Two Poems
I go to great lengths
to see your warm smile.
Even when it is not about me.
I want you to tell me
what makes you feel that way,
so that maybe I can recreate it all.
What I feel
is what I can not tell you.
And that is sort of sad.
There is a secret that I keep
deep inside my heart
so deep and buried past my shattered hopes,
so deep that my own soul mate could not see,
so deep that even I can not see it anymore.
Maybe I am just afraid of it and maybe so are you.
Maybe it would give me something I could lose.
I do not want to lose you...
what little of you I have.
But you are not so great.
You are not so worthy of the pedestal I put you on...
but I believe you know that,
and that alone is reason enough for me to put you there.
It is a shame that I can not be so honest about my feelings,
when I am so blunt and trustworthy
when speaking of your caring, unfeigned eyes,
your sweet face and soft waves of hair that you do not see.
I want to tell you everything,
knowing that you would understand...
but in that everything,
there is a something
that pertains more to you than to me.
I wish I could tell you.
Perhaps gain a closeness with it.
But I can not tell you that.
I try and pass it off as a joke
in hopes that you will take it the wrong way
and ignore the true meaning
that hides behind my mask
along with everything else.
Maybe I am just waiting for a sign
that I will never get.
I think I am waiting for some holy light
to guide you back to me.
Shame that it would only blind you
and cause you to meander more
into the shadows you have come so accustomed to.
I know that I could keep you blithe while unconstrained
if you gave me half a chance.
The worst part is that I want you to be glad
even if it is not with me.
Because then I would know
that there are times you are happy
even if I never had the chance to see
your warm smile again.
You remind me of an egg.
You are something to be treasured,
someone to keep safe.
I will keep you warm,
under my wing.
I will comfort my dear egg,
until the day you finally hatch
and show the world how beautiful you are.
You keep so much joy hidden under your armor.
Your shell is so exquisitely carved.
A perfect shape,
so smooth and bruise-less,
strong yet delicate
and as precious as
the thoughts you hide beneath it.
I wonder what you will look like,
my perfect little egg,
once you finally hatch
and break free of yourself.
I wonder if you will really see yourself then,
and if you will see me there,
beyond your self-made prison,
still beckoning for you to come outside and play.
My sweet little egg,
take your time.
Incubate as long as you need to.
When the day comes that you are ready to hatch,
I will be there for you.
I will help you as long as you need me to.
Even once you have left the comfort
of your shell,
I promise that I will still keep you warm
and safe
and treasure you,
for you will always be
my precious egg.