Weiss Kreuz Crack!Fic - Calico's Last Mission
Oh man, no one will really care about this, but I'm posting it for amusement's sake anyway. I was combing through my old archives on this LJ (Christ, reading the crap I wrote on here when I was 18 is embarrassing lol), and I stumbled across this crack!fic I wrote back in the day for the Weiss Kreuz fandom. I don't really do much in the fandom anymore, but hey, I'm going to repost for the sake of how ridiculous it is.
Weiss Kreuz crack!fic
Title: Calico's Last Mission
Author: mr_mercutio
Rating: PG at worst
Word Count: 600
Warnings: Made of crack
Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz and all its characters are the property of its creators and Project Weiss, etc. etc., and do not belong to me. I make no money from this, just amusement.
Summary: When Weiss is overworked in trying to clean up the crime in Tokyo, help comes from an unexpected source.
Calico's Last Mission
Manx turned off the tape, and looked expectantly at Weiss. "Well, are you all in?"
The boys looked hesitantly at each other. "Well, yeah, normally we'd be in, Manx," said Omi, shuffling his feet. "But we're still trying to take care of the mission you gave us yesterday... it's taking us a little longer than we expected."
"That's unfortunate," replied Manx, sighing. There'd been a lot of missions for Weiss lately; it seemed like crime was piling up in Tokyo faster than Kritiker could handle it. "I suppose I can't fault you, though. Finish the mission you're still doing, and then we'll take care of this."
Nodding, the assassins climbed the stairs out of the mission room, while Manx packed her things up. She was about to ascend them herself when a mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows, stopping her.
"I'll take this mission," the figure said.
Manx gasped. "Calico, I didn't expect you to be down here." She hesitated, holding onto the dossier. "Are you sure you want to take this? You're by no means obligated."
The figure smiled enigmatically. "I said I'll take the mission, Manx. Hand the file over."
* * *
The target ran wildly through the old warehouse. He'd been meeting a large shipment of illegal weapons, but when he got to the meeting point he'd discovered that his contacts were all dead, and the weapons had been destroyed. Whoever had done all that was not someone that he wanted to tangle with. Breathing heavily, he rounded a corner, and then came quickly to a halt.
At the end of the corridor, silhouetted against the light streaming from the door, stood a figure. The target squinted, trying to make out features, but he couldn't. With slow steps, it began to draw near to him.
"Who are you?!" he demanded, pulling out a gun and pointing it wildly.
The figure stepped into the light, and the target reeled in confusion. It was a woman.... an old woman. She was short, wearing a flowery dress, and her grey hair was pulled back into a bun. In her arms she held a calico cat, who was staring at him intently. Painted on her face was a very stern expression. "I don't give my name to the dead," she said.
The man began to fire wildly, but she tossed the cat aside and suddenly shuriken flew through the air, knocking his gun out of his hands. He watched in horror as the old woman leapt into the air, her skirts fluttering about her as she brandished nunchuks. With a trilling cry, she fell upon him, her nunchuks whirling about her as she pummelled his head into the ground. After the target had died, she stepped back away from him, scooping her cat into her arms and walking into the night.
* * *
"Have you seen Momoe-san today, Aya-kun?" Omi asked the next morning. The little old lady was normally there bright and early, ready to sit in her chair and greet the customers.
"No, I haven't," replied the taciturn redhead, attending to an arrangement of orchids he was making. Just then, the chimes jingled, and Momoe came in through the door.
"Konnichi-wa, minna-san," she said pleasantly, though her voice was tired. "My apologies for being late."
Omi beamed at her. "Don't worry about it Momoe-san!" he chirped merrily. "Did you have a late night?"
A strange smile crept across the old woman's face. "Oh, you could say that," she replied, stroking her cat happily. Aya quirked an eyebrow, wondering what she'd been up to, but then shook his head. Momoe-san didn't keep any secrets like they did...
Weiss Kreuz crack!fic
Title: Calico's Last Mission
Author: mr_mercutio
Rating: PG at worst
Word Count: 600
Warnings: Made of crack
Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz and all its characters are the property of its creators and Project Weiss, etc. etc., and do not belong to me. I make no money from this, just amusement.
Summary: When Weiss is overworked in trying to clean up the crime in Tokyo, help comes from an unexpected source.
Calico's Last Mission
Manx turned off the tape, and looked expectantly at Weiss. "Well, are you all in?"
The boys looked hesitantly at each other. "Well, yeah, normally we'd be in, Manx," said Omi, shuffling his feet. "But we're still trying to take care of the mission you gave us yesterday... it's taking us a little longer than we expected."
"That's unfortunate," replied Manx, sighing. There'd been a lot of missions for Weiss lately; it seemed like crime was piling up in Tokyo faster than Kritiker could handle it. "I suppose I can't fault you, though. Finish the mission you're still doing, and then we'll take care of this."
Nodding, the assassins climbed the stairs out of the mission room, while Manx packed her things up. She was about to ascend them herself when a mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows, stopping her.
"I'll take this mission," the figure said.
Manx gasped. "Calico, I didn't expect you to be down here." She hesitated, holding onto the dossier. "Are you sure you want to take this? You're by no means obligated."
The figure smiled enigmatically. "I said I'll take the mission, Manx. Hand the file over."
* * *
The target ran wildly through the old warehouse. He'd been meeting a large shipment of illegal weapons, but when he got to the meeting point he'd discovered that his contacts were all dead, and the weapons had been destroyed. Whoever had done all that was not someone that he wanted to tangle with. Breathing heavily, he rounded a corner, and then came quickly to a halt.
At the end of the corridor, silhouetted against the light streaming from the door, stood a figure. The target squinted, trying to make out features, but he couldn't. With slow steps, it began to draw near to him.
"Who are you?!" he demanded, pulling out a gun and pointing it wildly.
The figure stepped into the light, and the target reeled in confusion. It was a woman.... an old woman. She was short, wearing a flowery dress, and her grey hair was pulled back into a bun. In her arms she held a calico cat, who was staring at him intently. Painted on her face was a very stern expression. "I don't give my name to the dead," she said.
The man began to fire wildly, but she tossed the cat aside and suddenly shuriken flew through the air, knocking his gun out of his hands. He watched in horror as the old woman leapt into the air, her skirts fluttering about her as she brandished nunchuks. With a trilling cry, she fell upon him, her nunchuks whirling about her as she pummelled his head into the ground. After the target had died, she stepped back away from him, scooping her cat into her arms and walking into the night.
* * *
"Have you seen Momoe-san today, Aya-kun?" Omi asked the next morning. The little old lady was normally there bright and early, ready to sit in her chair and greet the customers.
"No, I haven't," replied the taciturn redhead, attending to an arrangement of orchids he was making. Just then, the chimes jingled, and Momoe came in through the door.
"Konnichi-wa, minna-san," she said pleasantly, though her voice was tired. "My apologies for being late."
Omi beamed at her. "Don't worry about it Momoe-san!" he chirped merrily. "Did you have a late night?"
A strange smile crept across the old woman's face. "Oh, you could say that," she replied, stroking her cat happily. Aya quirked an eyebrow, wondering what she'd been up to, but then shook his head. Momoe-san didn't keep any secrets like they did...