[fic][yst] Little Fish is in Love
Hi guys. Yep, this is a Yoroiden Samurai Troopers fic. Just thought it was high time I put this journal to good use again.
First offering for a new (old) fandom? Let's see!
Little Fish is in Love
I still remember the first time you saw the ocean. At first you were fast asleep, strapped into the back seat opposite me. I was tasked to keep an eye on you, but there was never very much to keep an eye on. You were such a good baby. You always stayed quiet and did what you were told.
When you woke up you looked restless, as if you heard your name being called. Always looking out the window, searching for something.
Then the sea came into view. Your eyes went big. They were so big I thought I could see the sea reflected in them, from where I sat. You seemed frightened and at the same time excited and mystified.
Father took you to the water in his arms. You were afraid of the water at first. It's only natural. But when your feet touched the ocean, you calmed down. He carried you in deeper until the water was up to your waist, his chest.
Then you laughed. Mother and I could hear your laughter from the shore. You flailed your arms and squirmed until you tumbled out of Father's arms, into the water. Father said later that he almost couldn't hold on to you. It was like the current was trying to pull you away.
Father held you by your tiny hands. You were two years old. Already you were on your stomach on the surface of the water and floating. You were kicking your legs and laughing and screaming.
I had never seen you so happy.
Father had predicted that you were going to love swimming just as much as he did. You don't remember him much now. He didn't live long enough to teach you a lot of things. But he was able to teach you how to swim.
He got tired of swimming even faster than you did. He gathered you up in his arms and took you back to shore. When you saw you were leaving the water, you started to cry. We promised you that we weren't leaving yet, that we were going to swim more later, then you calmed down.
Father was so proud of you. He said most Mouri men are good swimmers, but he had never seen anyone take to the water as quickly and as well as you did.
"Beloved of the water," was what Father called you. "My little fish."
I never thought of it as an insult. I could watch little fish playing in ponds and aquariums for hours. I thought they were graceful, magical.
"Kozakana" was a nickname that stuck with you only until primary school. That was when you learned that other kids would make fun of you for it. When you decided it was no longer worth having.
Besides, it sounded different when Father said it. Warmer. When it came from Mother and me, who never liked to swim much, it sounded strange.
Maybe it sounded like all those other kids who were making fun of you. I know that now.
I still remember. One day in the summer of the third year of Father's death, I was calling you and you weren't answering. You were watching the television, I think.
I didn't expect you were going to be angry. You walked up to me and you stood there glaring up at me, your sister who's older than you by ten years, the Neesan whom you always followed without question.
"I'm not Little Fish," you said coldly. "I'm Mouri Shin."
And when you saw that I couldn't reply to that, you left.
I think you thought that you stopped being "Kozakana" after Father died.
Like myself, you were raised among the Mouri. There were things you had to understand.
One of them was that as the man of the house, you needed to be brave. And respected. A baby name like "Little Fish" would not be appropriate.
Always so soft, so caring, you understood that you had to change. Father was gone and things were different.
You were always so popular, surrounded by friends. Such a sweet child. Everyone loved you and thought you could do no harm.
Then you met those boys.
Those boys... where to begin. The first one I met was Shuu, the big one who ate a lot and spoke with a loud voice. He made Mother laugh. He made you laugh, too.
I remember him best as the one who said Ryuusuke was a bad big brother.
I learned of the other boys from your stories. I didn't know what to think of them, except they made you happy.
And strong.
My younger brother was the bearer of the Suiko armor, and soon he would become the head of the Mouri household. He needed strong friends.
They were the friends you never had while growing up surrounded by attention. The ones who didn't so much admire you as loved you. They took you for what you were, and what you weren't, and the things you wanted to be and didn't want to be. With them you were brave and at the same time gentle, meek and at the same time merciless.
I suppose it was no wonder then, that one of them would catch your eye.
Before you came, Father only had me. He tried to teach me sailing, and fishing, and knowing the tide and knowing the "mood" of the water by how it feels on your skin.
I listened, but I didn't understand. I knew that he knew, because he would smile at me sadly and lay his hand on my head. It was all right. It would've been all right, too, if you had been in my place.
It was more important to him that I find my own path, he said. He told me I had special eyes, eyes that could see things about other people that they couldn't see about themselves. This was also a Mouri talent, he said, though it was very seldom that we could see things about our own selves.
And, of course, it wouldn't do any harm to know some things about water. Water was the guiding element of our family - of many people on this earth, if only they knew it. To know the water was to know ourselves. Sometimes it was to tell our future.
We had to respect the creatures of the water. No matter what path we chose in life, it was important to know the ways of nature. And do you know what he said about that?
He said that on the full moon, the fish gather at the surface, attracted by the light scattering across the waves. That's why many fishermen go out to sea on a clear moonlit night. It's like the fish hold a celebration then, one that's worth endangering their own lives. A moment of brightness they suffer to enjoy.
They know, of course. They know. They don't have to understand it. The light just calls to them, and when it does, they dance.
I always felt like you knew me the most. And I like to think I knew you the most, too, before I had to go.
I know it had displeased you at first that I chose Ryuusuke over the family. Over my own plans. Over Mother and you. I always knew what I wanted. Then all of a sudden, you were told I wanted to marry.
I tried my best to be like Father when you were growing up. You know this. I tried to teach you courage, and honor, and joy, and being what you needed to be without forgetting who you were. And losing me to someone else was like losing Father all over again.
I know this.
But I was not Father. And when it was time for you to let me go, you were no longer Little Fish.
At least, that was what I thought.
After the wedding, I put my arms around you. I rarely did this. I do it even more rarely now that you hardly ever come home to see us.
"Thank you, Kozakana," I said to you.
You smiled, a little sadly.
"Kozakana," you said in a voice that's going to be like Father's someday. "I'd forgotten."
Ryuusuke never held me back. If there was something I wanted to do, he would let me do it. If there was somewhere I wanted to go, he would let me go. He would ask to go with me, and I would say yes.
I said I wanted to go somewhere relaxing. There was a place near our home where Father often took us when we were little. A quiet little beach.
It was the strangest coincidence. You were there, too, with a friend you had only brought to meet me once before, on my wedding day.
I remembered him. He was an especially pretty boy. I don't suppose you would agree that "pretty" is the correct thing to say, but it was what occurred to me at the time. There was a glow about him that distinguished him from the other people in the room, boys and girls, but I didn't think much of it. All of your friends, and you as well, had something to distinguish you from all the other people in any room you happened to be in.
But things were different, this second time.
You reminded us who he was. Date Seiji, from Miyagi. He lowered his gaze as he said "How do you do?"
Very polite. Very confident. Very... I suppose the best word is "cool." As if he knew he was gorgeous, and it was a fact that had gotten in the way of past introductions.
That wasn't really what surprised me about him.
What surprised me was how the sound of his voice made you light up.
"Seiji wanted to get away to somewhere peaceful," you continued. "And I wanted somewhere I could go swimming."
Ryuusuke said that if I was to be believed, this was indeed the best place for those things. Maybe the two of you would like to tag along with us? Both you and Seiji declined, insisted that you didn't want to interrupt a married couple's getaway. Ryuusuke seemed not to notice.
But you looked at me and your smile held a secret.
I decided to take a walk by myself one morning. I wasn't really looking for you. And I didn't think that walking so far from our cottage was going to take me to you.
You were in a more isolated part of the beach, hidden by tall rocks. You were seated by yourself on the sand, your gaze focused another part of the shore: a cliffside. Near enough to get to, but far enough away. Yourlong hair was wet and clinging to your scalp, the back of your neck. I was too far away to see the expression on your face, but your stillness seemed pensive.
I looked out at the cliffside, and I saw what you were looking at: a spot of light near the shore. Tiny as a teardrop, but bright enough to catch attention. It flickered, and faded at times, but it was there.
I thought at first that you could see it. I thought perhaps you were keeping your distance from it. But the longer I watched you, the less it felt like that.
The light was not keeping you away.
I watched you for a while from the rocks that separated your part of the beach from mine. I felt like it had been such a long time since I last laid eyes on you. I felt like so much of you had changed - grown up. Become more solid, more sure.
Then, you stood up. Stretched languidly. Then walked, strode, built up to a run into the water.
You dove.
It fascinated me to watch you. It was like watching a celebration, a dance. You transformed into something different in the ocean. The way you moved was so comfortable, so elegant.
Beloved of the water.
Little Fish.
I was reminded of Father. And how strongly he held you. And how loudly you laughed.
And what he once told me about the full moon.
I took a step forward.
You spotted me, from so far out in the ocean. I froze. You waved at me and started to swim back to shore.
I waded into the water so you didn't have to get to dry land. You stayed where you were, waiting for me to approach.
I asked if it was wise for you to go swimming at that time. Wasn't the water still cold? You shook your head, smiling. "Seiji wanted to get an early start," you said.
An early start for what? You shrugged. "There's this cave near here, do you remember?"
I remembered. The cliffs.
"By the way, that's very strange," I said to you.
"What is?"
I told you about the light, then pointed to the cliffside. You followed my gaze. Then you looked at me for a very long second.
"Neesan... there's nothing there."
I asked you where Seiji was.
"Right about where you were pointing," you said, looking completely puzzled. Then you let out an awkward chuckle. "Must just be the sun playing tricks with your eyes."
I know you. I helped raise you. I still don't know now if it was the sun, or if it was the talent that Father said I had. But what I saw was you, looking like the first time you saw the ocean. Frightened and excited and mystified, then happy. So happy.
And in the distance, the light that called to you.
First offering for a new (old) fandom? Let's see!
Little Fish is in Love
I still remember the first time you saw the ocean. At first you were fast asleep, strapped into the back seat opposite me. I was tasked to keep an eye on you, but there was never very much to keep an eye on. You were such a good baby. You always stayed quiet and did what you were told.
When you woke up you looked restless, as if you heard your name being called. Always looking out the window, searching for something.
Then the sea came into view. Your eyes went big. They were so big I thought I could see the sea reflected in them, from where I sat. You seemed frightened and at the same time excited and mystified.
Father took you to the water in his arms. You were afraid of the water at first. It's only natural. But when your feet touched the ocean, you calmed down. He carried you in deeper until the water was up to your waist, his chest.
Then you laughed. Mother and I could hear your laughter from the shore. You flailed your arms and squirmed until you tumbled out of Father's arms, into the water. Father said later that he almost couldn't hold on to you. It was like the current was trying to pull you away.
Father held you by your tiny hands. You were two years old. Already you were on your stomach on the surface of the water and floating. You were kicking your legs and laughing and screaming.
I had never seen you so happy.
Father had predicted that you were going to love swimming just as much as he did. You don't remember him much now. He didn't live long enough to teach you a lot of things. But he was able to teach you how to swim.
He got tired of swimming even faster than you did. He gathered you up in his arms and took you back to shore. When you saw you were leaving the water, you started to cry. We promised you that we weren't leaving yet, that we were going to swim more later, then you calmed down.
Father was so proud of you. He said most Mouri men are good swimmers, but he had never seen anyone take to the water as quickly and as well as you did.
"Beloved of the water," was what Father called you. "My little fish."
I never thought of it as an insult. I could watch little fish playing in ponds and aquariums for hours. I thought they were graceful, magical.
"Kozakana" was a nickname that stuck with you only until primary school. That was when you learned that other kids would make fun of you for it. When you decided it was no longer worth having.
Besides, it sounded different when Father said it. Warmer. When it came from Mother and me, who never liked to swim much, it sounded strange.
Maybe it sounded like all those other kids who were making fun of you. I know that now.
I still remember. One day in the summer of the third year of Father's death, I was calling you and you weren't answering. You were watching the television, I think.
I didn't expect you were going to be angry. You walked up to me and you stood there glaring up at me, your sister who's older than you by ten years, the Neesan whom you always followed without question.
"I'm not Little Fish," you said coldly. "I'm Mouri Shin."
And when you saw that I couldn't reply to that, you left.
I think you thought that you stopped being "Kozakana" after Father died.
Like myself, you were raised among the Mouri. There were things you had to understand.
One of them was that as the man of the house, you needed to be brave. And respected. A baby name like "Little Fish" would not be appropriate.
Always so soft, so caring, you understood that you had to change. Father was gone and things were different.
You were always so popular, surrounded by friends. Such a sweet child. Everyone loved you and thought you could do no harm.
Then you met those boys.
Those boys... where to begin. The first one I met was Shuu, the big one who ate a lot and spoke with a loud voice. He made Mother laugh. He made you laugh, too.
I remember him best as the one who said Ryuusuke was a bad big brother.
I learned of the other boys from your stories. I didn't know what to think of them, except they made you happy.
And strong.
My younger brother was the bearer of the Suiko armor, and soon he would become the head of the Mouri household. He needed strong friends.
They were the friends you never had while growing up surrounded by attention. The ones who didn't so much admire you as loved you. They took you for what you were, and what you weren't, and the things you wanted to be and didn't want to be. With them you were brave and at the same time gentle, meek and at the same time merciless.
I suppose it was no wonder then, that one of them would catch your eye.
Before you came, Father only had me. He tried to teach me sailing, and fishing, and knowing the tide and knowing the "mood" of the water by how it feels on your skin.
I listened, but I didn't understand. I knew that he knew, because he would smile at me sadly and lay his hand on my head. It was all right. It would've been all right, too, if you had been in my place.
It was more important to him that I find my own path, he said. He told me I had special eyes, eyes that could see things about other people that they couldn't see about themselves. This was also a Mouri talent, he said, though it was very seldom that we could see things about our own selves.
And, of course, it wouldn't do any harm to know some things about water. Water was the guiding element of our family - of many people on this earth, if only they knew it. To know the water was to know ourselves. Sometimes it was to tell our future.
We had to respect the creatures of the water. No matter what path we chose in life, it was important to know the ways of nature. And do you know what he said about that?
He said that on the full moon, the fish gather at the surface, attracted by the light scattering across the waves. That's why many fishermen go out to sea on a clear moonlit night. It's like the fish hold a celebration then, one that's worth endangering their own lives. A moment of brightness they suffer to enjoy.
They know, of course. They know. They don't have to understand it. The light just calls to them, and when it does, they dance.
I always felt like you knew me the most. And I like to think I knew you the most, too, before I had to go.
I know it had displeased you at first that I chose Ryuusuke over the family. Over my own plans. Over Mother and you. I always knew what I wanted. Then all of a sudden, you were told I wanted to marry.
I tried my best to be like Father when you were growing up. You know this. I tried to teach you courage, and honor, and joy, and being what you needed to be without forgetting who you were. And losing me to someone else was like losing Father all over again.
I know this.
But I was not Father. And when it was time for you to let me go, you were no longer Little Fish.
At least, that was what I thought.
After the wedding, I put my arms around you. I rarely did this. I do it even more rarely now that you hardly ever come home to see us.
"Thank you, Kozakana," I said to you.
You smiled, a little sadly.
"Kozakana," you said in a voice that's going to be like Father's someday. "I'd forgotten."
Ryuusuke never held me back. If there was something I wanted to do, he would let me do it. If there was somewhere I wanted to go, he would let me go. He would ask to go with me, and I would say yes.
I said I wanted to go somewhere relaxing. There was a place near our home where Father often took us when we were little. A quiet little beach.
It was the strangest coincidence. You were there, too, with a friend you had only brought to meet me once before, on my wedding day.
I remembered him. He was an especially pretty boy. I don't suppose you would agree that "pretty" is the correct thing to say, but it was what occurred to me at the time. There was a glow about him that distinguished him from the other people in the room, boys and girls, but I didn't think much of it. All of your friends, and you as well, had something to distinguish you from all the other people in any room you happened to be in.
But things were different, this second time.
You reminded us who he was. Date Seiji, from Miyagi. He lowered his gaze as he said "How do you do?"
Very polite. Very confident. Very... I suppose the best word is "cool." As if he knew he was gorgeous, and it was a fact that had gotten in the way of past introductions.
That wasn't really what surprised me about him.
What surprised me was how the sound of his voice made you light up.
"Seiji wanted to get away to somewhere peaceful," you continued. "And I wanted somewhere I could go swimming."
Ryuusuke said that if I was to be believed, this was indeed the best place for those things. Maybe the two of you would like to tag along with us? Both you and Seiji declined, insisted that you didn't want to interrupt a married couple's getaway. Ryuusuke seemed not to notice.
But you looked at me and your smile held a secret.
I decided to take a walk by myself one morning. I wasn't really looking for you. And I didn't think that walking so far from our cottage was going to take me to you.
You were in a more isolated part of the beach, hidden by tall rocks. You were seated by yourself on the sand, your gaze focused another part of the shore: a cliffside. Near enough to get to, but far enough away. Yourlong hair was wet and clinging to your scalp, the back of your neck. I was too far away to see the expression on your face, but your stillness seemed pensive.
I looked out at the cliffside, and I saw what you were looking at: a spot of light near the shore. Tiny as a teardrop, but bright enough to catch attention. It flickered, and faded at times, but it was there.
I thought at first that you could see it. I thought perhaps you were keeping your distance from it. But the longer I watched you, the less it felt like that.
The light was not keeping you away.
I watched you for a while from the rocks that separated your part of the beach from mine. I felt like it had been such a long time since I last laid eyes on you. I felt like so much of you had changed - grown up. Become more solid, more sure.
Then, you stood up. Stretched languidly. Then walked, strode, built up to a run into the water.
You dove.
It fascinated me to watch you. It was like watching a celebration, a dance. You transformed into something different in the ocean. The way you moved was so comfortable, so elegant.
Beloved of the water.
Little Fish.
I was reminded of Father. And how strongly he held you. And how loudly you laughed.
And what he once told me about the full moon.
I took a step forward.
You spotted me, from so far out in the ocean. I froze. You waved at me and started to swim back to shore.
I waded into the water so you didn't have to get to dry land. You stayed where you were, waiting for me to approach.
I asked if it was wise for you to go swimming at that time. Wasn't the water still cold? You shook your head, smiling. "Seiji wanted to get an early start," you said.
An early start for what? You shrugged. "There's this cave near here, do you remember?"
I remembered. The cliffs.
"By the way, that's very strange," I said to you.
"What is?"
I told you about the light, then pointed to the cliffside. You followed my gaze. Then you looked at me for a very long second.
"Neesan... there's nothing there."
I asked you where Seiji was.
"Right about where you were pointing," you said, looking completely puzzled. Then you let out an awkward chuckle. "Must just be the sun playing tricks with your eyes."
I know you. I helped raise you. I still don't know now if it was the sun, or if it was the talent that Father said I had. But what I saw was you, looking like the first time you saw the ocean. Frightened and excited and mystified, then happy. So happy.
And in the distance, the light that called to you.