go hmmm, bed sounds nice now!) and for me, that's a lot. I normally sleep like shit. Second, I take 100mgs when having a panic attack because within 15~30 minutes, it completely arrests the physiological symptoms of the panic attack. Heart rate slows, tears stop, breathing evens out, shaking ( ... )
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Thanks muchly. <3
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