no one likes a smartass
i am bored as shit and cannot sleep. i am not on drugs. that is neither hurting nor helping. because i have been relatively drug free for weeks. (excluding pot. pot isn't a real drug anymore anyway. besides, my pot intake has been very low also.i don't even buy it anymore, haven't for months) there's alot of crystal meth going around work these days, specifically within the 3 other people i spend the most time with. clifford was very recently awake for 8 days straight. (while amusing to watch him start bugging out, i feared for his life) it makes me feel a little left out that i don't do it. but i'd really really rather not even get the chance to start liking it. i did just kinda have a little bit of a painkillers addiction scare. i am starting to feel like i am not as well liked around work as i once was. i am tons more fun drunk than sober, but alas, i can't drink. i can't control myself. i promised nick. with his obsessive videogame playing lately, i've been equating my love of being fucked up to his love of his game. even though i cry and cry and bitch and moan about him not spending time with me, it's like my words just slide right off his brain. he's not 'sacrificing' (for lack of a better word) any selfish game playing time. while i am sacrificing what in turn makes me not bored. i know this is far from apples and oranges, but still. it makes me feel like i'm doing all the work. i'm not drinking for him afterall. if he weren't in the picture, granted, i would probably have a vd and at least 3 major addictions though. i just don't know. of course, i would not sacrifice nick for drinking or anything like that. that's the scale tipper. i just love him too much. i guess i'll keep on keeping on, not drinking. not doing meth (though i would like to lose some weight). not buying pot. i know i sound so "woe is me" and i'm not really. i just really liked being fun and well liked there for a while, i've never really been before. i'm not akward drunk, i'm awesome drunk. my shinanagans are celebrated and applauded. whereas sober ashleigh just sneers and talks shit and doesn't know how to relate to anyone anymore (besides kate and clifford). i guess i'm just pmsy and can't sleep. bitching and moaning.
and as always. nothing better to do...
