and stars are falling, all for us.
So. Regulus is still missing, I made a huge mistake with Amycus, Lucius fucking Malfoy turned up on my doorstep in the middle of the night with a hunk of metal in his arm, which is an interesting one to explain to wife and son. And yet, I still like having cups of tea and biscuits with that Acacia woman, who must be the sort of person we hold things against.
I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I mean, killing the Prewetts? But they give what they get. They're as violent as we are. We're not killing innocent people, are we? We're not going out and killing Acacia and her little kid, are we? Well. I'm not. I won't do that. The Prewetts, I can deal with. Healing them after getting into stupid fights with Moody, I can deal with. When they start asking me to kill people, it gets questionable, but I will swallow it. When they start asking me to kill people who have done us no wrong, I start to wonder if I've made a huge mistake here. A huge, huge mistake.
The thing is, Caius, you're in too deep now, aren't you? One thing leads to another, and one demand leads to a worse one, and every time you accept...you're lowering yourself.
If I back out, I die. This is self preservation, now. Now...they scare me. I scare myself, sometimes. It's like I become someone else behind a mask. I just become a face in the crowd. A nameless, faceless, nothing. Does this make me someone I'm not, or does it bring out the real me?
How do I even know who I am anymore? One of these days, I'm going to find out, and it's going to kill me.
I do wonder about the world sometimes. If any Healers want to join my Coffee Morning in the Morgue club, they're welcome to. I have enough tea and biscuits for lots of sane company people, as it does get lonely down here.
Also. Remind me never to attempt midwifery again. Ugh. Which is no reflection on any women at all, just my general thoughts on...processes. Ugh.
Talking of which, how are you? Have to check up on all my patients, after all. Not something I get to do often.