Carousel -Chapter 2 - crackers
In Tsunayoushi's life he had always been a supporting actor.
He was the youngest of a family of five, his two elder brothers were blessed with all the talent, and strength, and greatness; they were the leading actors for as long as he remembered. He never questioned as to why it was this way, he merely accepted that he would never measure up to his brothers and managed his own activities. Tsunayoushi set limits for himself and always achieved below them never going beyond the required. It was enough never to draw attention to himself yet neither enough to disregard him completely. After all, his eldest brother Giotto and second eldest Dino were enough to make their parent's proud. They were enough to move their family up in the world, to keep appearances for their father's side of the family. Tsunayoushi was just a spare.
(Because it was his destiny, he thought.)
He was meant to be this way. So why bother changing it? It's not like it irked him.
Most would become depressed or even a bit stressed about his predicament, but not him. If he was around his family and friend's then it was good enough for him.
Tsunayoushi was six years old was when he began to dream. Strange dreams, not the sort of dreams where he found himself in CandyLand or even in Tokyo Disney. The dreams ( at the time) had him doing great and wonderful things. Like flying in the sky like some sort of star fire, crackling and leaving behind smoke. He had other sorts of dreams too, where he had metal gloves with fire on his head and on his arms. But above that , people asked him what to do. People went to him for suggestions and decisions. He was regarded in the highest respects possible, he was the leading actor.
So, no. No, he did not feel bad at all for being a complete peasant in his life when he was a prince in his dreams. He was certain he was of uttermost importance because in all his dreams he would die.
One time, he decided to tell his elder brothers at the park about his dreams.( He didn't have much friends but he proud-ed himself in being close to his brothers)When he told Giotto ( he was ten) the blond looked at him sadly and said " Nothing is going to happen to you little brother."
When he told Dino (he was eight) the brown eyed boy looked confused and said " I think you watch too much of Reborn's crazy mafia movies."
But whether they believed him or not he knew it to be true and whenever he woke up (even though he would always die in his dreams) he awoke with the feeling of absolute contentment.
[So is it my destiny to die, I wonder?]
Sawada Tsunayoushi stared with his mouth open at the moving van in front of him. His belongings were moved to the sidewalk leaving the young man to carry it all on his own toward the freshly rented apartment ( and the elevator was not working , what sort of luck did he have?) It was probably Reborn who told the moving helpers to leave his possessions there, just to give him a hard time of course.
At that exact moment his cellphone vibrated, revealing a text message that looked something like this.
' You need the exercise No Good-Tsuna (heart). '
The audacity of that man to even add a cutesy heart at the end of that cryptic message. And what impeccable timing. Since Tsunayoushi was a young child Reborn had the talent of reading his mind ( or perhaps he was just simply too easy to read.) Reborn who's family was close friend's with his father's, his tutor, his 'Uncle' as he was forced to call him, that Reborn.
He didn't want to believe that to be true.
But then again what was he supposed to believe in anymore? Anything and everything is possible now. Since,he, at age twenty two was fired from his job as a preschool teacher, but soon after became appointed president of one of the most respected and wealthy corporations in the world. If all of that happened in a night to him (No Good Tsuna) then he saw no reason for other crazy things to happen to him.
It was funny how you think you finally know how the world works, but then it does something incredibly (horribly) ludicrous that you have to rethink everything you have ever thought of to be true.
It must be destiny you thought that night, and you wonder why you keep forcing that word on yourself. Destiny. As if your entire being was based on it.
His whole family assumed the Vongola company would go to his cousin Xanxus. After all , he was the much more suitable one, with pure Italian lineage, an impressive demeanor and an education far beyond his reach. Tsunayoushi had only met him a couple of times but just standing next to him he could feel the power emanating from him( and the rage). But color them surprised when Tsunayoushi's name was on the old man's will ( not Xanxus) stating in messy cursive ' I hereby give free reign over my company to my youngest grandson, Sawada Tsunayoushi . Vongola Xanxus will be appointed the Vice President, my possessions will be split evenly is as follows -' But that was all anyone could read before they dropped the letter in shock.
While the others were engulfed in chaos and outrage about the new successor, Tsunayoushi mourned for his beloved grandfather. He remembered like it was yesterday when he had fixed his tricycle with new tires and adding small bells to the handles. While everyone else remembered him as the man with the fortune Tsunayoushi remembered the man who gave him sweet candies and the one who's heart he felt when he embraced him.
'Goodbye Nonno.'
His two elder brothers Dino and Giotto were opposed to it. Little brother knows nothing of business and communications. Little brother does not know nothing of the world. That they would take the slack for him and run the corporation their way. And Tsunayoushi didn't say anything, because he knew it to be true. He was content staying in his preschool ,with the children that adored him so, the children that saved him because they needed him. The feeling of being needed and wanted. But that soon was taken from him.
He wasn't going to accept. He was going to sign off the papers to give the corporation off to his brothers, but before that he was standing inside his late grandfather's room. Leafing through his old photo albums and trinkets. Tsunayoushi traced a picture of him and his Grandfather when he was five. Serenity and an eternity could be seen in that photograph, and just as his eyes went half lidded, Xanxus stepped into the room.
His eyes were bloodshot, but he did not look at him. No, he merely looked toward the window and seemed to have a conversation with it. But Tsunayoushi knew, he knew it was directed at him so he responded and listened .
" I don't care about your decision, trash. I don't know what you think your doing signing off those documents, and I don't give a shit." Xanxus crossed his arms and glared as the sunlight left him a shadow.
" All I know is that the old man wanted you to lead the corporation, not your dumb ass brothers. He wanted you."
He turned his giant frame toward the figure on the bed, this time fully facing him. The only time he had ever looked face to face at Tsunayoushi.
" I won't allow you to give it up scum. Are you a coward?"
Images flooded the shorter man's head. It felt like the whole room was shaking and in it's quake leaving birds and their exotic feather's floating around him and Xanxus. In this moment they were the only two beings on earth.
'Are you a coward?'
' You aren't worthy of being in Vongola. Trash.'
Tsunayoushi felt as if he had this conversation before ( or something like that) with the man in front of him. But it's strange he never talked to the man prior to this. Besides the occasional greeting and small talk it wasn't anything more than that.
"B-but I'm not good enough to-"
"Not good enough?" The man spat. " Then make yourself good enough. If you don't do as I say I'll kill you. I'll never forgive you for as long as I live."
The feathers kept falling in between them, but Tsunayoushi was sure the other could not see them. They were Peacock's feathers and Bluejays and Crows . Lovely shades of red and blue, but still, the brown haired man didn't look at the other. He only continued to flip through the pages of his grandfather's photo albums. And in every picture he imagined Nonno looking at him with a disappointed expression . When he did that , a fire grew within him. Something that wasn't there was planted inside him.
"I'll do it. " He stood up. " I'll do it Xanxus-san. For my grandfather. For him."
Xanxus smirked , and placed his feet on a stool near him, right beside the silver feathers that collided with his leather.
" We begin tomorrow."
He was out of breath whenever he reached the top of any level of stairs, and while most people would have taken ten minutes to walk to his apartment it took him thirty minutes since he kept dropping his belongings. When he approached the exit to the stairs ,he stopped. The hallway to the apartment looked to be like some kind of horror film scene, as it seemed endless. For some reason it reminded him of a story Reborn had told him once. He told him of a house with millions of doors. Whichever door you would open it lead to another door, and another hallway. So, it was a house where eternity was attainable. You would forever be there, opening doors and closing them. When Reborn finished his story Tsunayoushi turned to him and said -
" I wouldn't try to open a door. I would just stay still ."
And Reborn glared at him and then slapped him silly.
" You don't wait for anything , you understand? You make things happen and you can't make things happen standing still."
He was in front of his apartment door, the numbers 04 staring right in his face. In his head, he was prepping himself, that this was going to be his new home. He did this because he felt out of place here, since his previous living space used to be in a less fortunate community.
He was used to loud noise, people being obnoxious and knocking on his door with a warm greeting asking him if he'd like to join the family for dinner. He'd accept with a smile and ask them to please hold on I'll go get my shoes. It saddened him to think that it wouldn't happen anymore. Just standing in one place here felt foreign ( but he would make the best of it).
He was about to open the door until he saw Hibari-san, the man who did not believe in destiny and the man who rode the train every Thursday. The dark haired man was locking the door to his apartment. His door was the last one in the hall, the one near the stairs and elevator.
He had so much more presence than he would ever hope to have.
(Why can't I be like that?)
A sharp pain went to his chest this time.
We had a promise made.
" Ah, G-good morning Hibari-san." A curt bow. " What a coincidence. I'll be your neighbor from now on, please treat me kindly."
But the taller man did not even acknowledge his presence and walked as if Tsunayoushi had never said anything.
Tsunayoushi's apartment consisted of a kitchen merged with a large living room ( the kitchen reminded him of a bar) and a bit further was a bathroom and shower, followed by two medium sized rooms. This was too much for just one person. He sighed.
He had told Reborn ( and Xanxus) that even though he had accepted the position as president of the Vongola he wanted no special treatment. Meaning all those luxuries were out of the question for him to accept. That no, he did not want a limousine, and no, he did not want to leave his one room apartment( it was good enough for him, really, honestly). -But all of these things fell on deaf ears as Reborn ( who was seated on his expensive black lacquer desk ) turned to him and said '"Shut up." and that '"Good enough doesn't cut it."
When Tsunayoushii frowned and said '"But I like my apartment." Reborn carelessly said '"No you don't." Reborn always does that. He always pushes ideas and words onto him.
"You deserve better No Good Tsuna , you will not be living in that dump on my watch."
That 'dump' as Reborn so kindly put it was some sort of personal triumph for Tsunayoushi.( Because no one knew it, but it was how the brown haired man raised his self esteem. That he could find his own place, that he was capable of making choices for himself .)
It was at a random dinner in the Sawada household. It was a day when his elder brothers stopped by a visit from the city ( the place that everyone in town wanted to leave to, the place that the television spoke of to be made out of diamonds and pretty sharp things.) Reborn was there as well, he was on vacation and he insisted on helping little Tsuna on his arithmetic.
The small boy found it as good a time as any to speak of his plan. He coughed loudly to get everyone's attention.
" What is it No Good Tsuna?"
" Well.." he began. "I'll be graduating next month."
His eldest brother Giotto gracefully wiped the ends of his mouth. He was sited on the center of the table ( their father's seat) ,looking up at his smallest brother in warm affection.
" I'm aware of that little one."
Beside him was their mother, who was raising a hand to ward off her happy tears. " I'm so relieved! I honestly didn't think you would have passed your high school exit exam!"
His second eldest brother Dino was seated right next to him grinning.
" Haha, mama don't tease little bro like that. So your going to the community college around here?"
" That's what I wanted to talk to you about.." His eagerness to tell his family was diminishing in a second, after all they just told him their expectations. Community College, probably living at home with his mother. Did they think he was meant to stay here forever? He loved Namimori..but what he wanted to be, was to be free.
" Well tell us No Good Tsuna." The ebony haired man was tapping the table impatiently. " My food is getting cold."
" After graduation I'll be living on my own." Silence. "I'm going to a good college in the city for my teaching credentials. It's three hours away from here, and I already checked the apartment! The rent is cheap and I'll be working as a student-teacher at a local elementary! Isn't that great? I..."
He took a deep breath as he played with the table cloth, his eyes shimmered with pride.
" ..did all the paperwork myself."
But when he looked up everyone was frowning. Even his mother, she bore a worried look on her face ( the kind she wore when he would often trip down the stairs). It took about twenty seconds each for all of them to react. Three chairs were pushed out of the table.
Reborn stood up, cocking a pistol and removing safety. Pointing it right at Tsunayoushi's head.
Giotto threw his dining material and utensils on the floor. His face showing nothing but rage.
Dino did the same thing as his elder brother, but proceeded to take out a whip ( he had it earlier from his horseback riding lessons.)
"I won't allow it" They all chorused.
The Sawadas were a cheerful and courteous bunch, but like a women scorned, hell hath no fury like an enraged Sawada ( and Reborn).
So Tsunayoushi did the only thing he could do and went up to his room with his tail between his legs.
Before Tsunayoushi could unpack he had to do a mountain of paperwork, and before even that he needed the signature of a distant man , the owner of the Cloud company. He quickly looked for something fancy and called a cab.
He did not want to go meet the man again, not when he intimidated him greatly. Although something stirred within him, as if he owed him something. Other than that, the man's opinion on his person was on a high pedestal. But why? He only met the man recently besides the train station. He shouldn't care about what a stranger thought of him. Even so, he knows he feels the same way around him as he did with Xanxus that one time. Then Tsunayoushi realized that he did owe Hibari-san something , but he wasn't sure what it was.
We had a promise made. But what?
When he arrived in front of the Cloud company,he opened the cab door and began to vomit violently on the pavement.
After brushing his teeth in the restrooms he went inside Hibari's office. (Of course with an appointment and with a call two hours prior). Hibari did not welcome him, just simply stared at his own amount of paperwork. Tsunayoushi knew that if he did not begin the so called conversation it would never start, so he commenced.
" I need for you to sign these papers for me. It's for establishing the agreements. Please feel free to look over it and turn it in tomorrow the latest."
As soon as he said these words the dark man's eyes were on him. Steel narrowed, and swiftly raised his hands for the papers. He looked at them with quick speed and signed them, sternly and neatly.
"That would be all, thank you Hibari-san."
The younger man could breath again, and just as he was heading out the door, a voice made him stop.
"How did you get this position herbivore?"
Tsunayoushi was confused for a minute, but then regained his composure. Of course, he really didn't look like a businessman did he?
" My grandfather was the head of the Vongola. He passed away recently." Sadness laced his voice. " I wasn't going to accept the position but in the end I chose to do so. I mean..I'm not cut out for this..none at all..and.."
Hibari looked at Tsunayoushi with his head tilted and his chest swelling with pride.
" That is the problem with herbivores, You never rise."
The mousy man could not keep his eyes off the other, no matter that he felt like he was five years old all over again, being scolded by Reborn and his magical house with millions of doors.
"You need to go above everyone's expectations for you. That is what sets the carnivores and the herbivores apart."
Tsunayoushi's lips trembled, but he spoke steadily.
"You are right, Hibari-san. One must go through pain because it's worthwhile."
And Hibari jolted lightly, like a small tremor shook him , because Tsunayoushi's voice sounded familiar, a familiar sound from a forgotten dream.
"Hibari-san do you believe in miracles?"
The dark haired man lifted his head up slowly with an incredulous look. His mouth in a flat line.
" If I don't believe in destiny why would you think I believed in miracles?"
But the look the other man gave him left him unsettled. This whole conversation left him with nothing but an ominous feeling.
" I hoped you would have."
This happened when Tsunayoushi was still in Namimori, but just barely.
This happened a day before he would leave to his life in the big city. It was a regular Saturday afternoon when he was on a stool reaching for a box of rice crackers. He had made himself some tea and it would just hit the spot.
Reborn was sitting on the kitchen table drinking some of the tea Tsunyoushi had made. They were going to watch a movie along with his elder siblings who had just returned from the corner store.
" Here, " Dino grinned as he reached for the box of crackers effortlessly. " Let me get that for you."
What would happen would startle everyone, for this was the first time they would ever see their youngster's pain.
" No! Don't get it for me. In fact, don't get anything for me!" The brown haired boy screamed, his voice shrill and desperate. "I don't need it! I can do this all by myself, why don't you let me do things for myself for once? I'm not useless, I am a capable person, I- I-"
His whole body shook as everyone stared at the sobbing young man on the stool.
"I..I am such a nothing."
Everyone in the room was still, only the cry of the cicadas could be heard in that clear night, that and sobbing.
" Am I really stuck here to just repeat the same thing?" By this point Tsunayoushi was speaking but it really wasn't him, yet it was. It was like he was dreaming, and the 'dream him' was in control. " I want to do something, I want to be free. I want to get out of here. It's like I'm going in circles...like I'm not aware of the run in my mind at all..."
The next morning Dino kept tripping on Tsunayoushi's new suitcases that the whole family had bought especially for him.
When Mukuro spoke to Tsunayoushi he always spoke in Italian (his home tongue), but the latter always spoke in Japanese. Sometimes Mukuro wondered if Tsunayoushi actually understood him and just for good measure he would talk about adulterous behavior (which earned him a slap on a shoulder and a good nagging).
"If I would have called anyone other than you I would have become distracted." The short man explained as he was fixing himself some tea. His cellphone was in between his shoulder and ear.
"Are you implying I am not worthy of a distraction Sawada Tsunyoushi?"
Of course this was in all good nature, the voice said it all.
"First and last name bases are we Mukuro-san?"
"Of course my dear, I like how your name roles off my tongue."
" Don't start teasing me, Mukuro-san. I've had a real heavy day today." He said this as he poured tea in an orange mug.
" My,my, what could ever have you so distraught? That reminds me, tomorrow I'll have the documents ready and I'll need your signature. I'll be dropping by tomorrow, and perhaps we should do lunch?"
A smile.
" Sounds great to me! Sorry for calling you like this, I can't eat without having someone to talk to."
" You're a strange one Tsunayoushi-kun, but it's fine. I was reading a book was all. Wonderful stuff."
The mousy man opened the plastic containers to reveal thick white rice. He began to place it in his bowl.
"What were you reading?"
A smirk.
"Dante's inferno."
"Hiieeeee."
The foreign man's signature chuckle could be heard over the phone.
" How was the move?"
"Haven't finished unpacking, I've been so busy...and these dreams and headaches are killing me."
He massaged his temples.
"More dreams? Well you know what they say Tsunayoushi kun. Like in that one children's rhyme."
"Which one?"
"It's a nursery rhyme? That old English rhyme about a boat."
" Oh ! Row, row, row, your boat?" He began to chant the rhyme in broken English, much to the amusement of Mukuro.
"Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but -"
Tsanyoushi stopped speaking, his head felt like a needle was being poked through it. He saw the feathers in his grandfather's room, he saw his tears as he told his family his fears and insecurities, but above all he saw Hibari looking at him with disgust and disappointment because of the vomit he had left on his company's door.
"-a dream."
I decided I will not limit my creativity. So this story will be more longer than I had limited myself to do. Thank you everyone.
♠TITLE♠ Carousel
♠RATING ♠ 13+ later on 15+
♠WORDCOUNT♠ 4,437SUMMARY ♠ In which a group of people's lives are nothing more than a mere orgel. Destined to spin the same tune over, and over, and over again...AlternativeUniverse