since when did i get so conventional and boring?

[mopani]

when should you take decisive action to determine the course of your life? should you do something that would be painful and not fun in the short term, so that you might have what think you want in the long term

Comments

[lovelybug]

Sympathy. A big part of my life over the last few years has been working towards a situation where I can have kids, and the fact that I'm not there yet is sometimes very frustrating. If I hadn't made moves towards it, it would be on my mind even more.

Have you talked to him about it? What does he think?

I'm trying to think what I would advise; do a lot of thinking and talking is generally my approach.

Good to hear from you anyway xxx

[mopani]

thankyou for your comment, it is nice to know of someone else who is planning and thinking, but i am sorry to hear that it is a long and frustrating process for you.
we have talked about it a lot and he basically wants me to be happy, he would like children but only when i am ready, he would come to the uk although it is scary, etc. so we go round and round, a bit at a time!

[conflux]

Having had kids I would advise that there is more to consider than just a supporting partner. It is best if you can have lots of supporting people around you be that close friends, close family, or partners. You also need good services, health care, nursery, schools etc.

So what is your support network like in Moscow and are the services any good? Could you marry your guy and get him UK citizenship that way? Would he want children and would he want to come to the UK? The early years of having kids is pretty exhausting, but if your chap is fit he could cope I would expect but he will really need to want children.

It is a tricky one but if you want children now the chances are that you will want them more as you get older. On the other hand you can plan too far ahead to enjoy today.

[mopani]

hello! yeah, support network... when i said 'boring man with a stable job' i forgot to put in after that about the support network, that was shorthand for what i was thinking of. I would want to be near family and friends, good environment, health services. here is a scary and busy megapolis but even more than that i often feel like the 'lone foreigner' who has differing values and views to those round me. this is usually only on tiny specific things in my current life but it is the type of issue that would become huge when applied to kids. like, here fathers do not take much part in their children's lives

[sabledemon]

My impression is purely from your journal but it looks like you have a stable, happy relationship which makes you stable and happy, and able to be someone you like being. Do you really want to give this up without thinking it through if you think you will go back to being someone you obviously don't like being

[mopani]

All very good points - no point in planning for forever when life messes up the 'best laid plans of mice and men