Bump The Fetus
I have nothing else to write about so I'm going to take the opportunity to whore my music out to all of you. But I'm not going to just post a link, that would be boring. I'm going to tell you all a story about me and how the music I do came about.
If you don't feel like reading all this just skip to the bottom link you lazy bitches
Way back when I turned 13 I got my first guitar. I originally wanted drums but my mom wouldn't go for it, she told me that she couldn't afford it. As you can tell we're not Jewish, otherwise I'd have some drums. So my second choice was a guitar, obviously. After all, guitarists get more pussy than drummers, right? The good thing about it was I got to go up and pick the guitar I wanted, most kids get stuck with one of those shitty cheap ones with a speaker built in to it. But fuck all that, here's the guitar I chose.
An Electra Westone which back then, was shiny, didn't have any paint chips, & had all it's knobs. Yes, it was the first step to my Heavy Metal stardom. And by Heavy Metal I mean real Metal, not that "my life is so complicated and no one understands me" horse shit they play on the radio. I'm talking about Megadeth, Exodus, Pantera, blah blah.
I thought this guitar would get me all the bitches. The only thing I didn't think about, was that I actually needed to know how to play it. That was the problem, I took lessons and all that bullshit, but could never get past a certain point. That point being never having the ability to play anything but power chords. Maybe it's because I didn't practice enough, or maybe it's because I'm left handed & trying to play it right handed. Either way, my friend got one around the same time & he's your regular Randy Rhodes now. (if you don't know who that is, eat shit) So after realizing that I wasn't going to get any better, I gave up, only to pick it up every now & then to play the one song I wrote just so I won't forget it.
I don't feel like less of a man because I can't wail on a guitar, I'm actually pretty glad because the kind of music I wanted to play doesn't seem to sit well with a regular audience these days. If I had gotten really good I'd probably be sitting in a storage space with a bunch of burnouts making music no one seems to want to hear anymore. Like I said, I could play power chords. If I'd have stuck with that I'd probably be famous, because people love shitty musicians with no talent. Remember P.O.T. USA? Their guitarist only had three strings on his guitar & their stupid ass song "Peaches" was #1 for weeks.
Well, I gave up the guitar as I mentioned earlier, so what did I do next? Pretty much nothing for the next 4 years, I played with my dick a lot, but that was about it. I got pretty good at that.
Then one day sitting in the cafeteria at school, my friends and I were ragging on rap music. One of our friends got a girlfriend who was basically a wigger, and the she-bitch turned our once fellow headbanging comrade into a do-rag wearing, Snoop Dogg loving bitch. So of course being young bastards who couldn't understand the concept of change, constantly hounded our friend and his new found love for rap.. I don't exactly remember what all was said, except when I stated the fact that rap was just "no-talent mother fuckers spitting in a microphone" and that "anyone could do it". Then the she-bitch responded with something like, "I'd like to see you try it if you think it's so easy.....dawg." I don't think she actually said "dawg", I just put that there for the effect. I told her fine, and made a bet with her that If I wrote a rap song by the end of the week, she'd have to do something that I can't remember anymore, the whore bag didn't hold her end of the bargain anyway.
I wasn't about to let this cunt get the best of me, but did I immediately go home and start writing? Probably not, I most likely jerked off, as I always did, but I did write a song. I didn't have access to good recording equipment so my mother's shitty Compaq with a mic built in the monitor had to do. I got on the interweb and looked up some rap midis. I browsed through a few of them and found "G Thang" by Snoop Dogg. I figured this was appropriate and decided to make my song with that.
To make this part of the story short, I wrote my own lyrics in about less than one hour, and here they are copied from the very file I wrote them on 8 years ago. I'd let you hear the song but it sucks too bad.
Gonna fuck you granny with your own walking stick
Beat you down make you suck my dick
You ain't nothin but an old, crusty ass hoe
But you like my cum you're always beggin fo mo
You got an old, wrinkled ass cunt
Scabby & dry that's what I want
I'll piss in your hair, and shit on your face
Strangle your ass with your own shoelace
Then slap you in the mouth and fuck you in the ass
Kick you to the curb & smoke a bowl of grass
Gettin down with the D to the O to the G
Gonna be eatin your old smelly nasty pussy YO
No one ever said it had to be good, just done, and I did it. I recorded the song and then held a tape recorder up to the speakers to show She-bitch. (this was back when CD Burners were well over $200, so I didn't have one) She thought it sucked, naturally. But my friends saw it a different way, they liked it. They liked it so much they wanted their own copies. Then it hit me, this was the first time I've done any type of music and someone actually liked it. The problem was I hated rap, and I really couldn't see myself doing it. Then my friend mentioned to me that I should write more, except not to rap about what everyone else raps about, but instead to rap about things I did like. Yes, I will make rap music for people who don't like rap music. So every night I'd gather more midis and write more shit, mainly consisting of raping old women & retards, eating period blood, and killing babies. Here's a list of some song titles:
Give It To Me Granny
Child Heckler
KFC (Krispy Fried Children)
I Want Maggot Pussy
I Want Your Blood
She's My Retard Bitch
We Gotz Pickles
Your Daughter Died A Virgin
Abort That Baby
I decided to call myself Bloody Fetus. My music stayed pretty much on the shitty side until I got my own computer with a decent sound card, and then started using royalty free beats. And now recently being able to make my own beats. Like the guitar, my rapping style only evolved to a certain point, but at a point that I'm pretty happy with. I went from being comedic & gross to being disturbing, offensive, and downright disgusting. I've even made a woman cry once. And now to be making a public debut sometime in the near future. I'll tell you right now, I'm no wigger. The love for metal is still with me. I don't wear Timberlands & talk like I was raised in the ghetto. I just happen to express myself through the majesty of rapping. And the best part about it is you can actually understand what the fuck I'm saying. Hear for yourself. MySpace only allows 4 songs at a time so I have my favorite ones up, I'm not sure if they're actually my best ones.
The Music That Hurts Your Feelings