today i watched the first season of the bob newhart show, and baked cookies.

i want to make music like the beach boys.

hey cunts look who shares my birthday.

i'm hyped i got my permit. i'm not so hyped on turning 20 in 3 days.

if i was drunk enough do you think i could eat my own head?

i spent all my money on records and coffee. that fucking sucks.

while reading a magazine in bed i dropped it and gave myself a paper cut on my eyelid. it fucking sucks. god hates me.

the brawny commercial, when the hot dude wipes the puppies nose, makes my dick hard.

so far i've burst three blood vessels in my eyes, i look like fucking walking death.

i wet the bed until i was 20.