[yst] [fic] At the Stars 4/?
annasibs: falling head first while saying "fighting evil with grace"
annasibs: what's more badass than that?
...i can't think of anything and i love my friends XD
somewhat related: i've been unimaginatively using "pale violet" to refer to seiji's eyes in this fic. i think it's actually some sort of periwinkle, but i'm not sure. i wouldn't want to say "periwinkle eyes," at any rate. i mean, would you?
At the Stars
Part 4
Trying to lose himself in work was, ironically, not working. Putting some photographs together for an exhibit only busied his hands - he couldn't even pay attention. He would wake from a second's stupor wondering what in the world he was doing, overexposing new prints and grouping unrelated pictures together.
The memory of Seiji's emaciated body materialized behind his closed eyelids when he tried to go to sleep. He could still smell the medicine that clung to Seiji's skin like perfume, could even taste the scent at the back of his tongue. More than once he was sorely tempted to pick up the phone and call Touma's apartment. And apologize. And finish talking about Seiji properly.
Maybe then, he said to himself, things would make more sense.
A part of him was still hoping Touma would call first. Touma would do that - swallow his pride if it was necessary. If it was important enough for everyone to get along.
But Ryo knew well enough how stubborn Touma was. He never relished the idea of making the first move to patch things up. And if time wasn't of the essence, he wouldn't bother.
He wondered if Touma was in this position right now - sleepless and tormented over whether or not he should call. It comforted Ryo a bit to think that he was. It made him feel better to believe that there were some things about Touma he could always be sure about.
"Like how unbelievably stupid," Ryo started to say to himself, in the isolation of his bedroom, in the middle of the night. He caught himself, shut up, and threw an arm over his eyes.
In the mornings, during his regular walks to the village near his cabin, Ryo found himself looking through the classifieds for job openings for laboratory workers. Then he gave up because he never really read the papers, and there was never really anything to find - apart from small custodial jobs that he was sure Touma wouldn't go for.
...Or would he? Just how important was it for the young, brilliant, and now infamous Dr. Hashiba to get access to a good laboratory?
Then he reminded himself how ridiculous it was that he was still looking for a way to help, when he and Touma weren't even talking.
One of the things Ryo told himself so it would be easier to stay away was this: Touma had not told him about Seiji's illness earlier. That meant Touma hadn't wanted him involved. Had not wanted him to be concerned.
So he was just doing what Touma wanted. He wasn't being concerned. And if Touma had really wanted his help for anything, he would call first.
Four nights later, he was still telling himself this, when he picked up the phone and dialed Touma's number in Tokyo.
The one who answered the phone was Shin.
"Ryo!" Shin greeted. It was almost a yelp of surprise. Then he lowered his voice. "Touma told us what happened."
By how softly Shin was speaking, Ryo could tell that Touma was in his apartment. Probably somewhere near the phone. If so, he was quite sure Touma would have heard Shin say his name loudly. However, he could also hear Shuu's loud voice in the background, so Touma was probably being kept busy.
"When did you guys get there?" Ryo asked, keeping his volume down as well.
"Shuu got here yesterday and slept over. I got here just today, from Aomori." Shin sighed, "Ryo... I don't know how much Touma was able to tell you. But from what Shuu and I've seen... things look pretty bad."
Ryo nodded, as if the person on the other end of the line could see. "How are they?"
Shin knew what this meant, of course. "Seiji's calm. He seems to sleep better with Shuu making noise." A pause. "As for Touma... well, the bruises are fading, but he's still sore. You know how he gets..." There was no need for him to continue. Ryo did know.
"Are he and Seiji... you know. Okay?"
" 'Okay' ?" He could hear the smile in Shin's voice - pure amusement, not a trace of bitterness or malice. He would have that smile, as someone who tended to think he knew his younger friends better than they knew themselves. "I think so. Seiji told me that they had a good long talk. About you. He's forgiven Touma for going behind his back. He said... Touma wouldn't have brought you over if he really didn't need you to be there."
This was not helping. Ryo sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
But Shin was nowhere near done talking.
"He takes things on by himself, Ryo. He doesn't ask for help. That's how Touma is. And if I remember correctly, that's how you are, too."
Shin's voice was gentle but firm. This was to be expected. What Ryo did not expect was that this approach was working. Already he was feeling less of a heel, even if he probably shouldn't.
"So what are you going to do?" Shin asked.
"Are you serious?" Raising his voice again. Ryo kept himself in check. "I want to help!"
Shin made a small sound of agreement. "Then come over. Given the situation Touma and Seiji are in... it's better for you to come back now than later."
He didn't really like the idea of returning to the apartment so soon. But Shin was right. No matter how Touma acted like, there was no time to waste.
"Shuu and I will be around until you get here. We're already pitching in some ideas, but we all have to talk about this together. That's the only way we'll really get something done."
Ryo quickly made a promise to be on the first train there in the morning.
"Good," Shin remarked. Again, with that smile in his voice. "We're all we've got, eh?"
Curt goodbyes, then the conversation ended. Ryo couldn't help but be relieved that it was Shin who had answered the phone. Nobody else could have convinced him to get his act together, in such a gentle manner and with such faith that he was actually going to do it.
Shin's influence went a long way. The more Ryo thought about catching the train at first light, the more he actually anticipated it. None of them ever fought, not really - there was always some way to set things right. There were other friends, who did not take sides.
When under fire, he could lose his head. It was like that even while he still had his armor. It wasn't right for him to be so hard on Touma if he was prone to doing stupid things, too.
He'd packed only a change of clothes. He wasn't exactly expecting to be asked to stay over, but he wasn't prepared to go home either.
He had his one rucksack slung over his shoulder when he pressed the buzzer.
Not surprisingly, Touma was the one who answered the door. It was, after all, his apartment. But Ryo fell absolutely still anyway. His breath caught for a second.
Touma looked at Ryo expectantly. The tall young man held the door open, one hand in his pocket. He was pulling back his broad shoulders out of habit, assuming a defensive stance that reminded Ryo very much of an archer drawing a bow.
He was still as haggard as he was the last time they met. At least his shirt looked decently pressed this time. Shin, most probably. There was still a sharp red mark where his lower lip had been bleeding, a few days back.
"So..." Ryo began.
"So," his friend echoed.
Ryo fidgeted with the strap of the rucksack. He wanted to look cool while doing this, at least, but he couldn't help himself. He had to lower his gaze as he said "I'm sorry."
Something happened to the atmosphere then. It must have been when Touma exhaled and cleared whatever evil thing it was that hung between them and prevented them from touching. Touma was finally able to reach past the invisible barrier and take Ryo by the arm.
"Let's talk inside."
Ryo nodded and allowed himself to be led back into the apartment he had fled from just a few days ago.
Neither Ryo nor Touma looked at each other for a while. But the gentle pressure of his fingers on Ryo's arm said Thanks for coming back and I'm sorry, too.
The pressure was there even after he let go.
This what what they had decided: Touma was going to set up his own lab. This was the only way he could continue researching Seiji's medicine and not need to worry about having to move Seiji to a more affordable, less comfortable location.
Also, it was the only way Touma could proceed with maximum freedom - no bossy execs, no mousy overpolite bureaucrats keeping him under a magnifying glass. And Touma needed that freedom. Even if he warned his friends that it wasn't likely that he could achieve it.
"The fastest and most viable way," he informed them, "is to find at least one wealthy sponsor. And that sponsor is likely to have conditions. It's not just going to be me running the show."
His friends were aware that Touma would need massive funding for that lab, of course. And they would need to set it up at record time. That was why Shin and Shuu were going to ring people's phones off the hook. Perhaps there were some scientists out there willing to lend support in the form of equipment, supplies, manpower, or simply money. Perhaps there were relatives who could help financially, or could spare some things Touma would need.
"There's Nasuti," Shuu brought up. Touma voiced out his concern about troubling a married woman with little kids, albeit one who was also a world-renowned eco-scientist, but Shuu assured him she would rather not be kept in the dark.
Another guilty look swept over Touma. This time he did not even bother to disguise it. He kept his gaze down and openly said it: He was sorry.
"I shouldn't have kept it secret," he said quietly, hiding his lips behind his clenched hands. "I have no excuse."
Shuu, who had been standing, clapped one hand against Touma's back. The force of it shook Touma's entire body, and Touma had to slap his hands onto the tabletop to steady himself and not fall off the chair. "Don't apologize," he admonished. "Being polite is Seiji's job, man. Sorry, but you suck at it." He looked over at Shin and winked. Shin shrugged in assent, grinning.
Ryo found it amazing how it was so easy for those two to look past the way Touma withheld information from them. Was it wrong of him to have felt so strongly about not being told, after all? Weren't they even a little upset?
He made a mental note to talk to Shin and Shuu about it. Shin had indicated earlier that he wanted to talk to Ryo alone, anyway.
In the meantime, Ryo pitched in. He had decided that he was going to stay and help with running the household for as long as he could. He had some money saved, he said, and he had never really needed much for himself.
"Don't worry about money!" Shuu snapped. "I'll be busy with the family restaurant and I won't have a lot of time to visit so... it's the least I can do, okay!"
It was unsettling for everyone else to see the normally jovial Shuu so upset. Fully aware of this, and just to lighten the air, Shuu reminded them all that he was lucky with money - it was in his birth sign, he said. He would always have money to spare for important things, and his friends were always important.
Worse comes to worse, he joked, he could always win the lottery again. Touma grumbled that he'd always known that thing could be rigged.
"Money matters aside... are you sure you can afford to stay here, Ryo?" Shin asked. "What about your job?"
Ryo assured him it was no problem. After all, he had the most flexible job of all of them. He was a freelance photographer on good terms with all his contacts. He could help with the solicitation, too - his travels had placed him in touch with people from all over the world.
"They won't miss me." He shrugged. "I'll just tell them I have to take a break for family reasons. They'll understand."
Touma's head turned to Ryo at the mention of the word "family." Ryo met his gaze and saw that Touma had at least relaxed enough to show a hint of gratitude.
"It's not going to be easy, Ryo," Touma grimly told him. "Seiji is still able to walk around on his own now... but the worst case scenario is that he's eventually going to need round the clock care. It's going to be hard on you, so I'll understand if you'll want to go at any time..."
"Are you trying to scare me into quitting before we even start?" Ryo put a hand on Touma's shoulder. "Listen. I'll be staying here so you can stop worrying about a few things. So don't worry about me. Okay?"
Truth be told, he was surprised at how confident he sounded just then. He wondered if there was a way to know how to do that on command. Nearby he felt Shin and Shuu throwing their guards down, their faces breaking into relieved smiles.
Touma's hand covered his, but he did not smile.
"It's in the advanced stages," Shin told Ryo, at the balcony near the greenhouse, where they had enough space away from everyone else.
Touma had told Shin and Shuu more about the disease during Ryo's absence. Shin relayed that Touma had made an honest effort to ensure that the information wouldn't be overwhelming or hard to understand for laypersons like themselves - but a lot of it was anyway. Shin and Shuu asked a lot of questions and Touma did his best to answer them.
"Ryo... listening to him, it felt like... Touma's in way over his head." The redhead absently rubbed his own upper arm, guarding against a chill only he could feel. "Seiji has been sick for five years, and very little of the medicine Touma is trying to make for him is working. Touma is sure that none of it is making him worse, but he's getting worse anyway. And I'm not sure..." Some reluctance. It was difficult for him to say what came next. "I'm not sure Touma knows what he's doing anymore."
Hearing this sent a shudder up Ryo's spine. Shin was always perceptive about people, and when he said such things, it was as final as the heavens passing judgment.
"What are you talking about?" Ryo challenged. "Touma always knows what he's doing." And it was true, he felt. Touma was the most deliberate, most precise person he had ever met.
"No, I mean..." Grasping for words. Shin would end up saying things as they were anyway, but sometimes it hurt him before it could hurt anyone else, and more profoundly. "I think... Touma called for our help because he's at the end of his rope. Although he won't acknowledge it. It's not that he won't accept that Seiji's condition is out of his hands - it's that he CAN'T accept it."
"Are you saying it'll be useless to set up a lab, like Touma wants?" It was an unpleasant thing to say, but it was always easier for Ryo to be direct.
Shin shook his head. "Touma's fighting. Like Seiji is. We have to help them fight. That's what we're here for. But."
Shin trailed off. Ryo leaned forward on the railing and looked out at the unwary city, making the most of the silence that Shin allowed into the conversation.
"If we only had our armor," Shin said faintly. "Maybe, all together, just maybe... there's a chance."
Meaning, he thought there was NO chance. Not right now, not without the magical things of their youth, the distant dream they would all have happily forgotten if this tragedy had not struck.
Shin, who always had faith, always knew things were going to turn out well, thought Seiji's chances of survival were nonexistent.
"Shin," Ryo began, "tell me the truth. Did you know that Seiji was sick before now?"
Again, Shin shook his head. His red hair, always worn slightly long, whipped about his face in the steady breeze.
"Don't you - I mean, aren't you - angry?" Because right now it just seems you're worried, Ryo wanted to say but couldn't. Worried and sad. Not outraged. Not incapable of acceptance. Not like I was.
"It... took a lot out of me to see Seiji like that," Shin quietly answered. "Shuu, too. We might have been upset at first, but... you've seen Touma. You can see how much it's hurt him to hide it from the rest of us. I couldn't be angry. If we turned against him, too... there's no telling what he would resort to."
Ryo had to admit, he hadn't thought of that. He hadn't thought of Touma's secrecy as anything but betrayal. And just then, looking back at what had happened in Touma's apartment, Ryo realized something:
The look in Touma's eyes. Past the indignation, past the steel that kept him safe from Ryo's assaults, there was something stirring in the deep blue. Something that looked a great deal like desperation.
Like a silent plea: Don't do this. I can fight the world. Not you.
Why did Ryo have to behave like that, anyway? What was so bad about what Touma had done? Why did he have to make it about him and not about Touma and Seiji, and how much they had gone through?
He couldn't remember.
He stepped out of his thoughts and saw Shin looking at him intently.
"Ryo. Both Touma and Seiji need us. We can't make the unavoidable go away." He leaned closer to Ryo, showing that the sea-green of his eyes had darkened with grave sincerity. "But we can make it easier."
(tbc)
annasibs: what's more badass than that?
...i can't think of anything and i love my friends XD
somewhat related: i've been unimaginatively using "pale violet" to refer to seiji's eyes in this fic. i think it's actually some sort of periwinkle, but i'm not sure. i wouldn't want to say "periwinkle eyes," at any rate. i mean, would you?
At the Stars
Part 4
Trying to lose himself in work was, ironically, not working. Putting some photographs together for an exhibit only busied his hands - he couldn't even pay attention. He would wake from a second's stupor wondering what in the world he was doing, overexposing new prints and grouping unrelated pictures together.
The memory of Seiji's emaciated body materialized behind his closed eyelids when he tried to go to sleep. He could still smell the medicine that clung to Seiji's skin like perfume, could even taste the scent at the back of his tongue. More than once he was sorely tempted to pick up the phone and call Touma's apartment. And apologize. And finish talking about Seiji properly.
Maybe then, he said to himself, things would make more sense.
A part of him was still hoping Touma would call first. Touma would do that - swallow his pride if it was necessary. If it was important enough for everyone to get along.
But Ryo knew well enough how stubborn Touma was. He never relished the idea of making the first move to patch things up. And if time wasn't of the essence, he wouldn't bother.
He wondered if Touma was in this position right now - sleepless and tormented over whether or not he should call. It comforted Ryo a bit to think that he was. It made him feel better to believe that there were some things about Touma he could always be sure about.
"Like how unbelievably stupid," Ryo started to say to himself, in the isolation of his bedroom, in the middle of the night. He caught himself, shut up, and threw an arm over his eyes.
In the mornings, during his regular walks to the village near his cabin, Ryo found himself looking through the classifieds for job openings for laboratory workers. Then he gave up because he never really read the papers, and there was never really anything to find - apart from small custodial jobs that he was sure Touma wouldn't go for.
...Or would he? Just how important was it for the young, brilliant, and now infamous Dr. Hashiba to get access to a good laboratory?
Then he reminded himself how ridiculous it was that he was still looking for a way to help, when he and Touma weren't even talking.
One of the things Ryo told himself so it would be easier to stay away was this: Touma had not told him about Seiji's illness earlier. That meant Touma hadn't wanted him involved. Had not wanted him to be concerned.
So he was just doing what Touma wanted. He wasn't being concerned. And if Touma had really wanted his help for anything, he would call first.
Four nights later, he was still telling himself this, when he picked up the phone and dialed Touma's number in Tokyo.
The one who answered the phone was Shin.
"Ryo!" Shin greeted. It was almost a yelp of surprise. Then he lowered his voice. "Touma told us what happened."
By how softly Shin was speaking, Ryo could tell that Touma was in his apartment. Probably somewhere near the phone. If so, he was quite sure Touma would have heard Shin say his name loudly. However, he could also hear Shuu's loud voice in the background, so Touma was probably being kept busy.
"When did you guys get there?" Ryo asked, keeping his volume down as well.
"Shuu got here yesterday and slept over. I got here just today, from Aomori." Shin sighed, "Ryo... I don't know how much Touma was able to tell you. But from what Shuu and I've seen... things look pretty bad."
Ryo nodded, as if the person on the other end of the line could see. "How are they?"
Shin knew what this meant, of course. "Seiji's calm. He seems to sleep better with Shuu making noise." A pause. "As for Touma... well, the bruises are fading, but he's still sore. You know how he gets..." There was no need for him to continue. Ryo did know.
"Are he and Seiji... you know. Okay?"
" 'Okay' ?" He could hear the smile in Shin's voice - pure amusement, not a trace of bitterness or malice. He would have that smile, as someone who tended to think he knew his younger friends better than they knew themselves. "I think so. Seiji told me that they had a good long talk. About you. He's forgiven Touma for going behind his back. He said... Touma wouldn't have brought you over if he really didn't need you to be there."
This was not helping. Ryo sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
But Shin was nowhere near done talking.
"He takes things on by himself, Ryo. He doesn't ask for help. That's how Touma is. And if I remember correctly, that's how you are, too."
Shin's voice was gentle but firm. This was to be expected. What Ryo did not expect was that this approach was working. Already he was feeling less of a heel, even if he probably shouldn't.
"So what are you going to do?" Shin asked.
"Are you serious?" Raising his voice again. Ryo kept himself in check. "I want to help!"
Shin made a small sound of agreement. "Then come over. Given the situation Touma and Seiji are in... it's better for you to come back now than later."
He didn't really like the idea of returning to the apartment so soon. But Shin was right. No matter how Touma acted like, there was no time to waste.
"Shuu and I will be around until you get here. We're already pitching in some ideas, but we all have to talk about this together. That's the only way we'll really get something done."
Ryo quickly made a promise to be on the first train there in the morning.
"Good," Shin remarked. Again, with that smile in his voice. "We're all we've got, eh?"
Curt goodbyes, then the conversation ended. Ryo couldn't help but be relieved that it was Shin who had answered the phone. Nobody else could have convinced him to get his act together, in such a gentle manner and with such faith that he was actually going to do it.
Shin's influence went a long way. The more Ryo thought about catching the train at first light, the more he actually anticipated it. None of them ever fought, not really - there was always some way to set things right. There were other friends, who did not take sides.
When under fire, he could lose his head. It was like that even while he still had his armor. It wasn't right for him to be so hard on Touma if he was prone to doing stupid things, too.
He'd packed only a change of clothes. He wasn't exactly expecting to be asked to stay over, but he wasn't prepared to go home either.
He had his one rucksack slung over his shoulder when he pressed the buzzer.
Not surprisingly, Touma was the one who answered the door. It was, after all, his apartment. But Ryo fell absolutely still anyway. His breath caught for a second.
Touma looked at Ryo expectantly. The tall young man held the door open, one hand in his pocket. He was pulling back his broad shoulders out of habit, assuming a defensive stance that reminded Ryo very much of an archer drawing a bow.
He was still as haggard as he was the last time they met. At least his shirt looked decently pressed this time. Shin, most probably. There was still a sharp red mark where his lower lip had been bleeding, a few days back.
"So..." Ryo began.
"So," his friend echoed.
Ryo fidgeted with the strap of the rucksack. He wanted to look cool while doing this, at least, but he couldn't help himself. He had to lower his gaze as he said "I'm sorry."
Something happened to the atmosphere then. It must have been when Touma exhaled and cleared whatever evil thing it was that hung between them and prevented them from touching. Touma was finally able to reach past the invisible barrier and take Ryo by the arm.
"Let's talk inside."
Ryo nodded and allowed himself to be led back into the apartment he had fled from just a few days ago.
Neither Ryo nor Touma looked at each other for a while. But the gentle pressure of his fingers on Ryo's arm said Thanks for coming back and I'm sorry, too.
The pressure was there even after he let go.
This what what they had decided: Touma was going to set up his own lab. This was the only way he could continue researching Seiji's medicine and not need to worry about having to move Seiji to a more affordable, less comfortable location.
Also, it was the only way Touma could proceed with maximum freedom - no bossy execs, no mousy overpolite bureaucrats keeping him under a magnifying glass. And Touma needed that freedom. Even if he warned his friends that it wasn't likely that he could achieve it.
"The fastest and most viable way," he informed them, "is to find at least one wealthy sponsor. And that sponsor is likely to have conditions. It's not just going to be me running the show."
His friends were aware that Touma would need massive funding for that lab, of course. And they would need to set it up at record time. That was why Shin and Shuu were going to ring people's phones off the hook. Perhaps there were some scientists out there willing to lend support in the form of equipment, supplies, manpower, or simply money. Perhaps there were relatives who could help financially, or could spare some things Touma would need.
"There's Nasuti," Shuu brought up. Touma voiced out his concern about troubling a married woman with little kids, albeit one who was also a world-renowned eco-scientist, but Shuu assured him she would rather not be kept in the dark.
Another guilty look swept over Touma. This time he did not even bother to disguise it. He kept his gaze down and openly said it: He was sorry.
"I shouldn't have kept it secret," he said quietly, hiding his lips behind his clenched hands. "I have no excuse."
Shuu, who had been standing, clapped one hand against Touma's back. The force of it shook Touma's entire body, and Touma had to slap his hands onto the tabletop to steady himself and not fall off the chair. "Don't apologize," he admonished. "Being polite is Seiji's job, man. Sorry, but you suck at it." He looked over at Shin and winked. Shin shrugged in assent, grinning.
Ryo found it amazing how it was so easy for those two to look past the way Touma withheld information from them. Was it wrong of him to have felt so strongly about not being told, after all? Weren't they even a little upset?
He made a mental note to talk to Shin and Shuu about it. Shin had indicated earlier that he wanted to talk to Ryo alone, anyway.
In the meantime, Ryo pitched in. He had decided that he was going to stay and help with running the household for as long as he could. He had some money saved, he said, and he had never really needed much for himself.
"Don't worry about money!" Shuu snapped. "I'll be busy with the family restaurant and I won't have a lot of time to visit so... it's the least I can do, okay!"
It was unsettling for everyone else to see the normally jovial Shuu so upset. Fully aware of this, and just to lighten the air, Shuu reminded them all that he was lucky with money - it was in his birth sign, he said. He would always have money to spare for important things, and his friends were always important.
Worse comes to worse, he joked, he could always win the lottery again. Touma grumbled that he'd always known that thing could be rigged.
"Money matters aside... are you sure you can afford to stay here, Ryo?" Shin asked. "What about your job?"
Ryo assured him it was no problem. After all, he had the most flexible job of all of them. He was a freelance photographer on good terms with all his contacts. He could help with the solicitation, too - his travels had placed him in touch with people from all over the world.
"They won't miss me." He shrugged. "I'll just tell them I have to take a break for family reasons. They'll understand."
Touma's head turned to Ryo at the mention of the word "family." Ryo met his gaze and saw that Touma had at least relaxed enough to show a hint of gratitude.
"It's not going to be easy, Ryo," Touma grimly told him. "Seiji is still able to walk around on his own now... but the worst case scenario is that he's eventually going to need round the clock care. It's going to be hard on you, so I'll understand if you'll want to go at any time..."
"Are you trying to scare me into quitting before we even start?" Ryo put a hand on Touma's shoulder. "Listen. I'll be staying here so you can stop worrying about a few things. So don't worry about me. Okay?"
Truth be told, he was surprised at how confident he sounded just then. He wondered if there was a way to know how to do that on command. Nearby he felt Shin and Shuu throwing their guards down, their faces breaking into relieved smiles.
Touma's hand covered his, but he did not smile.
"It's in the advanced stages," Shin told Ryo, at the balcony near the greenhouse, where they had enough space away from everyone else.
Touma had told Shin and Shuu more about the disease during Ryo's absence. Shin relayed that Touma had made an honest effort to ensure that the information wouldn't be overwhelming or hard to understand for laypersons like themselves - but a lot of it was anyway. Shin and Shuu asked a lot of questions and Touma did his best to answer them.
"Ryo... listening to him, it felt like... Touma's in way over his head." The redhead absently rubbed his own upper arm, guarding against a chill only he could feel. "Seiji has been sick for five years, and very little of the medicine Touma is trying to make for him is working. Touma is sure that none of it is making him worse, but he's getting worse anyway. And I'm not sure..." Some reluctance. It was difficult for him to say what came next. "I'm not sure Touma knows what he's doing anymore."
Hearing this sent a shudder up Ryo's spine. Shin was always perceptive about people, and when he said such things, it was as final as the heavens passing judgment.
"What are you talking about?" Ryo challenged. "Touma always knows what he's doing." And it was true, he felt. Touma was the most deliberate, most precise person he had ever met.
"No, I mean..." Grasping for words. Shin would end up saying things as they were anyway, but sometimes it hurt him before it could hurt anyone else, and more profoundly. "I think... Touma called for our help because he's at the end of his rope. Although he won't acknowledge it. It's not that he won't accept that Seiji's condition is out of his hands - it's that he CAN'T accept it."
"Are you saying it'll be useless to set up a lab, like Touma wants?" It was an unpleasant thing to say, but it was always easier for Ryo to be direct.
Shin shook his head. "Touma's fighting. Like Seiji is. We have to help them fight. That's what we're here for. But."
Shin trailed off. Ryo leaned forward on the railing and looked out at the unwary city, making the most of the silence that Shin allowed into the conversation.
"If we only had our armor," Shin said faintly. "Maybe, all together, just maybe... there's a chance."
Meaning, he thought there was NO chance. Not right now, not without the magical things of their youth, the distant dream they would all have happily forgotten if this tragedy had not struck.
Shin, who always had faith, always knew things were going to turn out well, thought Seiji's chances of survival were nonexistent.
"Shin," Ryo began, "tell me the truth. Did you know that Seiji was sick before now?"
Again, Shin shook his head. His red hair, always worn slightly long, whipped about his face in the steady breeze.
"Don't you - I mean, aren't you - angry?" Because right now it just seems you're worried, Ryo wanted to say but couldn't. Worried and sad. Not outraged. Not incapable of acceptance. Not like I was.
"It... took a lot out of me to see Seiji like that," Shin quietly answered. "Shuu, too. We might have been upset at first, but... you've seen Touma. You can see how much it's hurt him to hide it from the rest of us. I couldn't be angry. If we turned against him, too... there's no telling what he would resort to."
Ryo had to admit, he hadn't thought of that. He hadn't thought of Touma's secrecy as anything but betrayal. And just then, looking back at what had happened in Touma's apartment, Ryo realized something:
The look in Touma's eyes. Past the indignation, past the steel that kept him safe from Ryo's assaults, there was something stirring in the deep blue. Something that looked a great deal like desperation.
Like a silent plea: Don't do this. I can fight the world. Not you.
Why did Ryo have to behave like that, anyway? What was so bad about what Touma had done? Why did he have to make it about him and not about Touma and Seiji, and how much they had gone through?
He couldn't remember.
He stepped out of his thoughts and saw Shin looking at him intently.
"Ryo. Both Touma and Seiji need us. We can't make the unavoidable go away." He leaned closer to Ryo, showing that the sea-green of his eyes had darkened with grave sincerity. "But we can make it easier."
(tbc)