Fic: The days fall apart in your hands (1/5)
Title: The days fall apart in your hands (1/5)
Pairing: Nino/OC, Nino/Ohno
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5000
Warning: Canon-AU, Memory issues
Summary: After four months away working in America, Nino comes back to find everyone around him is acting strangely - and it's becoming increasingly worrying. When he tries to understand what really happened while he was gone, he must dig past all the lies. To put all the broken pieces together, he must realize that one thing he kept away so deep down, locked up, long forgotten.
Notes: So this randomly happened when I was watching "Dream House" (awesome movie, btw) and duh, fic idea popped up in my head and the thing with random fic ideas? They only leave when you write them down. So I did. What was planned for a short Oneshot turned out to be a 20k one in the end, so I decided to split it into five parts :) This would never exist without all the motivation and encouragement from the ever so awesome aozora_pedaru and my lovely, lovely beta eufry who both made this a better fic. Thank you both so much ♥
The days fall apart in your hands
But all the broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
His steps were almost as heavy as the luggage he dragged behind him. With tired limbs and way too many thoughts in his head, Nino pushed through the crowd. He had pulled his hat down far enough to see only a small slice of the world, and very many feet. His mouth was buried in the thin scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. It seemed to be in a competition with the stubble on his chin about which could itch the most.
His manager was supposed to have been at the airport to collect him. Sadly, he had not been able to see him anywhere. Nino had finally slipped into the first taxi to cross his path and mumbled a barely audible Tokyo before he had given in to the hits and kicks of his exhaustion ("Not the stomach, not the stomach, damn").
Two hours later the taxi came to a stop in front of his doorstep and Nino blinked to shake off the lethargy that had taken a hold of him during the drive. Why was there such a thing as jet lag and why did he have to suffer so much every time?
"Do you want me to help with your luggage, Sir?" the throaty voice of the taxi driver sounded from the driver's seat. Nino scrunched up his brows in irritation, then noticed that the driver wasn't even looking at him.
"Yes, you should," he therefore answered dully and oh so tired. The biting sarcasm he had reserved for such moments had sadly been lost somewhere on the journey. But seriously, there was no way he himself was going to be hoisting his twenty kilos heavy suitcase out of the trunk.
The fact that it was barely lunchtime did not stop him from going straight to bed as soon as he had stepped into his apartment. His suitcase would surely wait in the front hall to be unpacked. If not by him, then by her later on. Sleep was a lot higher on his list of priorities right now. In fact, it came directly after taking off his shoes. He ignored the musty air that greeted him in the room.
A small, painful throbbing in his right temple kept him awake for a few minutes, made him (with many contortions and curses) free himself of his pants, before his complete exhaustion made him fall into a sleep-like state for the second time that day. He didn't even notice that he was still wearing his hat, which was pressing against his forehead uncomfortably.
It was already dark outside when Nino woke up again, which made getting his bearings difficult. His bedroom was barely illuminated by the light coming in through the cracks in the shutters and beneath the door. He couldn't see much, but it was enough to make his way to the wardrobe. It was funny how fast one's own apartment could become strange when one was away for a few months.
Nino blindly reached for a new pair of jeans and laboriously pulled them on. He pushed his hand through his hair, but stopped in surprise. He probed his forehead with his fingers, because something there felt strange. As if there was a dent right beneath his hairline. It hurt when he carefully pressed down on it.
"You wore your hat to bed," a female voice came from behind him. Nino turned around and had to squeeze his eyes shut. The door was wide open, allowing too much light to fall into the room for his tired eyes to cope with.
"Does it hurt?"
Nino shook his head even before he reopened his eyes. In front of him stood Sayuri, his wife, his sweet and lovely wife, whom he hadn't held in his arms since he had left for Chicago and suddenly he couldn't wait any longer. With one giant leap he reached for her, forgetting jet lag and light and all the other things that had seemed so terrible a second ago, and squeezed her tight. Sayuri giggled quietly.
"Did someone miss me?" she asked teasingly.
"Never," Nino replied, trying to sound serious, but failing miserably due to known circumstances. "I'm an idol, I don't know such pesky feelings like longing."
"Where would we be if you did? We wouldn't want me to jeopardize your job, right? No one would ever forgive me," she laughed lightly while she slowly broke out of his embrace. One of her brown locks fell into her eyes and Nino thought he'd never been more in love with her.
“Certainly not me. Forgiveness isn't quite my thing, as you know."
“Yes, I know.”
Then both of them laughed and Nino took the opportunity to press his lips against hers in a short kiss. His hands lay on her hips, which made it easy for him to draw her even closer. But when he leaned down for another kiss and maybe something more she nimbly evaded him.
"The little one will be here any moment." And she escaped his arms. "It would be nice if she could recognize her daddy. And not necessarily by his smell."
Nino grimaced, making her laugh. "I've just gotten off a 15-hour flight, do you think I-"
"Ten hours."
"Ten and a half."
"Shouldn't keep you from taking a shower before your daughter gets here."
Now it was Nino's turn to grin. "Showering together saves money."
"Did Aiba-kun tell you that?"
Nino scrunched up his nose but stopped himself from saying anything more. He knew when he had lost and he didn't want to expend unnecessary energy for a discussion that wasn't quite serious to begin with. Energy was precious, especially during jet lag monster times.
"I'll make hamburger if you manage to shave, too," was the last thing he heard before the door fell shut behind him.
Seeing his daughter again after four long months felt almost more fulfilling. She came running towards him when he entered the kitchen, freshly showered (and shaved). He lifted her high into the air, spun her around, because he knew she loved it, and set her down on a chair. Her laughter let his exhaustion seem like the most unimportant thing in the world.
"Hi sweetie, did you miss daddy?" he asked grinning. Now that she was standing on her chair, she was almost as tall as him. She made up the missing centimeters by standing on her tiptoes and put her small hands on his shoulders to keep her balance.
"But daddy, we're both idols, we don't miss anyone," she answered indignantly.
They had given him two days to acclimate to life in Tokyo again, but Nino was sure that it was only a pretense and the two days were meant solely to give him time to relax and gain strength for the fight against the jet lag. Nobody wanted to work with a Ninomiya Kazunari who was even more tired and restless than normal.
Ohno had tried to call him, but Nino was sure that whatever he had wanted could definitely wait until they saw each other in the studio two days from now. The fact that Ohno hadn't tried again only confirmed this for him.
Nino didn't do much during his two days off. He spent most of the time sleeping, as he had been meant to. When his daughter had been born, Sayuri had banned all his video games and game consoles from the apartment and moved them to the basement, a decision that had caused a huge fight between them and finally seen Nino give in. The first few weeks had been hard, very hard, but over the years his daughter had ousted the video games from his head and his heart.
Later that night, he had called his manager in order to complain that he had been left waiting at the airport. Nino expected him to likewise complain and use the same tone Nino had used, but instead there was nothing but silence down the line and then, after a moment, there came an apology. He had never got him to apologize this quickly before and Nino had to admit to himself that he was quite surprised. He didn't find out why his manager hadn't come to collect him, as had been planned, though.
"Daddy has lots of free time," his daughter greeted him the next morning as he stepped into the living room. She had snuggled down on the sofa with her favorite blue blanket and was watching cartoons. Nino sat down with her and curled his legs beneath him so that he, too, could push his feet under the blanket.
"It's great, isn't it? Now we can watch cartoons all day long," he suggested with a grin.
"Careful, mummy will be angry if you watch too much TV," she reprimanded him, her gaze staying fixed on the TV.
"Mh. You're right, mummy can be a dragon when she wants to be," he whispered to her, very close to her ear, making her giggle loudly.
"If mummy hears you," she chuckled with her high voice.
"If mummy hears what?" suddenly sounded from the kitchen. Nino opened his eyes wide and playfully stared at his daughter, who also had her eyes open wide.
"Oh-oh," she said and pulled the blanket up to her nose. Nino swallowed audibly when he heard steps closing in on them.
"Run for your life!" he shouted and threw the blue blanket over their heads.
On Thursday, the first job since his return to Japan waited for him. But weekdays meant nothing to Nino anymore, he had quickly gotten used to the fact that they were of almost no importance in the life of an idol. Jobs were done whenever you were hired, no matter if it was Tuesday or Sunday.
The way to the agency was almost unfamiliar, even though he had only spent four months in the US. Nino quickly grew accustomed to his surroundings, adapted even faster and sometimes this turned out to be a disadvantage. But he would grow accustomed to his life in Tokyo just as quickly again, he was sure of it.
With a murmured 'Morning' he finally stepped into the green room and immediately four pairs of eyes were on him.
"Nino?" Aiba was the first to react. The surprise was clearly visible on his face as he looked at Nino and Nino looked back questioningly.
"Did you expect my evil twin?" he replied with knitted eyebrows. Aiba looked even more confused now, but that was probably because he was thinking about Nino's question.
"Hey Nino. Nice to have you back," Sho welcomed him with a friendly smile. Meanwhile Jun took a few steps towards him. “How are you? Everything went well?" he asked with honest curiosity and something more in his voice. Was that concern? Jun always worried too much about all of them.
“Sure. Wasn't my first time in America after all." Nino waved him off and plopped down on the sofa. He looked at the space next to him and smoothed out a crease with his hand. The cloth felt familiar beneath his fingers, it brought a pleasant feeling of nostalgia with it. Although it had only been four months, he had missed all of this more than he had thought.
"America, huh? I'm sure you had a great time," he heard Sho say, but his gaze was still trained on the sofa. The crease proved to be quite stubborn.
"I didn't see much of it. Too much to do, you know what it's like."
Suddenly a hand covered his own, stopping him from further fiddling with the crease. Nino looked up and directly into the tired eyes of Ohno. Ohno smiled for a second and sat down next to Nino, not letting go of his hand.
"As long as you're back," he said softly and leaned forward a little. Without thinking about it, Nino mirrored him and pressed his forehead against Ohno's, because it was what they did, even if they hadn't seen each other in four months, or maybe more than ever when they hadn't seen each other in a while.
Ohno squeezed his hand a little tighter.
"Just in case you were waiting for something, I didn't bring back souvenirs for you," Nino said then, moving away from Ohno and looking at the rest of his band. "Didn't take enough money with me." He shrugged his shoulders. Aiba laughed loudly, but it sounded as if he was trying to mask his disappointment.
"Same old Nino," Jun grumbled, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Always. You shouldn't expect too much, just because I'm gone for four months."
There was a beat of silence and Nino didn't miss the looks the others exchanged. Were they trying to make him feel bad? Nino admitted to himself that he already did; he wasn't quite sure, why he hadn't brought back souvenirs for his friends. Somehow other things had occupied him and then he had simply run out of time.
"Please don't make a fuss about it like Sayuri did, alright? I've been through that already. And here I thought it would be enough for her to have her husband back safe and sound," Nino whined when the silence began to feel strange.
Ohno let go of his hand.
"Sayuri? Your wife?" Jun asked and Nino sighed loudly.
"Who else? What's wrong with you guys? Are you so overwhelmed by having me back that your brains aren't working properly?" he asked bitingly. The monster named jet lag seemed to fight against his patience and Nino had to admit, the jet lag was definitely winning.
"Sorry, sorry." Sho lifted his hands defensively. "We just remember that you guys were fighting. I didn't know you had made up."
This gave Nino pause. He couldn't remember a fight, at least not a recent one. Sure, there had been the big fight because of the video games, but that had been before his daughter had been born.
"We haven't fought in ages. Are you sure you aren't mixing things up?" Nino noticed that his voice had hardened without him being conscious of it. But his patience was waning more and more and at the same time the throbbing in his temple was coming back with a vengeance.
Before one of his friends could answer, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair, leaning back against the sofa. "Doesn't matter. The jet lag is killing me. No more jobs abroad, please. At least not within the next ten years."
Next to him Ohno laughed softly and then Nino felt his hand on his thigh, a comforting warmth.
"For now you have time to relax."
And there was almost too much time to relax for his taste. Especially now, after his job in the US, he had expected that people would be crazy about him and Arashi. But there was only a group meeting and a couple interviews that day.
Not that Nino was complaining. A slow start back into his old life was exactly what he needed. It just surprised him a little.
"Do you want a lift home?" was the first thing Jun asked after the group meeting was over and they were done for the day. Nino was in the middle of stretching languorously, trying to restart his body, and he froze into place, his arms still stretched far above his head.
"Huh?" he only managed at first, looking at Jun in surprise. “Why?"
“Just because. We haven't seen each other in a while. I thought it would be nice to spend some more time together."
Jun smiled one of his beaming idol smiles, but Nino had seen through them a long time ago. But his head hurt and he didn't even want to start on the rest of his body, so he returned a smile that was just as fake and nodded.
"How could I say no to that?" he added and finally relaxed his arms. From the corner of his eye, he could see Sho whisper something in Ohno's ear.
His apartment was still plunged in darkness when Jun parked his car in the driveway. Sayuri probably had to work overtime again, like she had done before Nino's trip to Chicago.
"Make yourself at home. I'll go looking for something to eat," Nino called out to Jun when they stepped into the apartment and went straight to the kitchen. But there he was greeted by a nasty smell. In the sink the dishes from the last few days collected dust, no one had apparently felt responsible for washing them and putting them away.
"Oh dear, two people with careers in one family, that doesn't work," Nino mumbled under his breath, his face a grimace, while he got rid of the leftover food and stacked the dishes. Sayuri could do the rest later on.
"Everything alright in there?" Jun called from the living room.
"Yea, no pro-," but Nino got no further, because a loud crash right next to him interrupted him. He flinched and looked around for the source of the noise, but could see nothing. There was complete silence in the kitchen. The lamp above the sink, right next to his head, flickered for a second and began to buzz. All of a sudden Nino felt extremely hot and his palms were wet. Then something touched his shoulder. Startled, he turned around, looking wide-eyed at Jun.
"Nino, what is-?" But Jun stopped there and stared at Nino's hands. Nino followed his gaze and a shiver ran down his spine. The wetness on his palms wasn't sweat, as he had thought, it was blood. His blood.
"Shit!" he exclaimed. At once he reached for a tissue and pressed it against the long cut across his palm, which now started to sting terribly.
"Nino, wait! Let me see. What happened?" Jun reached for his hand, but Nino quickly moved it away from him.
"Nothing. I don't know. I must have cut myself on something." His eyes fell on the sink and he shivered again when he saw the pile of shards and more of his blood. The noise earlier, he seemed to have caused it himself.
The telltale throbbing in his temple announced its reappearance, like an unwelcome visitor that pounded on the front door.
"Your hands are shaking," Jun said worriedly and it was only now that Nino noticed it. His right hand was shaking ceaselessly and the more he concentrated on stopping the shaking, the worse it got.
"Wait, sit down. Sit down, Nino."
The throbbing worsened; it now felt as if someone was taking a hammer to his forehead. Jun kept talking, but Nino had trouble concentrating on his words.
Then it was over.
Nino took a deep breath and touched the temple that he had been sure was about to explode.
"This jet lag is doing my head in," he sighed, his voice showing just how exhausted he was.
"I don't think this is the jet lag. Don't you want to go to the doctor?" Jun asked worriedly, but Nino only waved him off. He felt shattered and his hand hurt. The only thing he wanted now was to be alone, not for some doctor to talk his ear off.
"It'll pass."
But it didn't pass. After the massacre of the dishes, Sayuri hardly let him do anything on his own- whether it was because she was worried about him or about their dishes, he didn't know, but he was nonetheless thankful for her care. He spent most of the time in bed, trying to sleep, which, strangely, worked very well. And here he was thinking, he'd relaxed more than enough the last few days. His body seemed to think differently, though.
Jun had apparently told the others about what had happened, because ever since the incident one of his friends shadowed his every move as soon as he stepped into the green room and everyone asked him at least three times a day whether he was feeling alright. Even Ohno, who usually didn't ask such things.
"I'm fine," he said for what seemed like the twentieth time that day and stopped himself from saying more. He knew that his friends were only worried about him and he wasn't going to snap at them because of it, no matter how bad-tempered he was. They didn't deserve it. But his loyalty only lasted so long and he was glad when he finally wound up alone with Ohno.
Sighing, he leaned back into the sofa and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence as he never had before.
"Tired?" Ohno asked softly, almost inaudibly. He always seemed to know just what Nino needed.
"Mhm," Nino hummed in agreement. "Jet lag, you know."
"A whole week long?"
"It's a stubborn bugger."
For a moment there was silence between them and Nino only knew that Ohno was still sitting next to him because he could hear his deep and steady breathing. It lulled him in and he almost jumped when Ohno started to speak again.
"I'll take you to the doctor."
Maybe it was because Ohno didn't ask, or because Nino had by now accepted that something was wrong - whatever it was, he didn't object.
Most likely it was simply because it was Ohno.
"Take a deep breath, please," Asami-sensei's soothing voice sounded and Nino felt the cold metal of the stethoscope on his naked chest. He breathed in as deeply and slowly as he could, in and out, in and out. Ohno stood on his left side and smiled comfortingly.
"Again, please," the doctor said when Nino started to breathe normally again. He did as he was told and closed his eyes because he felt as if his headache would come back any second.
"Alright, thank you. You can get dressed again."
Meanwhile Nino regretted having let Ohno talk him into going to the doctor. He didn't believe that doctors knew another cure for jet lag, just sleeping, relaxing and hoping that the body would adapt to the old rhythm again.
Nevertheless he willingly offered his arm when Asami-sensei asked to take his blood pressure. He was here after all, he could let them check him out.
"Your blood pressure is slightly elevated, but still within the normal range. When did the headaches first begin?"
"The day I came back from Chicago. I get them often after long flights." Nino swallowed a sigh, most likely the doctor would now confirm what he knew already. He sent a short, grim look at Ohno, but was completely ignored.
"And the shaking? Did that start right after the flight, too?" Asami continued his line of questioning.
Nino hesitated. "I'm not quite sure, to be honest. I only noticed it a few days later, but only because my friend pointed it out. It's possible that it started before that."
"And do you also get that in connection with jet lag?"
"The shaking? No. No, I don't think so."
This time Ohno gave him a look. It was the same look Nino had sent to him just now, a clear I told you so.
"Did you notice the plate slipping through your fingers?" Asami had by now started taking notes. He only threw occasional, quick glances at Nino over the top of his glasses. Something about it seemed familiar to Nino, but he couldn't quite say why.
“No. It was-I think I blacked out for a second." Nino swallowed, now that he thought about the scene, how it had happened seemed quite strange to him. That he hadn't noticed immediately that he was the one who had caused the noise. And he still couldn't say how he had gotten the deep cut during all this.
"Apart from that everything alright? In your private life for example? Did something happen that bothered you?" the doctor suddenly changed tack.
Again Nino hesitated. He didn't quite feel comfortable with the conversation.
"Everything's fine, doctor. I was away from home for a few months, but nothing really changed. My wife and I don't have any problems and my daughter is healthy, everything's fine."
Asami-sensei lifted his head to look him right in the eyes. "Your daughter?"
Nino smiled, immediately he saw his daughter's grinning face in front of his eyes, so very close, like she had been while they hid from Sayuri under the blanket. "Yes. I'm home a lot at the moment, so I can spend a lot of time with her. It's great, especially since I haven't seen her in so long."
Asami smiled briefly, then went back to his notes. "Children are the best medicine, Ninomiya-san. I have a daughter myself, you know. I can be feeling completely awful, but she always manages to get me to smile."
Nino nodded lightly, knowing exactly what Asami-sensei meant.
"How old is your daughter?" the doctor asked.
"She'll be six this summer."
More notes, Nino was wondering what Asami could possibly be writing down. He was after all here to talk about his health, not about his family.
"What should we do, doctor?" Ohno abruptly asked. It was the first time since their arrival that he had spoken.
Asami-sensei studied his notes in silence. Nino wasn't sure whether he would still get the confirmation from the doctor that he had expected, that the jet lag monster was responsible for all of his problems, or whether he would get something else.
"You should rest some more, Ninomiya-san. Sometimes the body has a stronger than usual reaction to changes. Go home and relax as much as possible. But please come back here next week. Even if your problems are gone by then."
Nino nodded and was about to get up when a short "Ah" from the doctor stopped him. He sank back into the chair and looked questioningly at Asami.
"Maybe-" he began and typed something into the computer next to him. "I'll prescribe something for you to take the next few days. It combats the symptoms of the jet lag and helps you relax. It should keep the black outs at bay, at least."
On the way out, his hand started shaking again, but Nino did his best to hide it. He dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, left, right, left, right. Ohno walked by his side silently and it wasn't long before they had reached the train station. Nino knew that Ohno had to take the train in the opposite direction, but he didn't say anything when Ohno got onto the train with him.
The shaking of his hand was slowly receding. Nevertheless, the question of what had caused the shaking stayed with him, accompanying the question of how he had destroyed the plate without noticing it. As much as he would like to say the plate had slipped through his fingers because of the shaking, deep down he knew that the answer wasn't quite that simple. He had held the plate right above the sink, even if it had slipped through his fingers, it shouldn't have broken. Moreover, none of this explained the cut in the palm of his left hand.
Nino stared at the cut, carefully tracing the fine red line, the last reminder of the almost-healed injury.
What exactly had happened while he'd blacked out?
"Come on, we need to get off here," Ohno said, cutting through the train of thought that had wrapped itself around his hand. Nino blinked, looked down at his hand once more and nodded. Ohno said nothing further.
A strange feeling overcame him when they stood in front of the door to his apartment. Sayuri was home already, as evidenced by the light in the hall. He turned to Ohno and smiled cautiously.
"Thanks for walking me home," he said duly. Somehow he hoped that Ohno would notice what he was doing and also say goodbye, but Ohno only stared at him for a long moment, his eyebrows scrunched up. Then he took a step towards Nino and wrapped him in his arms.
"Huh?" slipped out of Nino's mouth, but Ohno didn't react, on the contrary, he squeezed Nino a little harder.
"I missed you so much," he heard Ohno breathe against his throat and a cold shiver ran down Nino's spine, despite the warmth of the embrace.
"Leader, what-," he began, his voice weak, but Ohno cut him off right away.
"You were gone so long and since you've been back, we've barely been alone with each other." The words were almost a sigh against his skin, barely audible but still their meaning burned itself into Nino's head, leaving behind confusion and something more.
"But...," Nino began, but he had no idea how to complete the sentence. But what? What exactly was Ohno's meaning and what did the intimate embrace mean, of which there had only been a handful between them in all his life?
"Only one more minute," Ohno pleaded when Nino tried to extricate himself from the embrace.
"Oh-chan, Sayuri is home. What if she sees us? She'll think the worst." Nino tried to make the words sound as casual as possible, but because of the situation and because of Ohno's nearness this proved harder than expected. But they seemed to have the desired effect, because Ohno let go of him at once.
"Sorry," he mumbled quickly and stared at the floor.
"Thanks again. For walking me home and so on. See you tomorrow?" Nino hesitantly tried to save the moment. Ohno sent him a short glance and a crooked smile. Then he turned around and left.
Nino didn't know how long he had continued to stand out there, looking at the spot he had last seen Ohno in. He only knew that something within him was tightening. And it hurt.
Part 2
Pairing: Nino/OC, Nino/Ohno
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5000
Warning: Canon-AU, Memory issues
Summary: After four months away working in America, Nino comes back to find everyone around him is acting strangely - and it's becoming increasingly worrying. When he tries to understand what really happened while he was gone, he must dig past all the lies. To put all the broken pieces together, he must realize that one thing he kept away so deep down, locked up, long forgotten.
Notes: So this randomly happened when I was watching "Dream House" (awesome movie, btw) and duh, fic idea popped up in my head and the thing with random fic ideas? They only leave when you write them down. So I did. What was planned for a short Oneshot turned out to be a 20k one in the end, so I decided to split it into five parts :) This would never exist without all the motivation and encouragement from the ever so awesome aozora_pedaru and my lovely, lovely beta eufry who both made this a better fic. Thank you both so much ♥
The days fall apart in your hands
But all the broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
His steps were almost as heavy as the luggage he dragged behind him. With tired limbs and way too many thoughts in his head, Nino pushed through the crowd. He had pulled his hat down far enough to see only a small slice of the world, and very many feet. His mouth was buried in the thin scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. It seemed to be in a competition with the stubble on his chin about which could itch the most.
His manager was supposed to have been at the airport to collect him. Sadly, he had not been able to see him anywhere. Nino had finally slipped into the first taxi to cross his path and mumbled a barely audible Tokyo before he had given in to the hits and kicks of his exhaustion ("Not the stomach, not the stomach, damn").
Two hours later the taxi came to a stop in front of his doorstep and Nino blinked to shake off the lethargy that had taken a hold of him during the drive. Why was there such a thing as jet lag and why did he have to suffer so much every time?
"Do you want me to help with your luggage, Sir?" the throaty voice of the taxi driver sounded from the driver's seat. Nino scrunched up his brows in irritation, then noticed that the driver wasn't even looking at him.
"Yes, you should," he therefore answered dully and oh so tired. The biting sarcasm he had reserved for such moments had sadly been lost somewhere on the journey. But seriously, there was no way he himself was going to be hoisting his twenty kilos heavy suitcase out of the trunk.
The fact that it was barely lunchtime did not stop him from going straight to bed as soon as he had stepped into his apartment. His suitcase would surely wait in the front hall to be unpacked. If not by him, then by her later on. Sleep was a lot higher on his list of priorities right now. In fact, it came directly after taking off his shoes. He ignored the musty air that greeted him in the room.
A small, painful throbbing in his right temple kept him awake for a few minutes, made him (with many contortions and curses) free himself of his pants, before his complete exhaustion made him fall into a sleep-like state for the second time that day. He didn't even notice that he was still wearing his hat, which was pressing against his forehead uncomfortably.
It was already dark outside when Nino woke up again, which made getting his bearings difficult. His bedroom was barely illuminated by the light coming in through the cracks in the shutters and beneath the door. He couldn't see much, but it was enough to make his way to the wardrobe. It was funny how fast one's own apartment could become strange when one was away for a few months.
Nino blindly reached for a new pair of jeans and laboriously pulled them on. He pushed his hand through his hair, but stopped in surprise. He probed his forehead with his fingers, because something there felt strange. As if there was a dent right beneath his hairline. It hurt when he carefully pressed down on it.
"You wore your hat to bed," a female voice came from behind him. Nino turned around and had to squeeze his eyes shut. The door was wide open, allowing too much light to fall into the room for his tired eyes to cope with.
"Does it hurt?"
Nino shook his head even before he reopened his eyes. In front of him stood Sayuri, his wife, his sweet and lovely wife, whom he hadn't held in his arms since he had left for Chicago and suddenly he couldn't wait any longer. With one giant leap he reached for her, forgetting jet lag and light and all the other things that had seemed so terrible a second ago, and squeezed her tight. Sayuri giggled quietly.
"Did someone miss me?" she asked teasingly.
"Never," Nino replied, trying to sound serious, but failing miserably due to known circumstances. "I'm an idol, I don't know such pesky feelings like longing."
"Where would we be if you did? We wouldn't want me to jeopardize your job, right? No one would ever forgive me," she laughed lightly while she slowly broke out of his embrace. One of her brown locks fell into her eyes and Nino thought he'd never been more in love with her.
“Certainly not me. Forgiveness isn't quite my thing, as you know."
“Yes, I know.”
Then both of them laughed and Nino took the opportunity to press his lips against hers in a short kiss. His hands lay on her hips, which made it easy for him to draw her even closer. But when he leaned down for another kiss and maybe something more she nimbly evaded him.
"The little one will be here any moment." And she escaped his arms. "It would be nice if she could recognize her daddy. And not necessarily by his smell."
Nino grimaced, making her laugh. "I've just gotten off a 15-hour flight, do you think I-"
"Ten hours."
"Ten and a half."
"Shouldn't keep you from taking a shower before your daughter gets here."
Now it was Nino's turn to grin. "Showering together saves money."
"Did Aiba-kun tell you that?"
Nino scrunched up his nose but stopped himself from saying anything more. He knew when he had lost and he didn't want to expend unnecessary energy for a discussion that wasn't quite serious to begin with. Energy was precious, especially during jet lag monster times.
"I'll make hamburger if you manage to shave, too," was the last thing he heard before the door fell shut behind him.
Seeing his daughter again after four long months felt almost more fulfilling. She came running towards him when he entered the kitchen, freshly showered (and shaved). He lifted her high into the air, spun her around, because he knew she loved it, and set her down on a chair. Her laughter let his exhaustion seem like the most unimportant thing in the world.
"Hi sweetie, did you miss daddy?" he asked grinning. Now that she was standing on her chair, she was almost as tall as him. She made up the missing centimeters by standing on her tiptoes and put her small hands on his shoulders to keep her balance.
"But daddy, we're both idols, we don't miss anyone," she answered indignantly.
They had given him two days to acclimate to life in Tokyo again, but Nino was sure that it was only a pretense and the two days were meant solely to give him time to relax and gain strength for the fight against the jet lag. Nobody wanted to work with a Ninomiya Kazunari who was even more tired and restless than normal.
Ohno had tried to call him, but Nino was sure that whatever he had wanted could definitely wait until they saw each other in the studio two days from now. The fact that Ohno hadn't tried again only confirmed this for him.
Nino didn't do much during his two days off. He spent most of the time sleeping, as he had been meant to. When his daughter had been born, Sayuri had banned all his video games and game consoles from the apartment and moved them to the basement, a decision that had caused a huge fight between them and finally seen Nino give in. The first few weeks had been hard, very hard, but over the years his daughter had ousted the video games from his head and his heart.
Later that night, he had called his manager in order to complain that he had been left waiting at the airport. Nino expected him to likewise complain and use the same tone Nino had used, but instead there was nothing but silence down the line and then, after a moment, there came an apology. He had never got him to apologize this quickly before and Nino had to admit to himself that he was quite surprised. He didn't find out why his manager hadn't come to collect him, as had been planned, though.
"Daddy has lots of free time," his daughter greeted him the next morning as he stepped into the living room. She had snuggled down on the sofa with her favorite blue blanket and was watching cartoons. Nino sat down with her and curled his legs beneath him so that he, too, could push his feet under the blanket.
"It's great, isn't it? Now we can watch cartoons all day long," he suggested with a grin.
"Careful, mummy will be angry if you watch too much TV," she reprimanded him, her gaze staying fixed on the TV.
"Mh. You're right, mummy can be a dragon when she wants to be," he whispered to her, very close to her ear, making her giggle loudly.
"If mummy hears you," she chuckled with her high voice.
"If mummy hears what?" suddenly sounded from the kitchen. Nino opened his eyes wide and playfully stared at his daughter, who also had her eyes open wide.
"Oh-oh," she said and pulled the blanket up to her nose. Nino swallowed audibly when he heard steps closing in on them.
"Run for your life!" he shouted and threw the blue blanket over their heads.
On Thursday, the first job since his return to Japan waited for him. But weekdays meant nothing to Nino anymore, he had quickly gotten used to the fact that they were of almost no importance in the life of an idol. Jobs were done whenever you were hired, no matter if it was Tuesday or Sunday.
The way to the agency was almost unfamiliar, even though he had only spent four months in the US. Nino quickly grew accustomed to his surroundings, adapted even faster and sometimes this turned out to be a disadvantage. But he would grow accustomed to his life in Tokyo just as quickly again, he was sure of it.
With a murmured 'Morning' he finally stepped into the green room and immediately four pairs of eyes were on him.
"Nino?" Aiba was the first to react. The surprise was clearly visible on his face as he looked at Nino and Nino looked back questioningly.
"Did you expect my evil twin?" he replied with knitted eyebrows. Aiba looked even more confused now, but that was probably because he was thinking about Nino's question.
"Hey Nino. Nice to have you back," Sho welcomed him with a friendly smile. Meanwhile Jun took a few steps towards him. “How are you? Everything went well?" he asked with honest curiosity and something more in his voice. Was that concern? Jun always worried too much about all of them.
“Sure. Wasn't my first time in America after all." Nino waved him off and plopped down on the sofa. He looked at the space next to him and smoothed out a crease with his hand. The cloth felt familiar beneath his fingers, it brought a pleasant feeling of nostalgia with it. Although it had only been four months, he had missed all of this more than he had thought.
"America, huh? I'm sure you had a great time," he heard Sho say, but his gaze was still trained on the sofa. The crease proved to be quite stubborn.
"I didn't see much of it. Too much to do, you know what it's like."
Suddenly a hand covered his own, stopping him from further fiddling with the crease. Nino looked up and directly into the tired eyes of Ohno. Ohno smiled for a second and sat down next to Nino, not letting go of his hand.
"As long as you're back," he said softly and leaned forward a little. Without thinking about it, Nino mirrored him and pressed his forehead against Ohno's, because it was what they did, even if they hadn't seen each other in four months, or maybe more than ever when they hadn't seen each other in a while.
Ohno squeezed his hand a little tighter.
"Just in case you were waiting for something, I didn't bring back souvenirs for you," Nino said then, moving away from Ohno and looking at the rest of his band. "Didn't take enough money with me." He shrugged his shoulders. Aiba laughed loudly, but it sounded as if he was trying to mask his disappointment.
"Same old Nino," Jun grumbled, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Always. You shouldn't expect too much, just because I'm gone for four months."
There was a beat of silence and Nino didn't miss the looks the others exchanged. Were they trying to make him feel bad? Nino admitted to himself that he already did; he wasn't quite sure, why he hadn't brought back souvenirs for his friends. Somehow other things had occupied him and then he had simply run out of time.
"Please don't make a fuss about it like Sayuri did, alright? I've been through that already. And here I thought it would be enough for her to have her husband back safe and sound," Nino whined when the silence began to feel strange.
Ohno let go of his hand.
"Sayuri? Your wife?" Jun asked and Nino sighed loudly.
"Who else? What's wrong with you guys? Are you so overwhelmed by having me back that your brains aren't working properly?" he asked bitingly. The monster named jet lag seemed to fight against his patience and Nino had to admit, the jet lag was definitely winning.
"Sorry, sorry." Sho lifted his hands defensively. "We just remember that you guys were fighting. I didn't know you had made up."
This gave Nino pause. He couldn't remember a fight, at least not a recent one. Sure, there had been the big fight because of the video games, but that had been before his daughter had been born.
"We haven't fought in ages. Are you sure you aren't mixing things up?" Nino noticed that his voice had hardened without him being conscious of it. But his patience was waning more and more and at the same time the throbbing in his temple was coming back with a vengeance.
Before one of his friends could answer, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair, leaning back against the sofa. "Doesn't matter. The jet lag is killing me. No more jobs abroad, please. At least not within the next ten years."
Next to him Ohno laughed softly and then Nino felt his hand on his thigh, a comforting warmth.
"For now you have time to relax."
And there was almost too much time to relax for his taste. Especially now, after his job in the US, he had expected that people would be crazy about him and Arashi. But there was only a group meeting and a couple interviews that day.
Not that Nino was complaining. A slow start back into his old life was exactly what he needed. It just surprised him a little.
"Do you want a lift home?" was the first thing Jun asked after the group meeting was over and they were done for the day. Nino was in the middle of stretching languorously, trying to restart his body, and he froze into place, his arms still stretched far above his head.
"Huh?" he only managed at first, looking at Jun in surprise. “Why?"
“Just because. We haven't seen each other in a while. I thought it would be nice to spend some more time together."
Jun smiled one of his beaming idol smiles, but Nino had seen through them a long time ago. But his head hurt and he didn't even want to start on the rest of his body, so he returned a smile that was just as fake and nodded.
"How could I say no to that?" he added and finally relaxed his arms. From the corner of his eye, he could see Sho whisper something in Ohno's ear.
His apartment was still plunged in darkness when Jun parked his car in the driveway. Sayuri probably had to work overtime again, like she had done before Nino's trip to Chicago.
"Make yourself at home. I'll go looking for something to eat," Nino called out to Jun when they stepped into the apartment and went straight to the kitchen. But there he was greeted by a nasty smell. In the sink the dishes from the last few days collected dust, no one had apparently felt responsible for washing them and putting them away.
"Oh dear, two people with careers in one family, that doesn't work," Nino mumbled under his breath, his face a grimace, while he got rid of the leftover food and stacked the dishes. Sayuri could do the rest later on.
"Everything alright in there?" Jun called from the living room.
"Yea, no pro-," but Nino got no further, because a loud crash right next to him interrupted him. He flinched and looked around for the source of the noise, but could see nothing. There was complete silence in the kitchen. The lamp above the sink, right next to his head, flickered for a second and began to buzz. All of a sudden Nino felt extremely hot and his palms were wet. Then something touched his shoulder. Startled, he turned around, looking wide-eyed at Jun.
"Nino, what is-?" But Jun stopped there and stared at Nino's hands. Nino followed his gaze and a shiver ran down his spine. The wetness on his palms wasn't sweat, as he had thought, it was blood. His blood.
"Shit!" he exclaimed. At once he reached for a tissue and pressed it against the long cut across his palm, which now started to sting terribly.
"Nino, wait! Let me see. What happened?" Jun reached for his hand, but Nino quickly moved it away from him.
"Nothing. I don't know. I must have cut myself on something." His eyes fell on the sink and he shivered again when he saw the pile of shards and more of his blood. The noise earlier, he seemed to have caused it himself.
The telltale throbbing in his temple announced its reappearance, like an unwelcome visitor that pounded on the front door.
"Your hands are shaking," Jun said worriedly and it was only now that Nino noticed it. His right hand was shaking ceaselessly and the more he concentrated on stopping the shaking, the worse it got.
"Wait, sit down. Sit down, Nino."
The throbbing worsened; it now felt as if someone was taking a hammer to his forehead. Jun kept talking, but Nino had trouble concentrating on his words.
Then it was over.
Nino took a deep breath and touched the temple that he had been sure was about to explode.
"This jet lag is doing my head in," he sighed, his voice showing just how exhausted he was.
"I don't think this is the jet lag. Don't you want to go to the doctor?" Jun asked worriedly, but Nino only waved him off. He felt shattered and his hand hurt. The only thing he wanted now was to be alone, not for some doctor to talk his ear off.
"It'll pass."
But it didn't pass. After the massacre of the dishes, Sayuri hardly let him do anything on his own- whether it was because she was worried about him or about their dishes, he didn't know, but he was nonetheless thankful for her care. He spent most of the time in bed, trying to sleep, which, strangely, worked very well. And here he was thinking, he'd relaxed more than enough the last few days. His body seemed to think differently, though.
Jun had apparently told the others about what had happened, because ever since the incident one of his friends shadowed his every move as soon as he stepped into the green room and everyone asked him at least three times a day whether he was feeling alright. Even Ohno, who usually didn't ask such things.
"I'm fine," he said for what seemed like the twentieth time that day and stopped himself from saying more. He knew that his friends were only worried about him and he wasn't going to snap at them because of it, no matter how bad-tempered he was. They didn't deserve it. But his loyalty only lasted so long and he was glad when he finally wound up alone with Ohno.
Sighing, he leaned back into the sofa and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence as he never had before.
"Tired?" Ohno asked softly, almost inaudibly. He always seemed to know just what Nino needed.
"Mhm," Nino hummed in agreement. "Jet lag, you know."
"A whole week long?"
"It's a stubborn bugger."
For a moment there was silence between them and Nino only knew that Ohno was still sitting next to him because he could hear his deep and steady breathing. It lulled him in and he almost jumped when Ohno started to speak again.
"I'll take you to the doctor."
Maybe it was because Ohno didn't ask, or because Nino had by now accepted that something was wrong - whatever it was, he didn't object.
Most likely it was simply because it was Ohno.
"Take a deep breath, please," Asami-sensei's soothing voice sounded and Nino felt the cold metal of the stethoscope on his naked chest. He breathed in as deeply and slowly as he could, in and out, in and out. Ohno stood on his left side and smiled comfortingly.
"Again, please," the doctor said when Nino started to breathe normally again. He did as he was told and closed his eyes because he felt as if his headache would come back any second.
"Alright, thank you. You can get dressed again."
Meanwhile Nino regretted having let Ohno talk him into going to the doctor. He didn't believe that doctors knew another cure for jet lag, just sleeping, relaxing and hoping that the body would adapt to the old rhythm again.
Nevertheless he willingly offered his arm when Asami-sensei asked to take his blood pressure. He was here after all, he could let them check him out.
"Your blood pressure is slightly elevated, but still within the normal range. When did the headaches first begin?"
"The day I came back from Chicago. I get them often after long flights." Nino swallowed a sigh, most likely the doctor would now confirm what he knew already. He sent a short, grim look at Ohno, but was completely ignored.
"And the shaking? Did that start right after the flight, too?" Asami continued his line of questioning.
Nino hesitated. "I'm not quite sure, to be honest. I only noticed it a few days later, but only because my friend pointed it out. It's possible that it started before that."
"And do you also get that in connection with jet lag?"
"The shaking? No. No, I don't think so."
This time Ohno gave him a look. It was the same look Nino had sent to him just now, a clear I told you so.
"Did you notice the plate slipping through your fingers?" Asami had by now started taking notes. He only threw occasional, quick glances at Nino over the top of his glasses. Something about it seemed familiar to Nino, but he couldn't quite say why.
“No. It was-I think I blacked out for a second." Nino swallowed, now that he thought about the scene, how it had happened seemed quite strange to him. That he hadn't noticed immediately that he was the one who had caused the noise. And he still couldn't say how he had gotten the deep cut during all this.
"Apart from that everything alright? In your private life for example? Did something happen that bothered you?" the doctor suddenly changed tack.
Again Nino hesitated. He didn't quite feel comfortable with the conversation.
"Everything's fine, doctor. I was away from home for a few months, but nothing really changed. My wife and I don't have any problems and my daughter is healthy, everything's fine."
Asami-sensei lifted his head to look him right in the eyes. "Your daughter?"
Nino smiled, immediately he saw his daughter's grinning face in front of his eyes, so very close, like she had been while they hid from Sayuri under the blanket. "Yes. I'm home a lot at the moment, so I can spend a lot of time with her. It's great, especially since I haven't seen her in so long."
Asami smiled briefly, then went back to his notes. "Children are the best medicine, Ninomiya-san. I have a daughter myself, you know. I can be feeling completely awful, but she always manages to get me to smile."
Nino nodded lightly, knowing exactly what Asami-sensei meant.
"How old is your daughter?" the doctor asked.
"She'll be six this summer."
More notes, Nino was wondering what Asami could possibly be writing down. He was after all here to talk about his health, not about his family.
"What should we do, doctor?" Ohno abruptly asked. It was the first time since their arrival that he had spoken.
Asami-sensei studied his notes in silence. Nino wasn't sure whether he would still get the confirmation from the doctor that he had expected, that the jet lag monster was responsible for all of his problems, or whether he would get something else.
"You should rest some more, Ninomiya-san. Sometimes the body has a stronger than usual reaction to changes. Go home and relax as much as possible. But please come back here next week. Even if your problems are gone by then."
Nino nodded and was about to get up when a short "Ah" from the doctor stopped him. He sank back into the chair and looked questioningly at Asami.
"Maybe-" he began and typed something into the computer next to him. "I'll prescribe something for you to take the next few days. It combats the symptoms of the jet lag and helps you relax. It should keep the black outs at bay, at least."
On the way out, his hand started shaking again, but Nino did his best to hide it. He dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, left, right, left, right. Ohno walked by his side silently and it wasn't long before they had reached the train station. Nino knew that Ohno had to take the train in the opposite direction, but he didn't say anything when Ohno got onto the train with him.
The shaking of his hand was slowly receding. Nevertheless, the question of what had caused the shaking stayed with him, accompanying the question of how he had destroyed the plate without noticing it. As much as he would like to say the plate had slipped through his fingers because of the shaking, deep down he knew that the answer wasn't quite that simple. He had held the plate right above the sink, even if it had slipped through his fingers, it shouldn't have broken. Moreover, none of this explained the cut in the palm of his left hand.
Nino stared at the cut, carefully tracing the fine red line, the last reminder of the almost-healed injury.
What exactly had happened while he'd blacked out?
"Come on, we need to get off here," Ohno said, cutting through the train of thought that had wrapped itself around his hand. Nino blinked, looked down at his hand once more and nodded. Ohno said nothing further.
A strange feeling overcame him when they stood in front of the door to his apartment. Sayuri was home already, as evidenced by the light in the hall. He turned to Ohno and smiled cautiously.
"Thanks for walking me home," he said duly. Somehow he hoped that Ohno would notice what he was doing and also say goodbye, but Ohno only stared at him for a long moment, his eyebrows scrunched up. Then he took a step towards Nino and wrapped him in his arms.
"Huh?" slipped out of Nino's mouth, but Ohno didn't react, on the contrary, he squeezed Nino a little harder.
"I missed you so much," he heard Ohno breathe against his throat and a cold shiver ran down Nino's spine, despite the warmth of the embrace.
"Leader, what-," he began, his voice weak, but Ohno cut him off right away.
"You were gone so long and since you've been back, we've barely been alone with each other." The words were almost a sigh against his skin, barely audible but still their meaning burned itself into Nino's head, leaving behind confusion and something more.
"But...," Nino began, but he had no idea how to complete the sentence. But what? What exactly was Ohno's meaning and what did the intimate embrace mean, of which there had only been a handful between them in all his life?
"Only one more minute," Ohno pleaded when Nino tried to extricate himself from the embrace.
"Oh-chan, Sayuri is home. What if she sees us? She'll think the worst." Nino tried to make the words sound as casual as possible, but because of the situation and because of Ohno's nearness this proved harder than expected. But they seemed to have the desired effect, because Ohno let go of him at once.
"Sorry," he mumbled quickly and stared at the floor.
"Thanks again. For walking me home and so on. See you tomorrow?" Nino hesitantly tried to save the moment. Ohno sent him a short glance and a crooked smile. Then he turned around and left.
Nino didn't know how long he had continued to stand out there, looking at the spot he had last seen Ohno in. He only knew that something within him was tightening. And it hurt.
Part 2