drabble: The looser one
Tomohisa was sitting on the sofa and observing Kazuya, who was laughing happily with Jin. You had no idea, how Yamapi wanted replaced his best friend, but he couldn’t. He was a looser. Life had given him a lot of chances to confess his true feelings to Kazuya, but he always hadn’t have courage to do that. So now he couldn’t do nothing, accept the watching and dying without Kame.
Tomohisa sigh heavily, when Jin kissed Kazuya’s lips. Lips from the man, which he was dreamt about. How could that horrible thing happened? Why it wasn’t he on the Jin’s place? He knew answered, but he just couldn’t admit that all of that was his blame. He did nothing to be with Kazuya. Moreover he did everything to not to be with him. He was just a looser, and now he dreamt about time machine. He wanted to travel to the past and fixed his own mistakes. But life wasn’t a fairy tail.
One more sight left his chest. He didn’t exactly remember, when he fell in love with Kazuya, but he could clearly talking about their childish days. ‘Cause he was such a jerk in the past, and he knew it. He was terrible kid.
He was the most known child in the studio. Everybody wanted to become his friends. He was also the most troublemaker child, but every single thing, which he’s done was forgotten by the adults. He was Yamashita Tomohisa after all - the Golden Child. He had a power and he knew how to used it, so everyone wanted to be friends with him, ‘cause if you were friend of Yamapi, you also had a power. You became someone and you wasn’t like the people in the crowd anymore. Everyone was that, except Kazuya.
Kazuya always was different. Of course he wanted to be Yamashita’s friend, but not for the money and position. He wanted to become Tomohisa’s best friend to share with him feelings, emotions, secrets. He didn’t want to be another soldier in the Yamapi’s army, so he changed everything. He changed everything, because of Jin.
Jin was like the others. He wanted to use Yamashita’s power, but he also wanted to be Kazuya’s friend, and that was the problem. Akanishi’s attention was shared between this two. It wasn’t fully focus on Tomohisa, and that was frustrating for him. He wanted to be the only one in Jin’s heart, be he couldn’t do that. It suffice one Kame’s call to go Akanishi away from Yamapi.
Tomohisa laugh silently. Yes, when he was child, he was really annoying, and also overweening in himself. He had no idea, how his friends hold out with him, but he was thanking God for that, he changed. He was really grateful for that. It was obvious that he should thank for that only one person.
Another sigh and he left the room. He knew that his changes owed to Kazuya, because of their acting in “Nobuta wo produce”. It was that time, he didn’t like to remember. He had so many work. He had slept for two or three hours per day.
Kazuya was always with him and that was obvious, ‘cause they had to play lead role in that drama. They must talked with each other, even if they didn’t want that. They were professionals after all, so they didn’t want to ruin project. They talked to each other, and Yamashita didn’t even realized, when he started think about Kazuya as his friend. He started watched him, and tried to take care for younger one.
Then finally that day came out. He was really depressed, because of breaking up with his girlfriend. He didn’t know to who, he should came for help. He even didn’t know if he wanted help, but Kazuya was there, and he just opened to his new friend. He cried all of his sorrow to younger one’s arm, and then he realized he was no more mad for him. Moreover he started thing about Kazuya, as his friend for a whole life, and that was scary for him. He didn’t want that, but it just happened, and he could nothing do to stopped his feelings.
Tomohisa went outside, buttoned his jacket and set collar to protected himself from the cold, wet wind. It was raining outside, but he didn’t care. He wanted go for walk, so he didn’t think about anything else. He lit a cigarette and inhaled. That was everything what he needed at that time. He knew he was an looser. He realized that he love younger one too late. It was too late for him, and he was frustrating for that.
Kazuya had never been his, but today he was no longer on his way. His best friend - Jin - confess to the younger one, and he even got allowed from him. Tomohisa laughed silently. He was so stupid, and he even couldn’t blame Jin for that situation. ‘Cause he allowed him, right? He allowed him… What was that about? Why he allowed Jin’s to confess his feelings to the younger one? Why he didn’t has that power, which had Jin?
There was no more chance to confess his feelings and he knew that, but he just didn’t want to leave it that. It wasn’t end. It couldn’t ended like this. No, he couldn’t allowed to be such a looser to the end, so he back to his house and sat at the table, and sigh heavily once again. Then he started to write…
~.~
Kazuya found the letter on his desk. He blinked a few time, when he recognized handwriting his friend. He opened the envelope and started to reading:
Dear Kazuya,
I’m writing to you, ‘cause I didn’t have courage to talked with you property. I know that isn’t good way to talked with you, but I just didn’t see any other way. Just read this, ok? Please, just read the next paragraphs…
I was really annoying child, and I know that, but you… you made me changed, and I’m grateful to you for that. Seriously Kazu, if it wasn’t be you there, I don’t know who will I be today. Thank you for that, my dear friend, and I’m also sorry for my ridiculous behavior in the past. I was really silly and I know, that I’ve done to you a lot of terrible things, and I’ve do it to you once again…
Kazu I… I realized that I love you. I realized it long time ago, and I know that you’re with Jin there, and my words means nothing to you, but I just can’t do that anymore. I can’t pretend that I’m happy, ‘cause you are with him. I can’t pretend that it didn’t hurt, when I see you kissing him. I’m so sorry for that Kazu. I wanted you to know my feelings, and I wanted you to know one more important thing.
You told me once, that “a thrust away words like - take care - is rather more fascinating than pursuing word like -I love you”, you remember that? Then I wanna be for you someone who take care of you. I’d wanted you to know that I’m here, and I’ve always be on you side. If you will have any problems (I hope you not), so you can came to me and I will be there for you.
Love you,
Tomohisa.
Kazuya blinked one more time and he felt a couple tears on his face. He wiped them and tried to smile.
‘You’re right… it’s too late Tomo’ he whispered. ‘I hate you’ he wanted to thrown the letter, but he couldn’t do that. He took the letter and hidden to his box with a private things, and then he smiled to Jin, and hug him tight. ‘I love you’ whispered tried to convinced himself, because of the letter. He didn’t know which one he loved anymore.