you watch tv and think, that's what i'm going to be when i grow up.
recently, i can't keep myself from eating. i eat and eat until i give myself terrible stomachaches. and i stress myself out about gaining weight. i take and seek out whatever drugs i can find that aren't like coke or smack or anything bad like that. desperately agianst sobriety, i have been buying $4 5ths of grocery store vodka. i want to spend all my money on clothes and things that are moderately cute. i'm tired all the time. after a week of dressing up, i hate cutness. i want so very very much to have some time off of work, but i am so poor that i can't. my jealously of nick's video game is starting to rival something out of shakespere. i feel like it's tearing important threads out of out relationship. it makes me so sad and i try to tell nick and nothing seems to happen. i've been so unhappy, such familiar territory.