Wednesday, 17th April 2013
My mum got the results of her surgery biopsy back last week. It's not stage 1. It's not even stage 2. It's stage 3. She starts full-blown chemo next week. After that, she's having surgery to undo the reconstruction, as she needs targeted radiotherapy too. It's going to be at least eight solid months of hell for her, plus another five years of non-stop drugs, and I just - I just can't, okay?
I was okay right up until she told me, in the bright, wobbly voice she uses when she's very upset and trying not to show it, "at least it's a good excuse to go shopping for scarves, right?" and that just about broke me.
I had a chat with her today via FaceTime. She'd been for her doctor's assessment for the chemo, where they broke down all the treatment she'd be having. She's scared and she worried about all of us, too, and I don't know how many more times I can sit in front of a computer screen and watch my mother cry, three hundred and ten miles away, because she's undergoing cancer treatment and thinks that I'm the one she should be worrying about.
Dad The Stoic is handling it all with cheerfulness, aplomb, and smiles for all. (What is it with the men in our family being unflinching pillars of strength in times of crisis? Clearly it is our Norther heritage.) I know this has gotten to him and I know he's just as scared, if not more so, but dammit if the man will admit to it, so I'm hoping he's coping with it in the best way he can. His best mate is a GP and an all around really decent person, so I at least think he's got that guy to lean on.
I told my boss about the situation and asked for some time off at the end of May, so I can go to Collectormania with my friends and then spend some time at home, and he practically threw paid leave at me, which is pretty awesome of him.
I may be doing a Hawkeye cosplay for MK, but to be honest, I'm not mad keen on the character. It would have to be fem!Hawkeye with fandom personality, and I've no idea where to really start. Of all the movie!Avengers characters that are there, I don't really feel any of them, if you get my meaning. Still, I've been knocking about the idea of cutting my hair really short, and I could do a sort of punk-style Hawkeye, assuming I could get the jacket together.
Re: the hair thing, I'm trying to get the courage together to actually do it. I'd love something brutally short, a little bit punk, maybe even with the sides shaved in a little, but I think I'm genuinely to scared to give it a try. Plus I have absolutely no cheekbones (AKA 'horseface') and what might be charitably described as 'strong' facial features, so I'm not sure I could make short hair work, not in the way I want; something a bit genderfuck whilst still being me.
I'm very aware that I may have to put up with a lot of "hey, you look like a lesbian" from my co-workers, and I DO NOT have the energy right now to deconstruct all the sexist, homophobic bullshit in a statement like that. Especially not on a daily basis.
I found another fanmix on Tumblr! I'm treating them as gateways into new music. Most of the time they're not really my thing, but I found one today that had this as the album artwork:
I mean, who could pass that up?
The music itself veers from fairly generic rock to some quality, though traditional-format, metal. I was all set to write it off, but the last track was something completely unexpected. It's a song in the style of Kate Bush, with a sprinkling Florence + The Machine and a peppering of Woodkid, all finished with a nice post-apocalypic glaze. Mmmm.
I think I'll be deleting the rest of the mix - what's good I already own, what's mediocre isn't worth owning - but this last song is a keeper.
I was okay right up until she told me, in the bright, wobbly voice she uses when she's very upset and trying not to show it, "at least it's a good excuse to go shopping for scarves, right?" and that just about broke me.
I had a chat with her today via FaceTime. She'd been for her doctor's assessment for the chemo, where they broke down all the treatment she'd be having. She's scared and she worried about all of us, too, and I don't know how many more times I can sit in front of a computer screen and watch my mother cry, three hundred and ten miles away, because she's undergoing cancer treatment and thinks that I'm the one she should be worrying about.
Dad The Stoic is handling it all with cheerfulness, aplomb, and smiles for all. (What is it with the men in our family being unflinching pillars of strength in times of crisis? Clearly it is our Norther heritage.) I know this has gotten to him and I know he's just as scared, if not more so, but dammit if the man will admit to it, so I'm hoping he's coping with it in the best way he can. His best mate is a GP and an all around really decent person, so I at least think he's got that guy to lean on.
I told my boss about the situation and asked for some time off at the end of May, so I can go to Collectormania with my friends and then spend some time at home, and he practically threw paid leave at me, which is pretty awesome of him.
I may be doing a Hawkeye cosplay for MK, but to be honest, I'm not mad keen on the character. It would have to be fem!Hawkeye with fandom personality, and I've no idea where to really start. Of all the movie!Avengers characters that are there, I don't really feel any of them, if you get my meaning. Still, I've been knocking about the idea of cutting my hair really short, and I could do a sort of punk-style Hawkeye, assuming I could get the jacket together.
Re: the hair thing, I'm trying to get the courage together to actually do it. I'd love something brutally short, a little bit punk, maybe even with the sides shaved in a little, but I think I'm genuinely to scared to give it a try. Plus I have absolutely no cheekbones (AKA 'horseface') and what might be charitably described as 'strong' facial features, so I'm not sure I could make short hair work, not in the way I want; something a bit genderfuck whilst still being me.
I'm very aware that I may have to put up with a lot of "hey, you look like a lesbian" from my co-workers, and I DO NOT have the energy right now to deconstruct all the sexist, homophobic bullshit in a statement like that. Especially not on a daily basis.
I found another fanmix on Tumblr! I'm treating them as gateways into new music. Most of the time they're not really my thing, but I found one today that had this as the album artwork:
I mean, who could pass that up?
The music itself veers from fairly generic rock to some quality, though traditional-format, metal. I was all set to write it off, but the last track was something completely unexpected. It's a song in the style of Kate Bush, with a sprinkling Florence + The Machine and a peppering of Woodkid, all finished with a nice post-apocalypic glaze. Mmmm.
I think I'll be deleting the rest of the mix - what's good I already own, what's mediocre isn't worth owning - but this last song is a keeper.
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