Fic: Stray Cat Strut (a remix) -- SGA
Wow. It's like an LJ Trifecta of posting -- a poem, recs, and a fic all in one day. Don't get used to this people.
This is for yin_again's Yinathing and, of course, I'm late. But when it comes to fic, it's better late than never, right? I think I'm the only person to write a remix, but I'm so glad I did. It was a great way to dip into writing SGA.
Happy Birthday and LJ Anniversary Yin! I hope you enjoy this.
Title: Stray Cat Strut - A ‘Walk This Way’ Remix
Author: Moosesal
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: Ronon (with Sheppard/McKay in the background)
Rating: PG
Warning: In this fic, Ronon is a cat. I know some people were bothered by this in the original fic. All I can say is that if you’re offended by the “dehumanization” of minority characters this may not be the fic for you. If, however, you think cats are smart and that they own people, not the other way around, well then read and enjoy.
Note: Thank you to Yin for offering to let me remix any one of her fics without telling her which one in advance. This probably isn’t what she expected, but it was so much fun. Thanks to aimeelicious for the beta.
I consider myself to be a pretty lucky guy. I used to live on the streets, chasing rats and scrounging in dumpsters for meals. But then one day I got “rescued,” and ended up sitting pretty in a posh home, being properly worshipped by a human servant. My human’s a good guy, gives me everything I need - good food, top-quality catnip, soft pillows to lounge on, attention when I want it, space when I don’t. I figure he must have been one of my kind in a previous life, especially considering how abrasive he is with other humans.
So like I said, life’s been good. But a guy like me gets bored after a while. Gone are the days of tom-catting around in the alleyways and getting it on with all the sweetest pussycats in town. Gone are the days of sneaking into the dog park and harassing the little rats that think they’re so tough. Gone are the days of running free.
I’m not saying I’ve gotten fat from lying around the house - I’m a big guy, but it’s my genes, you know? - but my activity level isn’t what it used to be. I guess my human noticed, because he decided to get me a companion, someone I could play with and chase around the house and maybe more depending on who he brought home. A little action to work off a few of those puffy cheese things we both love so much. However, when my companion showed up, it turned out that my human and I had different ideas about how this should work. He didn’t get me a hot little pussycat or even a kitten to raise up in my own image. In fact, he didn’t get me a companion at all. He got me a personal trainer.
A human personal trainer.
To say I wasn’t exactly thrilled at first would be an understatement. It turned out okay, though. The trainer guy was pretty cool. He had a clear understanding of who was in charge - letting me lead him around town, sniffing and exploring, showing him the neighborhood. I was king of my domain, my trainer was simply there to open doors for me, make my life easier. It was great.
I’ll admit that I was a bit worried that first day. My trainer seemed a little scared at first, carefully approaching me with a patronizing, “Nice kitty” comment. I rolled my eyes and flopped over belly-up to prove how sweet I am and let him rub my tummy. He was pretty good at it; however, as he rubbed me I noticed the stink of dogs all over him. It turns out he walks dogs for a living. Those poor guys are so stupid they happily let people lead them around wherever. I was pretty impressed by my trainer’s ability to make money off the stupidity of dogs, but that didn’t mean I wanted him thinking I was like them. So I might have resisted a little on that first walk. Just little test on the way out the door, digging my claws in to see how he’d respond. He freaked out and my human had to help him out, but once I gave in and slipped outside we had a pretty good time together -- me leading and him following.
After that, my trainer started coming everyday and we’d stroll around my kingdom, me sniffing and tolerating a few scratches from strangers, him following along at an appropriate five paces. Things were good. And then suddenly my trainer and my human were eating together and chatting and pushing me away with their feet. The nerve.
I’m not saying I mind my human having a friend; he needs someone other than me and I like my space. But I like those puffy cheese treats too and suddenly they were feeding them to each other and I was missing out. Not cool. Not cool at all. It was almost a relief when my human went back to being away during the day. My trainer would come and get me and we’d hang out for a while, then I’d see my human at night. I got puffy cheese things from both of them that way.
But then one night my trainer showed up at dinnertime and he was a mess, smelling like at least three different dogs. One had gone so far as to mark him. Clearly this stupid dog didn’t realize he was encroaching on my territory. My human obviously sensed my disgust and hurried my trainer off to bathe while he went off to order us some dinner.
After ridding himself of those horrible odors, trainer came to me and tried to make amends. I didn’t give into his attention, however; you have to remind humans who’s really in charge. You can’t just go giving them affection whenever they want it or they’ll take control.
So I ignored him, but my human was more than happy to be petted and soon they were licking each other, cleaning each other’s mouths - a human practice that I will never understand. Cleaning turned into pawing and pressing their bodies together while I pretending to sleep just a few feet away.
Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to pretend long because the food arrived and my human and I raced for the door. I won, but he did that thing with his feet again, holding me back. (You attack one delivery guy and those silly humans freak out forever.) But at least human’s desire for the food was proof that he had some of his priorities straight. Sadly, when human and trainer sat down to eat, they forgot to share with me, leaving me with boring “cat food.” Blech.
After eating, the two of them slipped upstairs and I trotted off for my after-dinner nap, except they were making all sorts of noises, keeping me from my rest. I couldn’t complain though, when I recognized the kind of caterwauling I’d enjoyed back in my alleycat days. It seemed my human was enjoying himself immensely, and my trainer was having a good time, too.
It’s good to see my human happy these days. He couldn’t have chosen a better mate among his kind. After a while my trainer stopped walking those stinky dogs and moved in with me and my human. Now I have two of them to care for, but I don’t mind. I picked up this sweet little kitten one day and brought her home; I’m training her up right so she can help me take proper care of my humans.
Life is good.
This is for yin_again's Yinathing and, of course, I'm late. But when it comes to fic, it's better late than never, right? I think I'm the only person to write a remix, but I'm so glad I did. It was a great way to dip into writing SGA.
Happy Birthday and LJ Anniversary Yin! I hope you enjoy this.
Title: Stray Cat Strut - A ‘Walk This Way’ Remix
Author: Moosesal
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: Ronon (with Sheppard/McKay in the background)
Rating: PG
Warning: In this fic, Ronon is a cat. I know some people were bothered by this in the original fic. All I can say is that if you’re offended by the “dehumanization” of minority characters this may not be the fic for you. If, however, you think cats are smart and that they own people, not the other way around, well then read and enjoy.
Note: Thank you to Yin for offering to let me remix any one of her fics without telling her which one in advance. This probably isn’t what she expected, but it was so much fun. Thanks to aimeelicious for the beta.
I consider myself to be a pretty lucky guy. I used to live on the streets, chasing rats and scrounging in dumpsters for meals. But then one day I got “rescued,” and ended up sitting pretty in a posh home, being properly worshipped by a human servant. My human’s a good guy, gives me everything I need - good food, top-quality catnip, soft pillows to lounge on, attention when I want it, space when I don’t. I figure he must have been one of my kind in a previous life, especially considering how abrasive he is with other humans.
So like I said, life’s been good. But a guy like me gets bored after a while. Gone are the days of tom-catting around in the alleyways and getting it on with all the sweetest pussycats in town. Gone are the days of sneaking into the dog park and harassing the little rats that think they’re so tough. Gone are the days of running free.
I’m not saying I’ve gotten fat from lying around the house - I’m a big guy, but it’s my genes, you know? - but my activity level isn’t what it used to be. I guess my human noticed, because he decided to get me a companion, someone I could play with and chase around the house and maybe more depending on who he brought home. A little action to work off a few of those puffy cheese things we both love so much. However, when my companion showed up, it turned out that my human and I had different ideas about how this should work. He didn’t get me a hot little pussycat or even a kitten to raise up in my own image. In fact, he didn’t get me a companion at all. He got me a personal trainer.
A human personal trainer.
To say I wasn’t exactly thrilled at first would be an understatement. It turned out okay, though. The trainer guy was pretty cool. He had a clear understanding of who was in charge - letting me lead him around town, sniffing and exploring, showing him the neighborhood. I was king of my domain, my trainer was simply there to open doors for me, make my life easier. It was great.
I’ll admit that I was a bit worried that first day. My trainer seemed a little scared at first, carefully approaching me with a patronizing, “Nice kitty” comment. I rolled my eyes and flopped over belly-up to prove how sweet I am and let him rub my tummy. He was pretty good at it; however, as he rubbed me I noticed the stink of dogs all over him. It turns out he walks dogs for a living. Those poor guys are so stupid they happily let people lead them around wherever. I was pretty impressed by my trainer’s ability to make money off the stupidity of dogs, but that didn’t mean I wanted him thinking I was like them. So I might have resisted a little on that first walk. Just little test on the way out the door, digging my claws in to see how he’d respond. He freaked out and my human had to help him out, but once I gave in and slipped outside we had a pretty good time together -- me leading and him following.
After that, my trainer started coming everyday and we’d stroll around my kingdom, me sniffing and tolerating a few scratches from strangers, him following along at an appropriate five paces. Things were good. And then suddenly my trainer and my human were eating together and chatting and pushing me away with their feet. The nerve.
I’m not saying I mind my human having a friend; he needs someone other than me and I like my space. But I like those puffy cheese treats too and suddenly they were feeding them to each other and I was missing out. Not cool. Not cool at all. It was almost a relief when my human went back to being away during the day. My trainer would come and get me and we’d hang out for a while, then I’d see my human at night. I got puffy cheese things from both of them that way.
But then one night my trainer showed up at dinnertime and he was a mess, smelling like at least three different dogs. One had gone so far as to mark him. Clearly this stupid dog didn’t realize he was encroaching on my territory. My human obviously sensed my disgust and hurried my trainer off to bathe while he went off to order us some dinner.
After ridding himself of those horrible odors, trainer came to me and tried to make amends. I didn’t give into his attention, however; you have to remind humans who’s really in charge. You can’t just go giving them affection whenever they want it or they’ll take control.
So I ignored him, but my human was more than happy to be petted and soon they were licking each other, cleaning each other’s mouths - a human practice that I will never understand. Cleaning turned into pawing and pressing their bodies together while I pretending to sleep just a few feet away.
Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to pretend long because the food arrived and my human and I raced for the door. I won, but he did that thing with his feet again, holding me back. (You attack one delivery guy and those silly humans freak out forever.) But at least human’s desire for the food was proof that he had some of his priorities straight. Sadly, when human and trainer sat down to eat, they forgot to share with me, leaving me with boring “cat food.” Blech.
After eating, the two of them slipped upstairs and I trotted off for my after-dinner nap, except they were making all sorts of noises, keeping me from my rest. I couldn’t complain though, when I recognized the kind of caterwauling I’d enjoyed back in my alleycat days. It seemed my human was enjoying himself immensely, and my trainer was having a good time, too.
It’s good to see my human happy these days. He couldn’t have chosen a better mate among his kind. After a while my trainer stopped walking those stinky dogs and moved in with me and my human. Now I have two of them to care for, but I don’t mind. I picked up this sweet little kitten one day and brought her home; I’m training her up right so she can help me take proper care of my humans.
Life is good.