Ninomiya Kazunari's "It" (More, March 2009)
第３回：孤独と友達
dai san kai: kodoku to tomodachi
03: Solitude and Friends
撮影当日は、ドラマ『流星の絆』の収録がほぼ終了していた日だった。
satsuei toujitsu wa, dorama 『ryuusei no kizuna』 no shuuroku ga hobo shuuryou shiteita hi datta.
The day of the shoot was the day that recording for the drama Ryuusei no Kizuna was just about finished.
「このドラマでは、もうやり残したことは何もないなぁ。毎回、これが最後でもかまわないと思ってやってるけど、今回はなおさらそう思える」
「kono dorama de wa, mou yarinokoshita koto wa nanimo nai na. maikai, kore ga saigo demo kamawanai to omotte yatteru kedo, konkai wa naosara sou omoeru」
"For this drama, there isn't anything left to be done. Every time, I go in thinking that I wouldn't mind even if this were the last of it, but this time I felt that way even more."
でも一方では、何かが終わること、仲間と別れる寂しさもあるはず。
demo ippou de wa, nanika ga owaru koto, nakama to wakareru sabishisa mo aru hazu.
But at the same time, when something ends, he must feel the loneliness of parting with companions.
「全然。そもそも寂しいっていう言葉の意味がわからない（笑）」と、携帯電話をもてあそびながら話す。
「zenzen. somosomo sabishii tte iu kotoba no imi ga wakaranai (shou)」 to, keitai denwa wo moteasobinagara hanasu.
"Not at all. I don't really understand the meaning of the word 'lonely' to begin with, (laugh)" he says, playing with his cell phone.
草むらに転がる姿も、人なつっこい表情で突然、さめたセリフを言うところも、まるで猫のよう。
kusamura ni korogaru sugata mo, hito natsukkoi hyoujou de totsuzen, sameta serifu wo iu tokoro mo, maru de neko no you.
Whether it's his figure rolling in grass, or it's how he suddenly makes a cold remark with such a friendly expression on his face, he's just like a cat.
「最近、人とまともに会話していないから、携帯電話でも見ないと言葉を思い出せない(笑）。本当に友達とかいないからね・・・・・・。人なつっこく見えるとしたら、心の奥では、やっぱり人が苦手。だからといってひとりでいると、逆に相手に興味も待たれちゃうから、自分から先に近づいておくの。そうすれば、誰にも触れられない。適度な距離が保てるんだよ」
「saikin, hito to matomo ni kaiwa shiteinai kara, keitai denwa demo minai to kotoba wo omoidasenai (shou). hontou ni tomodachi toka inai kara ne... hito natsukkoku mieru toshitara, kokoro no oku de wa, yappari hito ga nigate. dakara to itte hitori de iru to, gyaku ni aite ni kyoumi mo motarechau kara, jibun kara saki ni chikazuiteoku no. sou sureba, dare ni mo furerarenai. tekido na kyori ga tamoterunda yo」
"Since I haven't been having real conversations with people lately, when I don't look at my cell phone, I can't remember words. (laugh) It's because I truly don't have friends... Even if I look friendly, deep down, I'm bad with people. Nonetheless, whenever I'm by myself, people conversely become interested in me. Therefore, I'm the one who approaches them first. If I do that, no one will reach out to me, and I can maintain a moderate distance."
彼には、子供の頃からずっとひとりでいたという意識がある。
kare ni wa, kodomo no koro kara zutto hitori de ita to iu ishiki ga aru.
For him, there's a sense that since he was a child, he's always been by himself.
「学校の休み時間も、誰とも交わらずに、自分の机でマンガ読んだり、ゲームしたり。今も基本は変わらない。ひとりが好きだから、自分から人を誘って会うことがない。誘われたら行くけど、強要されるのは苦手。『何時になってもいいから』って言われても行きたくない時もあるしね。
「gakkou no yasumi jikan mo, dare to mo kawarazu ni, jibun no tsukue de manga yondari, geemu shitari. ima mo kihon wa kawaranai. hitori ga suki dakara, jibun kara hito wo sasotte au koto ga nai. sasowaretara iku kedo, kyouyou sareru no wa nigate. 『nanji ni nattemo ii kara』 tte iwaretemo ikitakunai toki mo aru shi ne.
"During downtime at school, without crossing paths with anyone, I would sit at my desk and read manga or play video games. Even now, I fundamentally haven't changed. Since I like being by myself, I don't invite people out to get together. If I'm invited I go, but I'm bad with being pressured. Because even when I'm told, 'Anytime works,' there's going to be a time when they won't want to go."
同世代の俳優仲間の飲み会に行ったこともあるよ。それはそれで楽しかったけど、オレは基本的に芝居について語らないからさ。みんなが熱く芝居について語っているのを、はしっこでトランプ持って聞いてるだけ（笑）。みんなは芝居が大好きだけど、オレは究極のところ、お芝居っていうものに興味がないんだと思う。やっていてもつらかったり大変なだけど、好きとか面白いとは思えないからね。それに人の芝居論を聞いても自分にぴったりハマるとは思えないし、人の芝居を借りて芝居するのもなんだかオレにはしっくりこない」
dousedai no haiyuu nakama no nomikai ni itta koto mo aru yo. sore wa sore de tanoshikatta kedo, ore wa kihonteki ni shibai ni tsuite kataranai kara sa. minna ga atsuku shibai ni tsuite katatteiru no wo, hashikko de toranpu motte kiiteru dake (shou). minna wa shibai ga daisuki dakedo, ore wa kyuukyoku no tokoro, oshibai tte iu mono ni kyoumi ga nainda to omou. yatteitemo tsurakattari taihen na dakedo, suki toka omoshiroi to wa omoenai kara ne. sore ni hito no shibairon wo kiitemo jibun ni pittari hameru to wa omoenai shi, hito no shibai wo karite shibai suru no mo nandaka ore ni wa shikkukri konai」
"I've gone out to drink with actors around my age, too. They were fun as what they were, but basically, I don't talk about acting. When everyone's talking passionately about acting, I just listen from the corner and play with my cards. (laugh) Everyone else likes acting, but ultimately, I'm not interested in acting as a concept. I do it and it's tough, but I can't feel that I like it or that it's interesting. Even if I listen to people's theories on acting, since I don't feel as if I'm totally into it, it isn't fitting for me to borrow others' acting [techniques] and use them in my own acting."
誰にも影響されない。その言葉も芝居もすべては、彼の内側から生まれている。ニノの世界が独特なのは、友達がいないからかもしれない。
dare ni mo eikyou sarenai. sono kotoba mo shibai mo subete wa, kare no uchigawa kara umareteiru. Nino no sekai ga dokutoku na no wa, tomodachi ga inai kara kamoshirenai.
He isn't influenced by anyone. Those words as well as his acting and everything else are born from within him. The reason that his world is so unique might be because he doesn't have friends.
友達かどうかは関係ない。好きなら好きでいい
tomodachi ka dou ka wa kankei nai. suki nara suki de ii
It has nothing do with whether or not they're friends. If he likes the person, it's fine to like him.
「なじみの店に自然と集まって飲む人たちはいるよ。高橋克美とかミッキー・・・・・・東幹久とか、女性なら大竹しのぶさんとか。みんなかなり年上だけど、一緒に飲んでてラクなんだよね。グダグダどうでもいい話ばっかりしてるから（笑）。芝居論も、年下のオレから振れば語ってくれるだろうけど、別に自分からは語らない。だからこそ、ああいう空気なんだろうな。それにしても、克美とは２ヶ月くらい連絡取ってないよ。こんなに連絡ないと、さすがにちゃんと生きてるか心配だな（笑）」
「najimi no mise ni shizen to atsumatte nomu hitotachi wa iru yo. Takahashi Katsumi toka Mikkii... Azuma Mikihisa toka, josei nara Ootake Shinobu-san toka. minna kanari toshiue dakedo, issho ni nondete raku nanda yo ne. gudaguda doudemo ii hanashi bakkari shiteru kara (shou). shibairon mo, toshishita no ore kara furreba katatte kureru darou kedo, betsu ni jibun kara wa kataranai. dakara koso, aa iu kuuki nan darou na. sore ni shitemo, Katsumi to wa nikkagetsu kurai renraku tottenai yo. konna ni rennraku nai to, sasuga ni chanto ikiteru ka shinpai da na (shou)」
There are some people with whom I spontaneously get together at familiar places and drink. People like Takahashi Katsumi and Mickey -- Azuma Mikihisa. For women, it's Otake Shinobu-san and the like. They're all considerably older than I am, but when we drink together it's relaxed, because it's nothing but the same old whatever conversations. (laugh) As for theories on acting, if I, who's younger, were to breach the topic, they'd probably talk about it [T/N: the implication here is that since he's younger he should respect what his senpai want to talk about, but they'd switch their topic of conversation for him anyway], but I don't really talk about it. For that reason, it's that kind of atmosphere. Even so, I haven't heard from Katsumi in about two months. Whenever he doesn't contact me for this long, as expected I begin to worry about whether or not he's still alive. (laugh)"
友達について語る時、繰り返し聞かれることがある。それは「嵐のメンバーは友達か」ということ。
tomodachi ni tsuite kataru toki, kurikaeshi kikareru koto ga aru. sore wa 「Arashi no menbaa wa tomodachi ka」 to iu koto.
When he talks about his friends, there's something that gets asked repeatedly. That is, "Are the members of Arashi your friends?"
「聞かれすぎて困る（笑）。だって、友達って、何もしがらみがなくても連絡を取って会う存在のことでしょう。仕事がなければ、彼らとは出会ってないし、仕事がない日には会わないから。仕事帰りに一緒に飲むこともあるけど、それは同僚と飲みにいくみたいな感覚。仕事のない日にわざわざ電話がかかってきたら、『何かあったの？』って驚くし、めったにないからこそ話の種になる。だからといって、彼らが友達より大切じゃないわけじゃない。嵐のメンバーが仲がいいのは確かだし、今も５人で一緒にいられるのは理屈抜きですごいことだなぁって。１０年前にグループを組む時、人数も組み合わせも可能性は限りなくあったのに、最終的にはこの５人でデビューできたことも、本当に奇跡的なことで。その道のりとか関係性は友達なんていう言葉では言い表せないんだよ」
「kikaresugite komaru (shou). datte, tomodachi tte, nanimo shigarami ga nakutemo renraku wo totte au sonzai no koto deshou. shigoto ga nakereba, karera to wa deattenai shi, shigoto ga nai hi ni wa awanai kara. shigotokaeri ni issho ni nomu kto mo aru kedo, sore wa douryou to nomi ni iku mitai na kankaku. shigoto no nai hi ni wazawaza denwa ga kakatte kitara, 『nanika atta no?』 tte odoroku shi, metta ni nai kara koso hanasu no shu ni naru. dakara to itte, karere ga tomodachi yori taisetsu janai wake janai. Arashi no menbaa ga naka ga ii no wa tashika da shi, ima mo gonin de issho ni irareru no wa rikutsu nuki de sugoi koto da na tte. juunenmae ni guruupu wo komu toki, ninzuu mo komiawase mo kanousei wa kagirinaku atta no ni, saishuuteki ni wa kono gonin de debyuu dekita koto mo, hontou ni kisekiteki na koto de. sono michinori toka kankeisei wa tomodachi nante iu kotoba de wa iiarawasenainda yo」
"I'm asked that too much, and it's a problem. (laugh) Aren't 'friends' those individuals whom you contact and meet up with even when you aren't tied to them by obligation? If I didn't have this job, I wouldn't have met them, and on the days when we don't have work, I don't see them. We've gone drinking together after work before, but that's like going out to drink with colleagues. If they go out of their way to call me on a day when we don't have work, I'm surprised and ask 'What's wrong?', and it turns into a 'just because I rarely call you' kind of conversation. Even so, that doesn't mean that they're not more important to me than friends are. It's true that the members of Arashi are close, and that the five of us can be together even now is something amazing that defies logic. Ten years ago when the group was being formed, the possibilities for the number and arrangement of people were limitless, but in the end it was these five people who debuted, and that's truly miraculous. That journey and that connection can't properly be expressed by a word like 'friends'."
本当に大切な人間関係は、きっと言葉にはできないのだ。言葉にしても意味がないとニノは言う。
hontou ni taisetsu na ningen kankei wa, kitto kotoba ni wa dekinai no da. kotoba ni shitemo imi ga nai to Nino wa iu.
A truly important relationship between people certainly can't be put into words. And Nino says that even it were put into words, it would be meaningless.
「最近、好きなら好き、嫌いなら嫌いでいいじゃんってすごく思う。みんなそこを分析したり、定義したがるけど、オレは必要ないし、面倒だなって。だから、基本はひとりでいるし、ひとりが好きなのかも。
「saikin, suki nara suki, kirai nara kirai de ii jan tte sugoku omou. minna soko wo bunseki shitari, teigi shitagaru kedo, ore wa hitsuyou nai shi, mendou da na tte. dakara, kihon wa hitori de iru shi, hitori ga suki na no kamo.
"Lately I've really been feeling that it's fine for me to like whom I like and dislike whom I dislike. Everyone tends to analyze it or define it, but to me it's a pain because I don't think it's necessary. That's probably why fundamentally I'm by myself and I like to be by myself."
今までの２５年間、やっぱり、友達はいなかったと思う。そう言うと寂しいヤツだって思うでしょ？でも、そうやって寂しいって思われることのほうが寂しいよね・・・・・・。ひとりは寂しい、友達は多いほうがいいって誰が決めたんだろう。ひとりでもいい、オレみたいな人間はソンする世の中だね（笑）。ただ、こんなオレでも周囲の人たちにはすごく感謝しているんだよ。こんな性格だから、何かとみんな心配してくれるしね。思ってるけど言わないだけ。この性格だから言うわけないでしょ（笑）。でも、ホントだよ」
ima made no nijuugonenkan, yappari, tomodachi wa inakatta to omou. sou iu to sabishii yatsu da tte omou desho? demo, sou yatte sabishii tte omowareru koto no hou ga sabishii yo ne... hitori wa sabishii, tomodachi wa ooi hou ga ii tte dare ga kimetan darou. hitori de mo ii, ore mitai na ningen wa son suru yo no naka da ne (shou). tada, konna ore demo shuui no hitotachi ni wa sugoku kansha shiteirunda yo. konna seikaku dakara, nanika to minna shinpai shite kureru shi ne. omotteru kedo iwanai dake. kono seikaku dakara iu wake nai desho (shou). demo, honto da yo」
"These past 25 years, I haven't had any friends after all. You would think that in saying that I'm lonely, right? But being thought that I'm lonely just because I say that is even more lonely... 'Being by yourself is lonely. It's better to have a lot of friends.' Who decided that anyway? It's okay to be by yourself, too, or at least it is in the world where people like me live. (laugh) But even I'm extremely grateful to the people around me, because everyone worries about me since I have this kind of personality. I feel grateful, but I just don't say it. I'm not saying that that's because I have this kind of personality. (laugh) But it's the truth."
[Corrections and suggestions are appreciated. September 2009 and December 2009 to come, soonish. The More index can be found here.]