Was doing fine and having a great time, right up until you asked me to leave. Ouch, fuck, that brick wall hurts when you run into it. And I thought I was over the thing where I constantly worry about not realizing when I'm not wanted. Great.

Also, why'd it have to be you?

EDIT: This is idiotic. I want to post on Facebook, but anything I can ( Read more... )

Flashback last night. James in my face, screaming at me. It's because of the thing I wrote, I'm pretty sure. River was just being silly, didn't mean anything, wasn't yelling at me or anything. Things about James are coming up again, and I'm not sure why; when I wrote that piece, I was trying to write something happy and light, but it refused to ( Read more... )

I am once again evaluating what is fair and what I can deal with. I set my alarm for 10:00, because that's when River said she wanted to get up. I was up at 9, because apparently that's what time my body has decided it wants to sleep in until. So fine ( Read more... )

So like I said, I went to church yesterday. It was great to be back there. Lots of people said hi (I'm rather ashamed of how many people I've already forgotten) and I felt very welcome there, as I knew I would. I think it's going to take me a few weeks of going to get back in the swing of it; I remember feeling very comfortable there when I left ( Read more... )

Majorly mood crashy. Was crying earlier for no apparent reason at all, and I slept most of the afternoon. I don't really want to talk or see anyone. I'm craving silence and solitude. The reason I ended up sleeping was that I wanted it to be totally silent in my head and in my apartment so I went to bed. If it's silent in your head, that means ( Read more... )

In my personal belief, there is such a thing as too many meds. If you're stumbling through life in a fog, relying on everyone else, tunnel-visioning to your next meal or nap, you're possibly on too many meds. If, after the strongest coffee available (I don't even remember how many shots of espresso, plus mocha plus syrup), you're still a zombie, ( Read more... )

Maybe N's nickname will be Next. It starts with N, and she was next after me...

EDIT: Except she wasn't next after me. But the one in between is not worth remembering.

EDIT AGAIN: Talking to Gunner about it, and he suggests Harmony, which I like better.

River is back in the hospital, which sucks a lot but I'm not as scared as I was last time; I saw this coming, and it confirmed my suspicion that she was falling into a depression. That's what happens when you can't/don't force yourself out of bed to take the meds that will keep the depression at bay. If you don't take meds correctly, they don't ( Read more... )

I don't like boundary setting. I don't like having to put my foot down, as it were. I like to let people behave as they will, but eventually I have to stand up for myself. Last night I expressed to River that I was extremely uncomfortable with the amount of time she was spending doing absolutely nothing (mostly sleeping) in my apartment. I want ( Read more... )

I cannot afford to eat out every day or even every other day. I started making vegetarian food so that River would eat my food so that I didn't have to spend all my money going out to eat. So now River is no longer vegan (for as long as that lasts) but I'm still making mostly vegetarian food because it's healthier for me anyway, especially since ( Read more... )