(no subject)
If the other list I posted was the A-list, this is the B-list, because I've already used my 22 favorites.
But, here are 22 MORE irritations, injustices, and petty pretensions from a book I'm reading by Scott Cohen called, "Don't You Just Hate That?"
1. Having to make that face to people in the hallway that implies “Hey.”
2. Losing the only jacket that ever made you feel cool.
3. People who only feel comfortable expressing their needs through innuendo (e.g., “Do you think it’s stuffy in here?” instead of “Can you please open the windows before I am engulfed by a full-blown panic attack?”)
4. Having something valid to interject into the conversation of two nearby strangers, but knowing that society does not permit you to do so.
5. When a stranger asks you for the time, and your fear that you won’t be able to answer in an appropriate time span causes you to blurt out, “9:17. No, 10:17! No! 9:17!”
6. An open parenthesis that is never closed (like this
7. Trying to trick the public by waiting and waiting…and then wiping your wet palms after a messy sneeze.
8. TABLE 5:
Hank and Joe
Jeffrey and Johanna
Lenny and Tamara
Robin
9. When someone tells you to “Have a good weekend!” on a Thursday.
10. When your black cummerbund is indistinguishable from your black tuxedo, causing the people who browse through your wedding album to wonder why you wore your pants so high.
11. Realizing you were wearing the same outfit the last time you were hanging out with this person.
12. Having an acute anal itch in public.
13. People who insist “You mustn’t open the refrigerator!” when there’s a power outage.
14. When the person you’re eating with aggressively wipes his mouth with a napkin, causing you to wonder if he’s hinting that you have a glob of something dangling from the corner of your mouth.
15. When someone keeps channel surfing past the one thing that interests you.
16. When there are a lot of mosquitoes and you’re not sure whether to say “I’m going to put Off on” or “I’m going to put on Off.”
17. Old novels that have odd expressions (e.g., “I know the answer!” Billy ejaculated from his seat.).
18. How uncomfortable white people feel when black people call each other “nigga.”
19. Stumbling over something in front of strangers and immediately having to decide between two options: (a) ignore your misstep and try to walk nonchalantly onward; or (b) look over your shoulder while making a slightly exaggerated look of annoyance at the thing that caused you to stumble, as if to imply “They really ought to fix that!”
20. Fortune cookies that don’t predict anything (e.g., “You are a bundle of energy, always on the go!”).
21. People who stare at their tennis racket and adjust a few strings after making a bad shot.
22. When the button you push on your remote control doesn’t respond at first, and you push it again and get channel 33 when you wanted 3.
Plus three more for good measure!
When your reply to a question depends on your complete comprehension of a word you don’t know.
When you want to make a right on red but can’t because there’s one car in front of you, which makes a right turn when the light turns green.
After waiting 28 minutes to see your doctor, a nurse brings you to a room-where you wait another 28 minutes.
But, here are 22 MORE irritations, injustices, and petty pretensions from a book I'm reading by Scott Cohen called, "Don't You Just Hate That?"
1. Having to make that face to people in the hallway that implies “Hey.”
2. Losing the only jacket that ever made you feel cool.
3. People who only feel comfortable expressing their needs through innuendo (e.g., “Do you think it’s stuffy in here?” instead of “Can you please open the windows before I am engulfed by a full-blown panic attack?”)
4. Having something valid to interject into the conversation of two nearby strangers, but knowing that society does not permit you to do so.
5. When a stranger asks you for the time, and your fear that you won’t be able to answer in an appropriate time span causes you to blurt out, “9:17. No, 10:17! No! 9:17!”
6. An open parenthesis that is never closed (like this
7. Trying to trick the public by waiting and waiting…and then wiping your wet palms after a messy sneeze.
8. TABLE 5:
Hank and Joe
Jeffrey and Johanna
Lenny and Tamara
Robin
9. When someone tells you to “Have a good weekend!” on a Thursday.
10. When your black cummerbund is indistinguishable from your black tuxedo, causing the people who browse through your wedding album to wonder why you wore your pants so high.
11. Realizing you were wearing the same outfit the last time you were hanging out with this person.
12. Having an acute anal itch in public.
13. People who insist “You mustn’t open the refrigerator!” when there’s a power outage.
14. When the person you’re eating with aggressively wipes his mouth with a napkin, causing you to wonder if he’s hinting that you have a glob of something dangling from the corner of your mouth.
15. When someone keeps channel surfing past the one thing that interests you.
16. When there are a lot of mosquitoes and you’re not sure whether to say “I’m going to put Off on” or “I’m going to put on Off.”
17. Old novels that have odd expressions (e.g., “I know the answer!” Billy ejaculated from his seat.).
18. How uncomfortable white people feel when black people call each other “nigga.”
19. Stumbling over something in front of strangers and immediately having to decide between two options: (a) ignore your misstep and try to walk nonchalantly onward; or (b) look over your shoulder while making a slightly exaggerated look of annoyance at the thing that caused you to stumble, as if to imply “They really ought to fix that!”
20. Fortune cookies that don’t predict anything (e.g., “You are a bundle of energy, always on the go!”).
21. People who stare at their tennis racket and adjust a few strings after making a bad shot.
22. When the button you push on your remote control doesn’t respond at first, and you push it again and get channel 33 when you wanted 3.
Plus three more for good measure!
When your reply to a question depends on your complete comprehension of a word you don’t know.
When you want to make a right on red but can’t because there’s one car in front of you, which makes a right turn when the light turns green.
After waiting 28 minutes to see your doctor, a nurse brings you to a room-where you wait another 28 minutes.