"relax. i've come away with a panic attack. the spinning lights make it hard to react."
Title: The Best Man-Chapter 1.
Author: mothergoddamn
Pairing/characters: Perry Van Shrike/Harry Lockhart and Harmony Lane/Harry Lockhart
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own Perry or Harry. I do, however, own the pineapple chunk.
Summary: Written for this prompt. I want an epic of Perry being in love with Harry, but in an attempt to disguise this gets nastier and ruder pushing him away. Putting him on cases when he has dates with Harmony to mess up the relationship, deriding him constantly etc. Then it all comes to a head and Harry loses it with Perry, demanding to know why he hates him so much. This leads to Perry confession! I'd like some angst and romance and maybe cheating on Harmony?
Please fill! Ideally I'd love rat_chan, kikamontanez, mothergoddamN or someone? I hope that's allowed and it's not to be rude or anything! I like everyone and I encorouge multiple fills!
The Best Man-Chapter 1
It started with a kiss, as the trite song says. A kiss, an embrace surrounded by the scent of apples and a request.
“I want you to be my best man,” Harry had asked, a smile threatening to split his face. I had hemmed and hawed and pretended not to care but even he knew his question had touched me. On my agreement he surprised me by throwing his arms round me and hugging me tightly. For a moment my hands hung loosely at me sides, unsure as how to respond, then they had tentatively rested on the lower of his back. He had kissed me then, just a silly peck to the corner of my mouth but it startled me even more then his impromptu hug. The sweet fragrance of his shampoo wafted in my nostrils for a moment and just for something to say I asked what it was. “Huh? Just Harmony’s conditioner,” he had said and I had muttered something vaguely insulting and not very funny. Something about smelling of the green grocers I think. But the smell lingered, as did the feeling of his arms around me. I have never had a close friend like Harry before, I have certainly never been asked to be anyone’s best man, so I assumed that the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach was no more than my pleased reaction to his news. But the feeling wouldn’t leave. It stayed for days, weeks and soon became months. It grew stronger and more stifling as I gradually went from being easily irritated by his presence, to enjoying his company, to missing the bastard when he wasn’t there. I couldn’t understand the changes within me but I chose not to delve too deeply. Tried to push them down deep inside. Then they began to affect the way I treated Harry.
“Harry, these case files are a mess!” I had chided looking through his scruffy scribbling. “I’m surprised you restrained yourself from using crayon.”
“But I spent ages on them! And I used more complex words like you asked,” Harry protested pointing out incumbent proudly.
“Yes, but in entirely the wrong context! Honestly, do you think a thesaurus is a dinosaur?”
“Okay, maybe I was rushing but...”
“Harry, is this a drawing of a penis?” I asked, staring at a doodle halfway through the notes.
“What? No! That’s a tie. What kind of cocks are you taking home?”
“And you’re drawing ties all over my documents because...?”
“Oh, yeah. Harmony called when I was writing them to discuss...wedding stuff and I guess I didn’t realise I had done that. Look, I can redo in the morning? I need to go meet Harmony, she wants to look at flowers.” He had rolled his eyes and smiled. At this I felt my mouth dry and a horrible pounding fill my head. I could see them laughing together, holding hands and sharing happy little kisses in front of the display windows. I saw the way Harry would look at her, like he was drowning and she was dry land. I saw myself on the side lines watching. Alone.
“No,” I said at last, swallowing over the bitterness in my throat. “These are urgent,” I lied. “I need them done as soon as possible, and typed. Harmony can wait.”
That was the first instance, one of many. Harmony wanted to go view reception areas, I sent Harry to meet a client outside of town. Harmony wanted to go meet with a priest, Harry got a last minute assignment. And my barbs to him got crueller and more hurtful. Pretty soon it didn’t matter whether Harry had fucked up or not I just couldn’t find a good word to say. The more I fell in love with him the more I hated myself. And I was taking it out on him.
It wasn’t long before Harmony came to see me, smoking up a storm and missing my ash tray on each aim.
“Perry, what’s going on with you and Harry? Seriously, he is like a lost puppy when he comes home of late,” she asked, her eyes fused onto mine. I tried not to imagine those late night conversations and where they occurred.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I had said, irritably. “Harry’s just Harry. You see my dilemma?”
“Oh, fuck, Perry! Could you go easier on him? He thinks the world of you. You do know that don’t you?” The words sent far too much joy to my chest and I cringed at the pleasure I took from it. When had I become this pathetic creature?
“I...I didn’t realise that it was upsetting him so much. I’ll lay off.” She had looked surprised that I had surrendered so easily and so meekly. I was surprised myself but Harmony had become my weak spot. I adored the girl and could barely meet her eyes for guilt. Strangely, the nastier I was with Harry the nicer I was with her.
“Good! You know one good word from you and he’s happier than a pig in shit!”
“Thank you for that image.” I replied, trying to resist the urge to push a mat under her beer. If that had been Harry I’d have made him eat the coasters by now.
“Fuck, Perry, can you believe I’m getting married? I’ve even got a white dress. Can you fucking believe that?” She gesticulated wildly, her arm narrowly missing the neck of the bottle. I smiled tightly at her excitement. No. I couldn’t believe she was getting married. To Harry. That I had lost him without ever even having him.
I took her words to heart, I really did! But as I’ve said Harry is Harry and even if I hadn’t been struggling with this, whatever this was, I’d have had a hard time not strangling him on a daily basis anyway. The next day I left Harry with some case notes to type up, politely asking he refrain from turning them into mini Banksey's. I can be nice, I can be nice, I thought when I returned that evening, psyching myself up before opening the door. You can do this, Perry.
Harry was sat my desk, staring intently at two pieces of material in his hands. “Engaged in a battle of wits?” I asked casually, checking through my mail as I approached him.
“Perry, I’m going fucking crazy here. I can’t tell them apart!” He held them up in front of his face. “Can you see the difference?”
“The one on the right is Blue Chime and the other is Steel Haze. Are you colour blind, fuckhead?” Back track, Perry. Nice! Remember?
“They’re both blue! They’re both blue! What the hell? How did you do that?” He dropped them down onto the desk and stared at them confused. “Harmony wants one of them for the napkins. In your gay opinion, what’s best?”
“Oh, so because I’m gay this is my field of expertise?” He didn’t answer, merely signalled the elegantly designed room with his maimed hand.
“Okay, fair point. The Blue Chime.”
“Great! Here," he said as he handed me his work. "Just finished." A jolt ran through me as our fingers lightly brushed in the transition.
“Harry?” I asked, as I flipped through the pages. “Why are all the A’s written in blue ink?”
“Oh, oh! The A is stuck. See?” He tapped his finger up and down on the keyboard to demonstrate. “So, what I reckoned was if I just left a space? And then write them all in?” He grinned almost proudly as I picked up the nearby ball point. Gingerly, I poked at the disabled key. Rooting beneath it I pierced an apparent blockage of what looked and smelled suspiciously like pineapple. I held it up and raised my brows at him. “Ah, that I can explain.”
“You, despite my express desire for you not to, have been eating pizza at my desk again haven’t you?” I asked, trying desperately to keep the edge from my voice. Sometimes being with Harry was like the deleted scenes from "Rainman".
“I’m sorry! I was starving! I’ve been here for hours writing these up.“ He looked vaguely apprehensive. Then snatched the chunk from the pen tip and popped it into his mouth. This was the source of my desires? This?
“It’s fine,” I replied through gritted teeth, reading through the notes. Nothing too exciting, just a wandering husband case. I frowned and glanced up at Harry, who was already putting on his coat, getting ready to go home to his fiancée. “Does this bother you?” I asked, indicating to the document.
“What? Typing? No, I’m getting quite good at it actually. I even use two hands now.”
“No, the case. The whole cheating thing? You're getting married in a month after all. Seeing cases like these...it makes you realise not everything has a happy ending." It was a low blow but gently delivered. He probably didn't even realise.
He paused and looked off to the distance, a small smile on his face. “No, not at all. Harmony would never cheat on me. I know there was all that shit in high school but we are the real deal now, you know? Yeah.” He nodded in affirmation and then met my eyes. Something like doubt flickered across his face and was gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Per, are you okay?”
“Of course!” I turned quickly, throwing Harry’s notes on the desk. “You head off, I’ll write these up again.”
“What? No, I can do that if you like?” He began to remove his jacket but I held up my hand to stop him.
“No, go home. See what Harmony has burnt you.” He walked towards me and gave me a swift pat to the arm.
“Thanks, man. I owe you. And I’m sorry, about the pizza. And the notes. I just don’t think at times...” he said, his voice soft.
“Well, you wouldn’t be you if you did. But your heart’s always in the right place.” I stared past his head, willing him to go and wishing he would stay.
“Oh! So you do like me then!” he exclaimed, his face full of teasing as he clutched my shoulder in a friendly manner.
“I like you,” I whispered. He sensed the change in tone and tilted his head, his small smile frozen as if waiting for the signal to return. I wanted to take back the words but I couldn’t even stop others from forming. “I like you, Harry.” I reluctantly brought my eyes to his and the tension seeped into the room. The feel of his hand on my shoulder seemed to burn through my clothes and it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough. I leaned down towards him and pressed my lips to his. It started with a kiss and it would end with one, I thought briefly. Any second now he would push me away, laugh or shout. Hit me or leave. But I didn’t care, it was like I had stepped out of my body and couldn’t pull myself away.
It took me a moment to realise he was kissing me back.
Chapter 2
Author: mothergoddamn
Pairing/characters: Perry Van Shrike/Harry Lockhart and Harmony Lane/Harry Lockhart
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own Perry or Harry. I do, however, own the pineapple chunk.
Summary: Written for this prompt. I want an epic of Perry being in love with Harry, but in an attempt to disguise this gets nastier and ruder pushing him away. Putting him on cases when he has dates with Harmony to mess up the relationship, deriding him constantly etc. Then it all comes to a head and Harry loses it with Perry, demanding to know why he hates him so much. This leads to Perry confession! I'd like some angst and romance and maybe cheating on Harmony?
Please fill! Ideally I'd love rat_chan, kikamontanez, mothergoddamN or someone? I hope that's allowed and it's not to be rude or anything! I like everyone and I encorouge multiple fills!
The Best Man-Chapter 1
It started with a kiss, as the trite song says. A kiss, an embrace surrounded by the scent of apples and a request.
“I want you to be my best man,” Harry had asked, a smile threatening to split his face. I had hemmed and hawed and pretended not to care but even he knew his question had touched me. On my agreement he surprised me by throwing his arms round me and hugging me tightly. For a moment my hands hung loosely at me sides, unsure as how to respond, then they had tentatively rested on the lower of his back. He had kissed me then, just a silly peck to the corner of my mouth but it startled me even more then his impromptu hug. The sweet fragrance of his shampoo wafted in my nostrils for a moment and just for something to say I asked what it was. “Huh? Just Harmony’s conditioner,” he had said and I had muttered something vaguely insulting and not very funny. Something about smelling of the green grocers I think. But the smell lingered, as did the feeling of his arms around me. I have never had a close friend like Harry before, I have certainly never been asked to be anyone’s best man, so I assumed that the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach was no more than my pleased reaction to his news. But the feeling wouldn’t leave. It stayed for days, weeks and soon became months. It grew stronger and more stifling as I gradually went from being easily irritated by his presence, to enjoying his company, to missing the bastard when he wasn’t there. I couldn’t understand the changes within me but I chose not to delve too deeply. Tried to push them down deep inside. Then they began to affect the way I treated Harry.
“Harry, these case files are a mess!” I had chided looking through his scruffy scribbling. “I’m surprised you restrained yourself from using crayon.”
“But I spent ages on them! And I used more complex words like you asked,” Harry protested pointing out incumbent proudly.
“Yes, but in entirely the wrong context! Honestly, do you think a thesaurus is a dinosaur?”
“Okay, maybe I was rushing but...”
“Harry, is this a drawing of a penis?” I asked, staring at a doodle halfway through the notes.
“What? No! That’s a tie. What kind of cocks are you taking home?”
“And you’re drawing ties all over my documents because...?”
“Oh, yeah. Harmony called when I was writing them to discuss...wedding stuff and I guess I didn’t realise I had done that. Look, I can redo in the morning? I need to go meet Harmony, she wants to look at flowers.” He had rolled his eyes and smiled. At this I felt my mouth dry and a horrible pounding fill my head. I could see them laughing together, holding hands and sharing happy little kisses in front of the display windows. I saw the way Harry would look at her, like he was drowning and she was dry land. I saw myself on the side lines watching. Alone.
“No,” I said at last, swallowing over the bitterness in my throat. “These are urgent,” I lied. “I need them done as soon as possible, and typed. Harmony can wait.”
That was the first instance, one of many. Harmony wanted to go view reception areas, I sent Harry to meet a client outside of town. Harmony wanted to go meet with a priest, Harry got a last minute assignment. And my barbs to him got crueller and more hurtful. Pretty soon it didn’t matter whether Harry had fucked up or not I just couldn’t find a good word to say. The more I fell in love with him the more I hated myself. And I was taking it out on him.
It wasn’t long before Harmony came to see me, smoking up a storm and missing my ash tray on each aim.
“Perry, what’s going on with you and Harry? Seriously, he is like a lost puppy when he comes home of late,” she asked, her eyes fused onto mine. I tried not to imagine those late night conversations and where they occurred.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I had said, irritably. “Harry’s just Harry. You see my dilemma?”
“Oh, fuck, Perry! Could you go easier on him? He thinks the world of you. You do know that don’t you?” The words sent far too much joy to my chest and I cringed at the pleasure I took from it. When had I become this pathetic creature?
“I...I didn’t realise that it was upsetting him so much. I’ll lay off.” She had looked surprised that I had surrendered so easily and so meekly. I was surprised myself but Harmony had become my weak spot. I adored the girl and could barely meet her eyes for guilt. Strangely, the nastier I was with Harry the nicer I was with her.
“Good! You know one good word from you and he’s happier than a pig in shit!”
“Thank you for that image.” I replied, trying to resist the urge to push a mat under her beer. If that had been Harry I’d have made him eat the coasters by now.
“Fuck, Perry, can you believe I’m getting married? I’ve even got a white dress. Can you fucking believe that?” She gesticulated wildly, her arm narrowly missing the neck of the bottle. I smiled tightly at her excitement. No. I couldn’t believe she was getting married. To Harry. That I had lost him without ever even having him.
I took her words to heart, I really did! But as I’ve said Harry is Harry and even if I hadn’t been struggling with this, whatever this was, I’d have had a hard time not strangling him on a daily basis anyway. The next day I left Harry with some case notes to type up, politely asking he refrain from turning them into mini Banksey's. I can be nice, I can be nice, I thought when I returned that evening, psyching myself up before opening the door. You can do this, Perry.
Harry was sat my desk, staring intently at two pieces of material in his hands. “Engaged in a battle of wits?” I asked casually, checking through my mail as I approached him.
“Perry, I’m going fucking crazy here. I can’t tell them apart!” He held them up in front of his face. “Can you see the difference?”
“The one on the right is Blue Chime and the other is Steel Haze. Are you colour blind, fuckhead?” Back track, Perry. Nice! Remember?
“They’re both blue! They’re both blue! What the hell? How did you do that?” He dropped them down onto the desk and stared at them confused. “Harmony wants one of them for the napkins. In your gay opinion, what’s best?”
“Oh, so because I’m gay this is my field of expertise?” He didn’t answer, merely signalled the elegantly designed room with his maimed hand.
“Okay, fair point. The Blue Chime.”
“Great! Here," he said as he handed me his work. "Just finished." A jolt ran through me as our fingers lightly brushed in the transition.
“Harry?” I asked, as I flipped through the pages. “Why are all the A’s written in blue ink?”
“Oh, oh! The A is stuck. See?” He tapped his finger up and down on the keyboard to demonstrate. “So, what I reckoned was if I just left a space? And then write them all in?” He grinned almost proudly as I picked up the nearby ball point. Gingerly, I poked at the disabled key. Rooting beneath it I pierced an apparent blockage of what looked and smelled suspiciously like pineapple. I held it up and raised my brows at him. “Ah, that I can explain.”
“You, despite my express desire for you not to, have been eating pizza at my desk again haven’t you?” I asked, trying desperately to keep the edge from my voice. Sometimes being with Harry was like the deleted scenes from "Rainman".
“I’m sorry! I was starving! I’ve been here for hours writing these up.“ He looked vaguely apprehensive. Then snatched the chunk from the pen tip and popped it into his mouth. This was the source of my desires? This?
“It’s fine,” I replied through gritted teeth, reading through the notes. Nothing too exciting, just a wandering husband case. I frowned and glanced up at Harry, who was already putting on his coat, getting ready to go home to his fiancée. “Does this bother you?” I asked, indicating to the document.
“What? Typing? No, I’m getting quite good at it actually. I even use two hands now.”
“No, the case. The whole cheating thing? You're getting married in a month after all. Seeing cases like these...it makes you realise not everything has a happy ending." It was a low blow but gently delivered. He probably didn't even realise.
He paused and looked off to the distance, a small smile on his face. “No, not at all. Harmony would never cheat on me. I know there was all that shit in high school but we are the real deal now, you know? Yeah.” He nodded in affirmation and then met my eyes. Something like doubt flickered across his face and was gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Per, are you okay?”
“Of course!” I turned quickly, throwing Harry’s notes on the desk. “You head off, I’ll write these up again.”
“What? No, I can do that if you like?” He began to remove his jacket but I held up my hand to stop him.
“No, go home. See what Harmony has burnt you.” He walked towards me and gave me a swift pat to the arm.
“Thanks, man. I owe you. And I’m sorry, about the pizza. And the notes. I just don’t think at times...” he said, his voice soft.
“Well, you wouldn’t be you if you did. But your heart’s always in the right place.” I stared past his head, willing him to go and wishing he would stay.
“Oh! So you do like me then!” he exclaimed, his face full of teasing as he clutched my shoulder in a friendly manner.
“I like you,” I whispered. He sensed the change in tone and tilted his head, his small smile frozen as if waiting for the signal to return. I wanted to take back the words but I couldn’t even stop others from forming. “I like you, Harry.” I reluctantly brought my eyes to his and the tension seeped into the room. The feel of his hand on my shoulder seemed to burn through my clothes and it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough. I leaned down towards him and pressed my lips to his. It started with a kiss and it would end with one, I thought briefly. Any second now he would push me away, laugh or shout. Hit me or leave. But I didn’t care, it was like I had stepped out of my body and couldn’t pull myself away.
It took me a moment to realise he was kissing me back.
Chapter 2