[fic] "Love Song", SanaYana(?) (1/2)
hello >:) two nights ago i told aishuu that i wasn't going to fic and was going to come up with a sketch for yanagi's birthday instead, but i got landbound today and found a little time to type.
edit: decided to stick with "Love Song" for the title, because am unimaginative and blah >P
"It's going to be a good day today," he said, his boyish face turned up, greeting the sun.
It was the first time Renji had seen him smile so openly. That look broke something inside him. It struck at all things familiar, all things that hurt and made sense.
He suddenly felt lonelier than ever. Like nothing was ever going to be the same again, but it was all right. Nobody else needed to know. And as long as no one did, the feeling was going to last forever.
Be with me...
***
Moving was always a miserable affair. His family had transferred to Tokyo when he was eight. And then they had transferred to Kanagawa when he was eleven.
Few things in Yanagi Renji's life were permanent.
But one thing was certain: wherever in the world he was going to end up in, there was going to be tennis; his sport; the one thing he was born to excel in, and never had to hold on to.
The primary school he transferred into had a tennis club, and he joined without even giving it a second thought. It wasn't likely that any of the other kids in that school took any sport seriously; everyone just seemed to be happy, smiling, having fun.
He never resented anyone else for that. Nothing was bound to be serious until he reached middle school. Then, he would be enrolling in Rikkaidai Fuzoku, where the strong athletes were.
His parents had warned him that they might be moving again in a few years' time. He only nodded, saying he understood. His own plans could be compromised.
Renji spent the first few days of school numb, trying not to think of how things were different now from what they used to be. But he woke up in the morning with memories in his head, conversations between licks of ice cream and on long bus rides. It was hard to shake the feeling off, and he sat up in bed hugging his knees, wishing for the memories to go away.
Sometimes they did...and sometimes he got out of bed, washed, dressed, ate and left the house with the displaced, disoriented feeling churning inside of him, at some instances turning into something like fear.
It made him not want to talk to people. And worse yet, it made him not notice a lot of things.
"Hey."
The other child bent over him. Renji had been warming up all by himself, sitting on a small patch of grass he'd claimed.
"Will you play a game with us?"
Renji looked behind the smiling fair-faced, long-haired boy's and saw another boy, dark and intense, wearing a black baseball cap barely shadowing over his expectant gaze. Like an eclipse in reverse, he thought of the two boys, without being sure why.
And Renji, too used to the concept of one-against-one, immediately asked "Which one of you?"
The boys looked at each other. "We take turns. That's how it works." Long-hair gestured to baseball cap. "You and him first. Then you and me. Is that okay?"
Renji looked around uneasily. And he realized the other boys in the tennis club, even the officers and upperclassmen, had stopped whatever it was they were doing, and were watching the three of them on the grass. He couldn't read their stares, but he could sense the tension.
That was how he got the feeling he was being sized up. Perhaps these two were bullies of some kind, despite one of them looking the open, friendly sort. Renji hadn't exactly thought to do research on this school's tournament records yet. No matter, he thought. If these two children were the club bigshots, answering their challenge would be a good way to get them off his back.
The odd thing was, he sensed no enmity from them, only a muted anticipation. At least he was going to get good data from this.
"All right." He stood and took up his racket. "One game?" he asked the boy in the baseball cap.
The boy nodded grimly. "Play me seriously," he said in a surprisingly deep, commanding voice. "That's the only way we'll know how good you really are."
Renji nodded, quietly pushing back the notion that he didn't know these two boys yet, but there was already a "we" he had to exist against...
***
After that first day's match, it was as if the three of them made a silent pact not to separate.
They returned to the club room together, showered and changed and walked home side by side. Renji's head was swimming with new data. He only noticed he was actually going home with other kids his age, when he realized that something Seiichi said had made him laugh outloud.
This became routine as the days drew on. They came home together, and went to school together. Seiichi would call out "Good morning" at the gate, and Renji would poke his head out his bedroom window in time to see the two boys striking up a pleasant chat with his mother over the low fence. Most of the actual "chat" would be conducted by the friendlier, more accommodating Seiichi; Genichirou would be standing around stoically, hands in his pockets, answering tersely, politely, and only when he was spoken to.
If anything, Renji had proven his worth to these two exceptional youngsters. He fit into their little gang without effort...though he only slated it up to his insatiable curiosity regarding how these two boys learned to play so well, in such a short time.
He gathered data on both of them. He tried to stay at a safe distance -- and not just for the sake of objectivity.
Whenever he saw Genichirou and Seiichi together, Renji hung back. If he wasn't taking notes on them, the sight made him feel like he was at the threshold of something sacred. Or maybe, he thought, it was just an old feeling carried over, watching himself and Sadaharu from outside for once.
And yet it wasn't that, exactly... he and Sadaharu were almost the same, one part mirroring the other. These two were like light and shadow, drawn to each other by their very differences. They often disagreed, but never about big things. They were, for one thing, both driven to exceed their own limitations.
As for how he could fit into this tight little group, Renji wasn't sure. He had simply become a willing accomplice to most of their schemes. Genichirou had his eye on being better at everything, and Seiichi had his eye on easing up the pressure that he exerted on himself and everyone else, which meant taking the mickey out of Genichirou whenever the other boy got too tough. Renji gave whatever he could to their efforts, and always felt appreciated for it.
During class, Genichirou would sometimes find fault in what the teacher was saying, and call the teacher's attention to it. Renji wouldn't have been brave enough to do that, and a glance over at Seiichi showed him that the other boy wouldn't have even wanted to bother.
Seiichi would look over at Renji and roll his eyes, then grin as his shoulders shook in a quiet chuckle. Renji couldn't help but smile then. It felt like he had become part of something familiar and comfortable.
The feeling of being appreciated was irreplaceable. Some days, he thought "Safe distance" be damned.
***
And he wondered when the long morning hours spent thinking of days past, moments of ice cream and long bus rides, turned into waiting for the sound of familiar young voices calling "Good morning" outside the gate.
He still thought about Sadaharu. Often. But mostly it was to wonder if Sadaharu had friends like these, who asked him to be with them for important things, and waited for him when it was time to go anywhere else.
Then he told himself, it didn't matter. Being useful and moving forward were what mattered. They were what kept him upright. And Sadaharu was probably not even thinking about him anymore.
One summer, Seiichi had to stay over with his relatives in the countryside for two weeks. There was only Renji and Genichirou to keep each other from being bored. It was the first time, Renji felt, for the two of them to spend so much time together, and he didn't understand it...
But something happened then. They began to depend on each other for too many things. Genichirou smiled more, or so it seemed, because sometimes it might have been a trick of the light, or a tilt of the head that made the baseball cap shadow over a bit more of the face than it usually did, but still...
Being with both Genichirou and Seiichi at the same time made him feel welcome and protected. But just being with Genichirou made him feel -- it was a crime to try and apply the word, it was inappropriate, but he could find no better -- it made him feel together. When Genichirou spoke of their plans, where they were going to go, what was next on their agenda, there was always the sensation of something made light, of being unburdened.
Renji remembered that it had been like this with Sadaharu... the other boy made the decisions and Renji followed without question. And Renji found himself comparing the two, even if he knew that in essence this was wrong, this was betraying an inviolable part of his past.
Was it just Seiichi's absence that brought this about?
Besides, there was a huge difference: Genichirou pressured him into maturing -- into leaving things behind.
Renji was startled out of his thoughts one summer morning by the sound of a pebble striking the glass on his window. He tried to ignore it, but the second tap was certainly no accident.
He learned soon after that Genichirou just hadn't been in the mood to strike up a conversation with Renji's mother, which usually took place whenever Renji was being called out. So he'd taken to calling Renji's attention with the pebbles. After all, there were a lot of the damn things scattered around, they had to be good for something.
"It's not polite to announce your arrival like that," Renji said in a joking tone as they were walking to the street courts.
Sadaharu had used to throw pebbles at his window. Renji had thought it was childish and kept telling him to stop it -- only in jest, of course. And Sadaharu knew it, and only grinned whenever he made his request.
But Genichirou frowned when he said this.
"Fine. I won't."
And this was followed by a brooding silence, which made Renji sigh and shake his head.
They were so different. Renji kept forgetting.
(end part 1)
edit: decided to stick with "Love Song" for the title, because am unimaginative and blah >P
"It's going to be a good day today," he said, his boyish face turned up, greeting the sun.
It was the first time Renji had seen him smile so openly. That look broke something inside him. It struck at all things familiar, all things that hurt and made sense.
He suddenly felt lonelier than ever. Like nothing was ever going to be the same again, but it was all right. Nobody else needed to know. And as long as no one did, the feeling was going to last forever.
Be with me...
***
Moving was always a miserable affair. His family had transferred to Tokyo when he was eight. And then they had transferred to Kanagawa when he was eleven.
Few things in Yanagi Renji's life were permanent.
But one thing was certain: wherever in the world he was going to end up in, there was going to be tennis; his sport; the one thing he was born to excel in, and never had to hold on to.
The primary school he transferred into had a tennis club, and he joined without even giving it a second thought. It wasn't likely that any of the other kids in that school took any sport seriously; everyone just seemed to be happy, smiling, having fun.
He never resented anyone else for that. Nothing was bound to be serious until he reached middle school. Then, he would be enrolling in Rikkaidai Fuzoku, where the strong athletes were.
His parents had warned him that they might be moving again in a few years' time. He only nodded, saying he understood. His own plans could be compromised.
Renji spent the first few days of school numb, trying not to think of how things were different now from what they used to be. But he woke up in the morning with memories in his head, conversations between licks of ice cream and on long bus rides. It was hard to shake the feeling off, and he sat up in bed hugging his knees, wishing for the memories to go away.
Sometimes they did...and sometimes he got out of bed, washed, dressed, ate and left the house with the displaced, disoriented feeling churning inside of him, at some instances turning into something like fear.
It made him not want to talk to people. And worse yet, it made him not notice a lot of things.
"Hey."
The other child bent over him. Renji had been warming up all by himself, sitting on a small patch of grass he'd claimed.
"Will you play a game with us?"
Renji looked behind the smiling fair-faced, long-haired boy's and saw another boy, dark and intense, wearing a black baseball cap barely shadowing over his expectant gaze. Like an eclipse in reverse, he thought of the two boys, without being sure why.
And Renji, too used to the concept of one-against-one, immediately asked "Which one of you?"
The boys looked at each other. "We take turns. That's how it works." Long-hair gestured to baseball cap. "You and him first. Then you and me. Is that okay?"
Renji looked around uneasily. And he realized the other boys in the tennis club, even the officers and upperclassmen, had stopped whatever it was they were doing, and were watching the three of them on the grass. He couldn't read their stares, but he could sense the tension.
That was how he got the feeling he was being sized up. Perhaps these two were bullies of some kind, despite one of them looking the open, friendly sort. Renji hadn't exactly thought to do research on this school's tournament records yet. No matter, he thought. If these two children were the club bigshots, answering their challenge would be a good way to get them off his back.
The odd thing was, he sensed no enmity from them, only a muted anticipation. At least he was going to get good data from this.
"All right." He stood and took up his racket. "One game?" he asked the boy in the baseball cap.
The boy nodded grimly. "Play me seriously," he said in a surprisingly deep, commanding voice. "That's the only way we'll know how good you really are."
Renji nodded, quietly pushing back the notion that he didn't know these two boys yet, but there was already a "we" he had to exist against...
***
After that first day's match, it was as if the three of them made a silent pact not to separate.
They returned to the club room together, showered and changed and walked home side by side. Renji's head was swimming with new data. He only noticed he was actually going home with other kids his age, when he realized that something Seiichi said had made him laugh outloud.
This became routine as the days drew on. They came home together, and went to school together. Seiichi would call out "Good morning" at the gate, and Renji would poke his head out his bedroom window in time to see the two boys striking up a pleasant chat with his mother over the low fence. Most of the actual "chat" would be conducted by the friendlier, more accommodating Seiichi; Genichirou would be standing around stoically, hands in his pockets, answering tersely, politely, and only when he was spoken to.
If anything, Renji had proven his worth to these two exceptional youngsters. He fit into their little gang without effort...though he only slated it up to his insatiable curiosity regarding how these two boys learned to play so well, in such a short time.
He gathered data on both of them. He tried to stay at a safe distance -- and not just for the sake of objectivity.
Whenever he saw Genichirou and Seiichi together, Renji hung back. If he wasn't taking notes on them, the sight made him feel like he was at the threshold of something sacred. Or maybe, he thought, it was just an old feeling carried over, watching himself and Sadaharu from outside for once.
And yet it wasn't that, exactly... he and Sadaharu were almost the same, one part mirroring the other. These two were like light and shadow, drawn to each other by their very differences. They often disagreed, but never about big things. They were, for one thing, both driven to exceed their own limitations.
As for how he could fit into this tight little group, Renji wasn't sure. He had simply become a willing accomplice to most of their schemes. Genichirou had his eye on being better at everything, and Seiichi had his eye on easing up the pressure that he exerted on himself and everyone else, which meant taking the mickey out of Genichirou whenever the other boy got too tough. Renji gave whatever he could to their efforts, and always felt appreciated for it.
During class, Genichirou would sometimes find fault in what the teacher was saying, and call the teacher's attention to it. Renji wouldn't have been brave enough to do that, and a glance over at Seiichi showed him that the other boy wouldn't have even wanted to bother.
Seiichi would look over at Renji and roll his eyes, then grin as his shoulders shook in a quiet chuckle. Renji couldn't help but smile then. It felt like he had become part of something familiar and comfortable.
The feeling of being appreciated was irreplaceable. Some days, he thought "Safe distance" be damned.
***
And he wondered when the long morning hours spent thinking of days past, moments of ice cream and long bus rides, turned into waiting for the sound of familiar young voices calling "Good morning" outside the gate.
He still thought about Sadaharu. Often. But mostly it was to wonder if Sadaharu had friends like these, who asked him to be with them for important things, and waited for him when it was time to go anywhere else.
Then he told himself, it didn't matter. Being useful and moving forward were what mattered. They were what kept him upright. And Sadaharu was probably not even thinking about him anymore.
One summer, Seiichi had to stay over with his relatives in the countryside for two weeks. There was only Renji and Genichirou to keep each other from being bored. It was the first time, Renji felt, for the two of them to spend so much time together, and he didn't understand it...
But something happened then. They began to depend on each other for too many things. Genichirou smiled more, or so it seemed, because sometimes it might have been a trick of the light, or a tilt of the head that made the baseball cap shadow over a bit more of the face than it usually did, but still...
Being with both Genichirou and Seiichi at the same time made him feel welcome and protected. But just being with Genichirou made him feel -- it was a crime to try and apply the word, it was inappropriate, but he could find no better -- it made him feel together. When Genichirou spoke of their plans, where they were going to go, what was next on their agenda, there was always the sensation of something made light, of being unburdened.
Renji remembered that it had been like this with Sadaharu... the other boy made the decisions and Renji followed without question. And Renji found himself comparing the two, even if he knew that in essence this was wrong, this was betraying an inviolable part of his past.
Was it just Seiichi's absence that brought this about?
Besides, there was a huge difference: Genichirou pressured him into maturing -- into leaving things behind.
Renji was startled out of his thoughts one summer morning by the sound of a pebble striking the glass on his window. He tried to ignore it, but the second tap was certainly no accident.
He learned soon after that Genichirou just hadn't been in the mood to strike up a conversation with Renji's mother, which usually took place whenever Renji was being called out. So he'd taken to calling Renji's attention with the pebbles. After all, there were a lot of the damn things scattered around, they had to be good for something.
"It's not polite to announce your arrival like that," Renji said in a joking tone as they were walking to the street courts.
Sadaharu had used to throw pebbles at his window. Renji had thought it was childish and kept telling him to stop it -- only in jest, of course. And Sadaharu knew it, and only grinned whenever he made his request.
But Genichirou frowned when he said this.
"Fine. I won't."
And this was followed by a brooding silence, which made Renji sigh and shake his head.
They were so different. Renji kept forgetting.
(end part 1)