Grey's Anatomy - Cristina/Owen Fanfic ~ Letting go doesn't mean giving up
.
Story: Letting go doesn't mean giving up
Author: moviemaniac80
Rating: G
Summary: Cristina having a bad day.
Note: My first fanfic ever so don't be surprised about how bad it is xD
And more warning: It's dark and non-happy.
Also HUGE thanks to alygator for being my BETA reader. I wouldn't have been able to get this done without her :)
She gets into her apartment. As soon as she lets the door shut she allows herself to feel. She managed to disconnect her heart, somehow, for the last few hours but now that she is alone she feels it again - all the pain she wished she could keep ignoring. But she can't, she starts sobbing and sinks to the floor with her back against the door. She just sits there and cries until she looks up and sees him standing just a few feet away from her.
She stops and stands up.
"What are you doing here?" Cristina asks with a calm voice.
Owen hesitates before he answers " I- I just came to get the rest of my stuff. Sorry I thought you have to work until tonight"
"I got fired," she blurts out regretting it just a second later. Why did she tell him that? She broke up with him. Told him she doesn't love him anymore - even though it wasn't true - so would he just go? Why did she tell him? He doesn't have to be there for her anymore. Why did she feel the need to let him know?
"Fired? Why?" he asks shocked and makes a few steps closer to her.
"I screwed up. And I know it. And I deserve this. I think that's all you need to know," she says and makes a step back, so far that she can feel the door at her back again. She manages to keep her face straight a moment but then she feels it again. The shattering heart. The weak knees and the buzzing head. She has to let it out and sinks once again to the floor.
He just looks at her for a moment unsure about what to do. Usually he would sit next to her and hold her until she stops crying but that was in the past. She wouldn't want it. She didn't have those feelings for him anymore so it wouldn't help anyway.
"It's gonna be okay. You're an amazing doctor, you'll find a new job in no time," he finally says while he kneels down to be on eye-level with her.
"That's not it," she says and looks at him with tears running down her face "I've lost everything. My job, my friends and... it's all gone and I don't know what happened or why it keeps getting worse."
"Your friends? What happened?" he asks.
"It's related to the story of how I lost my job. I screwed over Meredith and of course everyone takes her side and I get it. I wouldn't want to be with me either-" she stops since this reminds her of their break up where she told him that she doesn't want to be with him.
Owen seems to have the same deja-vu as her but after a moment of silence he says, " She's your person. That's what you said right? So she will forgive you. If you really did screw her over you should give her an honest apology. I'm sure she will take it cause you're her person too"
"But.." she doesn't know what to say. Even if she could find a way to control the damage, she still would be heartbroken. She still wouldn't have him back. Even though she didn't want to. She didn't want him to feel like he doesn't mean enough to her anymore. And she also made a promise to herself to never forget about her needs again. And when he told her he fired Teddy for good and neither of them even explained it to her she had to break up with him even though she didn't want to. She she let her feelings for someone and what they wanted overshadow her own needs once before. She has to make sure this never happens again.
When she doesn't stop crying he moves closer to her. She notices that and stops him by holding a hand up.
"Don't. Please don't do that," she says still crying.
"Cristina, you made it clear to me. I just wanna help as a friend. As someone who cares about you. And even though you don't want me to be here, you need someone right now. I'm here right now so just let me try to help you," he explains.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because... if you do I just know that I will blurt out that I still love you and that it kills me that you are still so good to me after how I treated you because it makes me want to forget about what I promised to myself, that I won't allow anyone to ever take a piece of me again. But that would be wrong. Because after a while I would start to be angry with you and we would break up again but than on even worse terms... So no. Don't be here for me. It would make me love you even more," she admits unable to keep it in, and never looks away from him.
Owen is silent and looks to the floor. "Okay" he says and stands up. Without further words he goes into the bedroom. Cristina slips to a wall close to the door. When he comes back he has a bag in his hand and opens the door without a word or looking at her.
Story: Letting go doesn't mean giving up
Author: moviemaniac80
Rating: G
Summary: Cristina having a bad day.
Note: My first fanfic ever so don't be surprised about how bad it is xD
And more warning: It's dark and non-happy.
Also HUGE thanks to alygator for being my BETA reader. I wouldn't have been able to get this done without her :)
She gets into her apartment. As soon as she lets the door shut she allows herself to feel. She managed to disconnect her heart, somehow, for the last few hours but now that she is alone she feels it again - all the pain she wished she could keep ignoring. But she can't, she starts sobbing and sinks to the floor with her back against the door. She just sits there and cries until she looks up and sees him standing just a few feet away from her.
She stops and stands up.
"What are you doing here?" Cristina asks with a calm voice.
Owen hesitates before he answers " I- I just came to get the rest of my stuff. Sorry I thought you have to work until tonight"
"I got fired," she blurts out regretting it just a second later. Why did she tell him that? She broke up with him. Told him she doesn't love him anymore - even though it wasn't true - so would he just go? Why did she tell him? He doesn't have to be there for her anymore. Why did she feel the need to let him know?
"Fired? Why?" he asks shocked and makes a few steps closer to her.
"I screwed up. And I know it. And I deserve this. I think that's all you need to know," she says and makes a step back, so far that she can feel the door at her back again. She manages to keep her face straight a moment but then she feels it again. The shattering heart. The weak knees and the buzzing head. She has to let it out and sinks once again to the floor.
He just looks at her for a moment unsure about what to do. Usually he would sit next to her and hold her until she stops crying but that was in the past. She wouldn't want it. She didn't have those feelings for him anymore so it wouldn't help anyway.
"It's gonna be okay. You're an amazing doctor, you'll find a new job in no time," he finally says while he kneels down to be on eye-level with her.
"That's not it," she says and looks at him with tears running down her face "I've lost everything. My job, my friends and... it's all gone and I don't know what happened or why it keeps getting worse."
"Your friends? What happened?" he asks.
"It's related to the story of how I lost my job. I screwed over Meredith and of course everyone takes her side and I get it. I wouldn't want to be with me either-" she stops since this reminds her of their break up where she told him that she doesn't want to be with him.
Owen seems to have the same deja-vu as her but after a moment of silence he says, " She's your person. That's what you said right? So she will forgive you. If you really did screw her over you should give her an honest apology. I'm sure she will take it cause you're her person too"
"But.." she doesn't know what to say. Even if she could find a way to control the damage, she still would be heartbroken. She still wouldn't have him back. Even though she didn't want to. She didn't want him to feel like he doesn't mean enough to her anymore. And she also made a promise to herself to never forget about her needs again. And when he told her he fired Teddy for good and neither of them even explained it to her she had to break up with him even though she didn't want to. She she let her feelings for someone and what they wanted overshadow her own needs once before. She has to make sure this never happens again.
When she doesn't stop crying he moves closer to her. She notices that and stops him by holding a hand up.
"Don't. Please don't do that," she says still crying.
"Cristina, you made it clear to me. I just wanna help as a friend. As someone who cares about you. And even though you don't want me to be here, you need someone right now. I'm here right now so just let me try to help you," he explains.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because... if you do I just know that I will blurt out that I still love you and that it kills me that you are still so good to me after how I treated you because it makes me want to forget about what I promised to myself, that I won't allow anyone to ever take a piece of me again. But that would be wrong. Because after a while I would start to be angry with you and we would break up again but than on even worse terms... So no. Don't be here for me. It would make me love you even more," she admits unable to keep it in, and never looks away from him.
Owen is silent and looks to the floor. "Okay" he says and stands up. Without further words he goes into the bedroom. Cristina slips to a wall close to the door. When he comes back he has a bag in his hand and opens the door without a word or looking at her.