Fic: Right back to you (Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino) (3/3)
Previous part
The next morning Nino wakes up with Ohno’s arm around his waist. His back is leaning against Ohno’s chest. He is surprised that it’s not uncomfortable at all, as if they simply belong together, like this, two human-shaped puzzle pieces, fitting together down to the smallest details.
But he still catches himself thinking about Sho, asking himself, whether they would fit together just as well, if they were lying in bed together. Or whether they would jar somehow, with pointy limbs, annoying elbows.
He doesn’t know what it feels like to lie so close to Sho. Because he never had the chance to try.
But maybe he will have the chance soon, he tells himself, again thinking about the potion mixed into his hot chocolate. For a moment he lifts his head, looks at Ohno’s clock, only to be sure.
He stops time and it works, without any problems. Nevertheless he starts it again almost at once, hearing Ohno’s voice in his head:
For every hour you stop the time, a month is taken off your life.
But when he thinks about how often he has stopped the time in his life, when he adds the estimated amount of time, he can’t have lost more than two, three years.
Did Ohno’s father think the same thing?
“Hmmm,” Ohno suddenly mumbles and Nino feels him cuddle closer still. “You awake already?”
Ohno’s voice sounds sleepy and so incredibly cute.
Nino only notices what he’s doing when it’s already too late and he is already running his fingers through Ohno’s hair. But Ohno only hums contentedly.
“Already? It’s almost eleven,“ Nino laughs and wonders why he sounds embarrassed. Then he remembers: “Shouldn’t you be at MatsuKiyo already?”
“Have the day off.“
“Ah.”
Ohno’s arm is still wrapped around his waist, even though Nino has long since turned around. After a while Ohno’s breathing deepens, grows even, and Nino amusedly decides that he must have fallen asleep again.
But that’s alright, because it is comfortable and Nino simply closes his eyes again and relaxes.
A short while later he, too, falls back asleep.
Two hours later Ohno’s mum throws open the curtains and Nino startles awake at almost the same time as Ohno.
“Woah, mum,“ Ohno complains immediately and gives his mother a dark look. At least Nino thinks that he is trying for one, but Ohno’s tired eyes and the tussled hair make it pretty ineffective.
“I guess I can finally put the futon away. There wasn’t really enough space for it in your room anyway,“ Ohno’s mum casually comments while opening the window and Nino can’t suppress the giggle forming automatically in his throat.
“Yes. And you can let us sleep, too. Thanks.” With these words Ohno throws himself back onto the bed and pointedly pulls the covers over his head. Nino and Ohno’s mother start laughing at the same time.
*
It’s the first quiet day in what seems like forever. Exactly what Nino needs, because the last few days have cost him a lot of strength and endurance. Not necessarily physically (not counting that he was beat up, or nearly, or not really), but more so emotionally. Meeting Ohno has certainly been the best thing that could have happened to him, but their acquaintance has not been without its heights and lows. That’s why he relishes this day, relishes having a long and leisurely breakfast with Ohno’s family, meeting Ohno’s sister Mina in the process, and then going grocery shopping together. Ohno’s mother jokes around a lot, infecting everyone else with her good mood until they have to control themselves not to draw too much attention in the middle of the supermarket.
When they’re back home, Nino is challenged to a Wii Bowling rematch.
This time he loses.
But although he would have normally been really angry about this, since he is a really bad loser, this time he isn’t. Ohno’s mother looks simply too proud of herself and Ohno is positively beaming.
In the evening his mother calls. He answers the call at once.
“I went to the police and corroborated your alibi. After all, you really were with me the whole time. I can’t know what you do when you stop time,” she tells him; and this time the knot doesn’t only loosen, it disappears completely.
“You’re at your grandparents in Sunagawa, by the way, because you aren‘t feeling well and you needed to get away for a few days. It’s a good thing your principal likes me so much, he agreed to let you miss school right away. Just in case someone asks.”
Afterwards he talks for a long time with his mother while sitting on the sofa, his legs pulled close to his body, his shoulder leaning against Ohno’s.
He knows that it’s about time to go back home. But he isn’t ready yet, not quite.
He gives himself one more night at Ohno’s, with Ohno. One more night and then he will leave.
*
Nino is lying in Ohno’s bed again, the futon has long been put away. And this time he doesn’t wait for the next morning, he rolls closer to Ohno immediately, puts his arm around his body and his head on his shoulder. Ohno moves a little, adapts to Nino’s position so both of them are lying comfortably and a moment later Nino feels an arm around him.
Ohno’s nearness relaxes him; a feeling of safety floods his being.
“I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I’d like nothing more than to just keep you here,” Ohno says.
The words hang in the air, above them, between them, and Nino really doesn’t want to think about them, about the decision he just made.
Or about the what ifs.
Because there is no alternative. He is seventeen years old, he has to go to school, he has to go back home. There his mother is waiting, his classmates.
Sho is waiting.
Now that he has found a solution, one that doesn’t involve jumping back in time, he feels obligated to go home, to put his and Sho’s lives to rights again.
Besides, he has promised his mother. He promised her she’d have him back soon. And he won’t disappoint her, not like his father did.
But why does he hesitate to answer Ohno?
“You know,” he begins, staring fixedly at the colorful designs on the blankets, “that’s not possible.”
Ohno’s only answer is an unintelligible sound. Nino can’t tell whether it’s Ohno agreeing with him or whether he hasn’t liked his words. He expects the latter.
“But I’d like to visit,” he adds, but he doesn’t know if that’s meant to cheer up Ohno or himself. “Tokyo isn’t that far away. I can be here in three hours.”
Ohno tightens the arm he has wrapped around Nino and for a moment it’s uncomfortable, almost too tight. But Nino doesn’t fight it because he doesn’t really mind.
“You’re always welcome here,“ Ohno mumbles quietly and Nino feels his breath in his hair.
But does that even fit into his plans, he asks himself. He’s going back to make up with Sho, to give them a second chance. To be able to kiss him again.
To be with him again.
And when he tries to imagine turning up at Ohno’s with Sho, he realizes that it won’t work. He can’t take Sho with him to Ohno. What would Sho think if he saw how familiar his interactions with Ohno are? He could, of course, keep his distance from Ohno, but he is afraid that Ohno would be disappointed if he did. What’s more, the words distance and Ohno just don’t go together.
Nino doesn’t even want to think about what Sho would think of him if he could see him right now. Cuddled against Ohno, so close together, their arms around each other-
No, he doesn’t want to think about it.
*
He wakes up the next morning because something is touching his arm. But Nino is too tired to open his eyes, so he just lays there for a moment, slowly gliding towards wakefulness, away from his dreams, and enjoying the soft touches. When he opens his eyes he sees that it’s Ohno’s fingers just barely caressing his arm. Ohno has raised himself up slightly, his head pillowed on his hand, and is looking at him.
Nino barely catches Ohno’s sad smile before it disappears. He decides not to say anything. The fingers touching his arm vanish.
“Morning,“ Nino mumbles sleepily.
“Mh,” Ohno only hums in reply.
It doesn’t get better. Nino would almost say that the atmosphere between them is uncomfortable, but there is still too much familiarity there, something that feels consistently good. Too good for anything to really ruin the atmosphere.
But Nino catches Ohno again and again with a sad look on his face and he can guess that it is because of him. But he has made his decision. He told himself, only one more night and he’ll stick to it. He’ll leave today.
Ohno can probably see the determination in his eyes.
Still it is not easy for him to say so. He has to really pull himself together when he is done with his breakfast and has put his chopsticks aside. He has to positively force himself to open his mouth.
“I wanted to say thank you again. For everything,” he smiles, even though he has to force the corners of his mouth to stay pointing upwards. “Really, I wouldn’t have known what to do if you hadn’t taken me in.”
Ohno’s mother shakes her head. “Don’t mention it, it’s only normal we did. It feels as if you’re part of the family now anyway.”
Ohno doesn’t say anything. He isn’t looking at him.
“Thanks,” Nino says honestly. Then, “I will go back home today. I need to put some things to rights there.”
He looks to Ohno hopefully, desperately wishing he would say something, or at least look at him. But Ohno keeps silently staring at his empty plate. Ohno’s mother sees it as well and maybe that’s why the smile she gives Nino is even brighter than before.
“We understand, don’t we Satoshi?“ She gently elbows him in the side.
“Yea, sure,“ Ohno says shortly, but he finally looks at Nino. He looks at him and gifts him with a grin that could not be more fake if he tried.
“When does your train leave, Nino? I’ll pack something to eat for you. And you’ll want the recipe for the potion, won’t you?” Ohno’s mother asks.
“Oh yes, please. I think I’ll take one of the trains leaving this afternoon.” Nino has a few difficulties in answering. Ohno’s grin is putting him off.
“Great, then the two of you have some time left. Satoshi, don’t you at least want to show him the little park not far from here? The one you like to go to so much?” It doesn’t sound like a question. More like neither Ohno nor Nino have a choice in the matter.
“Go on, off you go. A little sun will do you good, Nino, you’re too pale.“
It isn’t the first time Nino asks himself whether Ohno’s mother knows something he himself hasn’t noticed yet.
*
The park is beautiful, especially under the clear blue sky that graces them this day. The fall air is already slightly cold, but there’s nothing stopping them from running around without their jackets.
Ohno’s silence isn’t quite as nice. Nino doesn’t know how to act around him.
They walk side by side for a while, their shoulders accidentally brushing against each other from time to time. Every time it happens, Ohno takes a step away from him, but only a short time later Nino feels him by his side again.
A steady stream of people come towards them. The park is full of people and Nino is strangely glad for it. He doesn’t want to be alone with Ohno at the moment. It would only make the silence between them even more awkward.
“I can try to come back next Sunday,” he finally brings himself to say. He hopes it will help, that it will cheer Ohno up.
“Would be nice,“ Ohno answers.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” Nino stops, Ohno does the same. The question comes out of the blue and has to be uttered just as quickly.
“Hm?“ Ohno only hums questioningly, but Nino can see in his face that he knows what he is talking about. Still he answers:
“You’ve been different ever since this morning. I had hoped we could have a nice time before I leave.“
Ohno is looking past Nino and Nino doesn’t know what he finds there, but it seems that it’s more interesting than their conversation.
“New topic that is off limits?” he tries in a lighter tone, hoping to make things easier on Ohno. “I thought we were past that.”
“We are, we are,“ Ohno hastily replies and finally looks up at Nino’s face. “It’s just… you haven’t mentioned why you wanted to jump. Or what it is you have to put to rights.”
Oh. So that’s what this was about.
“Jumping is no longer necessary. Thanks to the potion,” Nino only answers at first.
“I thought so.”
“I fell in love with a fast forwarder.” It is the first time Nino says it out loud, the first time he admits his feelings this clearly and honestly. “And he likes me, too. But since he’s a fast forwarder, he is afraid he will steal too much time from us when we’re together. He can’t control it.”
“I see,“ is all Ohno says to this. Nino doesn’t know what kind of a reaction he expected, but Ohno’s face is expressionless, almost empty. He has never seen him like this.
It makes Nino sad.
“But it’s not just that, is it? You don’t want me to leave, am I right?” he then tries, his voice quiet and his eyes careful. Ohno is looking at him in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected Nino to know.
Although it was painfully obvious.
For a moment he looks thoughtful, only contemplating Nino. Then he smiles sadly.
“Of course I don’t want you to leave.”
“But I’ll come back.” Nino doesn’t understand. Sure, he would like to spend some more time with Ohno, he enjoys his company and likes being near him very much. But it’s not as if that is all over as soon as he returns home. He can come back anytime, with or without Sho.
“Yes, you’re coming back,“ Ohno then nods, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself. “You will come back, won’t you? So there’s no need to be sad.“
Nino only nods and reaches for Ohno’s hands. His fingers are cold.
“No need to be sad,” he repeats in confirmation and grins at Ohno.
Ohno looks down at their hands for a second, then back up into Nino’s eyes. His gaze has changed, his eyes are once again shining with emotion. But Nino pretends that he can’t see the mixture of hope and sadness beneath it.
“Go on, then, take your fast forwarder’s fear away.“
*
Ohno’s mother has written the recipe down for him. Nino was expecting something out of the ordinary, was imagining himself sitting in the kitchen for hours, experimenting with the potion, almost like a magician. But it is simple. He only needs a special kind of mint, whose leaves are first boiled in water and then left out to dry for a day. The almost flavorless leaves then only need to be cut up really fine and drunk with a hot beverage. If he remembers right, he tasted a hint of mint in his hot chocolate. But he had expected it to be part of the extra specialness. Which it was, in the end, just not in the way he imagined to be.
“It really isn’t difficult.”
“No, it isn’t. I also wrote down a few shops which carry the mint.”
Then she pushes a small satchel into his hands. “Here, there’s enough in here for the next while. We don’t really need it anymore around here.”
Nino thanks her a few times, not only for the mint or the recipe, but for everything. Ohno’s mother has done so much for him and her open, loving manner has made him take to her very quickly. Another reason this will definitely not be the last time he has come to Tokyo.
As expected, saying goodbye is hard. Ohno is still having problems looking at him for more than a moment at a time and his smile is still fake. But Nino knows that he can’t change that right now. He just hopes that Ohno will be back to his usual self next time he comes to visit. When he understands that Nino was telling the truth about coming back.
Ohno’s mother hugs him long and hard. “See you soon,“ she whispers in his ear and Nino can only nod enthusiastically. Then he turns to Ohno.
At first they are simply standing face to face, neither of them saying a word. Ohno is biting his lower lip and Nino waits.
“Farewell. And take care of yourself,“ Ohno says.
“I will,” Nino replies.
“Don’t go around touching lots of strangers again.”
Nino giggles, taking a step closer to Ohno.
“See you soon,” he whispers as quietly as Ohno’s mother did just moments ago. He is about to open his arms when Ohno squeezes him tight.
“Take really good care of yourself, alright? Don’t stop time so much. No more experiments. Stop doing illegal things and go to school regularly. And call me every now and then,” Ohno bubbles over and Nino hides his face in Ohno’s shoulder.
“And come back, no matter what happens, come back. Or call me and I’ll come to you. And contact me, at least once a day, alright? At least. If you forget, I’ll be on the next train to you, you can count on that.” Ohno doesn’t seem to have any intention of stopping and Nino can only nod and press himself closer against him to show that he understands.
*
Three hours later he is back home.
He remembers all the feelings vying for his attention when he made his way to the train station. Now he is on his way back and feeling so much better. He had great hopes for his trip to Tokyo, but hadn’t expected things to take such a turn. His goal had, after all, been to find a jumper and to jump back in time with him, back to the moment he first came into contact with Sho.
The jumper he found.
Arriving at his front door, Nino takes a deep breath. The long talk he had with his mother the night before took away his anxiety over seeing her again. But it still isn’t easy.
He doesn’t know why he rings the bell and doesn’t simply unlock the door, but he does and waits. You want your mother to let you back into her life, his subconscious answers the question. Maybe it’s even right.
Then she is standing in front of him and everything he wanted to say is gone. He throws himself into her arms and her familiar scent makes him realize how much he has missed her. How homesick he has been, deep down under a thick layer of ignorance.
It doesn’t take long for the tears to come.
*
“Just so we’re clear. You’re never to do something like this again, understood?” his mother complains jokingly when they’re sitting next to each other on the sofa, but Nino knows that she is serious. Nevertheless he pretends to have to think about it first.
This earns him a slap to the back of his head.
“Alright, alright, I understand,” he laughs and it feels good to laugh, even though his eyes are still smarting a little.
“Splendid,“ she grins and ruffles his hair. Nino grimaces and pouts, but she just laughs at him.
They joke around for quite a while, until Nino finally gets up the courage to ask about Sho.
“He hasn’t come back since we spoke on the phone the last time,” his mother tells him. She looks at him questioningly, but Nino isn’t ready for this conversation. Even though he had no problem telling her about Ohno.
“I should probably go to him.“ Nino is already sitting up, but his mother holds onto him.
“I don’t think I can let you leave quite yet,“ she says imploringly and pulls him back onto the sofa. Nino can only laugh once more.
“Alright. But learn how to let me go quickly. I’m seventeen, after all, not a little boy,“ Nino grins playfully.
His mother gives him a stern look.
“Yes, you proved that the last few days.”
Then her lower lip starts to twitch and she can’t hold back her laughter any longer. Nino only shakes his head. Grinning.
*
He is standing in front of Sho’s door, looking at the Sakurai engraved on the name plate. He can remember clearly how often he stood here only to chicken out.
Today he won’t.
Nino lifts his hand, reaches out with his finger and rings the bell.
A short moment later he hears the intercom engage.
“Yes?“ an unfamiliar voice comes from the loudspeaker.
“Erm… is Sho-kun home?“
For a moment there is silence and Nino tenses. This time he deliberately decided not to think of what to say beforehand because he knows it won’t do any good. As soon as he meets Sho, all the words will be gone.
“Who is asking?” the voice demands.
“Nino. We go to school together.“
Then he hears only the quiet static of the loudspeaker.
“Sho is visiting a friend over the weekend. But I can tell him to call you. Alright?”
“Ah…” Nino isn’t sure how to respond. Does he want Sho to know that he was there? What would Sho do? Would he call him? Or has he already given up on him?
The last thought hurts and Nino quickly pushes it far away.
“No, it’s alright. I’ll see him at school on Monday,“ he replies quickly and without waiting for an answer, turns to go.
*
His mother can tell immediately that things didn’t go the way he hoped they would when he comes home.
She makes a quick decision and takes him to the arcade in town.
That night Nino sits in his room, on his bed, and enjoys the familiar surroundings. Everything is in its place, just like he left it, and he can almost believe he never left. If there weren’t the constant memories of Ohno’s room and Ohno’s bed and Ohno’s warmth bubbling up within him.
» I think my mum would like nothing more than to chain me to the house. She hardly lets me go anywhere on my own. It’s my own fault though, right?, « he sends to Ohno, putting his phone to the side afterwards. He would have liked to write something like I miss you or my bed is too cold without you, but the thought of sending something like this to Ohno is already embarrassing enough. And Ohno would probably think he was crazy.
» I would have liked to do that, too, « comes the reply not even a minute later.
Nino doesn’t know how to react to that. So he doesn’t write back at all.
The next day is a Sunday and he has to force himself into keeping busy. His thoughts drift to Sho, to the conversation they haven’t had yet, but which is taking place in his head over and over again. Every time it ends differently.
He is about to send Sho a message, to call him, he has already deleted twenty messages before sending them. He doesn’t want to do it like this, it’s an insanely important conversation, one he doesn’t want to have on the phone or via mail. He has to be able to look at Sho.
So there’s nothing else for him to do but wait. Wait for the next day, for school; and to hope that he will find a quiet moment to talk to Sho. If necessary by using his power, even though he leaves that for emergencies only.
» Have you talked to your fast forwarder yet? Everything alright again between you? « Ohno writes and his timing couldn’t have been worse. For a moment Nino wants to throw his phone against the wall, he’s suddenly that desperate. Then he wants to tell Ohno to shut up, but stops himself in time, a heartbeat before he presses send. If there’s one person who’s completely blameless in this, it’s Ohno.
Instead Nino reaches for his pillow and throws it against the wall. But it doesn’t do anything to calm him.
He doesn’t sleep well that night, keeps waking up, looking at the clock and hoping for morning to come. He doesn’t want to wait any longer, he can’t wait any longer. Ohno distracted him, took his mind off things, but now that he is back here, in his usual environment, he can’t stop thinking about Sho.
And wishing to finally be with him again.
It’s half past five when he gives up on falling asleep again.
*
He is way too early; the school gates aren’t even open yet. Sighing he sits down on a bench and waits for the time to pass. Moments like this are the only times a fast forwarder has an advantage. Nino has to admit that he has never really thought about the other time shifter powers before. He has only ever thought about his own, a power that is always useful and very versatile. Alright, in the last few days he has thought a lot about Ohno’s power, jumping back in time. But even this power is only meaningful for himself as stopper, not for the jumper, who forgets everything he has experienced.
Essentially, Nino is the only one who profits from the shifting.
And still he kept pushing Sho to practice, to gain control of this power. Even though it must often have been uncomfortable for Sho, even though there were times he must have wanted to stop and only continued for Nino’s sake.
Nino knows that he took advantage of that.
He also knows that it made him stronger. He noticed when he robbed the bank. Usually he could stop time for only a certain amount of time (of course he doesn’t know how long, because no clock works when he stops time), but normally for long enough. But after he came in contact with Sho, after they had practiced together so much and he shared his power with him, he noticed that the intervals he could stop grew longer and longer. He trusts his guts in this and his years of experience. Besides, he remembers reading something to this effect in a time shifter forum once and has to admit at the same time that not everything in the forums is rubbish. A lot has been proven correct by now.
“Nino?” a voice suddenly asks, surprised, very close and Nino looks up.
Sho is standing in front of him.
He is really standing there, maybe two meters from him, looking at him as if he doesn’t quite believe what he’s seeing. Whom he is seeing. Nino can’t blame him, even for him this is happening too suddenly.
“Sho,“ he therefore only answers, looking at him and suddenly not feeling ready for the conversation he was desperate to have only moments ago.
“You’re back.“
“Looks like it.“
Then they just look at each other. Sho is still looking surprised, but the disappointment, the anger, Nino has always imagined in his eyes doesn’t exist. Instead there is something else. Sho looks as if he would rather be somewhere else, as if he would rather just go to school, have classes and not talk to him.
But Nino has to talk.
“Can you-do you have a moment?” Nino asks hesitantly.
“Uh…“ Sho hesitates, looking at his watch, then to the school gates which are just opening. “Will we be back in time for class?”
Nino wants to ask him whether this is really important now. Whether they don’t have a lot to talk about and whether it is not much more urgent that they talk about what happened and, besides, he has the potion now and they can be together again, and-
Nino takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself. At least Sho tried, came to his house so often, wanting to talk. Maybe Nino is simply too late.
“I’ll be quick?“ he offers.
“Alright, then. I think.“
Nino gets up off the bench and takes a step towards Sho. What he doesn’t expect is for Sho to take a step back.
Nino immediately looks at him in surprise and gets an apologetic look in return.
“Sorry, it’s just-I don’t want-please don’t touch me, okay?” Sho haltingly says and Nino’s heart misses a beat.
“Understood,“ he says bitterly, now evading Sho‘s gaze. They walk a few steps, with enough space between them, until they reach an empty side street. Here Nino has the quiet he needs in order to talk to Sho, even though he is a little uncertain. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this reaction. He has wanted Sho to get loud, perhaps to shout at him, asking him where he was, why he left. Or for him to fall into his arms, telling him how much he’s missed him and how glad he is to finally have Nino back.
He didn’t want a Sho that was keeping his distance from him. Who’d rather be somewhere else than with him.
Suddenly he had to think of Ohno, how he hadn’t wanted him to leave.
“Where were you? I went to your house a few times, but your mother didn’t tell me where you were,” Sho asks him and this time he at least sounds interested.
“She didn’t know. I ran away to Tokyo,“ Nino answered.
“Tokyo? What did you want there?“
“I was looking for other time shifters.”
Sho’s gaze darkens slightly. “So it’s true.”
Now it is Nino’s turn to look surprised.
“What do you mean?”
“I was watching the news, you know. I saw the robbery at the bank. And I did some research. You used me in order to grow stronger, didn’t you? And when things were over between us, you went to Tokyo to find someone new to make you stronger still,” it bursts out of Sho and Nino sees him ball his hands into fists. This is the anger he has been expecting, this he can deal with.
He hopes.
“No, wait. It’s true, I did rob the bank, but it was the worst thing I’ve ever done, I know that now,” Nino says immediately and looks at Sho hopefully. “But I wasn’t looking for a shifter in order to get stronger. I was looking for one in order to put everything I have done to rights again. The robbery. The stealing. But most of all… this thing with you.”
“How did you want to do that?“ Sho doesn’t sound convinced, far from it, but at least he isn’t looking quite as angry anymore and he is giving Nino the chance to explain himself. Nino is very thankful for it.
“I wanted to find someone who can jump back in time. To have the opportunity to meet you again. To do everything better this time.“
“But it looks as if that didn’t work out,” Sho remarks bitingly.
Nino is silent. There is so much still within him, so much he wants to say to Sho, so much he wants to tell him, but he doesn’t know whether this is the right time. Or whether he should leave Sho in peace for now.
Sho seems to notice and looks apologetic.
“Sorry, Nino, it’s just-you were suddenly gone and I found out all these things and now you’re back and-what do you want me to say?”
“I only wanted to tell you that I found something that allows us to be together. Something with which you don’t need to be afraid to touch me anymore,” Nino finally says.
“What? You-what?“
“I have a potion that can block our powers. So that we can’t use them anymore. Not even accidentally.”
“And it works?” Sho is surprised, Nino can hear it in his voice. He certainly wasn’t expecting this.
“Yes, I tried it myself.” Even if it wasn’t voluntarily, but Sho doesn’t have to know that.
“Wow, that‘s-“ Sho begins, then stops again. Nino can understand, he himself is having trouble finding the right words.
“Do you know what this means for us, Sho? We can- without having to be afraid…“ He takes a step towards Sho, then another, unable to suppress a smile, while hope blooms in every fiber of his being.
But Sho suddenly throws up his hand defensively and Nino stops at once.
“Sorry… Nino,“ he says hesitantly. “It’s just, while you were gone… things changed.”
“I was only gone for a week,” Nino protests.
Sho looks at him, eyes full of guilt. “Sometimes things change fast.”
*
Nino doesn’t know how to get through the school day after this conversation. He has no clue which topics were dealt with in his classes or which other things his teachers talked about. He only knows that he can’t stop thinking about Sho’s words.
Sho promised him they’d talk at length after school.
Nino just doesn’t know if that’s what he wants.
Nevertheless he is now standing here, at their agreed upon meeting point, watching as Sho walks toward him and stops, once again leaving a distance of two meters between them. The smile on his lips is crooked, just like Nino feels in that moment.
Sho suggests going to Lotteria for something to eat, but Nino says no immediately and takes him to Mosburger just across the street. He only orders a drink, he is, after all, here to talk, not to eat. What’s more, he doesn’t believe he’ll be able to get anything down right now.
“So tell me about what’s changed,“ he starts at once, trying to leave his voice as expressionless as possible. He doesn’t want Sho to know how crazy all of this is making him.
Sho draws on his straw and Nino can’t take his eyes off his full lips. He’d really like to reach for Sho’s hand right now, to pull him outside, to walk to his or Sho’s house, hand in hand, fingers intertwined, and then-
“I met someone,“ Sho says and the world collapses around Nino.
“I disappear for a few days and you throw yourself at the next person you can find? I wouldn’t have thought that of you.” Nino spits the words, trying to hide that he just wants to run away.
Sho met someone. Someone else. Someone came into Sho’s life, who is important to him and, it seems, more important than Nino.
“How was I supposed to know when you’d be back? Or if you were coming back at all?“ Sho snaps and it’s unfair that he can get loud when it should be Nino, who has the right to be mad. But Nino can’t feel anything other than the sadness that puts heavy chains around his heart. But it’s not only his heart, he notices, it’s also his throat, because he can’t get another word out.
Unfortunately Sho uses his silence to further explain what happened.
“While you were gone, I thought a lot. About you, about us. And then, then I met him and-it was different, you know? I didn’t need to worry about some power lying dormant within me. It feels good with him. Normal. As it should be,” Sho explains, his voice at first subdued but then happier and happier.
With every word he breaks Nino’s heart a little more.
“But we can be normal now, too,” he manages and his voice sounds wrong to his own ears.
Sho shakes his head.
“Even if the potion works, things will never be normal between us, Nino. I know how you are and everything you’ve done with this power. You won’t stop using your power forever, not because of me. Believe me, you won’t.”
“How can you know that? That means you aren’t even giving me- giving us a chance?” Nino tries and sounds more desperate than he wants to show Sho. Sho’s rueful look tightens the chains in his chest.
“I’m sorry, Nino. But I prefer the safety I’ll have with him to you.“
Nino doesn’t understand how Sho can just say this, not after everything they’ve been through, after all these moments in the park, after the kiss. How can Sho choose someone else, here and now?
How can he just throw those harsh words at his head?
“Why?“ he whispers, unable to speak louder.
Sho takes a deep breath and he finally looks as if this talk isn’t easy for him either.
“I can’t trust you anymore. Not after everything that’s happened.“
After everything that’s happened.
That’s happened.
Nino only realizes that he’s gotten up only when he is already on his feet. The drink in his hand is crushed and the rest of his drink is running down the back of his hand.
“Alright,“ he says with finality. „Alright.“
Then he stops time and runs out of the restaurant. He runs long enough that he has enough of a head start before he allows time to flow again. Even though he doesn’t believe that Sho will go after him at all.
Sho wants to have a normal life.
Nino can’t give him that.
Maybe things would be different if he hadn’t run away. After all, Sho had come to his home in order to talk. Maybe they would have found a solution.
But Nino wasn’t there, Nino was in Tokyo, with Ohno.
And he has come back too late. He was just too late.
Nino narrows his eyes to slits as he realizes this. It hurts too much, this realization. Everything could have gone differently, if he had only returned earlier. Maybe even if he had only stayed with Ohno for one day less. If he had only enjoyed his company for one day less.
It just hurts too much.
Nino is despondent and angry and he doesn’t know what to do with all this anger he feels towards himself. Or with all the other emotions. That’s why he simply runs, runs until he is home. His mother immediately sees that something is wrong when he steps into the living room, out of breath and with a heavy heart.
“Kazu?“ she asks worriedly. Nino shakes his head until he is dizzy.
“He…,“ he starts but he can’t get anything else out.
His mother hugs him, but this time not even that helps. It doesn’t take the pain away.
There is only one thing that can help him now.
“I have to go to Tokyo again. I have to-please let me go one more time,” he begs his mother and there has to be something in his gaze, because she nods, very lightly.
“Alright. But you have to come back in time for school.“ Then she gets up, fetches her wallet and gives him enough money for the train ride.
Shortly after he is on the train to Tokyo.
But even the three-hour train ride isn’t enough to make him calm. The whole day plays in his head again and again, he can remember almost every single word Sho has spoken.
He asks himself how all of this could have happened. When his life has gotten so out of hand.
When you stopped time for the first time when you were eight, he answers his own question. Then everything within him convulses. Suddenly he doesn’t see anything amazing in his power anymore, now it is just a burden, something he wishes he had never had. If only he were a completely normal boy, then everything would be alright, then he could offer Sho the normality he wants, then he could be with Sho instead of that other guy.
Nino twists his fingers into the fabric of his pants. Everything’s so unfair.
So incredibly unfair.
He never wanted this power. He never asked for it. Who decided that he should get it? Who gave him this burden?
Nino bites his lower lip when he feels his eyes getting suspiciously wet. He doesn’t want to cry, not here, not now, never again.
He only wants a normal life.
A life with Sho.
Seeing him, talking to him, has showed him once again how strongly he feels drawn to him. That he wants to stay with him.
That he has to get him back.
That’s why he gets on the next train to Shibuya as soon as he arrives in Shinagawa. During the train ride he calls Ohno.
“Nino?“ the familiar voice answers immediately and Nino knows that he would usually be smiling now, at the sound of Ohno’s voice. But he can’t bring himself to do it.
“Are you still at work?” Nino asks at once.
“I just got off. Just have to change clothes. Why? Do you want to talk?”
“I need to see you.”
For a moment there is silence.
“Oh. Alright. I mean, sure. We can meet on the weekend.” Ohno sounds surprised but happy.
“No, I need to see you right now. I’ll be in Shibuya in a couple minutes.” While he says this, his train enters the station and he pushes through the crowd to get outside. “I’ll meet you at the MatsuKiyo.”
“You are-what? Nino did something happen?“ All at once Ohno sounds worried. It makes Nino’s heart feel a little lighter.
“Yes. I… I’ll see you soon.” With these words he hangs up. Fortunately the Matsumoto Kiyoshi isn’t far from the station and when he turns into the street, he sees Ohno running towards him. Before he can say anything, Ohno’s arms are around him.
“Don’t make me worry like this, you idiot,” Ohno complains, but his voice is devoid of reproach.
“Sorry,“ Nino mumbles and presses his face into Ohno’s coat.
“What happened?“
“Sho-he-“ But even with Ohno he has a hard time getting the words out. “He can’t trust me anymore. He has someone else now. He-oh god, he has someone else.”
“Oh no…“ Ohno’s voice sounds genuinely sympathetic and Nino can feel his hand in his hair. “I’m sorry. And it was so important to you that things were working out again, too.”
Nino swallows the sadness trying to rise within him. Even though he knows he’s no better off with it crowding his stomach.
“If only I had left earlier-if only I had gotten back before he met this guy… if only I hadn’t been so stupid,” Nino says into the fabric of Ohno’s coat. He doesn’t know whether Ohno can understand his words or not.
“Nino.“
“If only I hadn’t done so many stupid things. If only I hadn’t smoked that stupid cigarette. Or robbed the damned bank-“
“Nino, hey…”
“None of this would have happened! Sho would still-I could-with him-“
“Nino, stop. Don’t think like that. Please don’t keep thinking like that,” Ohno suddenly begs him and Nino stops.
But his thoughts have already reached that conclusion.
“Please, Ohno,” he says quietly. And then he looks up, looks directly into Ohno’s eyes.
“Please jump with me.”
He hears Ohno breathe in deeply and Nino prepares himself for the no, why should Ohno say yes anyway.
But isn’t that the reason he is in Tokyo now?
“Nino, I…”
“-Please! I need him, Ohno. I need him so much. I can’t go on without him. Please, I want him back. Please give me this chance.” By now Nino is begging and he knows that it isn’t fair, he knows it even before the bitterness creeps into Ohno’s eyes.
But he can’t stop.
“Please, Ohno. I’m begging you, jump with me.”
Nino keeps staring at him, beseechingly and so helplessly. His hands are holding onto Ohno’s arms tightly, as if they were the only thing keeping him upright. He’s so close to him that he can feel Ohno’s breath on his face.
“I’ll forget you, Nino,” Ohno whispers desperately. Nino knows that, he knows that Ohno and Ohno’s mother and the great time he spent with them will be taken back. But Sho is worth it to him. Sho means everything to him. Much more than anything he would be giving up.
“I need to get him back, Ohno. I love him so much,” Nino says and sees something change within Ohno.
“How far…,“ he begins and Nino’s eyes widen. „How far back do I have to go?”
Ohno’s voice sounds glum, the words heavy.
“Four weeks,” Nino says tensely.
“I won’t be able to get the exact day,” Ohno explains expressionlessly.
“That doesn’t matter. Just go back as far as possible.“ Within Nino, determination grows. And hope. He can’t believe that Ohno is really going to do it.
“Alright.”
The words, the acceptance, take all the bad emotions away and Nino can’t help but smile at Ohno.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.“
Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers the beaten-down look in Ohno’s eyes, but he is too excited, too relieved to think about it.
“Then… take care, Nino,“ Ohno manages. Nino can hear how hard the words are for him. But he only thinks about Sho, about his chance to put everything to rights.
“I will look for you. And then I’ll tell you about everything that’s happened,” he smiles and is sure it will work that he will have Ohno in his life again after the jump.
“I won’t believe you,” Ohno replies bitterly.
“We’ll see.”
Nino looks at Ohno’s face one last time, commits it to memory, the slightly too-long nose, the curved eyebrows, the thin lips.
Then he closes his eyes.
But something happens that he isn’t expecting. He feels Ohno’s lips on his own.
Ohno is kissing him.
Nino forgets to breathe while his heart suddenly starts racing.
He wants to open his eyes, wants to look at Ohno again, has to see him once more, but-
When he opens them, he is on the school roof.
“Are you nuts? What if anybody sees us? We'll be in deep trouble!” Sho snaps at him.
Nino looks at the cigarette in his fingers. Then he takes a deep breath.
“You’re right,” he says and puts the cigarette out against the banister.
Sho first looks relieved, but then thoughtful. “Was that the only reason you brought me here?”
Nino doesn’t hesitate long before he answers, “No. I just wanted to spend some time with you.”
After the break, when they’re on their way back to class, he takes out his cell phone and types in Ohno’s e-mail address. While he writes the message, he tries to ignore the pull in his chest.
» Thank you, Ohno. I’ll do everything to make sure this chance wasn’t in vain. Your little idiot. «
The end.
The next morning Nino wakes up with Ohno’s arm around his waist. His back is leaning against Ohno’s chest. He is surprised that it’s not uncomfortable at all, as if they simply belong together, like this, two human-shaped puzzle pieces, fitting together down to the smallest details.
But he still catches himself thinking about Sho, asking himself, whether they would fit together just as well, if they were lying in bed together. Or whether they would jar somehow, with pointy limbs, annoying elbows.
He doesn’t know what it feels like to lie so close to Sho. Because he never had the chance to try.
But maybe he will have the chance soon, he tells himself, again thinking about the potion mixed into his hot chocolate. For a moment he lifts his head, looks at Ohno’s clock, only to be sure.
He stops time and it works, without any problems. Nevertheless he starts it again almost at once, hearing Ohno’s voice in his head:
For every hour you stop the time, a month is taken off your life.
But when he thinks about how often he has stopped the time in his life, when he adds the estimated amount of time, he can’t have lost more than two, three years.
Did Ohno’s father think the same thing?
“Hmmm,” Ohno suddenly mumbles and Nino feels him cuddle closer still. “You awake already?”
Ohno’s voice sounds sleepy and so incredibly cute.
Nino only notices what he’s doing when it’s already too late and he is already running his fingers through Ohno’s hair. But Ohno only hums contentedly.
“Already? It’s almost eleven,“ Nino laughs and wonders why he sounds embarrassed. Then he remembers: “Shouldn’t you be at MatsuKiyo already?”
“Have the day off.“
“Ah.”
Ohno’s arm is still wrapped around his waist, even though Nino has long since turned around. After a while Ohno’s breathing deepens, grows even, and Nino amusedly decides that he must have fallen asleep again.
But that’s alright, because it is comfortable and Nino simply closes his eyes again and relaxes.
A short while later he, too, falls back asleep.
Two hours later Ohno’s mum throws open the curtains and Nino startles awake at almost the same time as Ohno.
“Woah, mum,“ Ohno complains immediately and gives his mother a dark look. At least Nino thinks that he is trying for one, but Ohno’s tired eyes and the tussled hair make it pretty ineffective.
“I guess I can finally put the futon away. There wasn’t really enough space for it in your room anyway,“ Ohno’s mum casually comments while opening the window and Nino can’t suppress the giggle forming automatically in his throat.
“Yes. And you can let us sleep, too. Thanks.” With these words Ohno throws himself back onto the bed and pointedly pulls the covers over his head. Nino and Ohno’s mother start laughing at the same time.
*
It’s the first quiet day in what seems like forever. Exactly what Nino needs, because the last few days have cost him a lot of strength and endurance. Not necessarily physically (not counting that he was beat up, or nearly, or not really), but more so emotionally. Meeting Ohno has certainly been the best thing that could have happened to him, but their acquaintance has not been without its heights and lows. That’s why he relishes this day, relishes having a long and leisurely breakfast with Ohno’s family, meeting Ohno’s sister Mina in the process, and then going grocery shopping together. Ohno’s mother jokes around a lot, infecting everyone else with her good mood until they have to control themselves not to draw too much attention in the middle of the supermarket.
When they’re back home, Nino is challenged to a Wii Bowling rematch.
This time he loses.
But although he would have normally been really angry about this, since he is a really bad loser, this time he isn’t. Ohno’s mother looks simply too proud of herself and Ohno is positively beaming.
In the evening his mother calls. He answers the call at once.
“I went to the police and corroborated your alibi. After all, you really were with me the whole time. I can’t know what you do when you stop time,” she tells him; and this time the knot doesn’t only loosen, it disappears completely.
“You’re at your grandparents in Sunagawa, by the way, because you aren‘t feeling well and you needed to get away for a few days. It’s a good thing your principal likes me so much, he agreed to let you miss school right away. Just in case someone asks.”
Afterwards he talks for a long time with his mother while sitting on the sofa, his legs pulled close to his body, his shoulder leaning against Ohno’s.
He knows that it’s about time to go back home. But he isn’t ready yet, not quite.
He gives himself one more night at Ohno’s, with Ohno. One more night and then he will leave.
*
Nino is lying in Ohno’s bed again, the futon has long been put away. And this time he doesn’t wait for the next morning, he rolls closer to Ohno immediately, puts his arm around his body and his head on his shoulder. Ohno moves a little, adapts to Nino’s position so both of them are lying comfortably and a moment later Nino feels an arm around him.
Ohno’s nearness relaxes him; a feeling of safety floods his being.
“I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I’d like nothing more than to just keep you here,” Ohno says.
The words hang in the air, above them, between them, and Nino really doesn’t want to think about them, about the decision he just made.
Or about the what ifs.
Because there is no alternative. He is seventeen years old, he has to go to school, he has to go back home. There his mother is waiting, his classmates.
Sho is waiting.
Now that he has found a solution, one that doesn’t involve jumping back in time, he feels obligated to go home, to put his and Sho’s lives to rights again.
Besides, he has promised his mother. He promised her she’d have him back soon. And he won’t disappoint her, not like his father did.
But why does he hesitate to answer Ohno?
“You know,” he begins, staring fixedly at the colorful designs on the blankets, “that’s not possible.”
Ohno’s only answer is an unintelligible sound. Nino can’t tell whether it’s Ohno agreeing with him or whether he hasn’t liked his words. He expects the latter.
“But I’d like to visit,” he adds, but he doesn’t know if that’s meant to cheer up Ohno or himself. “Tokyo isn’t that far away. I can be here in three hours.”
Ohno tightens the arm he has wrapped around Nino and for a moment it’s uncomfortable, almost too tight. But Nino doesn’t fight it because he doesn’t really mind.
“You’re always welcome here,“ Ohno mumbles quietly and Nino feels his breath in his hair.
But does that even fit into his plans, he asks himself. He’s going back to make up with Sho, to give them a second chance. To be able to kiss him again.
To be with him again.
And when he tries to imagine turning up at Ohno’s with Sho, he realizes that it won’t work. He can’t take Sho with him to Ohno. What would Sho think if he saw how familiar his interactions with Ohno are? He could, of course, keep his distance from Ohno, but he is afraid that Ohno would be disappointed if he did. What’s more, the words distance and Ohno just don’t go together.
Nino doesn’t even want to think about what Sho would think of him if he could see him right now. Cuddled against Ohno, so close together, their arms around each other-
No, he doesn’t want to think about it.
*
He wakes up the next morning because something is touching his arm. But Nino is too tired to open his eyes, so he just lays there for a moment, slowly gliding towards wakefulness, away from his dreams, and enjoying the soft touches. When he opens his eyes he sees that it’s Ohno’s fingers just barely caressing his arm. Ohno has raised himself up slightly, his head pillowed on his hand, and is looking at him.
Nino barely catches Ohno’s sad smile before it disappears. He decides not to say anything. The fingers touching his arm vanish.
“Morning,“ Nino mumbles sleepily.
“Mh,” Ohno only hums in reply.
It doesn’t get better. Nino would almost say that the atmosphere between them is uncomfortable, but there is still too much familiarity there, something that feels consistently good. Too good for anything to really ruin the atmosphere.
But Nino catches Ohno again and again with a sad look on his face and he can guess that it is because of him. But he has made his decision. He told himself, only one more night and he’ll stick to it. He’ll leave today.
Ohno can probably see the determination in his eyes.
Still it is not easy for him to say so. He has to really pull himself together when he is done with his breakfast and has put his chopsticks aside. He has to positively force himself to open his mouth.
“I wanted to say thank you again. For everything,” he smiles, even though he has to force the corners of his mouth to stay pointing upwards. “Really, I wouldn’t have known what to do if you hadn’t taken me in.”
Ohno’s mother shakes her head. “Don’t mention it, it’s only normal we did. It feels as if you’re part of the family now anyway.”
Ohno doesn’t say anything. He isn’t looking at him.
“Thanks,” Nino says honestly. Then, “I will go back home today. I need to put some things to rights there.”
He looks to Ohno hopefully, desperately wishing he would say something, or at least look at him. But Ohno keeps silently staring at his empty plate. Ohno’s mother sees it as well and maybe that’s why the smile she gives Nino is even brighter than before.
“We understand, don’t we Satoshi?“ She gently elbows him in the side.
“Yea, sure,“ Ohno says shortly, but he finally looks at Nino. He looks at him and gifts him with a grin that could not be more fake if he tried.
“When does your train leave, Nino? I’ll pack something to eat for you. And you’ll want the recipe for the potion, won’t you?” Ohno’s mother asks.
“Oh yes, please. I think I’ll take one of the trains leaving this afternoon.” Nino has a few difficulties in answering. Ohno’s grin is putting him off.
“Great, then the two of you have some time left. Satoshi, don’t you at least want to show him the little park not far from here? The one you like to go to so much?” It doesn’t sound like a question. More like neither Ohno nor Nino have a choice in the matter.
“Go on, off you go. A little sun will do you good, Nino, you’re too pale.“
It isn’t the first time Nino asks himself whether Ohno’s mother knows something he himself hasn’t noticed yet.
*
The park is beautiful, especially under the clear blue sky that graces them this day. The fall air is already slightly cold, but there’s nothing stopping them from running around without their jackets.
Ohno’s silence isn’t quite as nice. Nino doesn’t know how to act around him.
They walk side by side for a while, their shoulders accidentally brushing against each other from time to time. Every time it happens, Ohno takes a step away from him, but only a short time later Nino feels him by his side again.
A steady stream of people come towards them. The park is full of people and Nino is strangely glad for it. He doesn’t want to be alone with Ohno at the moment. It would only make the silence between them even more awkward.
“I can try to come back next Sunday,” he finally brings himself to say. He hopes it will help, that it will cheer Ohno up.
“Would be nice,“ Ohno answers.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” Nino stops, Ohno does the same. The question comes out of the blue and has to be uttered just as quickly.
“Hm?“ Ohno only hums questioningly, but Nino can see in his face that he knows what he is talking about. Still he answers:
“You’ve been different ever since this morning. I had hoped we could have a nice time before I leave.“
Ohno is looking past Nino and Nino doesn’t know what he finds there, but it seems that it’s more interesting than their conversation.
“New topic that is off limits?” he tries in a lighter tone, hoping to make things easier on Ohno. “I thought we were past that.”
“We are, we are,“ Ohno hastily replies and finally looks up at Nino’s face. “It’s just… you haven’t mentioned why you wanted to jump. Or what it is you have to put to rights.”
Oh. So that’s what this was about.
“Jumping is no longer necessary. Thanks to the potion,” Nino only answers at first.
“I thought so.”
“I fell in love with a fast forwarder.” It is the first time Nino says it out loud, the first time he admits his feelings this clearly and honestly. “And he likes me, too. But since he’s a fast forwarder, he is afraid he will steal too much time from us when we’re together. He can’t control it.”
“I see,“ is all Ohno says to this. Nino doesn’t know what kind of a reaction he expected, but Ohno’s face is expressionless, almost empty. He has never seen him like this.
It makes Nino sad.
“But it’s not just that, is it? You don’t want me to leave, am I right?” he then tries, his voice quiet and his eyes careful. Ohno is looking at him in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected Nino to know.
Although it was painfully obvious.
For a moment he looks thoughtful, only contemplating Nino. Then he smiles sadly.
“Of course I don’t want you to leave.”
“But I’ll come back.” Nino doesn’t understand. Sure, he would like to spend some more time with Ohno, he enjoys his company and likes being near him very much. But it’s not as if that is all over as soon as he returns home. He can come back anytime, with or without Sho.
“Yes, you’re coming back,“ Ohno then nods, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself. “You will come back, won’t you? So there’s no need to be sad.“
Nino only nods and reaches for Ohno’s hands. His fingers are cold.
“No need to be sad,” he repeats in confirmation and grins at Ohno.
Ohno looks down at their hands for a second, then back up into Nino’s eyes. His gaze has changed, his eyes are once again shining with emotion. But Nino pretends that he can’t see the mixture of hope and sadness beneath it.
“Go on, then, take your fast forwarder’s fear away.“
*
Ohno’s mother has written the recipe down for him. Nino was expecting something out of the ordinary, was imagining himself sitting in the kitchen for hours, experimenting with the potion, almost like a magician. But it is simple. He only needs a special kind of mint, whose leaves are first boiled in water and then left out to dry for a day. The almost flavorless leaves then only need to be cut up really fine and drunk with a hot beverage. If he remembers right, he tasted a hint of mint in his hot chocolate. But he had expected it to be part of the extra specialness. Which it was, in the end, just not in the way he imagined to be.
“It really isn’t difficult.”
“No, it isn’t. I also wrote down a few shops which carry the mint.”
Then she pushes a small satchel into his hands. “Here, there’s enough in here for the next while. We don’t really need it anymore around here.”
Nino thanks her a few times, not only for the mint or the recipe, but for everything. Ohno’s mother has done so much for him and her open, loving manner has made him take to her very quickly. Another reason this will definitely not be the last time he has come to Tokyo.
As expected, saying goodbye is hard. Ohno is still having problems looking at him for more than a moment at a time and his smile is still fake. But Nino knows that he can’t change that right now. He just hopes that Ohno will be back to his usual self next time he comes to visit. When he understands that Nino was telling the truth about coming back.
Ohno’s mother hugs him long and hard. “See you soon,“ she whispers in his ear and Nino can only nod enthusiastically. Then he turns to Ohno.
At first they are simply standing face to face, neither of them saying a word. Ohno is biting his lower lip and Nino waits.
“Farewell. And take care of yourself,“ Ohno says.
“I will,” Nino replies.
“Don’t go around touching lots of strangers again.”
Nino giggles, taking a step closer to Ohno.
“See you soon,” he whispers as quietly as Ohno’s mother did just moments ago. He is about to open his arms when Ohno squeezes him tight.
“Take really good care of yourself, alright? Don’t stop time so much. No more experiments. Stop doing illegal things and go to school regularly. And call me every now and then,” Ohno bubbles over and Nino hides his face in Ohno’s shoulder.
“And come back, no matter what happens, come back. Or call me and I’ll come to you. And contact me, at least once a day, alright? At least. If you forget, I’ll be on the next train to you, you can count on that.” Ohno doesn’t seem to have any intention of stopping and Nino can only nod and press himself closer against him to show that he understands.
*
Three hours later he is back home.
He remembers all the feelings vying for his attention when he made his way to the train station. Now he is on his way back and feeling so much better. He had great hopes for his trip to Tokyo, but hadn’t expected things to take such a turn. His goal had, after all, been to find a jumper and to jump back in time with him, back to the moment he first came into contact with Sho.
The jumper he found.
Arriving at his front door, Nino takes a deep breath. The long talk he had with his mother the night before took away his anxiety over seeing her again. But it still isn’t easy.
He doesn’t know why he rings the bell and doesn’t simply unlock the door, but he does and waits. You want your mother to let you back into her life, his subconscious answers the question. Maybe it’s even right.
Then she is standing in front of him and everything he wanted to say is gone. He throws himself into her arms and her familiar scent makes him realize how much he has missed her. How homesick he has been, deep down under a thick layer of ignorance.
It doesn’t take long for the tears to come.
*
“Just so we’re clear. You’re never to do something like this again, understood?” his mother complains jokingly when they’re sitting next to each other on the sofa, but Nino knows that she is serious. Nevertheless he pretends to have to think about it first.
This earns him a slap to the back of his head.
“Alright, alright, I understand,” he laughs and it feels good to laugh, even though his eyes are still smarting a little.
“Splendid,“ she grins and ruffles his hair. Nino grimaces and pouts, but she just laughs at him.
They joke around for quite a while, until Nino finally gets up the courage to ask about Sho.
“He hasn’t come back since we spoke on the phone the last time,” his mother tells him. She looks at him questioningly, but Nino isn’t ready for this conversation. Even though he had no problem telling her about Ohno.
“I should probably go to him.“ Nino is already sitting up, but his mother holds onto him.
“I don’t think I can let you leave quite yet,“ she says imploringly and pulls him back onto the sofa. Nino can only laugh once more.
“Alright. But learn how to let me go quickly. I’m seventeen, after all, not a little boy,“ Nino grins playfully.
His mother gives him a stern look.
“Yes, you proved that the last few days.”
Then her lower lip starts to twitch and she can’t hold back her laughter any longer. Nino only shakes his head. Grinning.
*
He is standing in front of Sho’s door, looking at the Sakurai engraved on the name plate. He can remember clearly how often he stood here only to chicken out.
Today he won’t.
Nino lifts his hand, reaches out with his finger and rings the bell.
A short moment later he hears the intercom engage.
“Yes?“ an unfamiliar voice comes from the loudspeaker.
“Erm… is Sho-kun home?“
For a moment there is silence and Nino tenses. This time he deliberately decided not to think of what to say beforehand because he knows it won’t do any good. As soon as he meets Sho, all the words will be gone.
“Who is asking?” the voice demands.
“Nino. We go to school together.“
Then he hears only the quiet static of the loudspeaker.
“Sho is visiting a friend over the weekend. But I can tell him to call you. Alright?”
“Ah…” Nino isn’t sure how to respond. Does he want Sho to know that he was there? What would Sho do? Would he call him? Or has he already given up on him?
The last thought hurts and Nino quickly pushes it far away.
“No, it’s alright. I’ll see him at school on Monday,“ he replies quickly and without waiting for an answer, turns to go.
*
His mother can tell immediately that things didn’t go the way he hoped they would when he comes home.
She makes a quick decision and takes him to the arcade in town.
That night Nino sits in his room, on his bed, and enjoys the familiar surroundings. Everything is in its place, just like he left it, and he can almost believe he never left. If there weren’t the constant memories of Ohno’s room and Ohno’s bed and Ohno’s warmth bubbling up within him.
» I think my mum would like nothing more than to chain me to the house. She hardly lets me go anywhere on my own. It’s my own fault though, right?, « he sends to Ohno, putting his phone to the side afterwards. He would have liked to write something like I miss you or my bed is too cold without you, but the thought of sending something like this to Ohno is already embarrassing enough. And Ohno would probably think he was crazy.
» I would have liked to do that, too, « comes the reply not even a minute later.
Nino doesn’t know how to react to that. So he doesn’t write back at all.
The next day is a Sunday and he has to force himself into keeping busy. His thoughts drift to Sho, to the conversation they haven’t had yet, but which is taking place in his head over and over again. Every time it ends differently.
He is about to send Sho a message, to call him, he has already deleted twenty messages before sending them. He doesn’t want to do it like this, it’s an insanely important conversation, one he doesn’t want to have on the phone or via mail. He has to be able to look at Sho.
So there’s nothing else for him to do but wait. Wait for the next day, for school; and to hope that he will find a quiet moment to talk to Sho. If necessary by using his power, even though he leaves that for emergencies only.
» Have you talked to your fast forwarder yet? Everything alright again between you? « Ohno writes and his timing couldn’t have been worse. For a moment Nino wants to throw his phone against the wall, he’s suddenly that desperate. Then he wants to tell Ohno to shut up, but stops himself in time, a heartbeat before he presses send. If there’s one person who’s completely blameless in this, it’s Ohno.
Instead Nino reaches for his pillow and throws it against the wall. But it doesn’t do anything to calm him.
He doesn’t sleep well that night, keeps waking up, looking at the clock and hoping for morning to come. He doesn’t want to wait any longer, he can’t wait any longer. Ohno distracted him, took his mind off things, but now that he is back here, in his usual environment, he can’t stop thinking about Sho.
And wishing to finally be with him again.
It’s half past five when he gives up on falling asleep again.
*
He is way too early; the school gates aren’t even open yet. Sighing he sits down on a bench and waits for the time to pass. Moments like this are the only times a fast forwarder has an advantage. Nino has to admit that he has never really thought about the other time shifter powers before. He has only ever thought about his own, a power that is always useful and very versatile. Alright, in the last few days he has thought a lot about Ohno’s power, jumping back in time. But even this power is only meaningful for himself as stopper, not for the jumper, who forgets everything he has experienced.
Essentially, Nino is the only one who profits from the shifting.
And still he kept pushing Sho to practice, to gain control of this power. Even though it must often have been uncomfortable for Sho, even though there were times he must have wanted to stop and only continued for Nino’s sake.
Nino knows that he took advantage of that.
He also knows that it made him stronger. He noticed when he robbed the bank. Usually he could stop time for only a certain amount of time (of course he doesn’t know how long, because no clock works when he stops time), but normally for long enough. But after he came in contact with Sho, after they had practiced together so much and he shared his power with him, he noticed that the intervals he could stop grew longer and longer. He trusts his guts in this and his years of experience. Besides, he remembers reading something to this effect in a time shifter forum once and has to admit at the same time that not everything in the forums is rubbish. A lot has been proven correct by now.
“Nino?” a voice suddenly asks, surprised, very close and Nino looks up.
Sho is standing in front of him.
He is really standing there, maybe two meters from him, looking at him as if he doesn’t quite believe what he’s seeing. Whom he is seeing. Nino can’t blame him, even for him this is happening too suddenly.
“Sho,“ he therefore only answers, looking at him and suddenly not feeling ready for the conversation he was desperate to have only moments ago.
“You’re back.“
“Looks like it.“
Then they just look at each other. Sho is still looking surprised, but the disappointment, the anger, Nino has always imagined in his eyes doesn’t exist. Instead there is something else. Sho looks as if he would rather be somewhere else, as if he would rather just go to school, have classes and not talk to him.
But Nino has to talk.
“Can you-do you have a moment?” Nino asks hesitantly.
“Uh…“ Sho hesitates, looking at his watch, then to the school gates which are just opening. “Will we be back in time for class?”
Nino wants to ask him whether this is really important now. Whether they don’t have a lot to talk about and whether it is not much more urgent that they talk about what happened and, besides, he has the potion now and they can be together again, and-
Nino takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself. At least Sho tried, came to his house so often, wanting to talk. Maybe Nino is simply too late.
“I’ll be quick?“ he offers.
“Alright, then. I think.“
Nino gets up off the bench and takes a step towards Sho. What he doesn’t expect is for Sho to take a step back.
Nino immediately looks at him in surprise and gets an apologetic look in return.
“Sorry, it’s just-I don’t want-please don’t touch me, okay?” Sho haltingly says and Nino’s heart misses a beat.
“Understood,“ he says bitterly, now evading Sho‘s gaze. They walk a few steps, with enough space between them, until they reach an empty side street. Here Nino has the quiet he needs in order to talk to Sho, even though he is a little uncertain. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t this reaction. He has wanted Sho to get loud, perhaps to shout at him, asking him where he was, why he left. Or for him to fall into his arms, telling him how much he’s missed him and how glad he is to finally have Nino back.
He didn’t want a Sho that was keeping his distance from him. Who’d rather be somewhere else than with him.
Suddenly he had to think of Ohno, how he hadn’t wanted him to leave.
“Where were you? I went to your house a few times, but your mother didn’t tell me where you were,” Sho asks him and this time he at least sounds interested.
“She didn’t know. I ran away to Tokyo,“ Nino answered.
“Tokyo? What did you want there?“
“I was looking for other time shifters.”
Sho’s gaze darkens slightly. “So it’s true.”
Now it is Nino’s turn to look surprised.
“What do you mean?”
“I was watching the news, you know. I saw the robbery at the bank. And I did some research. You used me in order to grow stronger, didn’t you? And when things were over between us, you went to Tokyo to find someone new to make you stronger still,” it bursts out of Sho and Nino sees him ball his hands into fists. This is the anger he has been expecting, this he can deal with.
He hopes.
“No, wait. It’s true, I did rob the bank, but it was the worst thing I’ve ever done, I know that now,” Nino says immediately and looks at Sho hopefully. “But I wasn’t looking for a shifter in order to get stronger. I was looking for one in order to put everything I have done to rights again. The robbery. The stealing. But most of all… this thing with you.”
“How did you want to do that?“ Sho doesn’t sound convinced, far from it, but at least he isn’t looking quite as angry anymore and he is giving Nino the chance to explain himself. Nino is very thankful for it.
“I wanted to find someone who can jump back in time. To have the opportunity to meet you again. To do everything better this time.“
“But it looks as if that didn’t work out,” Sho remarks bitingly.
Nino is silent. There is so much still within him, so much he wants to say to Sho, so much he wants to tell him, but he doesn’t know whether this is the right time. Or whether he should leave Sho in peace for now.
Sho seems to notice and looks apologetic.
“Sorry, Nino, it’s just-you were suddenly gone and I found out all these things and now you’re back and-what do you want me to say?”
“I only wanted to tell you that I found something that allows us to be together. Something with which you don’t need to be afraid to touch me anymore,” Nino finally says.
“What? You-what?“
“I have a potion that can block our powers. So that we can’t use them anymore. Not even accidentally.”
“And it works?” Sho is surprised, Nino can hear it in his voice. He certainly wasn’t expecting this.
“Yes, I tried it myself.” Even if it wasn’t voluntarily, but Sho doesn’t have to know that.
“Wow, that‘s-“ Sho begins, then stops again. Nino can understand, he himself is having trouble finding the right words.
“Do you know what this means for us, Sho? We can- without having to be afraid…“ He takes a step towards Sho, then another, unable to suppress a smile, while hope blooms in every fiber of his being.
But Sho suddenly throws up his hand defensively and Nino stops at once.
“Sorry… Nino,“ he says hesitantly. “It’s just, while you were gone… things changed.”
“I was only gone for a week,” Nino protests.
Sho looks at him, eyes full of guilt. “Sometimes things change fast.”
*
Nino doesn’t know how to get through the school day after this conversation. He has no clue which topics were dealt with in his classes or which other things his teachers talked about. He only knows that he can’t stop thinking about Sho’s words.
Sho promised him they’d talk at length after school.
Nino just doesn’t know if that’s what he wants.
Nevertheless he is now standing here, at their agreed upon meeting point, watching as Sho walks toward him and stops, once again leaving a distance of two meters between them. The smile on his lips is crooked, just like Nino feels in that moment.
Sho suggests going to Lotteria for something to eat, but Nino says no immediately and takes him to Mosburger just across the street. He only orders a drink, he is, after all, here to talk, not to eat. What’s more, he doesn’t believe he’ll be able to get anything down right now.
“So tell me about what’s changed,“ he starts at once, trying to leave his voice as expressionless as possible. He doesn’t want Sho to know how crazy all of this is making him.
Sho draws on his straw and Nino can’t take his eyes off his full lips. He’d really like to reach for Sho’s hand right now, to pull him outside, to walk to his or Sho’s house, hand in hand, fingers intertwined, and then-
“I met someone,“ Sho says and the world collapses around Nino.
“I disappear for a few days and you throw yourself at the next person you can find? I wouldn’t have thought that of you.” Nino spits the words, trying to hide that he just wants to run away.
Sho met someone. Someone else. Someone came into Sho’s life, who is important to him and, it seems, more important than Nino.
“How was I supposed to know when you’d be back? Or if you were coming back at all?“ Sho snaps and it’s unfair that he can get loud when it should be Nino, who has the right to be mad. But Nino can’t feel anything other than the sadness that puts heavy chains around his heart. But it’s not only his heart, he notices, it’s also his throat, because he can’t get another word out.
Unfortunately Sho uses his silence to further explain what happened.
“While you were gone, I thought a lot. About you, about us. And then, then I met him and-it was different, you know? I didn’t need to worry about some power lying dormant within me. It feels good with him. Normal. As it should be,” Sho explains, his voice at first subdued but then happier and happier.
With every word he breaks Nino’s heart a little more.
“But we can be normal now, too,” he manages and his voice sounds wrong to his own ears.
Sho shakes his head.
“Even if the potion works, things will never be normal between us, Nino. I know how you are and everything you’ve done with this power. You won’t stop using your power forever, not because of me. Believe me, you won’t.”
“How can you know that? That means you aren’t even giving me- giving us a chance?” Nino tries and sounds more desperate than he wants to show Sho. Sho’s rueful look tightens the chains in his chest.
“I’m sorry, Nino. But I prefer the safety I’ll have with him to you.“
Nino doesn’t understand how Sho can just say this, not after everything they’ve been through, after all these moments in the park, after the kiss. How can Sho choose someone else, here and now?
How can he just throw those harsh words at his head?
“Why?“ he whispers, unable to speak louder.
Sho takes a deep breath and he finally looks as if this talk isn’t easy for him either.
“I can’t trust you anymore. Not after everything that’s happened.“
After everything that’s happened.
That’s happened.
Nino only realizes that he’s gotten up only when he is already on his feet. The drink in his hand is crushed and the rest of his drink is running down the back of his hand.
“Alright,“ he says with finality. „Alright.“
Then he stops time and runs out of the restaurant. He runs long enough that he has enough of a head start before he allows time to flow again. Even though he doesn’t believe that Sho will go after him at all.
Sho wants to have a normal life.
Nino can’t give him that.
Maybe things would be different if he hadn’t run away. After all, Sho had come to his home in order to talk. Maybe they would have found a solution.
But Nino wasn’t there, Nino was in Tokyo, with Ohno.
And he has come back too late. He was just too late.
Nino narrows his eyes to slits as he realizes this. It hurts too much, this realization. Everything could have gone differently, if he had only returned earlier. Maybe even if he had only stayed with Ohno for one day less. If he had only enjoyed his company for one day less.
It just hurts too much.
Nino is despondent and angry and he doesn’t know what to do with all this anger he feels towards himself. Or with all the other emotions. That’s why he simply runs, runs until he is home. His mother immediately sees that something is wrong when he steps into the living room, out of breath and with a heavy heart.
“Kazu?“ she asks worriedly. Nino shakes his head until he is dizzy.
“He…,“ he starts but he can’t get anything else out.
His mother hugs him, but this time not even that helps. It doesn’t take the pain away.
There is only one thing that can help him now.
“I have to go to Tokyo again. I have to-please let me go one more time,” he begs his mother and there has to be something in his gaze, because she nods, very lightly.
“Alright. But you have to come back in time for school.“ Then she gets up, fetches her wallet and gives him enough money for the train ride.
Shortly after he is on the train to Tokyo.
But even the three-hour train ride isn’t enough to make him calm. The whole day plays in his head again and again, he can remember almost every single word Sho has spoken.
He asks himself how all of this could have happened. When his life has gotten so out of hand.
When you stopped time for the first time when you were eight, he answers his own question. Then everything within him convulses. Suddenly he doesn’t see anything amazing in his power anymore, now it is just a burden, something he wishes he had never had. If only he were a completely normal boy, then everything would be alright, then he could offer Sho the normality he wants, then he could be with Sho instead of that other guy.
Nino twists his fingers into the fabric of his pants. Everything’s so unfair.
So incredibly unfair.
He never wanted this power. He never asked for it. Who decided that he should get it? Who gave him this burden?
Nino bites his lower lip when he feels his eyes getting suspiciously wet. He doesn’t want to cry, not here, not now, never again.
He only wants a normal life.
A life with Sho.
Seeing him, talking to him, has showed him once again how strongly he feels drawn to him. That he wants to stay with him.
That he has to get him back.
That’s why he gets on the next train to Shibuya as soon as he arrives in Shinagawa. During the train ride he calls Ohno.
“Nino?“ the familiar voice answers immediately and Nino knows that he would usually be smiling now, at the sound of Ohno’s voice. But he can’t bring himself to do it.
“Are you still at work?” Nino asks at once.
“I just got off. Just have to change clothes. Why? Do you want to talk?”
“I need to see you.”
For a moment there is silence.
“Oh. Alright. I mean, sure. We can meet on the weekend.” Ohno sounds surprised but happy.
“No, I need to see you right now. I’ll be in Shibuya in a couple minutes.” While he says this, his train enters the station and he pushes through the crowd to get outside. “I’ll meet you at the MatsuKiyo.”
“You are-what? Nino did something happen?“ All at once Ohno sounds worried. It makes Nino’s heart feel a little lighter.
“Yes. I… I’ll see you soon.” With these words he hangs up. Fortunately the Matsumoto Kiyoshi isn’t far from the station and when he turns into the street, he sees Ohno running towards him. Before he can say anything, Ohno’s arms are around him.
“Don’t make me worry like this, you idiot,” Ohno complains, but his voice is devoid of reproach.
“Sorry,“ Nino mumbles and presses his face into Ohno’s coat.
“What happened?“
“Sho-he-“ But even with Ohno he has a hard time getting the words out. “He can’t trust me anymore. He has someone else now. He-oh god, he has someone else.”
“Oh no…“ Ohno’s voice sounds genuinely sympathetic and Nino can feel his hand in his hair. “I’m sorry. And it was so important to you that things were working out again, too.”
Nino swallows the sadness trying to rise within him. Even though he knows he’s no better off with it crowding his stomach.
“If only I had left earlier-if only I had gotten back before he met this guy… if only I hadn’t been so stupid,” Nino says into the fabric of Ohno’s coat. He doesn’t know whether Ohno can understand his words or not.
“Nino.“
“If only I hadn’t done so many stupid things. If only I hadn’t smoked that stupid cigarette. Or robbed the damned bank-“
“Nino, hey…”
“None of this would have happened! Sho would still-I could-with him-“
“Nino, stop. Don’t think like that. Please don’t keep thinking like that,” Ohno suddenly begs him and Nino stops.
But his thoughts have already reached that conclusion.
“Please, Ohno,” he says quietly. And then he looks up, looks directly into Ohno’s eyes.
“Please jump with me.”
He hears Ohno breathe in deeply and Nino prepares himself for the no, why should Ohno say yes anyway.
But isn’t that the reason he is in Tokyo now?
“Nino, I…”
“-Please! I need him, Ohno. I need him so much. I can’t go on without him. Please, I want him back. Please give me this chance.” By now Nino is begging and he knows that it isn’t fair, he knows it even before the bitterness creeps into Ohno’s eyes.
But he can’t stop.
“Please, Ohno. I’m begging you, jump with me.”
Nino keeps staring at him, beseechingly and so helplessly. His hands are holding onto Ohno’s arms tightly, as if they were the only thing keeping him upright. He’s so close to him that he can feel Ohno’s breath on his face.
“I’ll forget you, Nino,” Ohno whispers desperately. Nino knows that, he knows that Ohno and Ohno’s mother and the great time he spent with them will be taken back. But Sho is worth it to him. Sho means everything to him. Much more than anything he would be giving up.
“I need to get him back, Ohno. I love him so much,” Nino says and sees something change within Ohno.
“How far…,“ he begins and Nino’s eyes widen. „How far back do I have to go?”
Ohno’s voice sounds glum, the words heavy.
“Four weeks,” Nino says tensely.
“I won’t be able to get the exact day,” Ohno explains expressionlessly.
“That doesn’t matter. Just go back as far as possible.“ Within Nino, determination grows. And hope. He can’t believe that Ohno is really going to do it.
“Alright.”
The words, the acceptance, take all the bad emotions away and Nino can’t help but smile at Ohno.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.“
Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers the beaten-down look in Ohno’s eyes, but he is too excited, too relieved to think about it.
“Then… take care, Nino,“ Ohno manages. Nino can hear how hard the words are for him. But he only thinks about Sho, about his chance to put everything to rights.
“I will look for you. And then I’ll tell you about everything that’s happened,” he smiles and is sure it will work that he will have Ohno in his life again after the jump.
“I won’t believe you,” Ohno replies bitterly.
“We’ll see.”
Nino looks at Ohno’s face one last time, commits it to memory, the slightly too-long nose, the curved eyebrows, the thin lips.
Then he closes his eyes.
But something happens that he isn’t expecting. He feels Ohno’s lips on his own.
Ohno is kissing him.
Nino forgets to breathe while his heart suddenly starts racing.
He wants to open his eyes, wants to look at Ohno again, has to see him once more, but-
When he opens them, he is on the school roof.
“Are you nuts? What if anybody sees us? We'll be in deep trouble!” Sho snaps at him.
Nino looks at the cigarette in his fingers. Then he takes a deep breath.
“You’re right,” he says and puts the cigarette out against the banister.
Sho first looks relieved, but then thoughtful. “Was that the only reason you brought me here?”
Nino doesn’t hesitate long before he answers, “No. I just wanted to spend some time with you.”
After the break, when they’re on their way back to class, he takes out his cell phone and types in Ohno’s e-mail address. While he writes the message, he tries to ignore the pull in his chest.
» Thank you, Ohno. I’ll do everything to make sure this chance wasn’t in vain. Your little idiot. «
The end.