(no subject)
weighed myself and it's the same it was on friday. 1x0. it sucks that i had a 3 day pause, but i'm happy that i didn't GAIN anything. i realize that i'm not going to lose 5 more pounds by this friday so i'll settle for 2-3. that will at least put me in the 1x0's which is =). i can't wait until i feel comfortable enough to say how much i weigh and not have to put an x in the ten's place due to shame. i want to eat right now but i won't let myself. i just ate some chips and salsa (100 cals) and it was hard to stop. i want to wait until colin gets home so that i can eat with him. because when he eats, it's inevitable that i do as well and i don't want to have more than one meal today. i'm going to work out tomorrow and thursday too.
got a 77 on that philosophy test, not bad but i want to get at least a B in that class. i still can't bring myself to get to math. it's so frustrating because i know that i really HAVE to, i just can't. i can't get up after only sleeping for 4 hours, to go to a class where i'm bored and irritated. i just want to pass that class and have it be over with. i'm really frustrated right now because i don't know when colin is going to get out of work. i never know. it's annoying to have to plan my night out when i don't know what to plan around. if i knew that he were going to get out at 1 or something then i would stay up and pick him up etc. or if he were going to stay later, i would take my meds and go to bed. but i don't know and i don't know what to do. he can never give me a time and it drives me absolutely NUTS waiting for that text. i know that i should just do what i want despite what he does, and that he'll learn to adjust to me, but for some reason i just can't. i don't know why. i feel like he wouldn't, and he'd just keep doing what he's doing. like staying up until 6:30, yeah, 6 fucking 30 in the morning and then sleeping until right before he leaves. sakdjfkbvka jhfrutewroiasdf i hate everything wtf.
got a 77 on that philosophy test, not bad but i want to get at least a B in that class. i still can't bring myself to get to math. it's so frustrating because i know that i really HAVE to, i just can't. i can't get up after only sleeping for 4 hours, to go to a class where i'm bored and irritated. i just want to pass that class and have it be over with. i'm really frustrated right now because i don't know when colin is going to get out of work. i never know. it's annoying to have to plan my night out when i don't know what to plan around. if i knew that he were going to get out at 1 or something then i would stay up and pick him up etc. or if he were going to stay later, i would take my meds and go to bed. but i don't know and i don't know what to do. he can never give me a time and it drives me absolutely NUTS waiting for that text. i know that i should just do what i want despite what he does, and that he'll learn to adjust to me, but for some reason i just can't. i don't know why. i feel like he wouldn't, and he'd just keep doing what he's doing. like staying up until 6:30, yeah, 6 fucking 30 in the morning and then sleeping until right before he leaves. sakdjfkbvka jhfrutewroiasdf i hate everything wtf.