(no subject)
this is for mark cause he told me to update lol...
so i know ive become lazy with updating...but honestly....my life isnt all that exciting. at least not to me...
i wish i could say that this summer has been a blast since ive been home...but that would be lieing. the only good thing about being home for the summer is that i get to see matt all the time...and its so nice to just be with him in his arms again.
hurricanes is going ok...sometimes its really so much fun...and sometimes i just want to scream at the top of my lungs. i get frustrated so easily when i cant get something and the fact that im on rifle just makes things so incredibly hard i cant even begin to describe...i think i push myself too hard though...i try SO hard to get better that when i dont get something or im incredibly inconsitant...i get down on myself too hard...and ive also tried my best not to complain and suck it up and get on with it.
ive had my few breakdowns (which i HATE)...but im so emotional and i just cant help it sometimes...i feel like a baby or something. but let me remind all of you...there is a reason why i am not a weapon...its not that i cant do it or that ill never get better at it...its just simply that i hate it...case closed. a lot of people dont understand that...but they dont have to...i just hate it...
but then i suck it up and move on.
one thing that keeps me going are the people. everyone on the guard is so much fun to hang out with and are extremely funny...they never fail to make me laugh or smile. this past weekend at the show it was nice to just hang out with the guard after we performed...i hung out a lot more with Danny...shes a cool chica....and dancin with Rowan (sp?) is also so much fun.
ok...enough about that...
job hunting sucked....i applied all over the place but no one called back...(besides target...but by that time it was too late) i thought i would have to quit hurricanes because of it and i even told Helen that it was a def possibility...but stacies mom came to the rescue and told me that something could have opened up and that i should jump at it...so i did...i set up and interview, went to the interview, filled out an application and talked to the woman, and like 5 minutes after i came home she called to tell me i got the job. its at a tax collectors office...im not positive on exactly what ill be doing...i know ill be greeting people when they come to pay their taxes but other than that im not sure. i dont officially start till july 5th but ill be going in on friday for a couple hours so that i can get started. its only for 5 weeks but the pay is really good...so ill be able to pay my parents for hurcs...and pay off a lot of my trip in the spring to disney with singers...which was the whole point for me getting a job in the first place...mission accomplished lol. not being able to sleep in however for the next month (ever) isnt exaclty thrilling me right now though =/...le sigh
aside from all that...i just wish i could hang out with my friends more...=( it seems like i never get to see them hardly ever...and that makes me so sad. sometimes i just want to say screw it to everything and go out with my friends to the beach one day or something...but that wont happen...i cant even go with them to cape cod because of my new job ='(.
i just feel like im giving up so much. sometimes i just want to go back to school as soon as possible...but then ill be away from matt yet again...
i just cant win...le sigh...
sometimes i hate having to grow up and other times...i just wish people would let me...but thats a story for another day...ive already bored you to death im sure...so ill leave you till next time...whenever that may be.
peace out cub scouts...
ps- i miss my casey