FICLET: Untitled, Renji x Yukimura, PG
This time around, I contribute to the done to death tradition of churning out fanwork inspired by the song "3 Libras" by A Perfect Circle.
Short introspective oneshot, Renji POV. Major MAJOR sap warning. bbl.
What am I doing?
I shouldn't be here.
When you open your eyes, you'll tell me we shouldn't be seen this way.
From every possible standpoint, we've become lovers.
Every standpoint except ours.
We've known each other for too long, I suppose. Now I know about your dream worlds. I know that you run into them to hide from the pain. When it hurts too much, you turn inward...like anyone else would.
I wish you would let me into those dream worlds sometime. I can't do anything from here.
I can't lie to you. I can't even lie to myself.
I know you're awake, but you don't want to open your eyes.
There's no way I can make you.
I know you wish I wasn't the one who was here with you...and maybe with your eyes closed like that, I'm not even anywhere near.
If you could just keep your eyes closed all the time, right?
I know how it feels...
I've always admired him.
He's kept every one of all the promises he's ever made.
I know no one else on this earth who can do that.
He promised us that he was going to bring our team to victory in the Nationals. I know as well as you do that he's going to keep that promise.
No matter what it takes.
Even if the Nationals, which is the most important thing to him, and which used to be the most important thing to us, doesn't mean a damn thing at this very second.
His word is his own law. He would rather die than break it.
On all counts, this is his fault. He left us both where we are now.
I'd be lying if I said I've always known.
I've always suspected, yes. And when you were becoming close to him, I might have even felt...threatened.
He was mine.
You might have known. You were trying to get close to me too. And I took advantage of your attempts. It was paramount that I saw through your disguises.
Then I saw the probabilities...and then I watched them grow.
The realization that I couldn't have done anything dawned on me. Soon enough, it was a certainty.
When my conclusions were final, I told you I knew. You looked frightened and then smiled, and since then you've come to me.
You know, and you've told me, that he would hate you if he saw you crying.
He looks up to you too.
And you wish he wouldn't.
You wish he could be here right now.
His arms around you, his breath in your hair. Your hand over his heart.
I have to go before you tell me one more time that we mustn't be seen like this.
I'd like to believe I'm at least smart enough to know a slap in the face when it hits me. Even if I'm not smart enough to keep from being hit repeatedly.
I've long since stopped wishing there was some other way to go about being near you.
I'm already the one pulling away first.
But why am I still here?
Why won't you let go of me?
Short introspective oneshot, Renji POV. Major MAJOR sap warning. bbl.
What am I doing?
I shouldn't be here.
When you open your eyes, you'll tell me we shouldn't be seen this way.
From every possible standpoint, we've become lovers.
Every standpoint except ours.
We've known each other for too long, I suppose. Now I know about your dream worlds. I know that you run into them to hide from the pain. When it hurts too much, you turn inward...like anyone else would.
I wish you would let me into those dream worlds sometime. I can't do anything from here.
I can't lie to you. I can't even lie to myself.
I know you're awake, but you don't want to open your eyes.
There's no way I can make you.
I know you wish I wasn't the one who was here with you...and maybe with your eyes closed like that, I'm not even anywhere near.
If you could just keep your eyes closed all the time, right?
I know how it feels...
I've always admired him.
He's kept every one of all the promises he's ever made.
I know no one else on this earth who can do that.
He promised us that he was going to bring our team to victory in the Nationals. I know as well as you do that he's going to keep that promise.
No matter what it takes.
Even if the Nationals, which is the most important thing to him, and which used to be the most important thing to us, doesn't mean a damn thing at this very second.
His word is his own law. He would rather die than break it.
On all counts, this is his fault. He left us both where we are now.
I'd be lying if I said I've always known.
I've always suspected, yes. And when you were becoming close to him, I might have even felt...threatened.
He was mine.
You might have known. You were trying to get close to me too. And I took advantage of your attempts. It was paramount that I saw through your disguises.
Then I saw the probabilities...and then I watched them grow.
The realization that I couldn't have done anything dawned on me. Soon enough, it was a certainty.
When my conclusions were final, I told you I knew. You looked frightened and then smiled, and since then you've come to me.
You know, and you've told me, that he would hate you if he saw you crying.
He looks up to you too.
And you wish he wouldn't.
You wish he could be here right now.
His arms around you, his breath in your hair. Your hand over his heart.
I have to go before you tell me one more time that we mustn't be seen like this.
I'd like to believe I'm at least smart enough to know a slap in the face when it hits me. Even if I'm not smart enough to keep from being hit repeatedly.
I've long since stopped wishing there was some other way to go about being near you.
I'm already the one pulling away first.
But why am I still here?
Why won't you let go of me?