The Remedy - part 4 of 4
Two years later
Jensen and Danneel were curled up on the couch watching Monday Night Football when Chad came into the room with his book in hand. A box had arrived that afternoon; Danneel had signed for it and left it on the kitchen counter for him. Chad knew what was inside as soon as he saw the box -- the advance copies of his book: F*cking: A Love Story.
He looked down at the cover and smiled. Plain text with three interlocking rings in the background. He held the book up to them and said, “My book! It’s finally done.”
They smiled and Jensen reached out for Chad to hand it over. He laughed and shook his head at the front -- the same reaction he’d had when Chad had first told them the title. Then he flipped it over to read the copy on the back.
“ ‘F*cking: A Love Story is the tale of Chaz Mitchell Murphy’s journey to find his voice as a writer after retiring from a successful career in film and television.’ ” Jensen laughed. “Film? What successful film did you ever make?”
“Fuck you.”
“Later,” Danneel said with a grin.
Jensen smiled at their familiar banter and continued to read. “ ‘It is also the story of how he found love and happiness in the arms of Daniel Harrison and Jennifer Eckleston--’ Couldn’t you have changed our names a little more? Jesus, Chad, someone’s going to figure this out.”
“No one’s going to figure it out. People aren’t that smart.”
“I’d wager they’re not that stupid,” Danneel said.
“What?” Both of them looked at her in confusion.
“Like anyone’s going to believe that we” -- she motioned to Jensen and herself -- “would get involved with you. Seriously, with your reputation? I think our secret’s safe for a while.”
Jensen cracked up, but Chad wasn’t quite so amused. “Thanks a lot, Danny.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Would you rather I called you Jenny?”
“Fuck you.”
“Thought you said ‘later’?”
“Yeah, well maybe I changed my mind.”
“Okay.” He took his book from Jensen’s hand and dropped it on the coffee table, then grabbed both their hands and pulled them toward their bedroom.
The End
Chad's Memoir
[title page]
F*CKING:
A LOVE STORY
CHAZ MITCHELL MURPHY
Douchebag Publications
[/title page]
[dedication]
I got the remedy, it’s you on me and me on you
And you on me and me on you and you on her
Then her on me and her on you and y’all on me
Then me on y’all and y’all on me
Ménage á trios, ménage á tr-uh-uh
-- from “Bounce” by Timbaland
[/dedication]
Preface
It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi.*
If only. In reality, I was born a poor white boy in upstate New York. My momma was a crack whore and my daddy was always working trying to support me and my seventeen siblings. He didn’t do so well, so it was left to me to move to Hollywood and sell my ass to Tommy Hilfiger to put beanie weenies on the table for all my little brothers and sisters. This is not, however, the story of how Hollywood changed my life -- you can read that shit on IMDb. And I won’t bore you with the details of my departure from the network. You can find that shit on the Internet too. (Actually, you can’t because I’ve changed the names here to protect the innocent. Thems the breaks.)
This is the story of how I spent the year after leaving my starring role on a craptastic teen drama discovering my voice as a writer and falling in love with the two most amazing people in the world.
When my show decided they could pay a bunch of shitty actors or they could pay me, my contract was not renewed. That was okay though; I was ready to move on. I was tired of playing a squinty-eyed whiner.
Kendra and I moved back to LA permanently. Things were good. We were in love. We traveled some; we partied some; we took the occasional hot chick home to fuck together. Life was good. And then one afternoon Kendra suggested that maybe it was time we see other people. I think she worried that she was holding me back, what with being younger and not having the same success as me. I argued that I loved her and told her I’d be there for her whatever she chose for her career. After all, it wasn’t like I was going to marry her without a prenup. But she said no, that it just wasn’t going to work. A few weeks later I saw her in a bar with a new guy -- probably some loser from the CW network -- the next Pacey Witter or Clark Kent or some shit. It wouldn’t surprise me if they’d been fucking all along.
The split was good for me though. I’d been wanting to focus on my writing, to really find myself and my inner voice. I took the break-up as a chance to focus on me -- on my wants and needs for a change. I went to stay with a friend and got into a routine. Wake up around 10am, go to Starbucks for coffee, sit down at a table with my moleskin book -- Hemingway did his writing in a moleskin book, you know -- and my fountain pen with dark purple ink, and write. Every day I would write. Notes about what was going on in my life, poetry inspired by the barista and later by my lovers, thoughts about the books I was reading (because everyone knows that in order to be a good writer, you must immerse yourself in the literary world), and scripts for TV pilots.
Words poured from my pen onto the page. One of the results is this book you hold in your hand today.
* From The Jerk, 1979.
Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank the following people for making my life and this book possible: the cast of Sesame Street for helping me learn to read and write; Ernest Hemingway, for being so brilliant and manly and inspiring me to be the same; Daniel and Jennifer for letting me into their lives and loving me (and fucking me); Jerry, for being the best friend a guy could ever have; Sofie for the divorce; and last, but certainly not least, Kendra for suggesting we see other people -- I wouldn’t have discovered my true self without leaving you.
Oh yeah, and to my publisher and editor for understanding the integral nature of the erotic scenes within this book. The story would not be the same without those moments.
Excerpts from F*cking: A Love Story
On “The Break-Up”…
“I think we should see other people,” Kendra said.
I was heartbroken. Crushed. Devastated. How could she do this to me? We were destined to be together for all time. She was my soulmate -- the Haley to my inner Nathan, the Lex to my Clark, the Angelina to my Brad, the Hilary to my Bill. It was supposed to be forever. We were going to get married, I was just waiting for my lawyer to draft a prenuptial agreement that left me well protected should she decide to fuck the pool boy. Perhaps my worries about the pool boy should have been a clue. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.
“What do you mean, see other people?” I asked.
“I mean ‘see other people.’” She made stupid air quotes with her fingers and rolled her eyes, all but saying “duh” out loud to me.
“You’re breaking up with me?” I asked as a single tear rolled over my perfect cheekbone.
“No,” she said. “I mean … we can both date other people. But we’d still be together. Just … you know … seeing other people too.”
“You want to fuck other people.” All emotion had left me, I was dead inside, my voice flat, my eyes cloudy and wet. “But I only ever wanted to be with you.”
She laughed. “Yeah? That why we brought home that brunette last night who looked strikingly like Sofie?” For no reason at all, she threw a lamp at me; it almost hit my shoulder. I’d never seen her act so crazy before.
“I did that for you, baby. All for you.” I kept my voice soft and calm, soothing. “I know you like to eat pussy sometimes and you were looking at her like she was a buffet.” I’d only ever tried to please her. I understand the attraction to both men and women; I was only being considerate in letting her bring other women into our bed. I didn’t want her to feel I was somehow disrespectful of her bisexuality. “I just want you to be happy.”
“Well, I’ll be happy seeing other people,” she practically screamed at me. “Text me when you’re out so I can come back to get my stuff.” Then she turned and walked out the door.
I sank to my knees and cried, “Kennnnnnnddrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!” But it was too late. She was gone and she was only coming back to get her things while I was out of the house.
*****
When a man’s in pain he turns to booze and his friends. I am no exception. I opened a bottle of Jack and drank ’til I passed out. The next morning I called my best friend Jerry. He’d stayed up in Vancouver after he finished filming the season finale of his own television show. Unlike with me, the network had been happy to continue paying his salary. Also unlike me, Jerry was still happy to fellate the producers and network hacks in exchange for what he wanted. (And having been on the receiving end of Jerry’s Hoover-like mouth, I understood why they’d give him whatever he wanted in exchange for a little deep-throating or pussy munching.)
So I called Jerry and told him of the injustice. Being the good friend that he is, he invited me up to his place for a little break. His co-star Daniel and Daniel’s girlfriend Jennifer were in town and we could maybe go up to the mountains and do some hiking, commune with nature and shit to revive my crushed soul. “Yeah,” I said. “That would be great.”
Little did I know that the trip would change everything.
*****
On meeting Daniel and Jennifer…
We never made it to the mountains. Jerry decided -- and rightly so -- that booze was a better idea at this point. The first night there we met up with Daniel and Jennifer for dinner. A few hours later we’d moved on to a bar. While Jerry chatted up some short brunette at a corner table, I watched Daniel fuck Jennifer in the bathroom.
They asked me to go in with them, and Daniel smiled before he bent Jennifer over the sink and banged her hard and fast from behind. They both kept looking at me in the mirror while they talked dirty to each other. Jennifer said filthy things like “Yeah, fuck my tight pussy” and “How about I fuck your even tighter ass when we get home?”
It was nasty. It was awesome. That could’ve been the moment I fell in love with them. But it wasn’t -- that moment would come later, when I was in on the fucking instead of just watching from my seat on top of one of the toilets. When I fell in love, things were even nastier. It was amazing.
*****
On my first time with Daniel…
The first time Daniel and I had sexual relations was completely and totally unexpected. We’d been hanging out a lot and had gone to a bar. We came home after a couple beers -- enough to be loose, but not shitfaced -- and as soon as we were through the door Daniel slammed me up against the wall and dropped to his knees. I’ve heard people make comments over the years about his amazing dick-sucking lips and all I can say is that no one came close to describing the amazingness of that man’s mouth. Obviously I’ve grown more and more fond of it as time’s gone by, but that first time? What a way to start a relationship.
He jerked himself off while sucking all of me down -- and I’m not exactly little. Or even average. My dick is long and thick and after nearly a month of nothing but my own hands, I was even bigger than usual, you know. I was overflowing with cum, my nuts ready to explode like a volcano that’s been dormant for 100 years.
Daniel kept looking up at me through his long eyelashes, silently saying, “You like this?” He hummed and groaned and took me into his throat. The most amazing part though is that when I came, he pulled back and jerked me off all over his face. As my cum splashed across his lips and cheeks and those fucking eyelashes, he shuddered and came in his hand whispering, “Fuck, Chaz. So good. So fucking good.”
He stood up, wiping the cum from his face and licking it off his fingers. He moaned an “mmm” then leaned in and nipped at my jaw and earlobe before planting the softest kiss on my mouth. His fingers fisted my shirt as we kissed again and again and then I said, “Come upstairs.”
He pulled back and this look came over his face as he said, “I can’t… Jenn --” His voice cracked as he said her name.
I just nodded and said, “Yeah, okay,” then kissed him again before murmuring “good night” against his mouth.
We both needed to address the situation with Jennifer. Daniel was obviously interested in me. And I was most definitely interested in him. But we were both into Jennifer too, and I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out. A few weeks earlier she’d flown to LA with me and suggested we fuck in the airplane bathroom. When I’d said, “What about Daniel?” she got pissy with me and spent the rest of the flight drinking champagne and ignoring me. I can’t help it that I’m hot and irresistible, but I couldn’t let my hotness destroy such a great relationship. I loved Daniel, and he loved Jennifer.
We all needed to work out the logistics of things. I never thought things would end up as they did.
*****
On my first real time with Daniel…
The first time Daniel and I actually fucked, we set up the webcam so that Jennifer could watch. She was on the east coast filming some crap show, but wanted to play too. So she told us what to do while she watched on her computer and fucked herself with this huge dildo Daniel had custom made for her using a cast of his own cock. That thing is a beast. Almost, but not quite, as big as me.
So anyway, she told me to get on my knees so that Daniel could eat my ass. Like I said before, that guy’s mouth is amazing. His tongue’s so long that guy could practically eat out Jennifer while she was in her apartment on the east coast. And fuck me, does he know how to use it. That man can rim me anytime. (And does so frequently.)
Once he had me nice and loose he slid his cock inside me, rocking slowly in and out. Jennifer wanted to see us kissing, so we switched it up -- Daniel on his back with me riding him.
I kept leaning over to kiss him and Jennifer would say hot shit like, “Mmm, yeah, baby. Lick your ass flavor outta his mouth. God I wish I were there to taste it too.” That girl was crazy. Still is. Just like me. I couldn’t wait for her to get home so she and I could finally fuck.
*****
On living together in Jerry’s house…
Jerry caught Daniel and me making out in his bed one time. It was hilarious. He started yelling at us about getting peanut butter on his sheets. I told him the dogs would lick it up later when they curled up in bed with him. You should have seen the look on his face, I can’t even describe how freaked out he was. God I love that dude.
But because he’s such a good friend and we respect him, Daniel and I got our own place not long after that. Then we could enjoy peanut butter anywhere, anytime, and any way we wanted. With or without the mutts.
*****
On finally fucking Daniel…
It was a long time before Daniel could trust me enough to let me fuck him. He let Jennifer fuck him with her strap-on all the time and that used to really hurt me. I felt like I wasn’t special enough. But then things finally changed. I opened myself up to them completely and got the most amazing gift in return…
Jennifer was home for a weekend and we all got loose -- a little beer, a little weed, a little soak in the hot tub. Jennifer wanted to try something new and I’m always up for a little sexual experimentation. She put Daniel on his back and had me ride him. That wasn’t new, of course; that was practically our version of missionary. Been there, done that. But then she pushed me forward and started tonguing my ass while I bounced up and down on Daniel’s big, hard cock. Her mouth is almost as amazing as his.
After a few minutes of licking me and drooling gobs of spit all over my hole -- my girl is Raunchy with a capital R -- she slid a finger in alongside Daniel’s cock. She pumped in and out -- first in time with him and then in counterpoint. After a bit of that I felt the cool slickness of lube being drizzled over my ass before she added yet another finger for a few more strokes.
“Such a wet cunt. Gonna stretch it out and fuck it. Yeah, gonna fuck your cunt, baby.” She pulled out her fingers and grabbed my hips to hold me still. I felt the tip of her cock pressing against Daniel’s cock and trying to slide inside me next to him. It hurt. Fuck did it hurt. But she just stroked my back and ass and said, “Shh, baby. Just relax and let me in.”
Daniel was kissing me and running his fingers through my hair. He wiped a tear from my cheek and said, “Let her in.”
I did. I gave it up to them and she was in me. She started moving while Daniel stayed still, just holding me. She slid in and out, my ass slowly opening to her, the pain shifting to the most intense pleasure.
“Next time I’m gonna use my fist,” she said. “You like that? Wanna have my hand in your cunt, Chaz? Think you’re man enough for that? My hand and Danny’s cock.” She groaned with pleasure and need and kept talking and fucking until Daniel came inside me.
I could feel his cum being pushed out by her thrusting cock. Could hear the squelching sounds. They both pulled out of me and Jennifer pulled me back onto my knees, giving Daniel room to turn over. I don’t know when they’d done it, but at some point earlier they’d prepped him.
“Go on tiger,” Jennifer whispered in my ear. “He’s ready for you.” Sliding into Danny was like coming home. I was so on edge from the double-penetration that I wasn’t sure I’d last. Then I felt Jennifer’s mouth on my ass again, licking up Daniel’s cum before she slid her cock into me again. She fucked me hard, setting the pace -- each of her thrusts pushing me into Daniel.
It was so good. So fucking good.
Daniel turned his head away from the pillow to say, “I love you.”
I was done. I came hard, shooting deep into his ass, spasming around Jennifer’s strap-on, my whole body shaking between them. I must have passed out because when I could focus again, I was on my side with the two of them curled around me, their hands gently caressing my skin, their mouths dropping little kisses everywhere, both of them telling me how wonderful and perfect I was. It was the most amazing experience of my life.
I spent the next day either standing or lying down because my ass was so tender. But it was all worth it.
[back cover copy]
“F*cking: A Love Story is a hilarious, sex-filled story of a former television star turned writer. Mr. Murphy’s story is told like a memoir, but with tales like this the reader will have to wonder what’s real, what’s been reimagined, and what’s plain fantasy. It doesn’t matter though, because this book is a rocking good read.” -- Rolling Stone
“Proof that polyamory can be hot and mundane. If the smut doesn’t blow you away, the humor will.” -- Playboy
F*cking: A Love Story is the tale of Chaz Mitchell Murphy’s journey to find his voice as a writer after retiring from a successful career in film and television. It is also the story of how he found love and happiness in the arms of Daniel Harrison and Jennifer Eckleston, an established couple who welcomed Murphy into their lives. Funny, sexy, and heart-breaking at turns, this book is nonstop entertainment and proof that Murphy has indeed found his voice.
Chaz Mitchell Murphy lives happily with his partners and several dogs. He is currently writing and producing for several successful television programs.
[/back cover copy]
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