(no subject)
I went for a ride yesterday and ended up at the Berkeley Marina. I've been riding for 5 months now and still have yet to take a picture with me actually on my bike. Go figure. I didn't get to stay for very long yesterday but I hope to go back today.
Yesterday I found an old print out of something I had written when I was just finished with my first year here. I talked about old thoughts about identity, love, and about choosing a way to live my life. Then, I spoke with presence in my writing, with such knowledge, control, with such direction. I knew exactly what was going on.
In the end I decided what I wanted to identify with and how to live my life. And for the last three years I have lived my life quite differently from how I used to. I have to say I've never felt more lost, out of control, with no direction. Though I was once some one who knew exactly where to go and what to do, who knew her feelings and thoughts inside and out, that person I was made a mistake. How I've been living my life is wrong and I never felt so hurt before.
And how to get back to where I used to be is the problem...