[FIC] No Evil (part 1/3), G, crazy talk
just realized i haven't done a stream-of-consciousness piece since...hmm, that old AtoJi thing? and that sucked. so let's try again X)
all three parts of this fic were driven to great depths by Luna Sea's Shine album. should be posting the other two parts soon (for once) because they're almost finished.
um...yup, this is a dream sequence that's supposed to make no sense (if it does, please whack me). so, sorry for the poor quality. am just making my sleepy right cranial hemisphere do jumping jacks.
No Evil (Part 1)
by MorphailEffect
Renji dreams of eyes. They surround him, foreign, unrelenting. He stands while they search him, scrutinize him, You are new, you are different, accusing, You don't belong here. Go back, you aren't needed.
Eyes in the dark, everywhere he turns. Bodiless, they have no power to keep him in place, and when he gets tired of standing he walks, but no matter how far he gets they would not leave him alone, or shut up out of plain consideration. He has closed his own eyes, steeled himself against their rambling, preferring the silence of not knowing, of not being part of anything, of simply believing his feet know where they are taking him.
What do you have to offer? You're so young. What do you think you know? What choice do you think you have? How far will you get like this? What are you holding on to? You don't understand at all.
The barrier of silence weakens. He braces himself harder against it.
Before he could stop, it becomes harder to breathe.
He knows, and tells himself, that it is highly probable these eyes, and the darkness trapping him in with them, do not exist. Perhaps at the moment he is actually dreaming. He has come a long way from the child that a dream of these eyes would have devoured, the child who could not wall himself in even if he wanted to.
The child who had something to rely on, to run to.
In the dark, calm as he could ever be, Renji walks, searching for a pair of eyes only he had ever seen. He doesn't even know if this pair exists anymore, he only knew it did, once, but he'd lost it. He'd been careless and he'd lost it...
It even had a name. It still does. But the name and the eyes themselves are fading in his head, time is mercilessly rubbing out the memory of a pair of glasses dropped somewhere on the longest possible route from point A to point B. It would mark point C if it still exists, if it is where he left it -- but what are the odds of that? If it was just a pair of glasses it would be easier to find, to pick up and put on someone else, but it isn't, it isn't so simple.
Those eyes could close forever and Renji would never find them again.
The thought slowly fills him with dread. What if he never found those eyes again. No, it was pointless to think that. But what if the only thing that drove him to exist in this darkness was the one fading memory, the feeling of home and being protected and not needing to move, not being alone, left him never to return.
What if that same person was in this darkness too, walking, looking for Renji, waiting for Renji to find him before it's too late, call it quits now, everything's forgiven, before the eyes all around take away Renji's name and face.
The worst happens when Renji thinks of that person being safe somewhere outside this darkness. What if I'm the only one here.
He feels a chill. He imagines himself shivering, his legs growing weak. Despair becomes immaterial, hope becomes immaterial; he is simply running out of air.
He makes his legs stop moving. He sits. He needs to rest.
The stares defeat the silence. He retreats, too weak to be even capable of panic. Farther in. Farther in.
And...
He feels the presence of two pairs of eyes, surfacing from the universe of strangers, moving closer up to him. He feels them at first like an invasion. He recoils, What do you want?
What the hell do you think?
Renji stares back. The silence rings with the presence of that bare sternness. Quite like it would as if he had found --
What?
Panic, for the first time, for a moment: he had forgotten.
I was looking for something, he tells those eyes, as he would never tell any of the other eyes, weakly. I came here, I lost something I didn't know I needed, I thought I was stronger, I was careless...
Stand up, Renji.
Renji stood -- helped, somehow, encouraged? by the presence of the gentler gaze. Who could ever have seen eyes like that before? He continues to say I know, I remember, I'd lost someone important to me. It had been so long I had never told anyone I was running out of air.
As he speaks he feels the knot in his chest loosen. He realizes all of a sudden he is strong enough to stay on his feet.
I wanted to be stronger on my own. I knew I couldn't do that if I stayed. But I couldn't say goodbye. We are going to meet again someday as rivals -- the odds are high. It made sense at the time, it was better not to say goodbye.
All the other eyes still speak to him, but he needs only listen to two pairs of them: the two that hover, as if they have nowhere else to go -- as if they, too have found him.
It's all in the past, one almost shouts. Now is more important, the other almost whispers.
Something begins to fade. There is a feeling of stillness falling away. Like walls crumbling, sunlight coming in through the cracks.
Show us who you are.
Don't be afraid.
Renji takes a deep breath, celebrating freedom.
Then he opens his eyes.
(END PART ONE)
all three parts of this fic were driven to great depths by Luna Sea's Shine album. should be posting the other two parts soon (for once) because they're almost finished.
um...yup, this is a dream sequence that's supposed to make no sense (if it does, please whack me). so, sorry for the poor quality. am just making my sleepy right cranial hemisphere do jumping jacks.
No Evil (Part 1)
by MorphailEffect
Renji dreams of eyes. They surround him, foreign, unrelenting. He stands while they search him, scrutinize him, You are new, you are different, accusing, You don't belong here. Go back, you aren't needed.
Eyes in the dark, everywhere he turns. Bodiless, they have no power to keep him in place, and when he gets tired of standing he walks, but no matter how far he gets they would not leave him alone, or shut up out of plain consideration. He has closed his own eyes, steeled himself against their rambling, preferring the silence of not knowing, of not being part of anything, of simply believing his feet know where they are taking him.
What do you have to offer? You're so young. What do you think you know? What choice do you think you have? How far will you get like this? What are you holding on to? You don't understand at all.
The barrier of silence weakens. He braces himself harder against it.
Before he could stop, it becomes harder to breathe.
He knows, and tells himself, that it is highly probable these eyes, and the darkness trapping him in with them, do not exist. Perhaps at the moment he is actually dreaming. He has come a long way from the child that a dream of these eyes would have devoured, the child who could not wall himself in even if he wanted to.
The child who had something to rely on, to run to.
In the dark, calm as he could ever be, Renji walks, searching for a pair of eyes only he had ever seen. He doesn't even know if this pair exists anymore, he only knew it did, once, but he'd lost it. He'd been careless and he'd lost it...
It even had a name. It still does. But the name and the eyes themselves are fading in his head, time is mercilessly rubbing out the memory of a pair of glasses dropped somewhere on the longest possible route from point A to point B. It would mark point C if it still exists, if it is where he left it -- but what are the odds of that? If it was just a pair of glasses it would be easier to find, to pick up and put on someone else, but it isn't, it isn't so simple.
Those eyes could close forever and Renji would never find them again.
The thought slowly fills him with dread. What if he never found those eyes again. No, it was pointless to think that. But what if the only thing that drove him to exist in this darkness was the one fading memory, the feeling of home and being protected and not needing to move, not being alone, left him never to return.
What if that same person was in this darkness too, walking, looking for Renji, waiting for Renji to find him before it's too late, call it quits now, everything's forgiven, before the eyes all around take away Renji's name and face.
The worst happens when Renji thinks of that person being safe somewhere outside this darkness. What if I'm the only one here.
He feels a chill. He imagines himself shivering, his legs growing weak. Despair becomes immaterial, hope becomes immaterial; he is simply running out of air.
He makes his legs stop moving. He sits. He needs to rest.
The stares defeat the silence. He retreats, too weak to be even capable of panic. Farther in. Farther in.
And...
He feels the presence of two pairs of eyes, surfacing from the universe of strangers, moving closer up to him. He feels them at first like an invasion. He recoils, What do you want?
What the hell do you think?
Renji stares back. The silence rings with the presence of that bare sternness. Quite like it would as if he had found --
What?
Panic, for the first time, for a moment: he had forgotten.
I was looking for something, he tells those eyes, as he would never tell any of the other eyes, weakly. I came here, I lost something I didn't know I needed, I thought I was stronger, I was careless...
Stand up, Renji.
Renji stood -- helped, somehow, encouraged? by the presence of the gentler gaze. Who could ever have seen eyes like that before? He continues to say I know, I remember, I'd lost someone important to me. It had been so long I had never told anyone I was running out of air.
As he speaks he feels the knot in his chest loosen. He realizes all of a sudden he is strong enough to stay on his feet.
I wanted to be stronger on my own. I knew I couldn't do that if I stayed. But I couldn't say goodbye. We are going to meet again someday as rivals -- the odds are high. It made sense at the time, it was better not to say goodbye.
All the other eyes still speak to him, but he needs only listen to two pairs of them: the two that hover, as if they have nowhere else to go -- as if they, too have found him.
It's all in the past, one almost shouts. Now is more important, the other almost whispers.
Something begins to fade. There is a feeling of stillness falling away. Like walls crumbling, sunlight coming in through the cracks.
Show us who you are.
Don't be afraid.
Renji takes a deep breath, celebrating freedom.
Then he opens his eyes.
(END PART ONE)