[retelling] Miacis Symphony - chapter 3: Hydrangea
Yuu, the woman who was having an emotional breakdown in the toilet in the 1st chapter, got betrayed by her friend Misa and a guy named Ryouta. Now it’s time for the reader to find out more about the latter two.
The 1st half of the chapter is written from Ryouta’s point of view. We find ourselves inside his mind at the moment when he’s listing all the good traits of a restaurant he’d picked last minute: the interior, the music (which is not too generic, too quiet or too loud), the prices, the quality and quantity of food served. The only flaw, as he notes to himself, is that the place is too good. If the girls like it, they might want to visit some other time on their own, and see him with someone else by accident. Then it’s going to be as awkward as it was “that time with Yuu”. Turns out he’s just finished a dinner with a girl named Airi-chan. She thanks him politely and says that he knows her really well. “You’re an open book to me”, Ryouta comments, already feeling inclined to get rid of her. He hails a taxi, hands some money to the driver and tells Airi-chan to keep the change. The girl insists that she’s going to give it back next time they see each other and apologizes for being “an intruder”. Yes, a person named Tadashi - Ryouta’s older brother - had been with them all this time. Tadashi assures the girl that he had a good time. Ryouta says, "Sorry, I need to speak to my bro here. I'll call you." They part ways.
Ryouta thanks his brother for having his back and asks for his opinion on Airi-chan, expecting a lecture along the lines of, “Stop using me as a buffer at your dates, will you? And if you want to keep a distance, introducing her to a family member is going to have an opposite effect”. Tadashi, however, is quiet and indifferent. His only reaction is, “She seems nice”. Ryouta tries to stir Tadashi’s emotions by saying that Airi’s breasts are huge - to no avail. They walk along the street. Ryouta gets excited at the way his brother’s reflection appears and disappears in the puddles. Suddenly, bushes of hydrangea come into view.
“It’s May, why’re they already in bloom?” - “Precisely because it’s May”.
Ryouta is both annoyed and comforted with his brother’s habitual know-it-all tone. He asks Tadashi about the older man’s love life - or lack thereof, offering to introduce him to some nice girl. His brother just sighs, tired of having this conversation. “We’d better leave, I need to prepare for tomorrow”. Ryouta wants to hang out a little bit more and suggests they take a closer look at the hydrangea. Tadashi doesn’t decline. The younger brother thinks about his own ability to still find things that excite him despite being 32. He brings Tadashi’s attention to the fact that there are both blue and purple flowers in one place. Tadashi explains that it depends on the pH level (a term Ryouta, apparently, doesn’t know): acidic soil makes the flowers blue, and the higher the alkaline level, the redder they become. “Hmm. They’re just like us”, Ryouta blurts out without giving it much thought, and Tadashi agrees. Ryouta thinks of how true it actually is. Unlike Tadashi, he’s someone who betrays people quite easily; he’s careless, crude and self-indulgent. When he wants something, he won’t stop until he gets it. This kind of personality, however, helps him to earn much more than his older brother, a college teacher. All of a sudden, Tadashi asks Ryouta about Yuu. Apparently, he didn’t even get a chance to meet her since she and Ryouta broke up so quickly. Ryouta mentions that in a seemingly careless tone. He breaks a beautiful, weightless globe of hydrangea flowers off the bush and takes it with him.
They get a cab, and as they stop next to Ryouta’s apartment complex, he tries to give his brother some money. “I’m not one of your girls” - “Come on, you kept me company today, it’s just a thank you token”. Tadashi is adamant about not accepting it. As Ryouta turns to leave, he suddenly hears, “Aren’t you lonely?” Before he has a chance to react, his brother rolls up the car window, and the taxi drives off.
In the lobby, Yuu’s friend, Misa-chan, is sitting on a couch, fast asleep. Ryouta feels bad about waking her up but does so anyway because he wants to get to his apartment as quickly as possible. He apologizes for being late, and she says it’s fine. “Is this for me?” - she points at the globe of hydrangea flowers in his hand. “Cute, isn’t it?” says Ryouta. As they come up to the apartment, Misa puts the flower in a glass of water. Ryouta notices that the hydrangea has lost its charm now that it’s here and not in an alleyway in half-darkness. He puts the glass on the otherwise empty table. Some of the charm returns.
The two have sex, and Ryouta notes to himself how easily Misa got together with him as if Yuu wasn’t her friend, or rather didn’t exist in the first place. It makes things easy. She is talkative, but only says whatever he wants to hear, and always makes sure to please him. Stroking Misa’s head laying on his chest, Ryouta discreetly takes a look at his phone. There are some notifications, and one of them informs him that today is Fujita Yuu’s birthday. They didn’t get to celebrate it together. Meeting Yuu already feels like a distant past. Misa is here with him, so Yuu probably didn’t throw a party; or maybe it was with a different group of friends, or a new guy - it has nothing to do with Ryouta now anyway. Suddenly, he hears Misa say, “Hydrangea, you know… There are so many flowers on one globe, it’s nice. Like, they don’t seem lonely”.
Ryouta wants to get some sleep, but can’t. He keeps hearing Tadashi’s and Misa’s words in his head. He convinces himself that like hydrangea, he is not lonely - he is flashy, light and strong. It all sounds like he’s in denial. He gets up, heads to the kitchen to drink some canned chuuhai with white grapes flavor and eat some pudding. Misa brought him really nice things that don’t even taste like they were bought at a convenience store. He plucks individual flowers off the branch and arranges them on the table, then takes a picture to send his brother via LINE. “Title: Me”. His brother reads but doesn’t reply. He ignores Ryouta even after the younger man sends a couple more messages. Ryouta gets a notification and, surprising himself, thinks it might be Yuu. However, it’s Airi-chan, saying she’d like to return him the money and asking when they could meet. Ryouta gets more and more annoyed with everything. The taste of white grapes bothers him, so he puts hydrangea flowers in his mouth and starts chewing. The taste almost makes him vomit but he stubbornly swallows them, excited with the new experience. He writes to Tadashi, “I’m not lonely, but hey, reply to me”.
His head is swimming. With trembling fingers, he manages to send another message, “Aniki, help me”. It gets harder to breathe, and now his whole body is trembling. It’s scary but also a bit intriguing. He vomits, regretting the wasted effort on swallowing the flowers.
The POV switches to Tadashi who enters his apartment and is greeted with, “You’re home”. He notes how he’s gotten used to this so quickly. It’s easy and nice, being around her. He must end this relationship but he can’t. Just like with Ryouta. When his younger brother called and asked for Tadashi to be present at yet another date, Tadashi went with an intention to say that he’s had enough and they should keep distance from now on. Instead, the words, “Aren’t you lonely?” were the ones that made their way out of his mouth. He is tired of being a satellite to the existence of ‘these two’.
“Don’t you come here too often?” he asks the girl who’s sitting at the dining table, busy with college homework.
“It’s fine, mum doesn’t say anything about it. What, you don’t like me being here?”
Turns out the girl is none other than Nishikura Marina - the reader had met her in both previous chapters. Tadashi mentally refers to her just as “Nishikura”. He can’t answer the question with either ‘I don’t mind’ (because it might sound shallow) or ‘I do mind your presence’ (which wouldn’t sound convincing enough). He just avoids looking at her.
“You do this at the seminars too. Avoid eye contact.”
“Don’t want to look suspicious”.
“It’s even more suspicious that way”.
Tadashi avoids the confrontation again by announcing he’s going to take a shower.
Seeing Marina’s shampoo in the bathroom and knowing she’d probably been there first soothes his heart. The similarity between Nishikura and his brother suddenly doesn’t feel that heavy anymore. He changes into comfy home clothes and joins Nishikura, who’s finished her homework and is now watching TV on the sofa. She asks him matter-of-factly if it’s unusual for brothers to go out for a meal like this. She is an only child so she wouldn’t know. Tadashi is in doubts as to whether he should’ve mentioned that Airi-chan was there, too. Marina and he are not dating, but he doesn’t want to make things weird. He says that he and Ryouta get along well - and then starts having second thoughts about that too. True, they’ve barely ever fought with each other; they don’t put up a façade around each other. But can they talk about anything and everything? He hasn’t told Ryouta about Nishikura. “We’re family, after all.”
“So, people who don’t go out for meals can’t call themselves a family?” Marina says, then adds, “Well, I don’t care, actually”.
“That’s not what I meant-“
“It’s fine, I get it, Tadashi, you like your little brother.”
Tadashi is unsure at first, but thinks that Nishikura must be right. Ryouta has always been showered with love, not just because of good looks, but also because he’s a type of person who makes other people feel the need to take care of him. Coming to the rescue and seeing relief on Ryouta’s face Tadashi feels happy. His popular younger brother still relies on him. Tadashi usually prefers to ignore the fact that this kind of happiness is short-lived and ‘hollow like a dead coral’.
He takes a seat next to Marina, glances at her leg, where there is a mark left by a burned wound. “Does it still hurt?”
“Doesn’t hurt anymore but the scar won’t go away for some reason.”
“How’s Sudou Aya?”
“She’s fine. Still talks to her toy”.
Tadashi reaches out to touch the scar, and Nishikura kisses him. He asks her to stop.
The first time they met was that night when Nishikura Marina set a dumpster on fire and ran away, dragging Aya-chan along with her. Tadashi saw the situation unfold through a window, got curious and worried and decided to follow Marina (he didn’t know anything about her yet). She probably believed his intentions were not evil because she got into his car. The only thing she told him, though, was her name. He had to take her to his own apartment as he didn’t know her address, but the girl left abruptly, not even touching the tea he’d offered. Tadashi thought that was that. However, as the new semester started, he saw her name in the list of the candidates for his seminar. Then, returning home, he saw her waiting for him in the hallway. Nishikura threatened to tell everyone at college that he forced her to come to his apartment if he didn’t include her in the seminar group. She started coming to his place every day and repeated her threat several times.
Tadashi tries to resist the temptation as Nishikura slips her tongue into his mouth and her hand under his t-shirt. The way she wants him so badly, the sadness in her eyes give Tadashi a reason to try and convince himself that Nishukura reminds him of his brother, of someone who needs his kindness. He knows, though, that it’s a lie masking his own superiority complex and need for pleasure. As she stops kissing him, Tadashi grabs his phone, hoping for a distraction. He sees the photo sent by Ryouta. Looking at the weak, pathetic branch stripped of its flowers, Tadashi thinks how it actually looks more like him rather than Ryouta. He starts typing this thought as a reply, then erases the words. He’s tired of being pathetic.
“What’s this?”
“A hydrangea branch.”
Tadashi ignores Ryouta’s messages that follow. He gets the feeling that he could ignore his brother forever. He kisses Nishikura, and they end up having sex. Afterwards, as she is lying on his chest (the same way Misa was lying on Ryouta’s), Nishikura says, “Where did the hydrangea flowers go, what d’you think? What if he ate them or something?”
“Hydrangea can be poisonous, it’s not edible.”
Tadashi feels that the morning is going to bring some changes for him. He’s both excited and disappointed with himself. He wishes to never open his eyes again. The last thing he sees is Ryota who is calling for him: “Big brother”.
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As always, a big thank you to mckee16_88 who kindly shared the scans of the original with me!
The 1st half of the chapter is written from Ryouta’s point of view. We find ourselves inside his mind at the moment when he’s listing all the good traits of a restaurant he’d picked last minute: the interior, the music (which is not too generic, too quiet or too loud), the prices, the quality and quantity of food served. The only flaw, as he notes to himself, is that the place is too good. If the girls like it, they might want to visit some other time on their own, and see him with someone else by accident. Then it’s going to be as awkward as it was “that time with Yuu”. Turns out he’s just finished a dinner with a girl named Airi-chan. She thanks him politely and says that he knows her really well. “You’re an open book to me”, Ryouta comments, already feeling inclined to get rid of her. He hails a taxi, hands some money to the driver and tells Airi-chan to keep the change. The girl insists that she’s going to give it back next time they see each other and apologizes for being “an intruder”. Yes, a person named Tadashi - Ryouta’s older brother - had been with them all this time. Tadashi assures the girl that he had a good time. Ryouta says, "Sorry, I need to speak to my bro here. I'll call you." They part ways.
Ryouta thanks his brother for having his back and asks for his opinion on Airi-chan, expecting a lecture along the lines of, “Stop using me as a buffer at your dates, will you? And if you want to keep a distance, introducing her to a family member is going to have an opposite effect”. Tadashi, however, is quiet and indifferent. His only reaction is, “She seems nice”. Ryouta tries to stir Tadashi’s emotions by saying that Airi’s breasts are huge - to no avail. They walk along the street. Ryouta gets excited at the way his brother’s reflection appears and disappears in the puddles. Suddenly, bushes of hydrangea come into view.
“It’s May, why’re they already in bloom?” - “Precisely because it’s May”.
Ryouta is both annoyed and comforted with his brother’s habitual know-it-all tone. He asks Tadashi about the older man’s love life - or lack thereof, offering to introduce him to some nice girl. His brother just sighs, tired of having this conversation. “We’d better leave, I need to prepare for tomorrow”. Ryouta wants to hang out a little bit more and suggests they take a closer look at the hydrangea. Tadashi doesn’t decline. The younger brother thinks about his own ability to still find things that excite him despite being 32. He brings Tadashi’s attention to the fact that there are both blue and purple flowers in one place. Tadashi explains that it depends on the pH level (a term Ryouta, apparently, doesn’t know): acidic soil makes the flowers blue, and the higher the alkaline level, the redder they become. “Hmm. They’re just like us”, Ryouta blurts out without giving it much thought, and Tadashi agrees. Ryouta thinks of how true it actually is. Unlike Tadashi, he’s someone who betrays people quite easily; he’s careless, crude and self-indulgent. When he wants something, he won’t stop until he gets it. This kind of personality, however, helps him to earn much more than his older brother, a college teacher. All of a sudden, Tadashi asks Ryouta about Yuu. Apparently, he didn’t even get a chance to meet her since she and Ryouta broke up so quickly. Ryouta mentions that in a seemingly careless tone. He breaks a beautiful, weightless globe of hydrangea flowers off the bush and takes it with him.
They get a cab, and as they stop next to Ryouta’s apartment complex, he tries to give his brother some money. “I’m not one of your girls” - “Come on, you kept me company today, it’s just a thank you token”. Tadashi is adamant about not accepting it. As Ryouta turns to leave, he suddenly hears, “Aren’t you lonely?” Before he has a chance to react, his brother rolls up the car window, and the taxi drives off.
In the lobby, Yuu’s friend, Misa-chan, is sitting on a couch, fast asleep. Ryouta feels bad about waking her up but does so anyway because he wants to get to his apartment as quickly as possible. He apologizes for being late, and she says it’s fine. “Is this for me?” - she points at the globe of hydrangea flowers in his hand. “Cute, isn’t it?” says Ryouta. As they come up to the apartment, Misa puts the flower in a glass of water. Ryouta notices that the hydrangea has lost its charm now that it’s here and not in an alleyway in half-darkness. He puts the glass on the otherwise empty table. Some of the charm returns.
The two have sex, and Ryouta notes to himself how easily Misa got together with him as if Yuu wasn’t her friend, or rather didn’t exist in the first place. It makes things easy. She is talkative, but only says whatever he wants to hear, and always makes sure to please him. Stroking Misa’s head laying on his chest, Ryouta discreetly takes a look at his phone. There are some notifications, and one of them informs him that today is Fujita Yuu’s birthday. They didn’t get to celebrate it together. Meeting Yuu already feels like a distant past. Misa is here with him, so Yuu probably didn’t throw a party; or maybe it was with a different group of friends, or a new guy - it has nothing to do with Ryouta now anyway. Suddenly, he hears Misa say, “Hydrangea, you know… There are so many flowers on one globe, it’s nice. Like, they don’t seem lonely”.
Ryouta wants to get some sleep, but can’t. He keeps hearing Tadashi’s and Misa’s words in his head. He convinces himself that like hydrangea, he is not lonely - he is flashy, light and strong. It all sounds like he’s in denial. He gets up, heads to the kitchen to drink some canned chuuhai with white grapes flavor and eat some pudding. Misa brought him really nice things that don’t even taste like they were bought at a convenience store. He plucks individual flowers off the branch and arranges them on the table, then takes a picture to send his brother via LINE. “Title: Me”. His brother reads but doesn’t reply. He ignores Ryouta even after the younger man sends a couple more messages. Ryouta gets a notification and, surprising himself, thinks it might be Yuu. However, it’s Airi-chan, saying she’d like to return him the money and asking when they could meet. Ryouta gets more and more annoyed with everything. The taste of white grapes bothers him, so he puts hydrangea flowers in his mouth and starts chewing. The taste almost makes him vomit but he stubbornly swallows them, excited with the new experience. He writes to Tadashi, “I’m not lonely, but hey, reply to me”.
His head is swimming. With trembling fingers, he manages to send another message, “Aniki, help me”. It gets harder to breathe, and now his whole body is trembling. It’s scary but also a bit intriguing. He vomits, regretting the wasted effort on swallowing the flowers.
The POV switches to Tadashi who enters his apartment and is greeted with, “You’re home”. He notes how he’s gotten used to this so quickly. It’s easy and nice, being around her. He must end this relationship but he can’t. Just like with Ryouta. When his younger brother called and asked for Tadashi to be present at yet another date, Tadashi went with an intention to say that he’s had enough and they should keep distance from now on. Instead, the words, “Aren’t you lonely?” were the ones that made their way out of his mouth. He is tired of being a satellite to the existence of ‘these two’.
“Don’t you come here too often?” he asks the girl who’s sitting at the dining table, busy with college homework.
“It’s fine, mum doesn’t say anything about it. What, you don’t like me being here?”
Turns out the girl is none other than Nishikura Marina - the reader had met her in both previous chapters. Tadashi mentally refers to her just as “Nishikura”. He can’t answer the question with either ‘I don’t mind’ (because it might sound shallow) or ‘I do mind your presence’ (which wouldn’t sound convincing enough). He just avoids looking at her.
“You do this at the seminars too. Avoid eye contact.”
“Don’t want to look suspicious”.
“It’s even more suspicious that way”.
Tadashi avoids the confrontation again by announcing he’s going to take a shower.
Seeing Marina’s shampoo in the bathroom and knowing she’d probably been there first soothes his heart. The similarity between Nishikura and his brother suddenly doesn’t feel that heavy anymore. He changes into comfy home clothes and joins Nishikura, who’s finished her homework and is now watching TV on the sofa. She asks him matter-of-factly if it’s unusual for brothers to go out for a meal like this. She is an only child so she wouldn’t know. Tadashi is in doubts as to whether he should’ve mentioned that Airi-chan was there, too. Marina and he are not dating, but he doesn’t want to make things weird. He says that he and Ryouta get along well - and then starts having second thoughts about that too. True, they’ve barely ever fought with each other; they don’t put up a façade around each other. But can they talk about anything and everything? He hasn’t told Ryouta about Nishikura. “We’re family, after all.”
“So, people who don’t go out for meals can’t call themselves a family?” Marina says, then adds, “Well, I don’t care, actually”.
“That’s not what I meant-“
“It’s fine, I get it, Tadashi, you like your little brother.”
Tadashi is unsure at first, but thinks that Nishikura must be right. Ryouta has always been showered with love, not just because of good looks, but also because he’s a type of person who makes other people feel the need to take care of him. Coming to the rescue and seeing relief on Ryouta’s face Tadashi feels happy. His popular younger brother still relies on him. Tadashi usually prefers to ignore the fact that this kind of happiness is short-lived and ‘hollow like a dead coral’.
He takes a seat next to Marina, glances at her leg, where there is a mark left by a burned wound. “Does it still hurt?”
“Doesn’t hurt anymore but the scar won’t go away for some reason.”
“How’s Sudou Aya?”
“She’s fine. Still talks to her toy”.
Tadashi reaches out to touch the scar, and Nishikura kisses him. He asks her to stop.
The first time they met was that night when Nishikura Marina set a dumpster on fire and ran away, dragging Aya-chan along with her. Tadashi saw the situation unfold through a window, got curious and worried and decided to follow Marina (he didn’t know anything about her yet). She probably believed his intentions were not evil because she got into his car. The only thing she told him, though, was her name. He had to take her to his own apartment as he didn’t know her address, but the girl left abruptly, not even touching the tea he’d offered. Tadashi thought that was that. However, as the new semester started, he saw her name in the list of the candidates for his seminar. Then, returning home, he saw her waiting for him in the hallway. Nishikura threatened to tell everyone at college that he forced her to come to his apartment if he didn’t include her in the seminar group. She started coming to his place every day and repeated her threat several times.
Tadashi tries to resist the temptation as Nishikura slips her tongue into his mouth and her hand under his t-shirt. The way she wants him so badly, the sadness in her eyes give Tadashi a reason to try and convince himself that Nishukura reminds him of his brother, of someone who needs his kindness. He knows, though, that it’s a lie masking his own superiority complex and need for pleasure. As she stops kissing him, Tadashi grabs his phone, hoping for a distraction. He sees the photo sent by Ryouta. Looking at the weak, pathetic branch stripped of its flowers, Tadashi thinks how it actually looks more like him rather than Ryouta. He starts typing this thought as a reply, then erases the words. He’s tired of being pathetic.
“What’s this?”
“A hydrangea branch.”
Tadashi ignores Ryouta’s messages that follow. He gets the feeling that he could ignore his brother forever. He kisses Nishikura, and they end up having sex. Afterwards, as she is lying on his chest (the same way Misa was lying on Ryouta’s), Nishikura says, “Where did the hydrangea flowers go, what d’you think? What if he ate them or something?”
“Hydrangea can be poisonous, it’s not edible.”
Tadashi feels that the morning is going to bring some changes for him. He’s both excited and disappointed with himself. He wishes to never open his eyes again. The last thing he sees is Ryota who is calling for him: “Big brother”.
____________________________________________________________
As always, a big thank you to mckee16_88 who kindly shared the scans of the original with me!