Comments | morbid

morbid_soup

...

Apr 26, 2006 17:45

Sorry its been so long sence I could get online ( Read more... )

Comments 26

misao7 April 26 2006, 22:45:40 UTC

...eeeeeeeeeg.

Definitely very creepy. Vintage John; creeps you out, makes you feel all icky, but awes you with its superb ideas and brilliant execution.

Geez. That one's gonna stick.

... morbid_soup April 27 2006, 00:28:21 UTC

I have a more up to date one, but its on a school comp, this is a first draft...
Any ideas on how could be better?

aurelias_roses April 27 2006, 21:04:43 UTC

It's interesting, but...mmph...
He called 911. They took her away.
Things like that...they're too short. Abrupt. Something. Just...not smooth. And there are little grammary nitpicks.

... morbid_soup April 27 2006, 23:03:29 UTC

As i said, its a first draft...
can you point out any?
the section at the end was written rather quickly, so thats why it was so consise, i was rushing to get to the last couple of paragraphs...

Re: ... misao7 April 28 2006, 02:56:55 UTC

Also, John's little trademark is his mighty effective use of short, concise sentences, and I think it works well here. Just my three cents.

Re: ... aurelias_roses April 28 2006, 20:28:00 UTC

I forgot to mention that it could just be me, because I personally don't always like short, concise sentences very much...

Thread 12

jeweleddragon April 29 2006, 00:19:59 UTC

It's good, though the grammar could use some fixing.
We likessss it, precioussss.

aurelias_roses April 29 2006, 23:54:00 UTC

Too be honest, that's the biggest reason I didn't like it much the first time I read it. When the first line I see has a grammatical error in it, that doesn't bode well for the rest of the piece.

aurelias_roses April 29 2006, 23:54:14 UTC

*To

Ack!

jeweleddragon April 29 2006, 23:56:54 UTC

Yes, that was quite amusing. :D Oh, the furious irony!

Thread 8

jeweleddragon April 29 2006, 00:21:17 UTC

Mmm, also, may I ask what inspired this? And what thoughts/ideas were you especially trying to get at, if any?

(Read: Begging for a philosophical ramble.)

... morbid_soup May 3 2006, 22:14:16 UTC

What inspired this???
Let me see...
I had a short story due tomorrow (when i wrote this), and i was looking for ideas for something to write about.
I was asking my freind ben what he htought I should write about.
He said a story about garden gnomes.
Im still working on that one...
I had to leave for 5 minutes, and his gtalk thing said he was busy reading the secret life of bees.
Thats the inspiration.
It started out with his mom asking him to read the secret life of bees.
I only added in the nasty adjectives later.

Re: ... morbid_soup May 3 2006, 22:14:37 UTC

not exactly what you were thinking was it?

Re: ... jeweleddragon May 3 2006, 22:30:48 UTC

I wasn't really expecting a certain thing.