So Close Your Eyes (Quinn/Rachel)
Name: So Close Your Eyes
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel
Rating: pg-13
Spoilers: Eventually I can stop saying Quinn's pregnant, right?
Summary: Rachel finds herself building a future she never expected.
Author's Note: Okay, guys. This is Rachel's POV of Love Story and All That's Left to Do is Run, which are from Mr. Schue and Quinn's POVs respectively. I apparently can't do anything but write excessive fluff, but that appears to be working, so I'll go with it.
Rachel Berry comes home the day of the glee club's triumphant win at sectionals with a dejected look that neither of her fathers can ignore. She's always been one to bask in the afterglow of a performance, especially one that garnered some kind of prize. But Rachel just looks sad, her eyes never once leaving the rainy outside world beyond her car window. Michael finally turns down the South Pacific soundtrack and asks her what's wrong.
"Quinn Fabray," she murmurs automatically. Rachel's honesty had been ingrained into her from her birth, and it was a trait Michael and Aaron were proud of except when it became a question of what too much information actually is. She had a habit of being so honest that it became painful at points, but they both knew that once a person could get past that thick layer, they would find an amazing girl.
Rachel knows all these things because her fathers have always been honest in return, albeit possibly more nicely, and sometimes she runs over those small pep talks when stupid things are happening to her: when a hockey player is throwing iced drinks, when everyone in glee can't stand to look at her. She almost doesn't say that Quinn is what's bothering her, she comes so close to saying that she's worried about their chances at regionals with the supreme talent of Vocal Adrenaline awaiting them there. But it's out of her mouth before she can stop it, and she clamps her mouth shut when she realizes she's said it.
"Why?" her dad (Michael) asks, and she can see his barely-visible due to the darkness eye roll. She almost wants to return it, because it is ridiculous. Quinn Fabray can't seem to stay out of her thoughts for longer than a three hours anymore, and Rachel isn't even sure why she feels like she needs to help her, but she does, and she's not sure why on earth Quinn would ever take her help, and even if she would, Rachel has no idea what kind of help to give.
So Rachel just shakes her head, then sets it against the cool glass of the car window, and is uncharacteristically silent the entire drive home, tracing occasional rain drops down the glass.
//
Quinn is looking at her like she's gone insane. And she quite possibly has, because she's somehow just blurted out the statement, "Why don't you move in with me?"
This statement, at least, makes sense in the context of the conversation, because Quinn has spent the last five minutes complaining about how living with Brittany is cramping her style (Quinn's exact phrase, and Rachel knows Quinn enough to see that this given reason isn't exactly it, and she also registers that Quinn is so out of the loop that she doesn't realize that this phrase is not exactly in style), and how Santana is constantly there, and Rachel is just patiently waiting for her to finish her monologue so they can get back to the song and then she's speaking.
"Why don't you move in with me?"
And we arrive back to the present moment, with Quinn looking utterly confused and Rachel feeling flabbergasted at her lack of control over her inner voice not interacting with the outside world.
It's not that Rachel doesn't mean the sentiment, because she does. She's gotten to know Quinn much better in the month it's been since the mess that was the week of sectionals, with the baby drama erupting and no one speaking to Quinn or Puck - she even considers Quinn to be a good friend, albeit a hormonal, occasionally cruel one who has a streak of stubbornness in her about as long as Rachel's (as evidenced by their half-an-hour long debate over the merits of The Little Mermaid vs. The Lion King), but she's a good person in the sense that she's trying to make up for the things she's done wrong, slowly and cautiously, but she's trying, and Rachel can respect that, even if she is completely wrong on the point that The Lion King is better than The Little Mermaid.
It's more the fact that Rachel hasn't actually actively thought out this plan, ever before, and it's now suddenly an offer. Rachel is not one to leap before she looks, and she's completely astounded that she's done it for Quinn Fabray of all people, the girl who seemed bent on destroying her just a month and a half ago.
But Quinn's face is shifting into something resembling gratefulness, a soft and small file settling on her features, and the lights hitting the stage are lighting her blond hair up to the effect that she's almost glowing, and she says yes.
//
"Rachel, honey, Quinn Fabray is the girl you claim has been out to ruin your high school experience for years now, and you've all-of-a-sudden decided that she can stay in your house?" her daddy (Aaron) is asking, rubbing his temples while his husband paces around the island in their kitchen. Quinn is over at Brittany's packing her things, and Rachel is having to defend her rapidly-made decision to invite Quinn into their household.
"Daddy, I never stated that, you inferred it. Quinn's life is in a delicate place right now, and she needs a loving household that we can provide!" she says brightly, turning to look at her dad crosses behind her.
"Yes, Rachel, we understand that, but why on earth do you want to do this?" her dad asks, turning her around fully and holding her at arms-length, searching her eyes. He's surprised when his daughter drops her gaze to the floor before bouncing back up to the ceiling.
"I just...want to help her. Is there anything wrong with that? She's...different. She's trying. She's my friend, and I want to be a good friend to her. I don't...understand why. But I want to make sure that she's okay, and I want her to be okay where I know she'll be safe. And the only place I can think of is here."
The kitchen is silent for a moment, until her daddy gets up off his stool and crosses around the island and wraps his daughter in a hug. Rachel sinks into it, her head landing on his chest with a small thump, and she knows she's shaking, but she feels like she's waiting on a jury deciding life or death. She feels his chest rumble when he speaks.
"We're not about to leave a pregnant teen out on the street, Rachel. As long as you want her here, Quinn has a home," he says, and Rachel doesn't know she's crying until he's wiping away the tears.
//
Quinn drives Rachel to her dance lesson one day two months later, her belly barely fitting behind the wheel anymore, and when Rachel walks out of her lesson at around six, she wanders around looking for Quinn before she hears what sounds like Hakuna Matata filtering out of one of the dance rooms on a piano. Wondering who exactly is playing such juvenile music when all of the children's lessons are over and also considering whether the glee club could handle it, because it is a crowd-pleaser, she locates the room and stops in the doorway when she realizes its Quinn.
Quinn's never mentioned any sort of talents - whether that's some hidden facet of humbleness that she's neglected to let show, or whether its because she doesn't necessarily call them talents - so Rachel's rather surprised to stumble on the sight.
It's an upper-level version of the song, and she can see that Quinn is playing it without sheet music, and she can see in the mirror across from the keyboard that she actually has her eyes closed, and is just swaying with the music. It's the look on her face that stops Rachel from raising attention to her presence, because it's the same look Rachel sees on her own face in her MySpace videos - one of pure joy in letting the music take over. Quinn's a rather good singer, and a great dancer, but she's amazing at this, and Rachel wonders why its never been mentioned before.
When Quinn starts singing along with the song, at a slowed down pace that almost makes the song sound sad, Rachel has to remind herself to breathe, because there's something about talent that's always taken Rachel's breath away. She steps back from the door a few feet, then starts forward again, making loud noises, and Rachel almost cries a little when the music stops and Quinn's suddenly in the doorway, her backpack slung over her shoulder.
Quinn doesn't say a word though, when Rachel wraps her arms around Quinn and sinks her head onto Quinn's shoulder and turns it in so she can smell Quinn's perfume. Her arms just come around Rachel without hesitation, and pull her in a tight, warm embrace that makes Rachel feel safe and protected, and the feeling is so disconcerting and so out-of-the-blue that Rachel's breath catches once more, but this time it's different.
She presses her head further into the space between Quinn's neck and shoulder and breathes deeper, though, and she tries to forget.
And for one of the few times in her life, Rachel fails.
//
"GET THAT MOHAWK-ED ASSHOLE IN HERE SO I CAN TEAR HIS BALLS OFF WITH MY BARE HANDS!"
Rachel actually blushes this time, glancing around at the nurses and doctors surrounding Quinn, who's become so deeply threatening that it's a wonder they haven't all left Rachel to deliver the baby herself. They all just look amused, like this is only a minor outburst, even compared to Quinn's last one ("I'M GOING TO KNOCK HIS DAMN TEETH OUT WITH A GODDAMN CROWBAR!" to be exact), and continue on speaking to each other in calm tones, occasionally encouraging Quinn to do something.
It was a long-ago determined decision that Rachel be the one in the delivery room with Quinn, decided ultimately by the fact that Puck would either throw up or faint, and Quinn had insisted in the first place that it be Rachel. Rachel, of course, was rather flabbergasted by Quinn's strong assertion, and she tried not to think too much of it, really, but she couldn't help it. Because honest to God, Quinn was breaking at least four bones in her hand right now, but Rachel's absolutely sure she's never loved the girl more.
It's still a mystery, really, or Rachel at least liked to pretend it was to herself. She knew, of course, that she rather admired Quinn's strength and tenacity, and she also liked the girl's softer, more vulnerable side that had become more and more prominent over the course of her stay at the Berrys. Rachel also admired the symptoms of pregnancy to an almost alarming degree, most noticeably development of breast milk reserve, and these facts and many others amounted up to the strange affection Rachel had for Quinn. It wasn't all that surprising that she could be attracted to a girl - she had always found girls to be attractive, although to varying degrees, and she had also found several boys attractive, too, most recently her ex-boyfriend Adam. The break-up had not exactly been announced yet, but Rachel had realized rather early on in that relationship that it was stopped before it started.
Because she definitely, for sure was completely head over heels for Quinn Fabray, and the feeling was terrifying. Quinn was very much straight, as evidenced by the baby she was currently attempting to push out of her, but Rachel couldn't exactly help her feelings. So she found herself in this exact sort of position - the best friend, always at the girl's side even though she'll never notice.
"HOLY FUCK, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS SCRAWNY ASS THE MINUTE I GET OUT OF THESE GODDAMN STIRRUPS!"
Then Quinn is just straight screaming, and Rachel somehow hears the pop in her right index finger before she hears the screaming of a baby filling the room. Quinn collapses back onto the bed, her hand still wrapped around Rachel's in a tight grip, and the stinging pain Rachel feels is numbed by the sight of Quinn locking her eyes on hers, smiling tiredly.
"That was amazing," Rachel whispers, quiet enough so that only she and Quinn can hear, and Quinn just tugs at her hand until Rachel's leaning over her a little.
"Thank you, Rachel," Quinn whispers, then sits up a little to kiss Rachel's cheek sweetly, before leaning back and closing her eyes to rest them.
"You're welcome," Rachel mouths, not wanting to deny Quinn just a small moment of rest in the midst of this chaos, not pulling her hand out of Quinn's until she holds the girl who will be named Haley Fabray in her arms.
//
Rachel has the same nightmare for an entire week, every night, and it always ends the same way. Quinn and Haley drive off into the cold, driving rain, and leave Rachel standing there, alone and wet.
And every night, for that entire week, she slips into Quinn's room and slides behind her in bed and sets her arm across Quinn, confirming to herself by the sound of Haley breathing across the room (or occasionally squealing) and Quinn's solid, warm presence that they're very much still there, both in her reach and just outside of it at the same time.
On the last day of the week, she wakes up to find Quinn's head on her shoulder, her entire body curled along Rachel's side, and Rachel knows that she needs to do something.
//
The plane ride back from nationals is a quiet affair. The entire club is wiped out, and Rachel doesn't mind so much that she can't sleep with the noise of the plane when Quinn grasps her hand in hers and rubs at the bend in her index finger, before bringing it to her lips and kissing it, looking at Rachel sweetly the entire time.
"How did we get here?" Rachel finds herself asking, not sure if she wants to break the spell hanging over them, but still needing to know. "I mean...how did you know?" she rephrases, gripping Quinn's hand to keep her in place. Quinn herself doesn't seem all that concerned about getting away from Rachel, though, just looks at her contemplatively.
"You're beautiful," is the first thing that comes out of Quinn's mouth, and it's surprising for some reason. "You're beautiful on the inside and on the outside. You were my friend when no one else was, and you took care of me when I treated you like dirt for years. You also look really good in those skirts, too, but you also...gave me a home when I didn't have one. I don't know how I couldn't like you."
By the end of the mini-speech, Rachel has tears in her eyes, ones that match Quinn's and she leans forward to rest her forehead against Quinn's smiling at her before pressing closer to kiss her.
//
Their junior year officially begins with Rachel accidentally making Quinn get dressed twice, in the same outfit. Now that she can properly appreciate the Cheerios uniform on her now-girlfriend, it's a miracle she even lets Quinn out the door without jumping her. Again.
It's going to be a good year, Rachel's pretty sure.
//
"I'm so sorry," Quinn mutters, running her hand through Rachel's dripping hair and trying to get the clumps of ice out. Rachel herself is merely reveling in the feeling of her girlfriend's hands roaming through her hair. "I don't know what's happening."
"It isn't your fault. It's not like I've never experienced a slushy shower before," Rachel says, her eyes closing.
"You don't deserve this," Quinn says, but it sounds like a sob, so Rachel opens her eyes to see Quinn's eyes tilted toward the ground, reddening quickly.
"It's okay, Quinn," Rachel reassures, turning around to wrap Quinn in her arms, but she can feel the girl tremble anyway.
"You don't deserve this," Quinn repeats, her voice cracking, but she holds tight to Rachel.
The next day, Chelsea Hamlin is thrown off the Cheerio squad for the offense of eating a bag of jelly beans, a blatant violation of Sue Sylvester's Guide to Domination. She also finds some compromising pictures of herself super-glued to multiple lockers around school, and while Rachel wants to feel bad for the girl, she can't help but find Quinn's relatively obvious protectiveness both endearing and hot.
//
Senior year starts in almost the exact same fashion as junior year, except, Quinn is the one having trouble letting Rachel out the door and no Cheerio uniforms are involved.
//
Rachel is the one who asks Quinn to senior prom, looking rather nervous even though they are very much in a relationship. It feels like a big step, somehow, and she takes the entire ceremony of asking very seriously, even writing a script for it.
Quinn barely even lets her start her speech before she's interrupting with an eye roll and a, "Of course I'll go with you, baby."
Which is good enough for Rachel, because it leaves them more time to celebrate.
But on the night of the prom, when she and Quinn are in a dark corner of the biggest hall in Lima, pressed tightly against each other and Rachel's looking up into Quinn's eyes as something wildly cliche plays in the background, and Quinn's singing along softly, just loud enough for Rachel to hear, Rachel feels like this it, all she'll ever have, all she'll ever want forever - and that's perfectly fine with her.
//
They win first place their senior year at nationals, and they throw a dance party in the girl's room. Rachel notices Quinn step out onto the balcony, and Rachel follows immediately, not at all questioning herself because it's so much her second nature. Quinn smiles over at her when she leans up against the railing next to her, but looks out on the city under them quietly.
"Move in with me."
Quinn's head snaps up from her gazing to meet Rachel's - and this time, when she suggests it, it's not a question, and it's thoroughly planned. They've had their acceptance letters to Julliard and Columbia for a few weeks now, but neither has had the strength to suggest this step. Because it's ultimately a huge move, a cementing move in their relationship. They've been living in the same house for years now, but the idea of living together alone with the girl Rachel practically calls her own child to take care of between them feels so much like a pipe dream that Rachel's almost afraid that it's impossible. But she knows exactly how she feels about this girl, and about her daughter, and about the idea of spending the rest of her life with her.
It's premature, sure, and probably a little outlandish and possibly stupid, but Rachel's always been the girl to know what she wants and have the maturity enough to realize it before anyone else, and she wants to live her life with Quinn Fabray at her side.
Quinn smiles at her, nodding, then grasps Rachel's hand, and Rachel has no doubt that her future is set.
//
Quinn's fast asleep next to Rachel in bed, her head exactly where Rachel woke up to find it so many years ago, right on Rachel's shoulder, her body curled up along Rachel's, one arm slung over Rachel's middle, and in the soft city lights filtering in through the window, she can see the glint of Quinn's wedding ring, just barely. Rachel can't sleep for some reason, but is more than content to enjoy the sound of her wife breathing, until a seven year old Haley slowly opens the door and slides into bed next to Rachel, her small hand clutching Quinn's on Rachel's stomach.
"What is it, honey?" Rachel asks, one of her hands settling on Haley's head when she sets it on Rachel's other shoulder.
"I had a bad dream," Haley mutters, and Rachel can hear the slight teary tone, so she presses a kiss to the top of her head, rubbing her back.
"About what?" she asks quietly, and she almost thinks Haley has fallen asleep until the girl's muffled voice comes quietly to her.
"Mommy and I lost you in the store," she says, her voice tight and croaky.
For a moment, Rachel isn't sure what to say, just rubs Haley's back until her breathing evens out.
"I won't ever leave you, baby," Rachel whispers, not sure if Haley's still awake or not.
"I know. But it was scary anyway," the girl whispers, pressing her head tighter against Rachel's shoulder. "I love you momma," she whispers even quieter.
"I love you too, Haley."
Rachel listens as Haley finally drops off into sleep, then kisses her head once more, before turning to press a kiss to Quinn's head too, before drifting off to sleep herself with a smile on her face.
the end.